An interesting chat with a straight friend

Just over a week ago, one of my straight friends who lives in the same part of London as me sends me a rather cryptic email:

GB,

I wonder if I could have a chat with you sometime soon if you are around. I need some help and thought of you.

Tomorrow evening maybe?

Cheers,

M

When I receive the email I'm away visiting my sister, but in any case, I can hardly refuse such an intriguing request. I send him an immediate reply:

Sure :-). I wonder what’s on your mind, but I guess I’ll find out!

I’m out of London at the moment but coming back late tomorrow afternoon. Shall we go to the pub, or would it be better to meet at my house or yours?

Best wishes, GB

Later in the day when I check my email again, I learn a bit more about what's on his mind:

Well to be honest, my wife and I are having relationship troubles. It's a big and thorny topic that isn't best served by e-mail. I wonder if I could come over to your house at 6pm ish if you are back?

Cheers,

M

Needless to say, my friend knows that I'm gay, so I'm not sure why he thinks that I'll have any insight into how to repair straight relationships. None the less, I'm happy enough trying to give advice in connection with gay relationships, so perhaps I'll be of some use.

The following night, after exchanging a couple of emails to agree the time, M turns up to visit me at home.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" I ask him, once I've taken his coat.

"Sounds nice :-)," he says with a smile on his face, although through the smile I can sense some discomfort.

We go into the drawing room carrying a decanter of 1999 Grand Cru red Burgundy and a couple of glasses, and sit down facing each other across the coffee table.

"I'm feeling a bit nervous actually," says M, trying to smile.

"Don't worry," I reply casually, "have a drink of wine, that'll help!"

"Well," says M, taking a big breath, "for the last 18 months or so I've been having an affair, and my wife doesn't like it!"

"I thought you were going to say something like that," I say without reacting.

"Really? How come??"

"I don't think you ever told me, but many years ago a mutual friend of ours told me that your wife had kicked you of the house for while because you'd been sleeping with another woman. Ever since then I've always assumed that you've been sleeping around when the opportunity arose."

"But why would you think that I'd continue to sleep around after that?"

"Simply because that old incident proved to me that you're the type of guy who likes to sleep around :-)," I answer, "and it's a habit! Lots of men do it all the time and you're just one of them, that's all. I presume you know the false paternity statistic? That just measures infidelity that produces a child, so there's clearly much much more going on than that :-)."

As we chat, the details of M's particular situation gradually emerge. It turns out that in his case, the other woman is only slightly younger than his wife, and that she's divorced with a couple of kids. Usually in these situations, I reckon straight men go for much younger women who haven't been married and who don't have any children.

"Actually that's what my wife found most distressing," explains M, "the fact that it wasn't a younger woman. I think I've fallen in love with her GB, but I love my wife too."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. My ideal solution would be to keep seeing this other woman, perhaps spending 30% of my time with her, and spend the other 70% of my time with my wife and kids. But my wife would never go for that!"

We carry on chatting for more than another hour, without reaching any conclusions, during which time we polish off the whole decanter of Burgundy as well as half a bottle of claret.

"Thanks GB," says M as he's getting ready to leave, "It's been really helpful, possibly the most helpful of all the people that I've spoken to!"

"I don't think we solved anything though," I reply.

"Of course not," says M, "because there's no right answer. But now I feel less like a villain, which seems to have been a theme for me and my wife. It's good talking to someone who is non-judgemental :-)."

"Well let me know how it goes."

"Yes, let's try and catch up before Christmas. Hopefully I will have made some progress."

Even if I don't know much about straight relationships, M's parting comments make me feel that I may have been of some use after all :-).

