New York trip 2004: meeting D at 2am Monday morning

After I’ve freshened myself up in the hotel bathroom, I find myself on the street at 1:45am looking for a cab to take me up to D’s apartment on the Upper West Side. It doesn’t take long to get a cab so I arrive around 2am.

From his apartment he presses the door release and lets me in. The apartment is on the ground floor so it doesn’t take me long to find him. Face to face he’s a thin guy with lovely soft long black hair, and a gorgeous smile. I think his long hair looks lovely, why do most gay guys have such short hair? OK it’s a fair cop, why do I have such short hair?

“Don’t worry about the dog”, he says, pointing to the chair, “she belongs to a friend of mine. I’m just looking after her for a while”.

The dog looks harmless so I go up to D and stretch my arm out to touch him on his shoulder. “Nice to meet you”, I say, smiling. I give him a small hug.

He shows me round. The apartment consists of a small bathroom, a small kitchen, and a much larger living area that has been partitioned into two: there’s a lounge area in the middle of the apartment near the kitchen and a bedroom area at the back. The apartment block itself looks a bit run down from the outside, but inside D has taken a lot of trouble to make his apartment smart and cosy.

“Where do you want me”, I ask. We head to the bedroom area, and I sit on the side of the bed to take my shoes and socks off. D is already barefoot.

“Let’s have a cuddle”, he says, jumping on to the bed. Great, I think, I love guys who enjoy cuddling. He’s got such a cute smile.

We wrap our arms around each other and hold each other tightly. Soon we’re kissing. We both take our tops off, and cuddle again. I find D very erotic. On the bed he’s got an impromptu energy which I find hugely attractive. Suddenly D takes off my trousers, then my undershorts, and starts playing with me. I insist he gets naked too. We spend ages kissing, cuddling, and playing with each other, and we have a lovely time.

Afterwards D asks me why I’m in New York. “I work for an investment bank, and I’m on a business trip from London for a week”, I tell him. “What about you, do you have a job?”

“Oh, I do various things”, he says cryptically, “it’s very easy to make money in New York”. Naturally this makes me curious, but to press him for details seems rude.

“Do you have a boyfriend in London”, he asks me. I admit that I do. But even so, while we’re still lying naked on the bed he asks me to stay the night. “And you can have a shower here in the morning if you like”, he says.

I like the idea but I’m not sure. How much sleep will I get? I know very little about D, am I safe here? But I’m tired now, and falling asleep here with D in my arms sounds wonderful. Back in the hotel I’ll be all alone, and I hate being without a man to share my bed at night. “OK that would be great”, I say, “but I’ll probably go back to my hotel and take a shower, around 7:30am if that’s all right?”

We cuddle most of the night. I do get some sleep, but quite light sleep, because I’m always aware of D’s lovely body next to mine. In fact we get quite sweaty, but we both enjoy being near each other. In the morning, I feel myself getting aroused again. D is aroused too, and while he’s lying cuddled up to me with his back pressed into my chest, gently I start playing with him again. And just like a few hours before, we have a great time.

“How long are you in New York for”, he asks later as I’m getting dressed.

“I’ll be flying out Friday afternoon”, I say, “Perhaps I could see you again before I leave? Are you around tonight?”

“I’m busy tonight”, he says, shaking his head, “but the rest of the week is fine”. It turns out that one of the things that D is doing is learning to be a photographer, and something related to this new career of his is going to occupy him this evening.

“It’s a pity you’re not free tonight”, I say, “because I think I’m going to be busy Tuesday evening with colleagues from the bank over here. Perhaps we could get together Wednesday?”

“Wednesday would be great”, says D. So its settled, provisionally at any rate.

It’s gone 7:45am so I’m going to have to go back to my hotel and get ready for the office. So we make sure we’ve got each other’s contact details, I give him a quick kiss and a hug, and I leave.

Back at the hotel I give boyfriend number 1 a quick call to tell him I’ve arrived safely in New York and to tell him my room number at the hotel. And with memories of the fun I had with D in my mind, I wear a big smile all day.

New York trip 2004: Sleepless on Sunday

To make sure I’m in the New York office bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on Monday morning I always fly out late afternoon on Sunday. After an uneventful flight I check in to my New York hotel in Midtown. It’s around 9pm, which means it’s 2am London time, so I need to try and stay awake until at least 11pm New York time or later to give myself a reasonable chance of getting a good night’s sleep.

So what’s a gay guy going to do for a few hours in New York City? Well there was no point preparing my gay.com profile yesterday if I’m not going to use it. I set up my laptop and log-on. And an important benefit of finding another guy for fun is that afterwards it’s easier to get to sleep, so it helps beat the jet lag.

The Manhattan chat room on gay.com is segregated into sub-rooms, with 100 guys in each sub-room. There are over 4oo guys logged and I get shoved into the 5th room, which has much fewer guys in it. I exit and re-enter a few times and eventually someone leaves one of the crowded chat rooms making room for me to get in.

I’ve got some preparatory work to do for the office tomorrow, so I use the laptop to read various documents and e-mails, while logged into gay.com so that other guys on the system can see that I’m looking for some fun.

As the evening wears on I have a few chats with a few guys but no fun materialises, so around 11pm I decide to risk going to bed. The danger is that I’ll wake up at 3am or 4am, feeling tired but unable to get back to sleep.

But it’s worse that I expected. I get a couple of hours of very light sleep, but around 1am I find myself awake. 1am in New York is 6am in London, and this is around the time I usually get up, so I reckon my London oriented body clock has kicked in. I decide that I need to do something to try and tire myself out, and having another go looking for fun on gay.com seems like a good idea. So I log on to gay.com again.

The chat rooms seem to be just as busy as they were around 9am. Amazing, New York really is the metropolis that never sleeps. Within 5 minutes a nice looking Latin American guy contacts me. Perhaps he’s talking to someone else too because his responses are slow, but gradually we start chatting. It’s now 1:30am, I’m due in the office by 9am at the latest, and he’s suggested that I visit him at his apartment on the Upper West Side. I get his phone number and his name and call him.

“Hi is that D”, I start.

“Yes”, he says with a lovely sweet voice, “would you like to visit me, it won’t take you more than 10 minutes by cab at this time of night”.

I decide to go for it. He looks lovely in his photos so I really can’t resist the idea of a cuddle with him. At least after I’ve had some fun, I should be able to get some sleep.

New York trip 2004: Saturday before the flight

Last year I spent a week working in New York. Ever since I started working in investment banking I’ve been a regular visitor to New York, making trips once or sometimes twice a year, so I’ve got to know the city quite well.

In New York gay.com is (unfortunately) much more widely used that gaydar (gaydar.com is better than gay.com). I hadn’t used gay.com for many months so on Saturday, the day before I’m due to fly out to New York, I log on to gay.com to set up my profile for New York.

After updating my profile, including things like altering my location city from London to New York, I can’t resist having a peek at the chat rooms for London to see how dead the gay.com ones are compared to gaydar.

To my surprise, there are almost 100 guys in the gay.com London citywide chat room, although the other gay.com London chat rooms were empty. On gaydar of course, there are several London chat rooms for different areas and they’re all much much busier than that, but I’m still surprised to see so many guys on gay.com.

I’m about to log-off and head for the gym when I get a surprise – someone on gay.com likes my profile and wants to talk to me. With much fewer guys in the chat room, and without any idea of whether we’re likely to be close to each other in London or not, the probability of getting some fun is low. But I start chatting to him anyway.

Coincidentally it turns out that he’s in the adjacent London borough, he’s up for a meet immediately, and he can accommodate. And of course, since I was about to go out to the gym anyway, the timing works for me too.

