A bit of fun after work

About a month after meeting up with the Chinese American guy in early July, I get an e-mail from him telling me that he's visiting again during August. Unfortunately his visit is for the week that I'm away on holiday with boyfriend number 1, so we can't meet. But a month or so after that, I get the following e-mail from him:

Hi GB:

I hope you remember me...and I hope you had a wonderful time on holiday in Aug.

I am coming to London for business again this Tuesday thru Sunday, and staying in central London (different hotel this time)

Let me know if you're free this week and want to drop by...

Thanks!

Let me think about this one a minute. Meet a nice guy for a bit of enjoyable fun, or turn him down? It's an easy choice to make!

Yes m8, I remember you. I might be able to visit you, lunchtime or early weekday eve would be best (not Wednesday or Friday though). Send me a txt msg (same mobile as before) - but pls txt only, never phone unless previously agreed :-)
GB x

I expect him to send me a txt msg when he arrives, but when I check my e-mails the following Tuesday, it turns out that he's sent me another e-mail instead

Hi GB,

I am here in London now. Early weekday eve may be better...how about Thursday around 5-6pm? Let me know...Here is my cell: XXXXXXXXXXX.

Thanks,

Why didn't he just send me a txt msg as requested?

After I'd sent him my original e-mail reply telling him that I wasn't available on the Wednesday evening, I'd then been invited to a party for a senior colleague who's being transferred to Asia. This ended up causing me to revise my plans for Wednesday evening, so the next day, I send him a txt msg to make a suggestion

Hi m8, got ur email last night. As I recall, u work near me right? Could do Thursday, but if you can meet 5pm ish today near work, might be poss today because I'm not busy until 6.30ish and we could take a cab to your hotel together? GB x

Soon I get the reply, and as I'd hoped, he's keen to see me

Hi GB, sure we can meet at 5pm. Lets meet by Starbucks on the main road, do you know it?

I quickly send my reply

Yes of course, C U later, GB x

So it's all arranged. But then, early afternoon, I get a txt msg from B (my gorgeous Japanese Masseur)

B: Hi GB, I am free this evening. Would u like to come over? What time so i can plan for running :)

Awwww! Sometimes when I'm feeling horny there's no one available. But today I'm spoilt for choice! I'd visited B for a massage the previous Monday, which had been great, but we hadn't been able to have any fun because his masseur colleague had been there. Much as I'd like to visit both guys tonight, as well as attend the party for the senior colleague, it's just not going to be possible :-(. Having already agreed to meet the Chinese American guy, I decide to decline B:

GB: Hi B, unfortunately I am busy, I am meeting friends. But I would very much like to visit u again another time. I am free tomorrow evening up to 7:30?

But it turns out that B will be busy tomorrow evening. We agree to meet again another time.

It's nice to feel in demand :-). But by the end of the afternoon, no one else has contacted me requesting activities, so I make an excuse to leave the bank earlier than usual. Just after 5pm I'm standing patiently outside Starbucks. Five minutes later and I'm about to send him a txt msg to find out where he is, when

"Hi, hope you haven't been waiting long?"

"No, I just got here actually", I lie. "Did you have a good flight over?"

"Yes thanks, I managed to get some sleep so I've manged to avoid the jet-lag :-). Are we going to take the tube, or do you want to get a taxi?"

I much prefer taxis to tubes. We manage to hail one down without any trouble.

"Do you know that hotel?" I ask the cabbie when we're both inside the taxi, having told him where to go.

"I don't think so", replies to cabbie.

"It's quite near the tube station", we both say at once.

"Where exactly?"

What rubbish is this? All cabbies should know all the major London hotels, it's part of their training.

"Well just take us to the tube nearby", says my Chinese American friend, "we can easily walk from there".

I start getting irritated. What's the point of paying for a taxi if he doesn't take you where you want to go?

"No, take us to the hotel", I insist, "and if you don't know where it is, I guess I'll have to tell you where to go!"

I can tell that the cabbie understands my frustration.

"We're paying good money for this", I explain to my companion quietly, "so he'll do what we want! It doesn't make sense to ask him to take us to the tube if we want to be at the hotel!!"

I probably take too many cabs. Most London cab drivers are indeed excellent, but for some reason I become a bit irrational when a cabbie falls short of their usual good service. And when we get close, it turns out that the cabbie does know where to go!

"I was just joking with you", says the cabbie.

What a weird sense of humour, it certainly didn't seem funny at the time :-(.

"They've given me an executive room for some reason", says the Chinese American guy as we're walking through the hotel lobby, "which is nice. I've got loads of space, and a great view too :-)".

We share the lift with a smart young guy who looks us both up and down suspiciously. I smile at him, maybe it would be fun to invite him along too? But he just looks at me even more suspiciously so I'm thankful when we get to our floor. I obviously don't have cuteCTguy's knack at picking up guys in lifts!

Once we've arrived in the executive room, without thinking we both start stripping off, as though it's completely routine.