Email from a young guy who's just started dating guys

Last week, a reader sent me the following email:

Dear GB,

I'm writing for advice, because I really don't know anyone else to ask. I'm a 24yr old male, and have always been interested in men, and women. But I am also, a very anxious and stressed out person. Without going into a massive overhaul of my past history, I've basically managed to go on in life without having any relationships, although at the same time managing to have a large social group. In my early twenties I distracted myself from any sort of real connections by partying, through school, or even through travelling: some sort of achievements, just not on any person to person basis. I'm known for my secrecy and a sort of aura of mystery. My friends all know a little bit of information about me, but no one knows everything. And I like it that way, I don't believe in being an open book. But, it's also become consuming.

Given that information, this past year has been one where I've consciously decided to stop partying, stop distracting myself and actually try to form some sort of romantic relationship (as good as I can) with a man or a woman. This area of my life is so untouched that everything is new to me, where I'm confident and so self assured in certain aspects of myself and life, being romantically dependent or intimate one on one brings a lot of anxiety as I don't have a lot of experience in that area. You may think I'm unattractive or haven't had a lot of people make passes on me, but it's quite the opposite. I just have had a really hard time becoming intimate, due to anxiety and lack of self-assurance, for really no apparent reason. But I'm a person very focused on personal growth, so I've decided to stop ignoring that aspect of my life and be more proactive, because the right person isn't just going to fall into my bed and be perfect.

I've always been more inclined towards men, but have never been in the situation, where I would hope, it would just happen, as I am discreet :-). So, this summer I decided to do some searching, I met this guy online, and we met that same night. He's two years younger than me, very attractive, very fit, just a beautiful specimen, fun, outgoing, completely self-assured about himself, we hit it off. Needless to say, I was more than ready, and he was horny. He made all the first moves that night and it eventually led to the bedroom. It was two hours of passion, I'd never experienced anything like it, but it was nothing short of a great sexual connection/experience.

He moved from the city a week later, and I was left hanging. For him, I was just a guy to hook-up with (at least that's what I assume), for me it was life-changing in a way. I couldn't get that night out of my head for the next couple months. The whole thing threw me through a loop? Why was this so effective on me? Obsession isn't the right word, but maybe I fell for this guy, I can't decipher my feelings. And I think about how he's a part of the gay community, and these hook-ups, especially in a big city, are seen as common. But not for me. Also, I felt a serious connection with this guy, sexually that is. Or was it just built up hormones? Anyways, he came back to town for a couple weeks and we met up a couple times. Had an amazing night again, where we spent three hours naked together fully enjoying each other's bodies, with barely any conversation. And now he's gone again, and I'm left in school with nothing seemingly exciting going on, because our experience was the most exciting experience I've had in a very very long time. But for him it was just a good time, and he's got lots going on in his life. I have school, and since I've given up partying, not a whole lot of anything else. I have no idea how to interact with another guy on this level. Or how to deal with the dynamics of a relationship like this.

Long story short, he's gone happy as can be, and I'm left her stuck in school, with him and our time together constantly on my mind! I'm wondering if I should try and hook-up with another guy, to see if these feelings are just sexually derived, or maybe I have honest feelings for him, but it wouldn't matter because we live in two different cities, I don't know the next time/if I'll see him ever again. Ugh, any kind of advice, inferences, are appreciated. It makes me want to regret ever hooking up with him, but I KNOW that I am definitely grateful for the experience, my feelings are just all over the place now.

What to do... What to do?

After I'd read the first couple of paragraphs, I thought that it was going to be an email asking how to conquer the stress and anxiety that this reader has about personal relationships. It's very common for guys who don't have much bedroom experience to feel like that, because people generally want to be known as accomplished lovers who can satisfy their partners. That attitude naturally makes guys who have little or no experience feel insecure, and hence feel stressed and anxious. However, everyone has to have their first time, and everyone who's already had their first time knows that too! So if that applies to anyone reading this post, I'd say that the best attitude is simply to be honest in advance, because no caring person will mind. Honesty up-front means that one can relax in the bedroom. With that plan, both people are likely to have a good time :-), even if one is much less experienced than the other.