So it’s all agreed, I’m to go round there immediately! I tell boyfriend number 1 that I’m off to the gym as usual, and set off. I walk round the corner to the usual mini-cab firm that I use in these situations, and within 15 minutes I’ve arrived. It’ll be a bit awkward to get a cab for the return journey from this area, but never mind.

The guy lives in a small Victorian terraced house. “Nice house”, I say as I walk through the door, “is it yours?” It turns out that he shares the whole house with his boyfriend, but his boyfriend has an IT job for a bank that means he sometimes has to work weekends on site, which is exactly the situation today. So after the boyfriend left early for work, the poor guy left behind felt horny, so he went looking for action on the Internet.

The guy directs me into the front room, where the curtains are still closed. Because I’m on my way to the gym I’m dressed in gym kit, which the guy finds a bit of a turn on. “I like sporty guys”, he says. I slip off my T-shirt, and take off my trainers and socks, so I’m almost naked apart from one item of clothing, my gym shorts. The guy puts one hand on my bare shoulder, and reaches down with his other hand and feels me through my shorts. “Hmmm, nice”, he murmurs. I look him in the eye and touch him in a similar way. We have an enjoyable, if somewhat functional, session.

“But why gay.com when there are so many more guys on gaydar?” I ask when we’ve finished.

“Well”, he says, looking embarrassed as though I’ve discovered his dirty little secret, “I really like American guys, and you tend to get quite a few Americans who are visiting London on gay.com because they don’t know about gaydar”. Good answer, although nothing to be embarrassed about surely? Perhaps he wishes he had an American boyfriend?

As anticipated it’s a bit hard to find a cab afterwards, but it’s been an enjoyable little trip. Maybe I should use gay.com more frequently in London after all. In any case, I’ll be using it over the next few days while I’m in New York.

Fun in London on a Bank Holiday afternoon

Bank Holiday afternoons are often a good time to find fun on gaydar. I’ve always reckoned that it’s because there are guys who don’t have many friends in London, or perhaps the ones they do have have gone away for the long weekend. So after three days without much social contact for the guys left in London, gaydar gets busy.

Anyway, I get back from the Easter holiday with boyfriend number 1 mid-afternoon, and since it’s a Bank Holiday in London I decide to see if there’s any fun to be had on gaydar. I’ve only been logged on for 5 minutes when an Asian student in London contacts me. He’s keen to meet me, and he can accommodate, so I get his mobile phone number and his address. We agree that I’ll visit him immediately. I tell boyfriend number 1 that I’m off to the gym to start working off the excesses of the Easter weekend.

The mini-cab driver I find for the short journey starts to worry me. First he tells me that he’s got cataracts in his eyes so he can’t see the map very well. Next I discover that he’s also got glaucoma, another eye problem. Shouldn’t drivers have good vision to help prevent road accidents? Luckily we arrive in one piece. It’s a small terraced house with a little front garden.

There are three doorbells on the front door, so not knowing which one to press I call the mobile phone number. “Hi, I’ve arrived, can you come and let me in?”

“Errr”, he says, “I didn’t expect you so soon. Can you wait five minutes?”

“Sure”, I say, “I’ll just stay here”. This is very unusual, being left on the doorstep. Normally guys don't like other people to see they're having visitors.

While I’m waiting outside by the front door another Asian guy arrives. Without this guy ringing any of the three doorbells, the front door opens. There’s an Asian guy standing there. Given that the guy who is arriving didn’t ring any doorbells, is the guy in the doorway the guy I’m meant to be meeting? Although he looks chubbier than the guy in the photo I saw on gaydar, I can’t be sure one way or the other because the gaydar photo might be an old photo.

So I assume that the guy in the doorway is the guy from gaydar and move to enter the house. It’s a mistake. “Excuse me, who are you looking for?” the guy in the doorway says, blocking my way. I explain I’m waiting for an Asian guy to answer the door and let me in. “It’s OK”, I say, “I can wait outside”. Both the Asian guys go inside content, so I use the phone again.

“Can you come and let me in”, I plead, “your flatmates are wondering what I’m doing waiting outside like this”.

“Oh, OK”.

Soon the door is answered by a guy who does look like the gaydar photo I saw.

“Come in”, he says, smiling. We head upstairs. It turns out that the guy lives in a bed-sit at the very top of the house. “There are around seven Asian students living here”, he explains on the way up.

Once in his room, I start undressing. I get down to my undershorts and sit down on a futon, which doubles as a couch. He comes and sits next to me and slowly starts touching my chest and nipples. Hmmm, I love being touched. “If you make some room we could have a cuddle on your bed”, I suggest. He doesn’t seem interested. Instead his hands start to wander lower down my body. Soon he’s licking my nipples, and then licking my cock through my undershorts. Once he’s taken my undershorts off I don’t last long. He goes to get some kitchen roll to mop me up.

We chat a bit afterwards. He’s Thai, and he’s been in London for over four years studying English and accountancy. He offers me a glass of water, which I accept. I tell him about www.fridae.com but when I tell him that it seems to be focussed on relationships he doesn’t seem interested. “I have more fun being single”, he says, although I get the impression he doesn’t meet many guys. There’s a copy of FHM magazine lying on the table, isn’t that for straight guys?

As I’m leaving I give him a big hug. Finally he seems interested in a cuddle. “Sometimes cuddling is better than sex”, he says. Yes, I couldn’t agree more. So why didn’t we cuddle earlier?

He’s a nice guy, although perhaps not quite sure of what he wants. I give him a couple of kisses while still in his room, and he shows me down to the front door. “Thanks a lot” I say quietly at the door, “I really enjoyed it”. I turn to wave as I reach the end of the small front garden, but he’s already closed the door. Ahhh well, I hope he enjoyed meeting me as much as I enjoyed meeting him.

Sordid real-world gay life is thriving offline

Boyfriend number 1 and myself rarely visit gay bars, however last night was one of the exceptions. Being on holiday in Southern Europe with some good friends of ours who do go to such places, our friends wanted to go and see what the local bars were like so we went along too. The Internet provided a long list of possible bars. Some bars were marked as ‘gay friendly’, and others were marked as ‘gay male’. We decided to focus on the ‘gay male’ ones.

The first bar was harmless enough, with a slight mid-western US cowboy theme. It was very hidden though. From the outside, the name of the bar was to the left of a very bland door, in letters about 4 inches high. But nothing else was visible. Clearly not going for the passing trade then.

The second bar, however, cannot be described as harmless. The door was locked, and so we ring to be admitted. Once inside, there are very few clientele. Perhaps we are early? Having bought some beers we go and sit down on some comfy chairs near some other guys. Although the guys seem to know each other, they're not talking to each other very much, just sitting in a line with maybe two or three feet between each of them. Immediately a couple of them come up to talk to us. They've worked out we speak English, so they start by saying "What's up" and smiling at us. We've worked out that they are rent boys. The boys are bit older than I would have expected, mid to late twenties and a bit rough looking, probably from Eastern Europe.

Looking around, there is a very fierce guy in a black tea shirt who is clearly in charge of the boys. There’s some gay porn showing on a TV monitor. The men in the porn are very masculine and rugged and certainly not like rent boys, which is what one might expect if the bar is meant to attract customers for the rent boys.

The only other customers are a couple of guys in their forties sitting at the bar, drinking their beers and occasionally giving each other long kisses. A man and a woman enter, strange to get a woman in a place like this. But she seems to know the two barmen, and they take a seat in between the rent boys and us. She introduces herself to the rent boy next to her and starts talking to him. She looks a bit old to be a prostitute, but then that’s in line with the rent boys being a bit old too. In any case she’s clearly part of this world.

