tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post1746758948804194365..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Email from a reader who's not sure about his sexualityGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-33770743574436698412014-12-26T12:53:26.257+00:002014-12-26T12:53:26.257+00:00I have a similar situation to the reader. However ...I have a similar situation to the reader. However I know I am gay, know that when I come out my family will have mixed reactions or just be disappointed. At the same time my mum has told me of stories of marriages that break up because one of them lie. So it was always clear to me that I would never marry a women (& now as I write this -does my mother already instinctively know! Is that why she told me the stories?)<br /><br />At this point I am 28, moved out my parents home and moved to London to ideally meet up with guys on dates and to potentially have my first bf who could potentially be the man I marry.<br /><br />I use grindr - but find that guys are looking for sex. Fortunately at this point I haven't gone further then kissing and touching. As mentioned above I am still quite new to everything and for me I would need to make small progressive steps in tune with my ability to cope with the changes that would happen. <br /><br />It is challenging especially when your family around you don't know you and as an individual you can't rely on their emotional support in such a challenging time of my life.<br /><br />Therefore my approach is to dip my toes into the water and test it slowly. I think it I go any faster I'd probably have a nervous breakdown!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-73531964991707361362014-07-24T07:49:23.147+01:002014-07-24T07:49:23.147+01:00Thanks to GB, the reader and the commentators for ...Thanks to GB, the reader and the commentators for (as always!) a very interesting discussion. It's very useful to get your perspectives. I recognise that I need to 'explore' my sexuality on the gay side but have yet to try in a serious way. I really want to, though, as right now I'm not sure whether a gay or straight relationship would suit me best and, as a result, lack the confidence to pursue any relationship. TxTobynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-55214594843372493542014-01-20T07:28:20.910+00:002014-01-20T07:28:20.910+00:00I think the key question in that situation, Sebast...I think the key question in that situation, Sebastian, is whether he still enjoys sex with long term girlfriend! If you know the answer to that the question, then the answer to the bi/gay question is obvious :-).<br /><br />GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-78046463615376781002014-01-20T07:24:42.303+00:002014-01-20T07:24:42.303+00:00GB, How do you define a guy who is with a woman, l...GB, How do you define a guy who is with a woman, long term girlfriend but keep several "play mates" (Guys) for play (Sex) in discreet?<br /><br />Is he bi or gay?Sebastiannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-45981142663753551792014-01-16T08:10:38.107+00:002014-01-16T08:10:38.107+00:00@Sebastian, I do believe in bi-sexuality. Althoug...@Sebastian, I do believe in bi-sexuality. Although saying that "I believe …" makes it sound like my religion LOL!<br /><br />Some of the guys you describe who're married and mess around with men on the side may well be gay. However, I've met guys who'll be serially monogamous, switching between men and women each time their relationship ends. It's like, they can't get all they need from a monogamous relationship with either gender. In my mind, without a doubt that behaviour is bisexuality!<br /><br />GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-18272600143139924862014-01-16T00:26:14.197+00:002014-01-16T00:26:14.197+00:00GB, do you believe in bisexuality? I always though...GB, do you believe in bisexuality? I always thought it's like a lie. Some guys who are married or committed to women keep messing around with other guys in private and that bothers me! They live a double life and claim to be bi but in fact, they are actually closeted gay men who decided to be with a woman due to social pressure or religious reasons. Am I right?Sebastiannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-85003430349889510132014-01-08T11:20:16.474+00:002014-01-08T11:20:16.474+00:00I think I am a lucky one who always know I am gay ...I think I am a lucky one who always know I am gay since I was young. I would say don't put pressure on yourself. Some people do change - from gay to bi to straight or other way around and you shouldn't be defined as your sexuality. Follow your heart and follow your feeling, and you don't need explanation for love and attraction.<br /><br />And it's not a bad thing to be a virgin when you are 27. I was! And didn't regret it. It's best to have sex with someone you fancy rather than do it for the sake of sex. Stephen Fry has never had anal sex but yet he is still who he is. <br />Good luck!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-32708915406852710732014-01-08T06:56:01.290+00:002014-01-08T06:56:01.290+00:00My situation was like his but went on much longer....My situation was like his but went on much longer. Finally at the age of 34(!), that mental barrier disappeared and I embraced the fact that I'm gay. It was the most wonderful, liberating moment of my life. The best is still ahead for this guy.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01933936772622664861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-78520707862043077042014-01-07T13:01:58.301+00:002014-01-07T13:01:58.301+00:00Yep. Break it down into bitesize chunks.
If he&#...Yep. Break it down into bitesize chunks. <br /><br />If he's being aroused by gay porn then the chances are he's at least somewhat homosexual. <br /><br />Step 1: have sex with another man. Don't have high expectations. It may or may not go wonderfully. BUT it'll give you better info about how you really feel about it. <br /><br />After you've got Step 1 out the way, worry about the rest. Ken Skinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970490152285414561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-90208923272550285692014-01-06T17:11:49.768+00:002014-01-06T17:11:49.768+00:00First post of the new year and it's pretty int...First post of the new year and it's pretty interesting! Here's my take. I would tell this guy not to worry so much about (i) not knowing "what" he is (i.e. gay or straight), and (ii) he's still a virgin at 27.<br /><br />Human sexuality is a very fluid concept. Some people are 100% straight, some people are 100% gay some are completely asexual and there are the rest who occupy the whole spectrum in between. In general, we've been conditioned from a very young age to adhere strictly to a rather rigid sexual identity. Boys are supposed to like blue and girls should always choose pink. These are expectations imposed on us, not necessarily something that's natural. Even at this day and age, some pseudo liberals still have problem accepting bisexuality; accusing bisexuals of sitting on the fence and failing to acknowledge their homosexuality. That's absolutely preposterous. <br /><br />In this situation, the guy obviously needs to start exploring his sexuality. Take it slow. I agree it would be nice if he starts meeting up with guys to see where it leads, sexually or not. However, I discourage the use of mobile apps for this purpose. Most of these apps are filled with seasoned "predators" and they're not really the best people to hang out with when you're still questioning yourself. You're like a minnow in a tank full of sharks. Hence, look elsewhere. Why not join an LGBT-friendly sports / book club, or attend some support groups for people who are questioning themselves? A simple Google search should reveal some options, especially in a big city like London.<br /><br />You're more likely to meet like-minded people through social groups than mobile apps. It's certainly less dodgy to deal with real people as opposed to stranger's profile on your mobile devices. In addition, you might find some comfort in knowing that no one's going to judge you and expect you to conform in a social support group. Everyone has his or her own issues to deal with. <br /><br />Given enough time, you might eventually realise and be secured enough to accept your sexuality. Let 2014 be the year you discover yourself! All the best! Harry Go Luckynoreply@blogger.com