Of course, this reader seems to have got past that hurdle. So having read the email in full, I sent him a reply to tell him that I'd do a "Dear GB" posting for him. At the end of the email I had one quick piece of advice for him:

Don't worry, just relax :-). I think you're probably just like a little kid who's never (or hardly ever) had chocolate before, and has suddenly discovered how nice it is!

In fact, I think the reader already knows most of the answers. As he said, hooking up with other guys for fun is common in big cities. Not all guys like that scene, but it's definitely available for those that want it. More importantly, he wonders whether the connection that he feels with the guy that he met is "just built up hormones". I think the answer to that question is likely to be 'yes'. We're all programmed to enjoy sexual contact with other people, so if someone has avoided that in their past, then when they start dating it's all going to seem very exciting.

This reader also says that he has no idea how to interact with another guy on the same level as the guy that he met recently, or how to deal with the dynamics of a relationship. But then, he had no idea beforehand how to interact with the first guy either, and that seemed to go all right because he got a repeat performance. In terms of dealing with the dynamics of a relationship, I think the basic principle for him should be to take things slowly, and see how things develop. At his age, he's got plenty of time to find himself a boyfriend (or girlfriend), so in fact he can even afford a few mistakes.

So I definitely think that he should give internet dating another go. Even if he has to meet lots of guys to find another that he finds as appealing as the first guy that he met, its all going to be valuable experience. Straight people typically learn about all this stuff while they're teenagers, but guys that are interested in other guys often don't get that chance at that age, so they have to start learning it when they finally do start dating guys.

In fact, I'd say that for this reader, all the difficult choices are behind him. He's taken the plunge, he's met a guy and had some fun with him (twice!), so his subsequent experiences should be much easier. Above all he should relax, and try and enjoy himself. After all, sexual contact between like-minded guys is very enjoyable :-).

Does anyone else have any thoughts for this reader?

Diversity Careers Show 2009

Back in 2007, I went along to help at an event which was designed to recruit gay graduates into investment banking. I went along to help last year too, although on that occasion I didn't do a post about it on this blog.

This year there was a similar event, called the Diversity Careers Show, which was broader in terms of the types of organisations who were looking to recruit gay graduates. In addition to banks there were also some law firms, some firms like Google, Shell, Tesco, and some public sector organisations such as GCHQ, the Metropolitan Police, and the Royal Navy too.

Having been to the gay graduate recruitment event for the last two years, I decide to visit this year's event too. When I arrive I'm amazed to discover that the event has the explicit support of Gordon Brown, the UK's prime minister, who'd written a letter to the organisers:Even though I'm not really a fan of Gordon Brown's, I'm still impressed that he'd taken the time to support the event. It emphasises what I've felt for a long time now, namely that the UK is a good country to live as a gay man :-).

Talking to a few of the guys who were on the stands representing their respective banks, I get the impression that the event this year isn't as productive for the banks as the exclusively investment banking event had been in previous years.

"Yeah, like you I was at the investment banking inside-and-out event for the last two years," says one guy. "The candidates who turned up to those events were much more focused on investment banking, whereas a lot of the candidates here don't really know what they want to do."

"Why wasn't there an investment banking inside-and-out event this year?" I ask another guy.

"Well, it's much cheaper and less hassle joining this event, rather than having to organise an independent one!" he replies, "But we haven't had a lot of interest here, so I'm not sure what we'll do next year."

One aspect of the previous year's event which was included in this year's event, was a panel of gay investment bankers to talk about their experiences and answer candidate's questions. It was good to hear that they're generally of the same opinion as me, namely that it isn't a problem being openly gay in investment banking any more :-).

Time Out London sex survey 2009

The results of the Time Out London sex survey 2009 were published last week. One statistic in particular stands out to me, namely that 24% of men who answered the survey have had sex with other men, breaking down as 4% who exclusively had sex with men and 20% who had sex with men and women. Can that figure really be representative of the male population in London? Or is it biased because those type of men were more likely to respond to the survey?