After a phone call, the fierce looking guy stops reading a straight porn magazine to grab one of the rent boys, who then leaves the bar. Has he gone to visit a client? Probably not because he’s back within 10 minutes. But boyfriend number 1 tells me later that he saw the fierce guy give the rent boy a small package before he left. So, we're in the centre of drug-city as well as the centre of rent-boy-city. I feel I’m watching a Pedro Almodóvar film, and I’m completely absorbed in the situation, but it’s time to move on.

The last bar we visit turns out to have a slight ‘bear’ theme, with a few stocky guys who have facial hair and who are wear shirts with check patterns. Everyone looks very friendly though, and no rent boys. There’s also gay porn being shown, a gay male orgy in and around a swimming pool. “It’ll play havoc with their water filter”, says boyfriend number 1 as yet another of the guys ejaculates underwater in the swimming pool.

So even in the 21st century, where gay life thrives online with sites like gay.com and gaydar, off-line real-world gay life is clearly thriving too. And we didn't even get round to visiting the bars with the back-rooms.

On holiday over Easter with friends

So myself, boyfriend number 1, and another long term gay male couple have headed to a European city for a long weekend over Easter. The 5 star hotel which billed itself as 'on the edge of the old town' of the city we're staying in turns out to be a 10 minute cab ride away from the old town. Never mind, it only costs around 7 Euros by cab.

Searching on the Internet, there's clearly a lot of fun to be had in this city. But I don't think I'll get a chance to investigate, so it's another chance to enjoy a monogamous relationship with boyfriend number 1 :-)

If I get time I'll try and write up my trip to New York last year when I met D.

Fun in the West End on Wednesday afternoon

Working at an investment bank is a big time commitment, so opportunities to have fun in the afternoon are rare. But for a couple of days last week, I was at a management training course in a hotel in Berkshire, and I was going to be getting back into London around lunchtime on Wednesday.

Two weeks previously, so before I went on holiday with boyfriend number 1 (On holiday in Southern Europe with Boyfriend Number 1), I receive a message from a guy who lives in the West End of London. The message simply says

Love to empty your tank for you sometime

“Hmmm”, I think, “that’s an amusing way of describing a situation where I get wanked or sucked off”.

Since then, I’ve been exchanging gaydar online messages with this guy, and we are clearly working up to a meeting. While still on holiday last week I get a gaydar message,

Not sure what my movements are next week, may be around Wed if that's any good for you

Yes, maybe I could visit on my way back through London, as I head into the office on Wednesday afternoon after the training course. So with a couple of further exchanges, the meeting is provisionally arranged for early Wednesday afternoon. I’ll visit him in his apartment.

While I’m still at the training course I get a txt msg from him,

What time will you be visiting me?

I reply during the next coffee break and its all set up. Every hour or so I get further txt msgs. “Blimey”, I think, “this guy is keen”. Well, after a day and a half in a hotel with my straight colleagues talking about which new fast car they’re going to spend this year’s bonus on, I’m keen to get my tank emptied too.

Everything goes according to plan. When I arrive into Paddington railway station with my colleagues, I make an excuse that I’ve got a couple of things to buy on my way through London to the office. I grab a taxi, and soon I’m there. “Come on up”, he says to me as he presses the outside door release from his apartment.

He’s on the fifth floor, and when I get there it turns out to be a fabulous apartment, with magnificent views of the river Thames. As an investment banker, I reckon I’m usually wealthier than the guys I meet for fun, but judging from his apartment this guy must be a lot wealthier than me. “Hi, where do you want me?” I ask as I enter. As he’s closing the door, I put down my overnight bag and strip off my top.

He turns round and notices that I’m bare-chested. “Wow that’s nice”.

We head for the bedroom. “Let me undress you”, he says. Yes please, I do enjoy being stripped naked by another guy. So he gets me on my back, naked, and lifts my legs up and licks me under my bollocks. I’m certainly going to enjoy this. For a split second I wonder what my straight colleagues are doing and whether they’re back at their desks on the trading floor yet. Soon we’re both naked, cuddling and playing with each other. His tank empties first, and then he empties mine, just as he said he would in his first gaydar message to me.

“Do you want a shower”, he offers afterwards. I accept. After the shower I put my trousers on, but leave my top off. “You’ve got a nice body”, he says, “I can tell you go to the gym a lot”.

On his wall is a poster of all the recent vintages of the French wine Chateau Mouton-Rothschild. “Is this what you usually drink?” I ask him, jokingly.

“Well it’s a bit expensive for every day drinking”, he says, “but I do have a few bottles in the cellar at my place in Sussex”.

Indeed, ‘A bit expensive for everyday drinking’ is a good way to describe a wine that can cost well over £100 a bottle.

My colleagues will definitely be back at their desks by now so I should leave. I’ll work late this evening to make up the long lunch break. If only all lunch breaks were this enjoyable.

Back in London in the gym sauna last Monday

After a good run on the treadmill at the gym last Monday, I go into the sauna to see if J or F are around. The sauna is empty so I lie down on my back, naked. But then it gets busy. Several guys come in who I don’t recognise, although unfortunately all but one of them have shorts on. No sign of J or F either.

But after a few minutes E comes in, also naked. We smile at each other. Then more guys come in who I don’t recognise so I go for a shower to cool down a bit, there's not going to any action for quite a while. A few minutes later I return. Some of the guys have gone, but there’s one guy in particular who looks like he’s straight, and looks like he’s in there for the long haul. After 5 minutes I hatch a plan.

I go and put my shorts on and go back into the sauna. Since fun in the sauna is blocked, I want to get E to follow me to the obscure lockable room that I know, where we had some fun last December (A meeting with E in the gym sauna). Hopefully E will remember. Back in the sauna, the straight guy is still there, and so is E but he’s now in the position I was in, lying on his back naked. Damm, I can’t catch E’s eye unless he sits up.

But after a couple of minutes, E sits up. The straight guy has got his head down, so I catch E’s eye and ever so slightly nod my head towards the door, and smile. E looks surprised, but has he understood? Only one way to find out. I get up and leave the sauna. Once outside I walk a few paces towards the door of the men’s changing room. No point in going any further unless E follows me.

For ten seconds there’s no sign of him, but then E leaves the sauna too. And he’s put on the shorts he had taken off in the sauna, so he probably understands my idea. Walking slowly, I leave the changing room, and head to the room. Great, E is following me. I get there first and go in, and E comes in a few seconds later. We lock the door.

“Busy in the sauna this morning!” I say quietly, smiling, putting my hand gently on E’s shoulder. E smiles back.

We both take our shorts off, and walk towards each other. We hug each other tightly, while feeling each other's naked bodies. E breaks away and moves down to suck and nibble at my right nipple. “Mmmm, where did you learn to do that E?” I think to myself, “have you started to use gaydar?”.

“Do you like kissing?” I ask E, wondering what else he may have learned.

“Err not really”, he says looking awkward. Never mind. We have an enjoyable time.

Afterwards E says, “You were away last week, weren't you?”

“Yes, I was on holiday with boyfriend number 1 in Southern Europe”, I say. E nods. Perhaps I go to the sauna too much if just being away for one week is obvious to someone like E.

I don't think I've ever seen E using the workout facilities here so I ask him whether he actually uses the gym to keep fit. “Yes of course”, he says, “I often come here more than once a day. And I did a half-marathon last weekend.”

I'm not surprised at the answer. E does have a nice body.