"Let me hang your suit up for you honey", he says, in a calm, matter of fact voice.

Soon we're on the large king size double bed together, naked apart from our undershorts. He's got a nice smooth body, and although he's been at the office all day, he smells lovely. Now that he's got me where he wants me, he comes over all assertive, and pushes my head down firmly onto the pillow to kiss me deeply. I guess it's true, sometimes I like to be in control, but sometimes I do just like to be dominated! We have a nice time together.

Afterwards we lie in each others arms for perhaps 30 minutes, and as we're lying there, he massages me quite roughly. I don't complain, and actually I quite enjoy it. But eventually it's time for me to go to the party.

"I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in London", I say as I'm leaving.

"And I hope you enjoy your party!" he replies smiling at me.

There's a couple of people who are going to be at the party that I usually try to avoid, because for various reasons we just don't get on very well. But after a bit of early evening fun, if feel ready to talk to them if I have to. I bet I've had a better start to my evening than they've had!

Feeling happy

Three weeks ago, I narrowly missed my target time for running 10k in the Nike runlondon event in Hyde Park :-(. But thanks to some help from the guys I run with, I've just improved on my Nike 10k time by around 3 minutes in the Run for the Rainforest in Regent's park today :-)). So I'm off to the pub now with my running buddies, plus boyfriend number 1, for a well deserved lunch!

Update 29-Oct-2006 23:19:

Why can’t I keep my big mouth shut?

“I wish I’d been a rent boy”, I say towards the end of the pub lunch, after far too many beers. Everyone listening laughs.

“Well then”, asks one of the gorgeous, hunky straight guys that’s part of my running group, “have you ever been paid for sex?”

Oh dear! I’m not sure this conversation is wise. Luckily though, boyfriend number 1 is at the other end of the table.

“And have you ever paid for sex”, he continues. “I’ve done both!”

“Well”, speaks the beer, “so have I mate!” I say. And if fact, both incidents that I was thinking of have been reported in this blog. I was paid £30 to wank off for a guy last year, and more recently I paid a guy £10 in a role-play session.

“But in fact”, the beer continues proudly, “overall I’m in profit on my transactions!” For some reason, I thought that having been paid more for sex than I’d paid out would earn me some respect. But I’m now in very dangerous territory, and I really don’t want to go into details!

Luckily the hunky straight guy doesn’t answer that. But he does tell us the story of when he paid for sex, which apparently involved a friend of his who hadn’t had sex for a very long time. So he claimed that he only went along because his friend wanted it badly, and wouldn’t have gone along without him!

“And when were you paid for sex”, another guy asks him.

“Have you ever worked in a bar?” he replies.

I’m quite interested to ask whether the person who paid him for sex was a man or a woman, but this conversation is already far too dangerous. None of the other guys admit to anything interesting, and soon the conversation has moved on to whether we’re going to enter the tough guy event next year.

Looking back it was a lucky escape. I’m terrified that one day, after too many beers, I’ll end up saying “Oh just read all about it on my blog if you’re interested!!” It’s all very well writing a blog like this, but disclosing my identity as the author has to be a very carefully considered decision, and definitely not something that comes out in a bar when I’m drunk!

My gorgeous Japanese masseur

Sometimes I can't get to sleep at night. Monday evenings have been particularly bad recently for some reason, although I've got a theory about why that might be. I don't usually drink coffee at home, so after a caffeine free weekend, my Monday caffeine intake via coffee in the office is probably too high.

If I find that I'm still awake half an hour or so after boyfriend number 1 has fallen asleep beside me, I'll sometimes get up for a short while to try and make myself tired. One such occasion occurred on the second Monday of last month. About 12.30am, I'm still wide awake, so I get up and head for the kitchen to fix myself a little snack. Taking a small plate of cheese and tomatoes into my study, I decide to log into gaydar to see if there's anyone I know online. It's as good a diversion as any, and hopefully it'll get my thoughts away from the work issues that were racing through my mind while I was lying in bed.

None of the guys that I occasionally talk to seem to be online, so for entertainment I head for the chat rooms. At this time of night there are usually a few hopelessly horny guys, engaged in their final attempts to try and find a man for the night, advertising themselves on the open channels in the chat rooms. But while I'm watching them, and the associated conversations, a guy called B contacts me

B: hi
GB: hi m8

As usual, I respond without looking at his profile. But when I look at his profile, it turns out that it's a commercial profile. I don't pay for it, so I can't see this going anywhere, but as I've got nothing else to do I may as well chat to the guy.

B: I think you quite close to me
GB: uh huh, could be
GB: but I see you've got a commercial profile mate
B: yes but I not working at the moment

Looking at the guy's gaydar profile, and his web site that his profile refers to, he is indeed quite near where I live. And he's not an escort or a rent-boy, instead he's a rather cute looking Japanese masseur. But is he a 'masseur'?