Hot boyfriends

Recently, I met up with my friend P for a drink after work. I hadn't seen him since I went out for dinner with him and my female Mexican friend, so it was good to catch up with him. We chat about our boyfriends and our jobs, but of course it's not too long we get onto the subject of men in general.

"So why do you like Asian guys, GB?" asks P.

I hesitate slightly before answering. Talking about this with my friend P is quite a delicate subject, because although P was born and bred in the UK, ethnically he's Asian himself. It's also a delicate subject because for years P's wanted to get me into bed, but so far at least, I've never let it happen!

"Oh I don't know," I reply casually, still thinking about the question, "although one thing I like about Asian guys is that they often seem to be quite family oriented :-)."

"I see," says P in a matter of fact voice, "and that's Hot is it? Being family oriented??"

I can tell from his tone of voice that he thinks that the answer to his question is a big NO.

"Actually yes," I reply, looking him straight in the eyes, "when one's looking for a long term relationship, being family oriented is very Hot!"

Initially P looks surprised by my answer, but gradually what I've just said sinks in. Although P himself looks quite Hot in a sexual sense, he's never struck me as being particularly family oriented. It's also true that he's even more of a slut than me!

Of course, in reality the word 'hot' does mean sexually desirable rather than good boyfriend material. But I don't think that my friend P is alone in thinking that sexual desirability is the most important attribute for a boyfriend. Last month, a reader left a comment which suggested that hot Asian guys should date other hot Asian guys, and that less hot Asian guys should date other less hot Asian guys. However, I think that the world is much more complicated than that!

Belle de Jour, anonymous no more

Part of my original inspiration for becoming a blogger was the infamous blog Belle de Jour, the Diary of a London Call Girl. I hadn't heard of her when she stopped blogging back in September 2004, however a couple of days afterwards I spotted an article on the BBC web site which was reporting the fact that she had given up. When I looked at her blog, it occurred to me that it might be fun to become a blogger, but it wasn't until five months later that I wrote my first post.

For years, the true identity of Belle was a mystery. Another woman who blogged about her sex life was outed as a film assistant Zoe Margolis in August 2006, but still no one knew who Belle was. Today however, I get a txt msg from LWW telling me to go and look at a web site, and when I go to the site it turns out to be a story about who Belle really is. Finally, Belle herself has decided to reveal her identity through an interview in the Sunday Times.

It turns out that we have one thing in common. When I wrote a post titled Things I'm glad that I did in my life so far last year, one of the things that I said was that I was glad that I did a PhD. It turns out that Belle's real name is Dr Brooke Magnanti, because she also has a PhD, in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science in her case.

Belle's blog about being a call girl was only active for about a year, but it's now been over four and a half years since I wrote my first post, and I'm still posting about two times a week :-). I still enjoy it, so for now at least, I have no plans to retire!

Update 19-Nov-2009: An interesting footnote to this story in The Guardian

Noisy sex

When I read this BBC news article a couple of days ago, I burst out laughing. Although it's about straight sex, I still think it's worth posting here. Basically, a straight couple called Caroline and Steve Cartwright have been banned from making loud noises during sex following complaints from neighbours, the local postman, and a woman taking her child to school:

The noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never ever heard anything like it.

It was clearly of a very disturbing nature and it was also compounded by the duration - this was not a one-off, it went on for hours at a time. It is further compounded by the frequency of the episode, virtually every night.

I guess I'm in awe of such a performance! Or perhaps they've been using some kind of drugs? If so, I want to know where I can get hold of some!

The man with more than two nipples

I was playing a quiz game with a few friends one evening last week, and the answer to one of the questions turns out to be the old James Bond film 'The man with the golden gun'.

"The man with the golden gun was also the man with three nipples, wasn't he?" says one of my friends, once the answer is known.