Asia trip 2002: Friday, final day

[Continued from: Asia trip 2002: Thursday, meeting P in Singapore]

In the morning both me and P take a shower, and we go down to breakfast together in the hotel. The hotel lays out a buffet style breakfast, like almost all hotels I can think of these days. I’m fetching myself some toast from the buffet, and when I get back to the table, P says, “I think the people at that table over there know you”.

I turn round and almost all my colleagues from the bank are having breakfast at a nearby table. They all wave at me, with big smiles on their faces. I’m startled, but manage to keep my composure. I just smile and wave back. Damm, for the third time one or more of them have spotted me with a local guy. As I said previously, I don’t mind them knowing I’m gay, but I don’t want them to think that P or any of the others are rent-boys.

While we’re having breakfast, P asks about my flight back to London. “I’m taking one of the late evening British Airways flights out tonight, but I can meet you for an early supper if you like?”

“OK”, says P looking slightly sad, “Next time you come, why don't you stay a bit longer so we can spend some time together”.

We agree to meet around 6:30pm. Around 6:15pm I get a cab to the big Border’s bookshop near Orchard Road, near where P lives, and right on time P meet me there.

We have a pleasant supper. P asks about boyfriend number 1, and my life in London. He also asks me my Internet age (What's your internet age?) and I tell him the truth. It turns out that I’m slightly older than the European boyfriend he had a few years ago.

Before we say goodbye, we go into a chemist together. I’ve heard about a sleeping pill Melatonin, which is meant to help with jet lag too. P helps me choose a good brand, I’ll try it out when I’m back in London and trying to adjust back to the UK time zone.

“Well, I’ll get in touch the next time I’m in Singapore”, I say as we’re searching for a taxi to take me back to my hotel, “but you should really try and find yourself a nice boyfriend”.

“Oh I know”, sighs P, “can’t you find one for me?”

We find a taxi, and as it pulls away we wave goodbye to each other. I didn’t know at the time, but it wasn’t to be until February 2005 that I would meet P again (Singapore trip Feb 2005. Monday, final day). But it had been a great week. It was really good to see P again, and to meet all the other guys too.

Asia trip 2002: Thursday, meeting P in Singapore

[Continued from: Asia trip 2002: Wednesday in Hong Kong and Taipei]

After I’ve given my talk at the seminar in Taipei, I sneak off to the shops in the basement of the hotel. I want to find a present for P. I’m not sure what’s appropriate, but eventually I settle on some after-shave.

Early afternoon, I send P a txt msg to say I’m looking forward to meeting him in the evening. Eventually I get a response. I’m to phone him when I arrive in Singapore, and we’ll meet in the bar at the back of Boat Quay where we originally met for the first time the previous year.

The afternoon flight from Taipei to Singapore is on time, so everything goes according to plan. It’s just gone 9pm and I’m in the bar near Boat Quay waiting for P, sitting on a bar-stool having bought myself a beer. I start to wonder whether I’m taking my infidelity too far. This will be the first time that I’m meeting someone on a second visit, so P is starting to become my boyfriend in Singapore. I like the idea of having a boyfriend waiting for me in all the cities I visit regularly, but is it putting my relationship with boyfriend number 1 at risk?

Soon P arrives so I buy him a drink. He looks very well, and seems happy to see me. We chat for a while. Since I was here last year, P has moved out of his parent’s home and got his own place near Orchard Road. To help him pay the rent, he’s got a couple of lodgers, both single gay guys. His work seems to be going well too. He’s such a nice guy, I can’t understand why he hasn’t found himself a proper boyfriend. Eventually I tell him, “I bought you a little present, it’s back in my hotel room”.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have”, says P.

“Don’t get too excited”, I say, “it’s nothing very special. Do you want to come back to my room to pick it up?”

As soon as we get inside my hotel room I turn to him and give him a big hug. Singapore isn’t really the place for men to enjoy hugging each other in public. P hugs me back, and we lean back to smile at each other. I break away to find his present.

“Will you stay the night here with me?” I ask him gently, as I give him the present. I had got the shop to wrap it up properly.

“I didn’t know if you’d want me to or not”, replies P sounding very shy, “it’s been about a year since we met”.

“Of course I want you to stay the night with me, I had such a good time with you last year”.

P opens the present. “Oh thank you, that’s lovely”.

I go over to him and give him a big hug again. “Please stay the night with me, I’ll be lonely without you”.

“OK, I’d love to stay the night with you”, says P smiling back at me. It turns out he’s got his toothbrush with him, so he was just teasing me.

Rather than have sex there and then, we behave like we’re actually boyfriends. Neither of us planned it that way, but that’s what happened. We both get ready for bed, taking it in turn to use the bathroom. I feel very lucky having someone like P to share my bed with in Singapore in such a comfortable way.

Soon we’re in bed together. I’ve taken my undershorts off, but P still has his on. He is a bit shyer than I am. Slowly we start cuddling and kissing each other. He feels really good. He smells really good too. After a short while I take off P’s undershorts. We have a great time together.

Afterwards we cuddle as we’re lying there trying to get to sleep. And we cuddle again in the morning as we’re waking up. But we don’t cuddle through the night, we get a good night’s sleep just lying close to each other, just like actual boyfriends do.

[To be continued: Asia trip 2002: Friday, final day]

Asia trip 2002: Wednesday in Hong Kong and Taipei

[Continued from: Asia trip 2002: Tuesday evening in Hong Kong]

In the morning, I can’t decide which tie to wear. There’s the orange and green Italian one with a floral design, which I bought as a present for boyfriend number 1 when we were on holiday in Venice a few years ago, or there’s the blue and red Lacroix one. L doesn’t like the floral one so I take his advice and wear the Lacroix.

L doesn’t have to rush off so we both go down to breakfast in the hotel. Having learned a couple of words of Beijing dialect with T on Sunday afternoon, I get L to teach me a few Chinese words in the Hong-Kong dialect. It turns out that there are two words for ‘thank-you’ depending on the situation. There’s ‘mmm-Goi’ to say thank you for a service, or ‘doh-tzse’ to say thank you for something concrete. And it turns out that since I’m Caucasian I’m a ‘gwei-low’ which means ghost-face!

While I’m being the attentive pupil, I don’t notice that one of my colleagues has come into the restaurant for breakfast too. When I do notice him, we acknowledge each other with a small wave. He clearly noticed me and also noticed that I was having breakfast with someone, otherwise I’m sure he would have joined me. Furthermore, it’s one of the colleagues who I bumped into on Monday night when I was with H in Shanghai. I worry about what my colleague may be starting to think about me. I don’t care if people know I’m gay, but I just don’t want anyone to think that I use rent-boys.

After breakfast I can’t work out how to say thank-you in Chinese to L for meeting me the previous night – has he given me a service or something concrete? He laughs at my confusion, and we part on good terms.

In the afternoon it’s off to Taipei. When we arrive, everyone in the party suggests going out for a beer together, and I figure I should go along too. I’m looking forward to seeing P in Singapore tomorrow night, and having already met T in Beijing, H in Shanghai, and L in Hong Kong, I reckon I can manage to be without a man to share my bed for one night.

[To be continued: Asia trip 2002: Thursday, meeting P in Singapore]

Asia trip 2002: Tuesday evening in Hong Kong

[Continued from: Asia trip 2002: early Tuesday morning in Shanghai]

While I’m with my colleagues at Hong Kong airport, waiting at the carousel to pick up our bags, I disappear briefly to phone L. “Hi, I’m the guy from London”, I start, “do you still want to meet me tonight?”

“Yes, if you want to meet with me”, says L with a chuckle, “which hotel are you staying in?”

I tell L the name of the hotel, and together we work out what time I’m likely to be available, given that I’ve got to pick up my bags and make my way into the city centre. “OK great, I’ll send you a txt msg as soon as I reach the hotel”.