GB: I see you're a masseur
B: yes, please look at my rates, very reasonable
GB: but what kind of masseur are you mate?
B: I masseur, not escort
B: I also gay, you nice profile

While I was on holiday with boyfriend number 2 last year I started enjoying massage, as long as the masseurs were male at any rate. But I haven't had any massages or treatments since then, so it would be great to find a nice masseur in London. And if they're cute, and gay, so much the better :-). But is this guy for real? Or is he just an escort in disguise? His web site looks interesting, and as far as I can tell, his rates are indeed reasonable. If he was an escort, I'm sure that a nice looking guy like that would charge a lot more!

GB: your rates do look reasonable
B: very reasonable, I do nice massage for you if you want
GB: I also think that I am quite close to you
B: yes, I lonely tonight, can I come visit you
GB: I can't accom, and I don't pay for sex either mate, I don't have to
B: did I ask you to pay?
GB: no you didn't. Sorry
B: its ok. maybe you visit me?

Maybe I fell asleep in bed next to boyfriend number 1 after all, because this all seems very dreamy. There's this gorgeous Asian guy online, who also claims to be an experienced masseur too, who's begging me to visit him for sex. Ahhh well, I guess having cute guys throw themselves at me is just one of the things I've learned to live with! But of course, I can't meet him tonight.

GB: very sorry mate, I really would like to meet you tonight, but I can't. Would love to meet you another time, maybe tomorrow?
B: please visit tonight, I very lonely

Awwww poor guy, but I can't go upstairs to get dressed and then leave the house, not at this hour! It would disturb boyfriend number 1, and I really don't want boyfriend number 1 to know what I get up to, because he's told me very clearly that he doesn't want to know about this sort of thing. He'd also worry about me being out at this time of night, so it wouldn't be fair on him.

Even though I can't visit him, we chat a bit more. Soon we've exchanged mobile phone numbers, and we've provisionally agreed to try and meet later in the week. In spite of the exciting prospect of having a nice masseur on tap near home, rejoining boyfriend number 1 in bed I somehow manage to fall asleep.

The next day, towards the end of the afternoon, I decide to send B a txt msg.

GB: Hi B, we chatted online about 18 hours ago. Soz I was unable to visit you last night. But I could visit you now if you are free? Please let me know before 6:30pm otherwise it will have to be another evening. xxx

The reply arrives very quickly

B: Hi I would love to but my friend here at the moment. Can u accom? I can go now : )

Hmmm, he didn't tell me about any friend last night. Does 'friend' mean 'boyfriend'? If not, what does it mean? In any case, my reply is simple

GB: Sorry I cannot accom because the rule of my open relationship is no guys at home. I can visit tonight any time before about 7.30pm. If that is not convenient because of your friend, can you suggest other times? xxx

B: Hi, here is like an open office n massage room. He'll stay to work all week except Monday. I'll text to tell my next time available or I am go there not go to the room just behind the front door if u ok for that : )

I'm don't really understand what he means by that. Is he suggesting that we can get to know each other behind his front door somehow? Although the situation is uncertain, after a couple more txt msgs we've agreed to meet in a park near where we both live to discuss the possibilities face to face.

Leaving work, I grab a taxi and head for the park. Soon I'm sending him a txt msg to tell him where I am. And within 5 minutes, I see a lovely Asian guy walking over to me smiling.

"Hi are you B?" I say smiling back at him. He's dressed in shorts, t-shirt and running shoes, and looks every bit as gorgeous as his online photos.

"Very nice to meet you :-)", he replies. Instinctively we both put our hands out and touch each other, to deepen the interaction somehow without kissing.

It turns out that he'd been hoping to have fun just inside the front door of my house, because there's no way he can accom at the moment.

"I have a colleague who work with me. He good friend, not lover. But rude to have sex when he can hear!"

Yes, I guess you're right mate. But I can't accom either :-(.

"It's the same with me", I reply, "if we went to my house, my boyfriend would hear!"

I can imagine boyfriend number 1's reaction if he saw me playing with another guy in the hall of our house, and it wouldn't be pretty!

"OK, pity can't do anything now", he says quietly, "I very horny".

"Me too! Lets try and meet later in the week", I say hopefully. "Anyway, are you going for a run now?"

"Yes, short run, to help me stay fit. I send you txt msg later in the week, then you visit me OK?"

"Yes, but not tomorrow. Either Thursday or Friday would be great though :-). I can't wait!"

The next day, I have a lunchtime liaison arranged with boyfriend number 3, which is good fun as usual. But the day after that, the txt msg that I'd been hoping for arrives mid-afternoon.

B: Hi, r u free 8 pm tonight?

Oh dear, that's a bit late for me really.

GB: Hi B, 8pm is too late for me, I need to be home with bf at 8pm. Pls let me know if I could visit earlier. xx

None the less, I'm very glad to get the invite. Soon I get a reply

B: 7.30 if u can

GB: Yes 7.30 is good for a quickie :-) where exactly are you? xxx

I'm bound to be a bit late getting back to boyfriend number 1, but at least with a 7.30pm meeting I won't be too late. He sends me a txt msg telling me where to go.