"Yeah, and he was called Scaramanga," answers another friend of mine, who's a bit of a geek when it comes to general knowledge.

"However, the third nipple wasn't really correct," he continues. "Additional nipples are quite rare of course, but when they do occur they tend to occur below the usual ones, and sometimes in pairs like they do in dogs and pigs for example."

"Wow, what fun :-)" adds boyfriend T, with a huge smile on his face.

"Maybe, T," answers my geeky friend, "but I don't know whether additional nipples are as sensitive as the main pair!"

None the less, boyfriend T continues to smile, and I think I know what's going through his mind. In my experience, many gay men have sensitive nipples, and as such they're definitely an erogenous zone. Although it's still not clear to me why straight guys don't enjoy having their nipples played with during sex, the idea of having sex with guys who've got more than two functional nipples to play with is quite enticing!

Black tie

Earlier this year, I'm chatting to a guy on gaydar, and I'm thinking about visiting him for some fun. We've exchanged pics and he said that he thought that I was very handsome :-). From my point of view, I think that he's got a great profile too. We've also agreed the potential activities! It should now just be a question of getting his address and exchanging contact details.

GB: so would you like me to visit you mate?
Guy: yes, but can I ask u a question
GB: sure
Guy: do u mind dressing smart for me
GB: I suppose not, how smart?
Guy: as smart as u can go please. Shirt and tie, or suit, or dinner jacket and black tie?

In the past I've been asked to visit guys while wearing my gym kit, and I can also recall being asked to wear a baseball cap. I've been asked to do role play, I been invited round for fun by a rock star, and I've been paid to wank off in front of another guy. But until now, I've never been asked to wear a dinner jacket!

GB: actually I do have a dinner jacket
Guy: WOW, do u mind wearing it for me
GB: I suppose not
GB: but I do like to get naked!
Guy: OK but u don't have to get naked immediately
GB: true

Actually, I've always thought that black tie makes all men look completely desirable :-). Well, most men anyway! None the less, I'd never think of asking a guy from gaydar to wear black tie for me.

We agree all the important details, so I tell the guy that it'll take me about 40 minutes to get to him. Upstairs it doesn’t take me long to find my wing collar shirt, change into my dinner jacket, and tie my bow tie. Outside I find a taxi quite quickly, and although I sit back and try to look like I want to mind my own business, the taxi driver starts chatting to me.

"Going anywhere special?" asks the cabbie making idle conversation, noticing that I'm looking smart and gorgeous.

"Just going to visit a friend," I reply casually.

I usually enjoy chatting to taxi drivers, but on this occasion I hope that he doesn't pursue the subject. Telling him that I've dressed up to have a shag with a dinner jacket fetishist that I've never met before seems somewhat inappropriate, and lying would take more effort that I feel like devoting to the conversation.

"So is it going to be a late night then?"

"Depends ..." I answer truthfully, "and you?"

"Oh, I've just started. You're only my second job!"

"That's a 'Yes' then!"

We don't talk much more and after about a quarter of an hour, I'm in a lift in a smart apartment block in an expensive central area of London. Soon I'm knocking on the door and almost immediately it's opened by a smart looking guy who's also dressed in a dinner jacket.

"Hey, come in :-)," he says, with a broad grin on his face. Face to face I think he looks even better than he did in his profile pics :-).

"Thanks," I say smiling back, walking past him while he closes the door, "where do you want me?"

"First door on the right!"

I enter the room first and turn round to face him. Straight away, he puts his arms round my waist and leans forward to give me a slow kiss.

"Mmmm, that's a nice welcome :-)."

"Well you're a nice guy," he says, with a huge smile on his face, "can I fix you a drink?"

"Errrr," I hesitate. I'm not sure. It would be nice to have a drink with this guy, but then I feel the need to get to know him better and having a drink first would delay that!

"Are you having one?" I ask, putting my arms round his waist too.