But before we hang up L asks me, “Was I the only reply to your advert?”

“No, there were about 8”.

“And from all those replies you chose me??”. L sounds very happy but astonished.

“Yes, you sounded like the nicest guy”, I say gently. “Anyway, I can tell you more later if you want, but got to rush now, I can see the bags coming out on the carousel”.

As expected, it’s not until around 9:30pm that I reach the hotel. While I’m checking in, I send L a txt msg that I prepared in the taxi, asking him when he can get to the hotel. I get a reply almost immediately. He’s not far away, so he can meet me around 10pm.

We meet in the hotel lobby. “Is there anywhere outside the hotel we can go for a snack”, I ask, “I haven’t had any supper?”

Just like the night before with H when I suggested a drink, L seems slightly surprised by the request. But he seems happy enough to take me somewhere. “Yes of course”, he says, “there’s a shopping centre near here with several bars and restaurants, what kind of food are you looking for?”

“I’m don’t really mind, are you hungry too?” I ask. Not really it turns out, but he’s happy to keep my company.

Although the shopping centre seems deserted, the few bars and restaurants there are quite crowded. We end up in a small Chinese restaurant. I order a snack and a beer, and L has a soft drink.

“So were there really 8 guys who answered your advert?” L asks, as we wait for the drinks to arrive.

“Yes, but only three were good replies”, I say, “for example a couple of the others asked if I would be around later this week instead”.

“So why did you choose me?”

“Oh I don’t know, you sounded the nicest. Why did you agree to meet me anyway?” I ask, trying to play L at his own game.

“Well, I love English guys”, L chuckles.

During the conversation, L tells me that he is taking evening classes to learn Japanese, which was why it was convenient for him to meet me tonight because his class had been this evening, and not too far away from the city centre. He’s very easy to talk to, and clearly a lovely guy. After I’ve finished my snack I ask him if we wants to come back to my hotel room.

“OK, if you’re sure you don’t want to ask one of the other guys who replied to your advert” he teases.

“What do you like to do”, L asks, when we’re back in my room at the hotel.

“To start, I love kissing and cuddling”, I say, “just lying on the bed feeling each other’s naked bodies.”

L slowly undresses me, and I undress him too, and soon we’re cuddling on the bed although still wearing our undershorts. Soon we strip off completely, and start playing with each other. L clearly loves having his cock played with, but he tells me “you’ve got to get it very wet to make me cum”, referring to his helmet. This doesn’t turn out to be a big problem because the more I play with him the more pre-cum he produces. Afterwards, as usual, I want someone to cuddle in bed through the night so I ask him to stay the night.

“But you’ve got time now to meet some of the other guys who replied to your advert”, L chuckles.

What kind of guy does L think I am? The kind of guy who finds other men to have fun with when he’s away from boyfriend number 1, I guess! But with a bit of persuasion L is happy to stay with me overnight, and we both enjoy the cuddling.

[To be continued: Asia trip 2002: Wednesday in Hong Kong and Taipei]

Asia trip 2002: early Tuesday morning in Shanghai

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Asia trip 2002: Monday evening in Shanghai with H

[Continued from: Asia trip 2002: Sunday afternoon tour of the Forbidden City]

The client seminar goes well on Monday morning. In the middle of the afternoon we leave for the airport to fly to Shanghai. After we check-in, I excuse myself from my colleagues to phone H. This will be the first time I’ve spoken to him.

“Hi, we met on gay.com yesterday, is it still possible to meet you tonight?” I tell him my flight is slightly delayed, but I should make it to my hotel around 7pm. “OK. I meet you outside your hotel 8pm”, he says. So it’s all agreed. We exchanged photos yesterday so we should recognise each other.

Everything goes according to plan. I send him a txt msg to confirm again as we’re being driven from the airport to the hotel. At the appointed hour I make my way to the hotel entrance and wander around outside, and almost immediately H comes up and introduces himself. “Hi, how are you”, he says. “Is there anywhere near hear we can go for a beer?” I ask. I figure that it’s still early so I’ve got a better chance of overnight company if we delay going up to my room. If we have sex immediately we may start wondering what to do by the time it gets to 9:30pm. I hate sleeping alone, and much prefer having a man to share my bed with me.

H seems slightly surprised by my request. “Yes I suppose so”, he says, “I think I know a place near here which is probably open”.

We walk through quite a recently built shopping centre that seems deserted at this time of night, but soon we come to a Chinese restaurant. It’s very bright inside and sparsely furnished with cheap functional tables and chairs. We’re almost the only people in there, but we’re welcome. H orders me a beer and has a soft drink himself. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind but I guess it will do.

“Do you have a job?” I ask him. “Yes, I’ve now got a job with a foreign healthcare company”, he replies, “because I’m a qualified doctor”. It turns out that H was in the Chinese army for over 10 years, and during this time he became a fully qualified medical doctor.

Gradually we drink our drinks. “So do you want to come back to my hotel with me?” I say smiling and looking him in the eye. Although this has been the plan all along, it seems only polite to ask in case he’s changed his mind now he’s met me. “Of course”, he says smiling back, so I settle the bill and we head back.

Back at the hotel, we’re walking into the lobby, talking to each other, and I see a few of my colleagues from the bank coming the other way. I just manage to say to H quickly “These guys are colleagues of mine”, before one of them says to me “We’re just off for a few beers, want to come along?” But they notice that H is with me and look puzzled. “Not tonight thanks”, I say, and thankfully the lift arrives and with it the opportunity to exit the situation. “Damm”, I think to myself, as I wonder whether they’ll talk about why I was with a local Chinese guy.

We reach my room without any further surprises. Once inside I immediately remove my shirt so that I’m bare-chested, and walk over to the window to look at the view. The room is on a very high floor so the view is magnificent. H comes over to look at the view and I put my arm round his shoulders. He reciprocates by putting his arm round my waist. He’s a lovely guy so it’s going to be a great evening.

Smiling, I ask him “Why don’t you take your shirt off too?” Eagerly he slips off his top and comes back to join me at the window. I turn to face him and we embrace for the first time. He’s slightly shorter than me but it doesn’t matter. Still holding him round the waist I lean backwards slightly to look him in the eye. He smiles at me, so I move in and kiss him on the lips. Soon we’re on the bed, cuddling, kissing, and enjoying the feel of each other’s naked bodies. I really love guys who just enjoy cuddling and body contact. His body is very firm, which I presume to be the result of all the training he must have done when he was in the Chinese army. I feel very happy to have found such a lovely guy in Shanghai.

“Stay the night here with me”, I ask him when we’ve finished. “But don’t you want to get a good night’s sleep”, he asks, “because you know you’ll have other things to do if I’m around!” I insist he stays so it’s settled.

[To be continued: Asia trip 2002: early Tuesday morning in Shanghai]

Asia trip 2002: Sunday afternoon tour of the Forbidden City

[Continued from: Asia trip 2002: early Sunday afternoon in Beijing]

I meet T in the hotel lobby as planned. In person he’s slightly stocky, a bit shy, but overall he looks like a really lovely guy. He must be in his early 20’s. I discover that when I speak to him, it takes him a while to work out his reply in English. This hadn’t been obvious in the gay.com chat rooms where conversations occur slowly anyway, so if nothing else being with me will give him good practise at speaking English. I can tell he doesn’t do this very often and its clear that he finds the situation a bit uncomfortable.

When we get out of the hotel he relaxes a bit. It’s a 10 minute walk from the hotel to the entrance to the Forbidden City, so while we’re walking along he tells me a bit about his life. He’s studying economics at one of the universities in Beijing. He’s looking forward to seeing his family when he goes back to his home town for the summer holidays in a couple of days. And his home town is about two hours outside Beijing by train.