The rest of the afternoon seems to drag. All I can think about are the activities that I've got planned for later! But eventually it's time to leave the bank and soon I'm standing outside his apartment block waiting for him to let me in.

"Come to second floor please", I hear him say through the intercom, and with that he buzzes me into the building.

When I get to the second floor I can see him waving to me from his front door. As soon as I get through the door he kisses me gently on the lips.

"Can you take off your shoes here please?"

Yes of course, I'm used to Asian households!

It’s a small apartment with just four rooms. A small bathroom, a small kitchen, and two other small rooms, all very tidy and clean.

Leaving my shoes and socks by the door, I follow him into one of the rooms and start getting undressed.

"Hmmmm nice, you quite fit I think", says B, running his hand down the front of my bare chest.

"Well I go running too", I say, "I'm doing 10k two or three times a week at the moment. I'm training for the Nike run in Hyde Park".

"Really? 10k?? You strong boy then!" he says smiling.

Soon we're both just standing there in our undershorts, and he looks great. He's clearly quite a strong guy himself, with firm looking stomach muscles and well proportioned chest and arms. Putting my arm out in front of me to hold him on his shoulder, I move forward to kiss him gently. His body feels as good as it looks and we have a wonderful time together.

"Perhaps I should visit you and let you give me a massage sometime", I say afterwards, "what do you charge?"

"You would be very welcome", he says, "prices on web site".

I can tell now that he's not a rent-boy at all, and that with him massage means massage, no extras! Which is ideal. I'll happily pay for a good massage, but I won't pay for sex, so keeping the two separate is perfect. And if I can also sometimes visit him for fun as well, that's even better!

Should I change the name of this blog?

I'm a very lucky guy. It's now official - I have two boyfriends :-). In my eyes of course, I've had more than one boyfriend for quite a while, but perhaps no one else saw it like that! For example, some people think that I've got one boyfriend and maybe a few fuckbuddies. But surely the important thing is how the people involved see it?

At last, the situation is that

• Boyfriend number 1 and boyfriend number 2 both refer to me as their boyfriend :-)
• Boyfriend number 1 and boyfriend number 2 both refer to each other as a boyfriend of mine :-)
• And of course, I'm very happy to be a boyfriend to both of them :-)

It was over the summer that boyfriend number 1 first used the term 'boyfriend' in connection with boyfriend number 2.

"I suppose I'll get used to him as long as I never have to meet him", said boyfriend number 1, "he's effectively another boyfriend".

And recently, as I've been planning to go away on holiday with boyfriend number 2 again, it's clear that boyfriend number 1 finally seems happy with the situation. He used to think that I might leave him to be with boyfriend number 2, which is what caused the problems when I tried to go away on holiday with boyfriend number 2 last spring. But he now knows that I won't leave him, and that I'd much rather have two boyfriends that either of them on their own.

With boyfriend number 2, at one point when we were on holiday together last year we agreed to pretend to be each other's boyfriend to make the situation easier for other people to understand. But that's not the same thing as actually believing that we're each other's boyfriend. Although I haven't seen him since July 2005, I've been in very regular contact with him via e-mail, MSN, and telephone. It became clear a few months ago that he was open to the idea of being a boyfriend of mine in these polyamorous circumstances. And now, following a very recent conversation, I know that he's been referring to me as his boyfriend in conversations at work.

The holiday with boyfriend number 2 had been imminent but unfortunately, because of boyfriend number 2's work situation, we've had to postpone for a month. So now the holiday will probably be in December.

"I told my bosses that my London boyfriend will be very upset", boyfriend number 2 said to me last week.

"Well tell them how much it's costing us to postpone", I said, "if you want to impress them that should do the trick!"

It's a real pain having to postpone, but in the circumstances there was nothing else we could do.

Although I think of boyfriend number 3 as a boyfriend too, at the moment I know he thinks of me as a fuckbuddy (although that may be starting to change). But so what! I'm still a very lucky guy to have two wonderful boyfriends :-). So do I need to rename this blog "Things I can't tell my boyfriends"?

A repeat performance with the cute Chinese guy

All of a sudden, I seem to meeting up with guys that I've already met once before. Last month started with a guy I first met in January. Then followed a session with the tall Scottish guy who enjoys watersports a few days later.

Beyond that, I'd been in txt msg communication with the cute Chinese guy ever since our first meeting in late July. For example, one Friday in August I get the following txt msg

Hi GB, how r u? Hope u r well n had a great holiday. When r u free to meet again? Can accom in my flat or my cousin's house, or perhaps meet for a drink this eve. Hope to c u again. x

What a nice, sweet little txt msg :-). But unfortunately I can't meet him

Hi m8, am in Edinburgh at the moment, are you around the following weekend? GB x

But it turns out that he's busy with friends visiting that weekend so that doesn't work either :-(. So what with me having been away a lot in August, together with the fact that he'd been busy too, somehow we'd never managed to get back together. Until the second weekend in September that is.

