tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post6790904397140948680..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: An email from a closeted investment bankerGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-46765780499917372902010-07-01T02:43:52.832+01:002010-07-01T02:43:52.832+01:00As a gay M&A front-officer, I'd add that a...As a gay M&A front-officer, I'd add that although there certainly are "diversity initiatives" at all of the major banks, they are there for a reason. At my bank, I firmly believe that I would be hampering my career progression by coming out. In the same way that other minorities (read: anyone who is not a white male) find it hard to breach the glass ceiling, my sexuality would likely delay my promotions. <br /><br />Perhaps I do need to change banks, but for now, I'm fine with being closeted at work and open with my friends outside of work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-61051573600456781232010-05-27T17:46:40.964+01:002010-05-27T17:46:40.964+01:00Not to be blunt, but unless the poster gets a majo...Not to be blunt, but unless the poster gets a major attitude adjustment, he's doomed to being cycled out with the attrition that occurs when guys turn thirty-ish and the new blood is snapping at their heals. He'll attribute it to his being gay, and many will nod and cluck sympathetically. But it will be because he's weak, and these places are hell for guys who are weak. Now's a good time for him to take stock, forget about the money for a second, and decide if he can get mentally organized and unafraid. he needs to decide if Investment Banking is really the world where he can be happy.<br /><br />A gay dude in the firm where I worked was tormented by an asshole homophobe on a new team he had joined. After a few weeks of this, the team is out for drinks, he pulls down his pants, says to the asshole "you're so obssessed with gay sex, suck on this" and jams his crotch in the asshole's face. to his credit, the asshole, WHATEVER HIS PERSONAL FEELINGS ABOUT GAYS, was smart enough to put the team and the firm first, and managed to roll with the following six months of jokes at his expense. they both have strong careers. <br /><br />another friend, totally closeted, got outed slowly and painfully at work, with denials and blushes and endless jokes about pussy that just got pathetic over time. so people started to hate him, his work started to suffer. he now is happily out, teaches high-school math, and is convinced that trading floors are no place for gays. ironically, now he's strong, mentally organized and could probably handle it. but then he wasn't, so the other traders ate him alive.Eric Whitneyhttp://ericwhitneyescort.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-42964560187338467652010-05-26T23:03:12.765+01:002010-05-26T23:03:12.765+01:00I am an Asian gay guy working in banking also. I a...I am an Asian gay guy working in banking also. I am working at fixed income buy-side desk for my institution. In my office, some people know me gay, some don't. But it actually doesn't matter. The most important thing is like what others said: I make money! For me, being gay is a drive to get tough everyday. I told myself because I am gay I need to be the best to beat those gossips. Being gay also makes me work without carrying any family baggage. I can focus on my job 100% and no worry about kids/wife, etc. All I want to do is trying my best to make myself irreplaceable and let my boss knows that there are only two options: (me+gay+good profit) or (others+whatever+not so good). At the end, believe me, money counts. I'd be very happy to know the guy from the Email. Maybe we can get lots of deals done. If both of our companies don’t like us being gay, let's sue them. It's just another way to make money. ... LOLJoenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-74425071690261662352010-05-26T21:44:38.316+01:002010-05-26T21:44:38.316+01:00I have the same background (asian, banking, gay) a...I have the same background (asian, banking, gay) as this guy. And I had the same thinking. But early last year I simply got fed up of living a lie. I came out to one of my closest friends from childhood and he was so surprisingly supportive. I have been coming out one by one to the people that I am close to. It is difficult because we dont want to lose anyone who we care for. But I have realized that the barrier has always been in my mind. I had been assuming.<br /><br />My advice to this guy would be - If you know someone who is gay, try to come out to him. How you feel about it afterwards will tell you what you should do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-52879548000508156262010-05-26T07:14:37.424+01:002010-05-26T07:14:37.424+01:00Life is too damn short, you could get hit by a car...Life is too damn short, you could get hit by a car tomorrow...and never would be fully realized and developed human being.<br /><br />For now(for him) really being gay is a mental concept eating away at him, which will quickly make him into a least likely candidate for any relationship that will last.