He’s a reasonable tour guide. We spend around an hour or more in the Forbidden City, which goes on, and on, and on, with similar looking courtyards and buildings. Halfway though I buy us a couple of tins of Coca-Cola, which we sit and drink together. I ask him to teach me a couple of words of the local Beijing Chinese dialect. I learn that 'Thank-you' is 'shay-shay' (although he writes it xie-xie), and 'hello' is 'knee-har'. Eventually we reach the exit and I’m relieved to see that there are taxis available. So we take a cab back to the hotel.

When we get up to my room, he gets a bit nervous again. “I’m not sure about this”, he says.

To relax him and occupy his mind, I ask him to point out any landmarks that are visible from the bedroom window, because my room is on quite a high floor. While he’s looking out the window, I walk up to him and put my hand on his shoulder. At first he’s a bit surprised that I’ve touched him but I smile at him and he smiles back. Soon we’re sitting down next to each other on the side of the bed.

“Are you sure you’ve got time for this?” he says.

“Yes of course” I reply, “I’ve been looking forward to this all afternoon”. I have a strong impression that T hasn’t ever had sex with a guy before, so I want to make sure he has a good experience with me.

It’s clear I’m going to have to take the lead so I take things very slowly, with a lot of smiling, eye contact, gentle touching. Eventually we’re both naked on the bed and I take the opportunity to cuddle him, which he enjoys. We end up wanking each other off.

After we’ve cleaned up in the bathroom, I beckon him back to the bed for more cuddling. While he’s lying in my arms I ask him about the Chinese film which I had seen recently “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”. He tells me that it wasn’t very popular with the people he knows because the action sequences were not realistic. We spend what seems like ages just lying naked in each other’s arms. At one point I quietly ask him how he feels and it takes him a little while to find the English - “Great”, he replies. It starts to get dark in the room because there are no lights on and the daylight outside is starting to fade.

I never pay for sex, but I want to give this lovely Chinese guy something for the tour of the Forbidden City, so I put about £20 worth of Chinese money on the table. “Thanks for the tour” I say, “so why don’t you take that money and buy your mother a present”. Although he takes the money, he says “you didn’t have to give me anything”.

It’s been a great afternoon. After T has left, it’s around 10am back in London so I phone boyfriend number 1 to tell him I’ve arrived safely in Beijing.

[To be continued: Asia trip 2002: Monday evening in Shanghai with H]

Asia trip 2002: early Sunday afternoon in Beijing

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Asia trip 2002: in the British Airways lounge Saturday afternoon

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On holiday in Southern Europe with Boyfriend Number 1

Holidays are usually a good chance for me to practice monogamy :-)

But I'm going to try and write up the trip to Asia in 2002 when I met four guys over five days.

There's no point in living if you can't feel alive

After an aborted session in the gym sauna yesterday morning, an opportunity for a bit of fun arose in the afternoon. I'm on a management training course all day but it finishes slightly early. So I find an Internet cafe nearby and log on to gaydar.

Almost immediately there's a guy who's interested in my profile but he can't accommodate. It would be a bit hard for me to accommodate in the cafe so we wish each other luck and part company.

But it's not long before another guy contacts me. "I think we met last year", he starts.

"Really", I reply, "I don't recognise your profile name".

"I changed my profile name a couple of months ago", he explains. When he tells me his original profile name I remember him. I had visited him last May, and I'd enjoyed lying in his arms while he cuddled and then played with me.

Today his bio-line in the chat system says he's looking for guys to take photos of. "I don't think you took any photos of me when I visited you last year", I say.

"No, I don't think I had my digital camera then. Let me send you some of the photos I've taken of some of the guys who've visited me."

Meanwhile a Scottish guy has started talking to me. He's very direct. "Fancy a blow job", he says. "Sounds good", I reply. The negotiations are all sorted out very quickly, I'll get a cab and visit him at home near Waterloo. In spite of the aborted session in the gym sauna in the morning, there's some fun to be had this afternoon.

Before logging off gaydar, I look at the pictures the guy from last year has e-mailed me. Nothing special, but maybe I should get the pics on my profile updated. So I ask him, "Perhaps you could take some pics sometime to help me update my profile?" The only pics I've got are ones that I've taken myself using the remote control on my digital camera, so it would be good to have some pics taken by someone else.

"Yeah sure, any time", he replies.

"Great, I'll get in touch after Easter to arrange it."

Half an hour later I'm arriving at the Scottish guy's place. He's got a skinhead haircut, and in the pic on his profile this makes him look quite fierce, but face to face he looks relaxed and friendly. We go into his front room and he's got some very sleazy gay porn playing on his TV. He's smoking a joint.

"You're not in any hurry are you?" he asks hopefully. I guess not, so I accept the offer of a glass of water. While he's out of the room I start to take off my shirt and T-shirt. Unless one starts to get undressed quite quickly, with some guys it can be hard to get started, so it's a habit of mine to start stripping off in this situation. Somehow though, I don't think there would be any problem getting started with this guy.

We sit on his sofa and chat a bit, and I take off my trousers. "Why don't you take yer kecks off too", he says lustfully. I'm more than happy to oblige so I take my undershorts off too and almost immediately he's kneeling on the floor in front of me.

For some reason, he loves putting my left bollock in his mouth and sucking hard, very hard. "Ohhh, that's slightly painful", I say, although I mean very painful! He looks at me with a glint in his eye. "Good!" he says, smiling. So he's a clearly a bit of a rascal. I quite like it a bit rough sometimes.

Afterwards he offers me a cup of tea while I wait for a mini-cab to arrive. He's worked in the entertainment business all his life. He travels a lot, and his ex-boyf was French. He's got a very friendly, relaxed, attitude to life. We have a really good chat because the mini-cab takes well over half an hour to arrive. We've got very different lives.

Meeting guys like this is one of the things I really enjoy about my lifestyle. When I think about all the different situations I get myself into, and all the different guys I have fun with, I'm always reminded of the motto of the character Elektra King from the James Bond movie The world is not enough: "There's no point in living if you can't feel alive".

Friday morning in the gym sauna

I go into the gym sauna this morning wondering if J or F will be there (The muscley guy in the sauna). But instead there's another guy who I recognise as a participant from many months ago. He's on his own, and naked. "Perhaps I'll get a bit of fun with him today?" I wonder.

I sit down quite close, but not too close, that would be rude. Up close however, I'm not so sure it's the guy I thought it was. But he looks at me and we catch each other's eye. Even it it's not the guy I thought it was, this guy is clearly up for it anyway! He takes one of his hands away from his groin and sure enough, he's holding down a stiffy with his other hand.

But we're just getting started when we're disturbed. It's someone I know too, it's S who works for an ex-colleague of mine from a few years ago (see Valentines day morning, 2005). I should have reckoned on him, because we'd just been doing a fitness class together in the gym. Luckily I hadn't moved any closer to the guy with the erection, although it would have been obvious to S that something was going on :-(

To avoid the immediate situation S turns away from us and finds a bit of room to stretch his calf muscles. While S has his back turned to us I start to talk to him. The other guy is losing is stiffy and he leaves fairly quickly.

It's a pity I can't work out how to get S to participate when I'm present. He's an attractive guy. For me there's something very homoerotic about working out in the gym with another guy, getting all sweaty with him, then having sex afterwards in the changing room (or changing room sauna in this case).

So no fun this morning, but maybe there'll be an opportunity for fun this afternoon. I'm on a management training course today, "How to do the perfect appraisal", and if the course finishes a bit early I won't have to go back to the office and I might have time to log onto gaydar before going home to boyfriend number 1.