Just before that weekend, I send him a txt msg to see if he might be around

Hi m8, it would be good to see you this weekend, please let me know whether it might be possible. GB x

Within an hour I get a promising reply

Hi GB, thanx 4 text. Hope u r well! Not sure which day is good, guess depends on yr convenience. Let me know. Hv a nice evening. x

Great :-). I decide to try and pin him down to a time that suits me

Hi m8, thx for reply. I'm having a haircut Sat morning, I could visit you after that if convenient? I'd probably arrive between 12 noon and 1pm. Will you be at your flat or your cousin's house? GB x

We end up figuring that his own flat is slightly easier than his cousin's house, so everything is agreed in principle. Early on Saturday morning, I send him another txt msg to confirm.

Good morning m8 :-) So if ur still up for a meet, can you let me know the address & full postcode of your flat before 10am so I can look it up on multimap.com before I leave for my haircut? Hope to see you soon, GB xxx

He sends me the details as requested so everything looks good.

My haircut ends up taking less time than I expect, so as I'm walking to the tube station I phone him up to tell him that I'm going to be a bit early.

"Hi this is GB", I say, "I'm on my way to visit you already, is it OK if I arrive a bit earlier than we agreed?"

"No problem", he replies, "I'm waiting here, all ready for you."

That sounds perfect, a cute guy just waiting for me to visit him and plunder his gorgeous body :-)!

Everything goes according to plan, and within 40 minutes or so I'm knocking on the front door of his flat.

"Come in", he says quietly, "I don't think my neighbours are around but let's not make too much noise just in case!"

"No problem", I reply smiling at him. Once he's closed the door, I bend forward and kiss him gently on the lips. He blushes slightly.

"Can you put your shoes in the hall there?" he says pointing to a small rack by the door.

Of course. I've had many trips to East and South-East Asia, and with Boyfriend number 2 being from Singapore as well, I'm very used to the Asian practice of keeping shoes out of the home. I decide to take my socks off at the same time, and leaving both by the door, I wander into the flat.

"Do you want a drink or something?" he says smiling at me.

"Just a glass of water please".

"Actually, you look quite sweaty, you can take a shower if you like", he offers.

He's quite right. It's another warm and humid day, and walking from the tube station I'd become a bit moist. Given that we're planning intimate activities together, it would be rather rude to refuse!

"OK thanks, that would be great".

He shows me into the bathroom and having rinsed myself thoroughly under the shower, I wrap a white towel round my waist and join him in his sitting room where I find him in front of the television.

"So what are you watching?" I ask, sitting down right next to him.

"Oh nothing really", he says.

"Is this my water?"

"Yes, is it OK? I've got some bottled sparkling if you prefer?"

"No that's fine", I say gulping down a few mouthfuls.

Leaving the glass half full on the table, I put my hand on his knee and smile at him. He looks round and smiles back.

"So do you often have guys wearing nothing more than a towel watching TV with you on Saturday lunchtimes?" I joke with him.

"Actually", he says quietly, "I haven't had sex with anyone since I was with you last."

I'm genuinely shocked. That must have been six weeks ago!

"Well we'll just have to make up for it now!" I reply warmly, and putting my arm round behind him to hold his shoulder, I lean forward and kiss him again. He reciprocates eagerly, and soon I find his hand wandering up underneath my towel.

"Hmmmm, you're lovely", I murmur, "shall we stay here?"

"Follow me!"

We head into the bedroom. Dropping my towel on the floor so that I'm completley naked and ready for action, I join him on his bed and we have a lovely time together.

Afterwards, I move to cuddle him from behind, wrapping my arms tightly round him as we both lie down on the bed exhausted.

"So why doesn't a nice guy like you get to have more sex?" I ask quietly, "I think you're absolutely lovely!"

"Oh I don't know", he says, almost apologising. "I guess I'm just too busy".

We relax together for around 20 minutes, cuddling each other on his bed, but eventually it seems like time to go.

"I'll walk you to the tube station", he says, "I need to go and buy a few things at the shops".

On the way back to the tube he shows me a short cut in case I visit him there again. The more I talk to him though, the more I become convinced that for some reason this poor guy's got an inferiority complex. There's something about the way he describes himself, and the way he acts. There's no justification for it though, and I certainly think he's a lovely guy. But if I have enough sessions with him, hopefully making him feel good about himself, maybe that'll help cure him!

A perfect evening

Last month, on the first Wednesday in September, it gets towards the end of the working day and I feel a bit randy. It's only natural for guys to get certain urges of course, but when one's in the middle of the bank's trading floor it can be, well, embarrassing. Eventually it's time to go home, so I consider a trip to Chariots, but suddenly I have a better idea. I decide to visit an internet cafe near the bank I work for, to see if I can find any guys nearby who also want a bit of fun.