He looks at me, kisses me again, and smiles.

"I know what we'll do," he says decisively, leaning back to take a good look at me, "let's have sex first!"

It's great to meet a guy like me who knows what he wants! We kiss each other a bit more and soon we're reaching down to see whether we can find anything interesting in each other's trousers.

"Come on," he says while I'm rubbing him gently downstairs, "let's go into the bedroom next door!"

Inside the bedroom, I take off my shoes, and I'm about to take off my trousers too when he interrupts me.

"Can you leave those on for now?"

"OK I guess :-)."

"But open your flies and make your dick accessible!"

More plain talking :-). He closes the curtains, and when he walks back to face me, I can see that his dick is poking straight up out of his trousers too!

We kiss a bit more but soon he pulls me down to lie on the bed with him.

"Have you ever done this before wearing a dinner jacket?" he asks.

"No!"

"Everyone has to have their first time!"

After a bit more kissing and fondling, he finally lets me take off my trousers.

"Here, let me wrap this round you," he says putting a pleated cummerbund round my waist. "Now I can tuck your shirt tails up out of the way! See?"

Incredible! Above the cummerbund I've got my dinner jacket on and it's still looking good, with white shirt unruffled and with my bow tie still tied. But below the cummerbund I'm completely nude. I'll never be able to think of a cummerbund in the same way again!

He takes his trousers off too, and quickly we get back to business. But we're not in any hurry so gradually things take their natural course, and eventually we're cleaning ourselves up.

"Would you like that drink now?" he asks.

"Actually just a glass of water would be great!"

"Or I could make some fresh fruit juice, would you like that?"

"OK sure, that would be great too :-)." Fresh fruit juice sounds nice so I figure that I can do without my customary glass of water!

"So do you have a boyfriend?" he asks while he's making the fruit juice.

"No, but there's a couple of guys that I'm dating," I answer, "what about you?"

"Actually I do have a boyfriend, but he's away on business at the moment."

"Does he know what you get up to while he's away?"

"No! But we've been together for over ten years."

"Wow," I answer, not at all surprised by his carefree attitude to infidelity. "Actually until a couple of years ago I'd been with my boyfriend for eighteen years, but unfortunately we ended up splitting up :-(."

"So do you have regulars?" he asks me, changing the subject.

"Yes, a few! You?"

"Yeah, I've got a few fuckbuddies :-). Actually, the reason that I was online this evening was that two of my regulars let me down today. I like to have a bit of entertainment lined up when my boyfriend is away! But one guy's got flu or something, and the other's suddenly got too much work :-(."

I don't mind being third choice for the evening. It was certainly interesting dressing up.

"Actually," he continues, "I think you might like one of my fuckbuddies. Let's go over to my laptop and I'll show you!"

Over on his laptop, he's still logged into a web site that I don't recognise. He brings up a couple of profiles of other guys, and in their profile pics they're both wearing suits.

"What web site is that?" I ask.

"It's Recon, haven't you ever heard of it?"

"Errr no, actually, is it any good?"

"Yeah, it's very good if you've got a particular fetish :-)," he replies, "because that's how everyone gets categorised."

He clicks a few buttons, and brings a list of all the guys based in London who're currently logged on.

"See, I'm a suit fetishist, but there's a leather guy, that guy is into bondage, and so on. It really helps you meet guys who're into the same thing as you. I was lucky tonight meeting you on gaydar. For a guy like me, gaydar is a bit hit and miss."

"So do you always do it in a suit?" I ask, fascinated by what I'm hearing.

"No, not always. For example, there's a guy who lives near you that I visit sometimes. We're not really compatible, but he's really huge. So every now and then, I just can't resist going round to play with his massive cock!"

We chat a bit more about various things, but eventually it seems like time to go. It's interesting talking to guys like that, but I don't think I'll ever be so exclusively into any one particular fetish. Instead of fantasising about suits or rubber or leather or being tied up or feet or whatever, I'm more into the guys themselves!