The muscley guy in the sauna

Yesterday morning I'm lying down naked in the sauna, relaxing after a hard aerobics class, when the muscley guy that I had played with in the showers on Monday comes in (Fun in the gym on Monday morning). He's naked too, and we're the only ones in the sauna this morning, so I smile to myself that we'll probably be able to have a bit of fun. He sits down quite close to where I'm lying. "That's a good sign" I think, so I sit up and smile at him.

I've never spoken to him before so I ask him his name. He's clearly surprised that I've spoken but he answers quitely, "F". He doesn't ask me my name, but I don't mind.

Slowly I can see he's getting excited. He moves closer to me, so I move closer to him too. He's got a couple of tattoos, and a well defined muscley body, and I think he looks great. So we end up playing with each other. Luckily we're not disturbed.

Maybe I'll start to see F regularly here now? Still no sign of J though, I hope he's OK.

What's your internet age?

I'm having supper with P in Singapore during my Asian trip in 2002 when he says "So what's your internet age?".

He explains to me that the age guys put in their gay.com or gaydar profiles tends to be lower than their real age! Of course I know this, but I'd never heard that terminology before.

"My internet age is still 29", he continues, looking slightly embarrassed. I know that P was in his early 30's, but the discrepancy is plausible.

I smile at him. "Well yes," I admit, "my internet age is a couple of years less than my real age too."

Society is to blame! The same force that drives aging Hollywood actresses to try to keep the same appearance when they're in their sixties that they had in their twenties drives gay guys to lie about their age.

But if I was using the internet to look for a boyfriend, I would be honest about my age. Perhaps the fact that there are so many guys on gaydar who are being 'economical' with the truth when it comes to their age is just an indication that, like me, most guys use it for finding fun.

Fun in the gym on Monday morning

As I leave for my workout at the gym on Monday morning, I decide that I won't visit the sauna there today. I'd had a couple of good sessions with boyfriend number 1 over the weekend, so "more sex isn't necesary just yet" I think.

Everything is going fine, I've had a good run on the treadmill, and I'm just doing my cool-down stretches when I see 'sauna E' heading towards the changing rooms. I hadn't seen him since I discussed gaydar with him (Trying to get E to come out to himself).

"Hi E, how was your weekend?", I ask him. "Fine", he replies, "and you?". He looks a bit shy, although in fact I think this is the first time we've ever seen other with our clothes on.

Shortly afterwards I'm stripping off in the changing rooms and I give in. I'm wondering how E is after our last chat. He's bound to be in the men's sauna, and if I go in, there may be other guys around anyway so fun with E might not be possible anyway.

But as it turns out, E is in the sauna on his own when I enter. As usual we're both naked. We start by chatting. "I'll be on holiday in Italy this time next week", I start, "Have you had any holidays recently?".

"I was on holiday on safari in Kenya a few weeks ago", E reminds me, "actually I think I told you". When he says this I do remember. I wish I could be better at remembering this kind of information about people, forgetting leaves such a bad impression.

"Yes you did, sorry", I reply feebly. "Me and my boyfriend went on safari there about 10 years ago". I feel this is an important remark because I hadn't mentioned boyfriend number 1 to E before, and the fact that our visit to Kenya was 10 years ago will give him the impression that this is a long term relationshihp which I am keen to convey. A brief conversation about Kenya follows, during which E comes to sit right next to me. So we both end up shooting our loads after all! Ahhh well, so much for my faithful intentions.

Afterwards we carry on chatting, but soon another naked guy enters who I recognise as an occasional participant in sauna fun. He looks gorgeous, very muscley. Shortly after that yet another guy comes in who is also a participant. I'm sure I'm the only one amongst the four of us who knows that we're all participants! But of course me and E have already shot our loads, so we leave shortly afterwards.

While I'm still showering, the muscley guy comes along the shower corridor, slowly looks me up and down, and takes the shower next to me. Through the frosted glass partitions I can see that he's playing with himself, and that he's got a huge erection. "Poor guy must really need some relief, perhaps I can give him a helping hand", I think. So I finish showering and move out into the shower corridor to dry myself, and since no one else is around I'm able to reach in and play with him. Unfortunately I hear someone coming so I'm unable to finish him off, but I enjoy watching him finish himself off. We smile at each other as I walk away to get dressed.

Oh dear! Why do I bother to pretend to myself that I can be monogamous, even for a just a morning?

Coming out at work requires a lot of confidence

Stories like Gay man claims discrimination against banking giant prove that coming out at work is a dangerous game, especially in banking. I work for a bank and as I've said before, I'm not out at work (How easy is it to be an openly gay investment banker? and Why do I feel I can't come out at work?).

I can't help thinking that coming out should be easier for me than the guy in the story above, because of my personality, and because I've been comfortable as a gay man for many years now. Some gay men behave as though they're victims, and just like in the school playground, this encourages people to treat them like victims and bully them. In terms of being gay, the longer someone has accepted their sexuality the more confidence they'll have about it. None the less, I'm still not going to come out at work just yet.

The other guy called E in the gym

At the gym I go to there are two guys called E. There's E who I meet in the sauna (Trying to get E to come out to himself, A meeting with E in the gym sauna), but there's also another guy called E who I sometimes see in the showers. I'll call them 'sauna E' and 'shower E' to distinguish them.

When I first joined this gym the shower area in the men's changing rooms was a long corridor, maybe two yards wide, with shower heads placed every yard or so along the long wall. I admit, this made it very easy to get a good look at all the other guy's naked bodies which I did enjoy! But I wasn't the only one gay in the gym. I recall that on one occasion when I entered the shower area and walked along to find a spare shower head, as I passed each of the six or so guys who were in there at the time they all turned to look me up and down, and all of them tried to look me in the eye. So all of them must have been gay because straight guys avoid eye contact with each other in that situation.

Perhaps the gym management realised that things were getting out of hand, having a cruisey shower area and a cruisey sauna. Or perhaps guys tend to be more shy about their naked bodies than they used to be. Anyway, during some renovation work a few years ago, they put in some frosted glass partitions along the long wall in the shower corridor. There are no doors so as one walks along it's still possible to see naked guys as they're showering. And when you're having a shower, it's still possible to see a detailed outline of the guys on either side of you through the frosted glass. But the new arrangement probably makes the straight guys feel a lot more comfortable. It's certainly not possible to look anyone in the eye through the glass.

But it's definitely possible to spot erections through the glass partitions, and this is how I got to know 'shower E'. On one occasion just after they'd put in the glass partitions I noticed that the guy on my right had a huge erection which he kept 'washing'. Wow I thought, maybe there are some benefits to these partitions because that kind of thing never happened before the partitions were put in. Watching him I couldn't help getting an erection too, which he noticed. So we both watched each other 'washing' ourselves, until we'd each finished ourselves off. Of course, the risk of getting caught just increases the enjoyment.

Although I don't see 'shower E' that frequently, we always make eye contact with each other whenever we're in the changing rooms together. He'll often do something a bit naughty, like caress my buttock when he passes behind me, or pointedly dry his cock a bit too carefully or vigorously when he thinks no one can see but me.

I've seen him for the last two Saturday's now, and I've started to get to know him a bit more. I now know that he lives near the gym, but that he's got a partner so he can't invite me round for fun. I haven't determined whether his partner is male or female yet. He seems a bit cagey about it, so my guess is that his partner is female, perhaps even his wife. In which case this is another example where the straight guys are not really straight (Are all the straight guys really straight?).

Chinese moving from gay.com to gaydar?