In terms of online cruising in public places, I've done it a few times before, but I never feel that comfortable. Can that woman who's sitting next to me, sipping here cappuccino, read what I'm typing? Has she noticed that the guy on the other end of the private chat session has just asked me whether I'm any good at deep throat cock sucking techniques? And what about the guy who's pacing up and down behind me?

Luckily the cafe isn't that busy.

"Do you have internet access here?" I ask at the counter.

"Yes, 50p per half-hour", says the young girl behind the counter, "but we close at 7pm". She writes my name down, making a note of the time, and points to the corner. "Use the computer on the left".

Luckily no one else is using the internet at the moment, so perhaps it won't feel that uncomfortable here. Trying to look inconspicuous, I log into gaydar and head for the chat rooms.

It turns out that there are quite a few guys from my 'favourites' list in the chat rooms. One guy in particular catches my attention. It's the tall Scottish guy who enjoys watersports, and I haven't seen him online for several weeks. Although he's not near here, he's near the gym I'm a member of, so visiting him would make sense if I visit the gym afterwards. I decide to start chatting with him.

GB: Hi m8, how's u?

It takes a couple of minutes, but eventually he responds.

guy: fine, u?
GB: me too, just feeling a bit horny at the moment.
guy: well would be good to see you again sometime, but I'm working at the moment

Hmmm, he may well be working but he's also logged into the gaydar chat rooms! So with a bit of coaxing, perhaps he'd be open to a quick bit of early evening fun?

GB: would be nice to visit you on my way to the gym tonight mate?

I wait a few minutes but no response. I decide to deploy the most persuasive argument I can think of in this situation.

GB: won't you be able to concentrate on your work better m8, once you've unloaded?

It works! After a less than a minute I get the answer I'm looking for

guy: OK, go on then, just for a quick session!

The details are all sorted almost immediately, so I pay my 50p to the girl behind the counter and head out to find a taxi.

Soon he's letting me into his apartment.

"Where can I dump my gym bag?" I ask him with a cheeky glint in my eye.

"Just leave it here in the hall", he says smiling. "Actually I think you were on your way to the gym the last time I saw you!"

"Well I like to keep myself fit", I reply. "By the way, I think I need a pee, do you want to watch?"

Of course he wants to watch! I strip off and head to the bathroom, and we end up having a similar session to last time. Very satisfying, although it's a very humid day and I end up sweating quite a lot.

"Sorry I'm sweating so much mate", I say afterwards, "have you got a towel I can dry myself off with? And a glass of water would be good too if possible?"

"Yeah sure, it is hot in here", he says, and pulling his trousers on commando style he goes to see what he can find me.

It doesn't take him long to get me a towel and a glass of water. After wiping myself with the towel, I gulp the water down greedily. While I'm doing this, he watches me closely. I notice that he's moving his hand around rhythmically inside his trousers.

"Want to go again?" he says lustfully.

But although I enjoy double cum sessions, I don't think I'm up for one today.

"I'd like to, but I'm meant to be meeting some guys at the gym soon", I say half-truthfully, "and actually I'm not sure I'd enjoy it given that I'm still feeling quite hot."

"No probs mate", he says looking slightly disappointed, "lets get together again soon then!"

It's only half true that I'm meeting some guys at the gym because it's just a group exercise class that a few of us do sometimes, so no one will actually miss me if I don't turn up. But on this occasion I decide that I will attend. A bit of bedroom exercise, followed by a bit of gym exercise, followed by a light supper with boyfriend number 1. A perfect evening :-).

A repeat performance in early September

Although August was a quiet month, September wasn't quite so quiet. It started off slowly enough, the first day of the month was a Friday and I was busy at work as usual. On the Saturday, I managed to avoid logging into any of the online cruising web sites. Maybe I'm making progress combating my addiction after all? On Sunday morning, however, I start thinking about boyfriend number 3. He can often be found on gaydar at weekends so I log in, just to see if he's there.

It turns out that boyfriend number 3 isn't there. But there are a few other guys who I recognise, including W who I last met in early January. So I decide to visit the chat rooms, but only for a brief chat with some of the guys I know. In fact I'll often chat to W if he's online, which he often seems to be, although he seems impossibly hard to pin down for another session.

Within a few minutes I'm chatting to W, but suddenly another guy contacts me

guy: hi mate, I think we met before
GB: uh-huh, could be

Actually I do recognise his profile name, but since it was quite a few months ago since we met, I don't want to give him the idea that he made such a strong impression on me that I instantly remember him! He's the guy I thought might be 'straight'.

guy: yeah def, a few months ago
GB: I remember u now m8, you live near that tube station, right?
guy: yeah thats me
guy: you busy this morning?

Now I can spot a leading question when I see one! I'm due to do my usual Sunday run with the guys from the gym I go to, but perhaps visiting this guy would be more fun? Oh dear, I was only logging on to chat, why am I so easily tempted?

