tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post4737369701708708019..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Email from a guy with a couple of difficult friendshipsGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-91217138514405545552009-10-20T04:37:35.094+01:002009-10-20T04:37:35.094+01:00Please do not assume you are not good looking when...Please do not assume you are not good looking when others are not willing to take relationship further. Look might be important for immediate hookup, but after that it is more on personality match. A might think you are more suitable as a friend. YOU WILL BE FINE ;)Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12565989867719647689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-69042442909929802462009-10-14T21:36:42.078+01:002009-10-14T21:36:42.078+01:00I am the guy who wrote the letters. A knew that th...I am the guy who wrote the letters. A knew that the reader liked him, after the party mentioned. I tried to take things further with A after first dating him, but A just wanted to be friends. Part of the problem is that I could not acknowledge to myself that A rejected me, as I felt it reflected badly on my own looks (hence beginning to devlop an eating disorder). I thought my self better looking than A and, already having low-self esteem about looks, I thought I must have mis-estimated my looks and must therefore be not that appealing in that respect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-28201842145256050752009-10-14T20:49:01.539+01:002009-10-14T20:49:01.539+01:00I suppose it comes down to how much the reader val...I suppose it comes down to how much the reader values his friendship with A. <br /><br />I agree with GB that a temporary separation from A might be well-advised if the reader wants to maintain the sort of closeness he has with him.<br /><br />Nonetheless, it's very interesting that the reader is going to absurd lengths to conceal his true feelings for A. Apparently it's because A gets arrogant when someone fancies him, which strikes me as rather a childish reason. I think it's worth initiating a romantic connection if that's what the reader desires. In the case of a rejection, A should be mature enough to move past it without damaging the friendship too much. Time heals afterall. But if A takes it as a cue for severing a friendship, perhaps he's never much of one to beign with. <br /><br />Otherwise the reader will forever wonder.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-54424765295788551172009-10-13T15:03:16.049+01:002009-10-13T15:03:16.049+01:00You need to be open with people about your feeling...You need to be open with people about your feelings and not ever assume they know what's happening inside your head. <br /><br />I had a friend once who declared he didn't have any interest in the guy he <i>was</i> in fact interested in, and then got upset when another friend made advances towards the guy, after which everything went pear-shaped.<br /><br />If someone can't handle the truth about your feelings then they aren't the right one for you in the first place.<br /><br />Your reader sounds like he's too worried about what other people think of him. Life is too short for that.Superchilledhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00480825797997399121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-72190533832262191402009-10-12T21:23:07.215+01:002009-10-12T21:23:07.215+01:00Yes. And 'A' and 'B' are feeding ...Yes. And 'A' and 'B' are feeding off of the reader's insecurities and attention. It is abusive and the reader needs to call it off. Unfortunately (and take it from someone who's been there before) people who get a lot out of you are very <i>very</i> resistant to being dropped. They will keep finding excuses to come back and will no go easily. But go they must. This is going to take some work.<br /><br />I completely agree with you, <b>Was Once</b>. Happiness needs to come from within. Reader, you cannot depend on anyone else to validate you or to approve of your behaviour. Keep on repeating all of all of the good things about yourself to yourself - don't be shy or afraid to admit them - and then accept the fact that you deserve better than some parasite who feeds off of your attention to boost their own ego. Let these undesirable people become a distant memory.<br /><br />Best wishes to you.John Fnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-61308050781661713832009-10-12T18:20:11.243+01:002009-10-12T18:20:11.243+01:00John has it right, but with low self esteem he mig...John has it right, but with low self esteem he might also just be obsessing. People are not like video games, just when you think you have figured them out they change their minds... that is those that are really not worth being a friend with.<br />The main thing is try not to look for others to make you happy, it is fraught with difficulties. The sooner you develop you own path to happiness, instead of jumping on to a new person(like Dad) it will help all relationships you are involved in.<br />I feel reading his emails he will spin like this for a number of years until he pulls back and looks hard at himself. <br />GB if this doesn't help.. please feel free to dump this commentWas Oncehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15787588883235992471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-29649466244085938172009-10-12T11:05:01.562+01:002009-10-12T11:05:01.562+01:00Your reader in my opinion suffers from low self-es...Your reader in my opinion suffers from low self-esteem and feelings of low self-worth.<br /><br />However, it could be worse - at least he's aware of it. But like many people in his situation, he appears at times to be driven by a force beyond his control and likely feels powerless to do anything about it.<br /><br />Thankfully, this sort of situation is not unheard of; there are many younger men and women (and plenty of older ones) who are in the same boat as well.<br /><br />First, the people described (A and B) are not the kind of people your reader wants to spend time with. They hurt him and they use him and his welfare is not in their best interest, despite what they might think or what the reader might wish to believe - although I suspect that deep down, he knows this.<br /><br />The reader's attraction for his friend's dad is a little more complicated and difficult to get to the bottom of without some more information - what's the history, what's the dad's sexuality, is the reader using the dad as a substitute for the son, etc. Your reader strikes me as the type who is plenty sharp enough to work this out with a little bit of thought - hell, he probably has done so already.<br /><br />Ultimately, my advice to the reader is this: these people (A and B) are doing you no good. Please try, for your own mental health, to spend your time with others who are more worthy of your time. Respect yourself and treat the gift of your presence with the value it holds. Best wishes to you.John Fnoreply@blogger.com