When I was on a tour of Asia for a week with the bank in 2002 I was lucky enough to meet several local Asian guys for fun. During the course of 5 days, I ended up meeting T in Beijing, H in Shanghai, L in Hong Kong, as well as P in Singapore. I've managed to stay in touch with all of them except T, who unfortunately has changed his e-mail address.

Since the 2002 Asian tour I've been back once to Hong Kong, and once to Singapore which was last month. On the Hong Kong visit I was able to meet up briefly with L, and on last month's trip to Singapore I was able to meet up with P too (Singapore trip Feb 2005. Monday, final day). I also mention H, L and P in "Gay relationships between Asian and western guys".

Although I've not been back to Shanghai, I still occasionally exchange e-mails with H, and in fact I had an e-mail from him yesterday. I had asked him what he thought about gay.com in comparision with gaydar, given that we had originally met on gay.com, and this was his reply:

Yes, we met in gay.com chat rooms. but since gay.com changed its chat system last year, it is not so popular for Chinese any more. Now more and more people are moving to gaydar. I like gaydar better because it is easier and more simple.

I couldn't agree more. When I get time I must write up that week from Asia 2002 when I met all those gorgeous guys, it was a very memorable week.

Thursday fun at the gym, but where is J?

I haven't seen J since Valentines day morning, 2005 so I visit the sauna after my workout as usual. Ths sauna is empty so I lie down naked to relax.

Within 5 mins a slightly stocky guy comes in, also naked, and sits down directly opposite me. Hmmm, a guy who sits down in the sauna with a good view of another naked guy is often cruising (see "How gay men cruise gym saunas and steam rooms"). Eventually I sit up and look at him and he looks at me - another sign. He then leaves, but within a couple of minutes he's back, having had a shower - yet another sign. This guy must be looking for a bit of fun.

We catch each other's eye and contact is made. Within a few minutes he's come to sit next to me. "What's your name?" I ask quietly. "F", he replies. It's an Irish name and I don't quite catch it the first time he says it. So we start having a bit of fun. But we're not paying proper attention and all of a sudden another guy is opening the sauna door. Damm, he must have seen us through the glass, and he could have been anyone, I must be more careful. Anyway he doesn't blink at all and just sits down - either he's seen it all before, or he's so shocked he doesn't know what to do! But he's wearing shorts and shows no sign of wanting to join in so the fun is over for now :-(

Not sure what to do, the slightly stocky Irish guy leaves and I follow shortly after him. To avoid interruptions, we decide to make use of the obsure lockable room which I used last December with E (A meeting with E in the gym sauna). He's keen on kissing, and also enjoys licking my left armpit. Fine with me, although I've never seen the attraction of armpits.

"That's a nice way to start a Thursday", I say afterwards. "Yeah", he smiles, "especially because I've got a terrible day ahead of me at work, there's a report I've got to finish". Very satisfactory. But what's happened to J, why haven't I seen him since Valentines day?

The perils of civil partnership

Civil partnership for gay couples in the UK will apparently be available from 5th December 2005 according to Stonewall's article "Christmas comes early!". But how many of us will bother to register? Quite a lot according to the poll I've just spotted on on gay.com "Will you be having a Civil Partnership?". The results astounded me:

40.1 % said "Yes, as soon as possible"
34.1 % said "Yes, at some point in the future"
10.6 % said "No, I'm not interested"
9.8 % said "I would if I had a boyfriend"
5.4 % said "No, I'm single"

I had thought that gay.com was mostly a dating web-site, but the implication of the results is that around 3/4 of the voters have partners. If the voters are representative of the people who use gay.com, presumably it means that gay.com is full of people like me, who use it to find a bit of fun on the side?

I've always said to boyfriend number 1 that as soon as civil partnership is available we would do it. I still want to, because I am deeply attached to him. But I am concerned about what "civil partnership divorce" might mean. If the rules are the same as for heteros then potentially I could be in deep deep trouble if he find out and objects to my activities.

The nipple question

I usually get up early. Sometimes I'll log on to gaydar while I'm eating my breakfast, and while boyfriend number 1 is still tucked up in bed. And just occasionallly there'll be an opportunity for a bit of fun before work.

Yesterday was just such a day. I log on to gaydar, then I check the news and the financial market news in particular while I eat my breakfast. Out of the blue I get a gaydar online message. There's a guy in the Ibis Hotel near Euston who's interested in getting me to visit him in his hotel room for a session before work.

"... and will you get naked with me?", he asks. "Yes sure", I reply, "stark bollock naked :-)". So it's all settled. I quickly order a taxi, visit the bathroom, and on my way out kiss boyfriend number 1 (who's still in bed) to wish him a pleasant day.

When I get there its clear that the photo he sent me is several years old, but he's a nice enough guy so I don't mention it. He's just got his undershorts on, and I can see that he's got a few tattoos, including one of his name on his upper arm just below his shoulder. I swiftly take off almost all my kit, until I'm just in my undershorts too. Slowly he walks towards me, bends down slightly, and starts licking my right nipple. We have an enjoyable session. I notice that his nipples are quite small, which is interesting because in my experience that's more typical of straight guys.

And indeed, afterwards he tells me that he's married with two kids. He's just over here for a computer course for the week, while his wife and kids are back in Belgium. Of course, his wife doesn't know that he uses gaydar. I always feel a bit better knowing that the other guy is cheating on his partner too.

While I'm in the taxi from the hotel to the bank, I ponder the nipple question. Why don't women play with men's nipples when they're being intimate together? Surely it's not only gay men who have sensitive nipples? The guy I'd just met certainly knew that gay men have sensitive nipples, even if maybe his wife doesn't.

Trying to get E to come out to himself

Saw E again in the gym sauna yesterday. I'd seen him there on Friday (A meeting with E in the gym sauna) so after he sits down I ask him if he's had a good weekend. But E has other things on his mind, especially because we are in there alone. He must have been dying for a bit of action because within 3 minutes he's shot his load!

Almost immediately a guy I know comes in and sits down next to me. He assesses the situation pretty well because straight away he leans over and starts playing with me. Afterwards he jokes that I’ve worn out his arm. He doesn't stay very long, and says "make sure you guys behave yourselves now!" as he leaves.

Suddenly it’s a perfect opportunity to discuss the things with E that I had wanted to discuss on Friday, but didn't get the chance. "Do you ever use the internet to find this sort of fun?" I begin, trying to look him in the eye. Great I think, I've managed to find an excellent first line.

"Err, no, I didn't know you could", replies E, "I don't talk about this with anyone".

"Well there's gaydar.co.uk", I say, "that's pretty good". E looks uneasy, perhaps because I've used the 'gay' word. Before gay guys come out to themselves it can be hard to hear that word in any context which connects them with ‘gay’.

"But what kind of people are there at the other end", E asks.

"People like you and me" I answer, smiling. “And I've got a pretty good idea because I've been using the internet to meet guys since 1995".

E looks amazed. "But where do you go to meet up?"

"You can do whatever you want. Go over to his place, invite him to yours, or just meet up for a drink somewhere public".

I reckon it's about time to use the 'gay' word again. "gaydar.co.uk is much better than gay.com, in London anyway."

E nods, so I continue. "I doubt you have a wife or girlfriend?"

E looks uneasy again and shakes his head, as though he’s been found out. “No, I don’t” he admits.

“Well I know several guys that have found their boyfriends on gaydar”.

Unfortunately someone else comes in so the conversation is over. I could be wrong, but its just possible that that will be one of the most important conversations of E’s life! It will be if it’s the push he needs to come out to himself as being gay. After all, he surely can’t go on for ever getting his all his sexual needs satisfied in the gym sauna.