GB: well I might have time to visit u if you're up for it again?
guy: great, would be good to see you mate

Although I remember who this guy is, it suddenly occurs to me that I should read the blog entry that I wrote after our first meeting. Bringing it up, I notice that the session we had was merely 'adequate' and that he was 'a bit of a lump' on the bed! Perhaps I should have been less eager to meet him again? But it's been quite a while since I had a session with someone from gaydar so I decide to meet him anyway.

Soon it's all agreed. I doubt that I'll have time to visit the guy and get back for the run, but I take my gym kit with me anyway. If I miss the run along the river with the other guys, I'll just do a treadmill run watching MTV or something.

It ends up taking me about 25 minutes to reach him. Due to some weekend line closures on the tube, I end up having to break my journey half way and take a taxi. Definitely no hope of making it for the run now!

The whole event ends up being very similar to last time, except that it's more enjoyable :-). When I arrive, he's happy to see me. His flat is just as untidy as before, and afterwards we even end up having a very similar conversation to last time.


"Are you completely gay mate?"

"Errr yes", he replies, "I think so. Why do you ask?"

"Well that poster of a naked woman looks quite hetero-boy if you ask me!"

"I see what you mean", he says, "but then it is Madonna. Surely it's OK for a gay guy to have a naked picture of Madonna on his wall!"

Last time I'd thought it was Marilyn Munroe.

It turns out that he works in finance too, so we end up talking about that for quite a while. We got on much better than last time, although I still don't think we'll see each other that often. But we probably would do if we lived closer to each other!

Nike Run London

At the risk of assisting Nike in their advertising campaign, I have to admit that the theme for this year's Run London event is a stroke of genius. For as long as I can remember, there's been a mock rivalry between North London and South London (meaning North or South of the River Thames) , so to bill the event as North vs South London is inspired.

Regular readers of this blog will know that I often try to go running along the river on a Sunday morning with guys from the gym I go to. Sometimes other activities end up taking precedence but that can't happen today. This Sunday we're all doing Run London, so today it'll be 10k round Hyde Park instead. Wish us luck :-)!

Is there enough coverage of gay issues in the UK's mainstream media?

As a result of my recent plug for the London finalist of My Gay UK 2006, I got into an e-mail discussion with a reader about whether there's enough coverage of gay issues in the UK's mainstream media. The discussion went something like this.

Reader: I guess we'll see the publicity [relating to Mr Gay UK 2006] in the next edition of QX or something. Not that anyone who doesn't live on the scene ever sees that. The gay ghetto turns in on itself again... it kind of upsets me that it does that so much. Even London Pride, or should that be Pride London rather than the beer, doesn't do enough to raise awareness of its key issues in the mainstream press. I was barely aware that it was happening this year! Does it bug you too?

GB: I do like London Pride, but haven't been to Pride London in years LOL! I guess I don't live my life on the scene at all these days (unless you count the online scene).

Actually it doesn't bug me that there's not much awareness of key gay Issues these days in the mainstream, because in some ways that's a sign that the campaigns of the past have been successful. Even when I came out in the 1980's being gay was a bit controversial. There was a lot of mainstream awareness on key issues in the 1990's (e.g. age of consent), and then Civil Partnership recently, but now the major battles have been won I think it's kinda nice that we don't have to be campaigning all the time.

Reader: I know what you mean about gay issues moving on. In many ways I feel the same. However, at the same time I do wonder whether in fact the ease of our lives as gay men isn't something fairly limited to a) high-earners in liberal work environments and b) fairly cosmopolitan areas.

At home, for example, it would be fairly awkward for my parents if the neighbourhood were to be broadly aware. It's not a lynching matter any more, but personally I would expect abuse from some quarters. Doesn't that suggest that there's still work to be done? I'm not saying there aren't greater injustices in the world, and I do actually adopt your view. But when I cast my mind out from the cosmopolitan bubble it does make me pause for thought - is being content with our lot pulling up the ladder behind us as far as the rest are concerned?

GB: Regarding gay issues, for centuries it's been the cosmopolitan cities which ultimately drive public opinion. It takes decades to filter out, but eventually it does happen. So I don't think we're pulling the ladder up behind us, it's important that we carry on showing gay pride!

Reader: I disagree with you when you suggest that cosmopolitan cities inspire cultural change everywhere else. Whilst they almost certainly will do so in other aspirant urban towns and conurbations, hicksville doesn't really pay much heed to what the cities are doing. So I think there is work to be done, other than living well ourselves as an example.

Precisely what that work is, I'm not wholly sure. In some communities (eg amish, evangelical christian) I don't think we can do more than strictly enforce non-discriminatory laws as a direct attack on their creed is doomed to fail. In less dogmatic climes (eg suburban Durham) I think that building an awareness of the social harm homophobic behaviour causes at the same time as desensitising the people to "gay" persons by general exposure through the media etc would have a long-term positive impact. I am inclined to believe that pro-active, planned activity would probably accelerate this process of broadening acceptance.