Categories of 'Dear GB' emails

It's been three years since I posted my first "Dear GB" email and started trying to give advice to readers who asked for it. Since then I've done over 100 of those posts! At this stage, I think it would be useful to try and categorise all the postings that I've done, so as to make it easier for people who're seeking advice to search through the archives.

One popular category of email that I've posted relates to coming out. These emails are from guys who're not sure whether they're gay or not, or from guys who're having problems coming out:

Coming out

• 20-Jul-09 Email from a bicurious student
• 26-May-09 Email from a closeted Asian gay guy
• 19-Apr-09 Email from a Londoner curious about gay sex
• 14-Oct-08 Email from a bi-curious guy in his 20's
• 12-Aug-08 Email from a bisexual guy in love with another guy
• 21-Jun-08 Email from a British guy who's ethnically Indian
• 13-Jun-08 Email from a guy who's confused by gay culture
• 14-Jan-08 How does a closeted 25 year old gay virgin build a social life
• 24-Nov-07 Email from a gay guy who's not out yet
• 22-Jul-07 Is there a medication to stop people being gay?
• 25-May-07 Email from a gay chinese guy who feels he can't come out
• 18-Mar-07 An email from a young reader who's not sure if he's gay

The next category of email relates to guys who have come out, but who want advice dating or boyfriend hunting, or who just want to know how to meet other gay guys:

Dating, boyfriend hunting, or just wanting to make gay friends

• 29-Oct-09 Email from a young gay banker in Asia
• 26-Sep-09 Email from a young gay banker
• 18-Sep-09 Message from a guy who hasn't had much luck online
• 1-Sep-09 The cop out
• 14-Aug-09 Email from a young guy in love with another guy
• 12-Jul-09 Email from a gay student in the UK
• 18-Jun-09 Email from a gay guy who wants to 'find himself'
• 3-May-09 Email from a guy who wants to lose his virginity
• 5-Apr-09 Email from a guy who wants a boyfriend
• 29-Mar-09 Email from a gay guy who moved to London
• 27-Jan-09 The rules of playing 'hard to get'
• 10-Nov-08 Email from a gay guy wanting dating advice
• 21-Sep-08 Email from a guy with a dating dilemma
• 15-Jul-08 Email from a guy who used to be in a difficult relationship
• 1-Apr-08 Another email from the gay guy with the dating issue
• 5-Mar-08 Email from a gay guy with a dating issue
• 31-Dec-07 Email from a gay teenager
• 29-Oct-07 How do I meet other gay professionals in Asia?
• 11-Oct-07 Email from a guy with a potential boyfriend situation
• 25-Aug-07 Email from a gay guy who wants a relationship
• 28-Jul-07 Email from a guy with an ex-boyfriend situation
• 16-Jul-07 Do all gay relationships start with sex?
• 31-May-07 Email from a young guy looking for a boyfriend
• 18-Apr-07 An email from a Southeast Asian student in Scotland
• 18-Dec-06 An e-mail from a student

However, the biggest category concerns relationships themselves. These emails are from guys who're in a gay relationship where problems have arisen, or perhaps where the relationship is coming to an end or has recently ended:

Relationships

• 30-Sep-09 The philosophy of Butters Stotch
• 3-Aug-09 Another email from a guy in his first gay relationship
• 10-May-09 Email from a guy in his first gay relationship
• 26-Apr-09 Email from an Asian guy with a relationship dilemma
• 22-Mar-09 Email from a guy with a boyfriend and a 'personal trainer'
• 10-Mar-09 Difficult conversations
• 22-Feb-09 Love, the closet, and other boyfriend issues
• 12-Feb-09 Email from a guy with a long-term boyfriend
• 29-Dec-08 Email from a guy with relationship difficulties
• 17-Nov-08 Email from a guy with a relationship dilemma
• 28-Aug-08 Email from a broken-hearted gay guy
• 2-Aug-08 Are gay male relationships different from straight marriages?
• 2-Jul-08 Our distraught Mexican friend
• 21-Apr-08 Email from a guy with a mid-life boyfriend crisis
• 25-Feb-08 Email from a gay guy with long-term relationship issues
• 31-Jan-08 Pillow talk
• 6-Jan-08 Email from a successful gay guy with relationship problems
• 4-Nov-07 Email about gay marriage in the UK
• 23-Oct-07 Dear GB
• 11-Aug-07 An email about fidelity and bisexality
• 11-Jul-07 Email about handling hope in a long distance relationship
• 2-Jul-07 Email from a gay guy with relationship issues
• 22-Jun-07 Email from a guy in a difficult relationship
• 13-Jun-07 Email from a gay American guy with relationship problems
• 6-May-07 Email from a guy with a closeted boyfriend
• 24-Apr-07 Email from a young gay guy in a long distance relationship
• 25-Mar-07 An email from a young gay reader in a relationship
• 24-Dec-06 An email from a gay male student in San Francisco
• 5-Dec-06 An email from a gay guy in San Francisco
• 9-Nov-06 An email from a gay male reader

Sometimes the boundary between friendships and boyfriends becomes blurred. A few emails relate to gay guys who're not sure where to draw the boundary between friends, fuckbuddys, and boyfriends:

Friendships and relationships

• 12-Oct-09 Email from a guy with a couple of difficult friendships
• 10-Jun-09 Email from a guy with feelings for a male friend
• 12-Apr-09 Email from a guy with a crush on a guy with a boyfriend
• 14-Mar-09 Email from a distressed catholic schoolboy
• 5-May-08 Email from a guy who received a message on gaydar
• 19-Aug-07 Manipulative love or business friendship

Some emails concern sexual issues, or relate to sexual health:

Sexual issues

• 21-Oct-08 Email from a young guy with a concern about HIV
• 29-Apr-08 Email from a guy with a confidence problem
• 20-Mar-08 Am I too greedy in the sack?
• 11-Mar-08 An email about condoms, oral sex, and dick size!
• 22-Jul-07 More about condoms and erection problems
• 11-May-07 An email about condoms and erection problems

Another category relates to being gay at work:

Being gay at work

• 19-Oct-09 Email from an out gay guy who works for a bank
• 17-May-09 Email from a gay guy accused of sexually harassing a woman
• 16-Jan-09 Email from a gay guy about being Out in the workplace
• 9-Sep-08 Email from a gay guy about a guy in his office
• 23-Jul-08 Email from a gay American navy veteran
• 9-Apr-07 An email from a gay reader starting a career in investment banking
• 22-Feb-07 Conversational evasion techniques
• 16-Nov-06 An e-mail from fellow blogger cuteCTguy

Most advice requests that I get are from gay guys, or guys who think that they might be gay. However I've also had a few advice request from women. Women are very welcome to send me requests for advice :-). So far, these emails usually relate to the fact that a guy they know is gay, or might be gay:

Advice requests from women

• 4-Oct-09 Email from a woman with a bisexual ex-boyfriend
• 3-Feb-08 Email from a woman with a bisexual ex-boyfriend
• 20-Oct-07 Email from a female reader with a bisexual ex-boyfriend
• 10-Sep-07 An email from a female reader with boyfriend problems
• 5-Jul-07 Email from a young woman with boyfriend worries
• 3-Apr-07 An email from a young gay woman
• 30-Jan-07 An e-mail from a mother about her daughter's boyfriend
• 26-Nov-06 An email from a female reader
• 5-Nov-06 An email from a female reader: Is my boyfriend gay?

Readers are still very welcome to send me emails if they want me and other readers to try and give them advice :-). However, before sending me an advice request, it would be helpful if people could check to make sure that none of the existing postings address their problem.