<br /><br />And money(salary) and the stuff that comes with it..which we all know comes and goes....might spin him into looking into why money is ruling his choices in life. On your death bed you will look to those you love rather than your Jaguar.<br /><br />What I am really am getting at is... live a life of truth. Truthful first to yourself, and then truthful to the world.Was Oncehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15787588883235992471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-89517064240243023242010-05-25T22:36:37.169+01:002010-05-25T22:36:37.169+01:00I work on the equity trading floor in an investmen...I work on the equity trading floor in an investment bank in London. While the culture may be different between a flow desk and a structured products desk (where I work), and between NYC and London, I have never come across anyone who so much as flinched when I came out to them. People have a good sense of why they are there, and that is, to make money. I know several other gay guys who work in front office roles on the floor as sales, trading or structuring. <br /><br />People also like to "figure you out", so being clear about your sexuality will actually make them more comfortable to be around you, rather than trying to hide it or being ambiguous. I think I would also be curious and uncomfortable if one of my colleagues was cagey about some part of their life (say, if someone refused to tell me what they did over the weekend).<br /><br />I have to admit, I had my own prejudices and I found it very difficult to tell a muslim colleague that I had a boyfriend, but when I did, he just made a joke about how terrible it is that we're all young and successful but tied down and we laughed. <br /><br />I guess the reality is that coming out is never as big a deal as you think it will be. Some of us were lucky enough to find this out in high school or university. It's easier in those environments, where you feel that even if your friends have bad reactions, you can turn to other friends. Coming out in the workplace is a higher hurdle for the reader as he has to work with the same people on a daily basis. Perhaps the reader could come out to his friends first (if he hasn't already) and finding acceptance there will give the reader the confidence to come out to his colleagues.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-39755970484429431172010-05-25T12:58:44.516+01:002010-05-25T12:58:44.516+01:00GB, your precis of our friend's dilemna and ho...GB, your precis of our friend's dilemna and how he could approach it strikes me as 'spot on'.<br /><br />Any solution or remedy has to be right for the individual, but there are reliable givens in a situation like this.<br /><br />For example, no one can survive in a closet without punching some vent holes. We all need to breathe after all. We can teeter on the edge of the pool for as long as we like, but we will never know what the future holds without taking the plunge. At first the cold of the water may be a big shock to the system, but that moment will pass and then we can make our first strokes. Who wants to sink and drown after all.<br /><br />What I always counsel to people facing big conflicts like this is the need to break the problem down into smaller, more manageable pieces.<br /><br />Right now, the work perspective seems to be crowding his view like an elephant in the living room.<br /><br />Fix things at home before even thinking about work.<br /><br />This guy seriously could do with loving himself a bit more and taking pride in being the gay man that he is.<br /><br />Very easy to say, I know, but these are among the baby steps we need to take.<br /><br />The good news is that this guy is reaching out, albeit in a virtual way, but he seriously needs someone to share his concerns with on a one-on-one or group basis and I can bet there is just such a support group in his area. <br /><br />So, courage mon brave!<br /><br />ps. yes, forget about work for now, but in the meantime just bear in mind the following about your industry colleagues. They include men that like to be spanked or whipped, that wear tights, that are impotent, that have drug/gambling/money problems and, yes, that are gay!<br /><br />pps. my own website (latelygay.com) might be worth a visit, based as it is on my coming out when I was 40.Latelygayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11489446489384100920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-36110359019995006002010-05-25T08:52:52.398+01:002010-05-25T08:52:52.398+01:00This usual logical construction "if not gay b...This usual logical construction "if not gay bars, then online" always appears a bit annoying to me. There are various community groups for gay men, and in fact joining something that clicks well with this guy's interests (like reading group, or outdoors group, or whatever else rings his bell) would both make it more likely meeting a special someone he could see living with and meeting similar people in general which is good for becoming more confident (I am sure that some people whom he might meet in clubs if he went to a club illustrate gay stereotypes that would make him stay in the closet!)...Volodyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00255114666061788749noreply@blogger.com