In summary - I'm not saying we should get all angst-ridden about this, we need to live well. But I think that the trickle-effect you talked about doesn't reach everywhere. Moreover, in those areas it doesn't reach much, there is work that could be done to change public perceptions. And finally, in the areas where there is the "trickle" effect, greater acceptance could be accelerated if it were augmented by planned activity.

Persuasive stuff. Anyway, I thought such well argued e-mails deserved a wider audience, so with his consent the conversation so far is posted above. Does anyone have any thoughts on this matter?

A drinks evening with some gay London bankers

A couple of months ago I wrote about a regular drinks evening in London for gay bankers. As a result of that post, a few of this blog's readers were put on the invite list, and at least one of them went along to the July event. I was unable to go along on that occasion, but recently I did find the time to attend one of these events.

I didn't want to go on my own so I had to find a friend to take, but who? The ideal friend would also be a gay banker, because then he would fit in. In the end I decide to try and get the Man from Fridae to go with me. After we decided that he should focus on trying to get a relationship established with the guy in Paris, I hadn't had much contact with him. So it seemed like a perfect opportunity to re-establish contact to see how things were going. A couple of weeks before the drinks event I send him an e-mail:

Hope you had a good holiday? And how was that concert you were going to go to last month? Anyway, I wondered if you'd be interested to go with me to the interbank drinks event for gay bankers sometime? I'm on their mailing list now, but not having been before I'd prefer to go with someone I know. I think the next one is coming up the week after next. Hope things going well with the guy in Paris. GB x

Within half an hour I get a reply:

sounds good.... can i confirm next week... so tired today after my recent travels. The guy in Paris is well... let's catch up over lunch sometime soon

The following week we have lunch and he seems to be in good form. He's still seeing his potential boyfriend in Paris regularly, although it's still too early to say what the eventual outcome will be.

But after exchanging various e-mails in the days that followed, on the day of the drinks event itself, the following e-mail is waiting for me when I get into the bank:

Not too sure about interbank drinks tonight. I had quite a few late nights recently and foresee a few more at the beginning of next week, so for the moment, I don't think so. Will let you know if there are any changes. But perhaps we could have a coffee together this afternoon?

Hmmm, that's quite annoying because it's a bit late now to try and find someone else to go with! But maybe I can change his mind somehow, after all, it doesn't sound like he's got any other commitments.

"Please come along with me tonight", I say in my sweetest voice when we meet up for coffee later, "otherwise I'll be all alone and miserable :-(. But if you come with me, at least there'll be one gorgeous guy for me to talk to :-)".

"Well maybe I could, perhaps just for a quick drink", he says, toying with the idea. "But what's it worth? You'll owe me a favour if I do come with you!"

Investment bankers eh, always dealing and trading, looking for a small advantage, even on the personal level. But at least it's a culture that I feel at home with!

"Well you could always make me your sex slave", I say mischievously.

"That's not a favour for me", he laughs, "that would be me doing you another favour. Don't forget, I know what you're like!"

Damm, he saw through my cunning plan. But in the end, he agrees to go with me after all. And later, he sends me a txt msg to confirm

i'll meet you outside at 7pm. i've decided to go to a friend's place who lives at XXXXXXXX before that

I end up getting there slightly early, so I stand outside and wait. Suddenly I have an alarming thought. The area where his friend lives is exactly the same area as the other guy from fridae that I met. What's the likelihood that the friend he's visiting is the other guy from Fridae that I met? I can certainly imagine that the two of them are friends. And then what would happen if they both come along tonight?

In the end though, the Man from Fridae arrives on his own. Pity, if my little fantasy had materialised, it would have been very entertaining!

"So have you got an invite for me", he asks.

"Yes, here you go". Although we could probably get in on a single invite, I had printed off two invites just in case.

Inside, the room already seems quite full, even though it's still relatively early. I buy a couple of glasses of Australian pinot noir and we walk around the room together, to see if we can find anyone we recognise.

To my surprise, throughout the entire evening I don't see anyone I know. In total, I'd guess that there were about 150 people, with a nice range of ages from early 20's to mid 40s. Most of the people were gay guys, although there were also a small number of lesbians. The venue was very nice too, and the atmosphere was quite chilled and friendly, becoming even a bit flirty as the drinks went down. I would certainly recommend it.

Initially, I spend most of the time talking to the Man from Fridae, but eventually he spots a friend of his from a squash club he used to go to. So we talk to the squash friend for a while, and gradually the circle of people we know grows. I actually find the squash friend quite attractive and suddenly an idea occurs to me - if the Man from Fridae can't be one of my boyfriends, perhaps some of his cute friends can be? But since the Man from Fridae is a bit dubious about my polyamorous lifestyle, I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't want me to start sleeping with his friends!

Update 14-Oct-2012: see my post about the interbank web site.