tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post1861477972643420431..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Our distraught Mexican friendGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-43956528692003320552008-07-24T18:53:00.000+01:002008-07-24T18:53:00.000+01:00Or could he be a closet gay trying desperately to ...Or could he be a closet gay trying desperately to make himself straight and then giving up.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-40822583589105535352008-07-04T12:42:00.000+01:002008-07-04T12:42:00.000+01:006 weeks is a very short period in one's life. To ...6 weeks is a very short period in one's life. To make sweeping changes like a divorce after a 6 week rough patch seems unlikely. Perhaps they are trying to live the American Dream: success! Success means to have a picture perfect life, a loving partner with whom you never argue, a great job with promotion prospects etc. Things aren't picture perfect all the time but that's not how N paints the picture. I'm inclined to suggest that they're keeping up appreances with each other.<BR/><BR/>If they've been forcing an artificial sweetness in their private lives and their interaction with each other, doing everything together and loving it all the time, then they've been deceitful. People are never happy all the time and they may need to develop the strength and courage to just be themselves around each other and learn to deal with the variety of moods in their partnet that any sane/normal person will have.<BR/><BR/>If this is the case (I can't tell from the post) counselling is a great way to do that. Sit and discussing one's own and one's partner's feelings and discovering what they really mean when they say a particular thing.<BR/><BR/>2 years is a great start and about time they hit a bump in the road. If they give up now, they'll just hit a similar bump in the road at some point in the future with someone else. Encourage them to try to fix it now. They may go through the counselling and still decide that to split is for the best but they will have a much better picture of why to split.<BR/><BR/>Constant communication is vital to any healthy relationship. Learn how to talk to your partner and understand what they mean.Sir Wobinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10329220412552005890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-63935696015097438292008-07-03T11:55:00.000+01:002008-07-03T11:55:00.000+01:00Unfortunately this appears to be a case of two peo...Unfortunately this appears to be a case of two people tying the knot well before it was the proper time to do so.<BR/><BR/>There's a talk radio show host based out of Los Angeles who I've listened for many years give advice on this subject. One of the rules he lays down is anybody under the age of 25 shouldn't get married. He doesn't believe men should get married at all--there's absolutely no benefit in it for them whatsoever.<BR/><BR/>I think many women (and probably many gay men, too) fall for the illusion that if you can bait a guy into getting married, you've nailed him down and have gotten him for good. In reality, it doesn't work that way. Perhaps the husband of N has finally had it with carrying the weight of the "ball and chain" of marriage around with him. Was N his first love? Did he have time to sow his wild oats before they married? Sounds like not. If that's the case, the boy may simply be feeling more and more regret not having done so.<BR/><BR/>I agree with your advice, GB. If there's any hope of saving the marriage, N needs to back off. She's got to give him plenty of breathing room without the "I love yous" and the "I really miss yous". As trite as it may be, the old saying "If you love something, set it free..." saying comes to mind. If he's given that breathing space, perhaps her absence will help him realize what he's missing without her. Perhaps not.. he may realize it was simply one, big mistake. <BR/><BR/>Going forward, hope N will be able to have learned something from this--marriage should never be about sinking your claws into someone. It never does any good to use it as a means to lock someone in. I'm not blaming N for this--sounds like they mutually decided on the choice to get married. Why rush it? If it's really meant to be, that person will stick around without the feeling of being trapped, and may very well work out in the long run because of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-48406110422283085002008-07-02T13:39:00.000+01:002008-07-02T13:39:00.000+01:00Good advice to the young lady, GB. When we're deep...Good advice to the young lady, GB. <BR/><BR/>When we're deeply in love, we can, indeed, smother the other person without knowing it. <BR/><BR/>The greatest gift we can give to those who love us is, ironically, never to need them. I am a better lover and partner because I'm a strong, independent adult. (To the extent that I have achieved that state, of course!)<BR/><BR/>That way, you can concentrate on how you enrich each other's lives, rather than how you need them to make up for a weakness. <BR/><BR/>You can BOTH lend strength, and lean on the other when you need to. It becomes a relationship of equals rather than two loose halves. <BR/><BR/>If Ms. N and Mr. N got married as young as you imply they did, then she owes it to herself to learn how to stand alone, as an individual. Perhaps Mr. N. did her no favours by whisking her off her feet before she could learn some life-lessons, and lessons about her own character.The Honourable Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05234119524600114890noreply@blogger.com