tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post1053229815625318050..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Email from a guy with relationship difficultiesGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-82790450289854521112009-01-05T16:24:00.000+00:002009-01-05T16:24:00.000+00:00Oh crap, as usual I have a 'personal experience' t...Oh crap, as usual I have a 'personal experience' to share.<BR/><BR/>I broke up with one boyfriend and, as we were living together at the time he took a while to move out of my flat.<BR/><BR/>It was awful. Truly awful. Yes, we did start off sleeping with pillows between us but then I gave in to his 'needs' and we started having 'sexy time' together (infrequently). I also met someone new and tried dating them but that didn't work out as the situation at home got exponentially worse.<BR/><BR/>Ugh. I shudder to think about those months. I can't imagine two years of it, let alone dating someone for 7 months with them in that situation.<BR/><BR/>Whilst you owe it to any partner to be understanding, you do have *some* rights. <BR/><BR/>I think you just need to sit yourself down and figure out where exactly where all this is realistically going and then either decide to stick with it, knowing full well what the consequences may be, or choose to move on.<BR/><BR/>From the letter is sounds like moving on is the smart thing to do, but only you know for sure.Ken Skinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970490152285414561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-37728625451637437942009-01-02T09:09:00.000+00:002009-01-02T09:09:00.000+00:00Oh the complexities of relationships...I'm with si...Oh the complexities of relationships...I'm with sir w, it doesn't sound like a relationship as this includes as others andy ou have said openness and honesty. I think the guy should accept that this is not a long term thing as the american obviously has a different agenda, and he seems to be geting the better deal with live in ex and a date to go out and play with... be true to yourself writer and move on and fnd someone with less issues..it maybe painfull at first but your happiness is more important..<BR/>ayway GB hope yu had agod new year<BR/>SxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-21591135754355760632009-01-02T01:03:00.000+00:002009-01-02T01:03:00.000+00:00To be honest, I think the American is lying to the...To be honest, I think the American is lying to the reader... and more than just about the party. <BR/><BR/>Obviously there is still something going on if he hasn't introduced the reader to any of his friends after a year.<BR/><BR/>Odds are the American is still in a relationship with his 'ex' (and quite possibly it may even be a straight marriage... you know you've all been there), and is using the reader as his bit on the side.<BR/><BR/>The reader needs to decide what's more important to him, whether it be to stay in this quasi-relationship, or to move on (fully or otherwise) and find someone who can be as open with him as he is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-88208069101267356152008-12-31T10:44:00.000+00:002008-12-31T10:44:00.000+00:00I don't think it's helpful to analyse the situatio...I don't think it's helpful to analyse the situation as whether one is number 1 in someone else's eyes. That point of view will give one a nasty and jealose existance. It's about the reader an his lover and whether that relationship is serious. Clearly the reader wants it to be serious. Talking about their situation is crucial but I don't think this sort of situation will change in the reader's favour.<BR/><BR/>There are lots of fish in the sea. No need to fixate on one person. If it works and there's good communication then great. If not, move on. *shrug*Sir Wobinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10329220412552005890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-17481625193945536852008-12-31T10:09:00.000+00:002008-12-31T10:09:00.000+00:00It seems to me that the American is just having a ...It seems to me that the American is just having a hard time deciding what he wants. Does he want to stay with something that is comfortable, yet less fulfilling, or does he want to go with something exciting and new? And while he may be a good guy, he's a bit selfish in the way that he is playing both fields. He isn't a bad guy per se, just knows he can get away with that type of behavior because both men in his life are enabling it (don't tell me that the ex isn't suspicious... please).<BR/><BR/>The ex is also probably trying his best to make sure they don't break up and it puts the American in an awkward position. <BR/><BR/>Which leads me to the reader... it really depends on what he wants. If he is ok with being the hidden mistress, then all is good. But it sounds like he wants more and unfortunately, the American just won't be able to give it to him, at least not while he is living with his ex.<BR/><BR/>The really sad thing is let's say the American does eventually kick the ex to the curb and is on his own and decides to explore something with the reader. There are still going to be major trust issues on the reader's part, just because he's been lied to over and over. It's not so easy to forgive and forget and sometimes those doubts have a way of manifesting themselves. Yes I agree that being too paranoid is a very unattractive quality (something I have had to learn the hard way), but the reader probably has good grounds to have such doubts.<BR/><BR/>My best advice is to kick the American to the curb because eventually, the reader will just get hurt. The American isn't getting rid of his ex anytime soon and the lies will only continue and so will the doubts of who is really No. 1 in the American's heart.<BR/><BR/>It's difficult to let go, but if the reader is truly searching for love and romance, and not just a booty call, then he's got to let the American go.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-50109545435310383412008-12-31T09:57:00.000+00:002008-12-31T09:57:00.000+00:00Ahahha sting that is soo funny! And btw very true!...Ahahha sting that is soo funny! And btw very true!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-81614176626928861912008-12-30T23:31:00.000+00:002008-12-30T23:31:00.000+00:00I don't think the reader needs to relax at all. So...I don't think the reader needs to relax at all. Sounds to me like he's already been more than patient and very generous, given the circumstances. If I had been 'dating' a guy for that long and they were still undecided on whether or not to make it official; I'd take that as my answer. Sounds to me like if the reader continues on with this guy, he's just going to find himself getting hurt.Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04005278128157415119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-57477470507162371442008-12-30T15:03:00.000+00:002008-12-30T15:03:00.000+00:00"with one duvet but with a pillow in between them"..."with one duvet but with a pillow in between them" Yeah right! <BR/><BR/>Why do pple always tell such lies?<BR/><BR/>Didn't finish reading the rest of the post.NaijaScorpiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15375583469985472050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-30131739961713329322008-12-30T14:20:00.000+00:002008-12-30T14:20:00.000+00:00I'm with Wob. It's almost a year of "dating". So...I'm with Wob. It's almost a year of "dating". Some clearer understanding needs to be made. <BR/><BR/>It strikes me, GB, that your relationships with S and P were far more open, honest and fair than the situation your reader describes. <BR/><BR/>I wonder if your reader, perhaps, confuses the length of his relationship with it depth. <BR/><BR/>Does he actually know that his lover intends to leave his current boyfriend <I>at all?</I> Or do the many months of seeing each other lead the reader to think that understandings have been reached, where they haven't?<BR/><BR/>Now, I am the last to perpetuate cultural stereotypes, but I might suggest that there may be acultural difference afoot. <BR/><BR/>We learn the art of negotiating with our intimates at home--it's one of the first things we learn about interaction with others. These lessons and expectations are hard to shake. <BR/><BR/>In my experience, eastern cultures have quite different ideas of personal and social obligation. Let alone what should be said, and what left unsaid. <BR/><BR/>Even after eight years, my husband and I misread each other's cues in this regard--he's Japanese. <BR/><BR/>Do I suspect that your reader needs to leave less unsaid? The business of "resourceful" sneakery causes me to worry.The Honourable Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05234119524600114890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-32386391624500913072008-12-30T13:12:00.000+00:002008-12-30T13:12:00.000+00:00Lots of trust issues there. Not meeting friends af...Lots of trust issues there. Not meeting friends after years, hiding events from each other and deceit. Does sound like a boyfriend relationship at all. If the older guy can't say any more than "we're dating" then I wouldn't take the relationship seriously. Maybe see him for some bedtime fun from time to time and find someone else. Hanging out together after decide he's messing you around may hurt you move in the long run. Sounds like this guy collects people to use but when he's done doesn't walk away cleanly.<BR/><BR/>You don't have to be angry or bitter to move on. Better to part as friends if you have to part at all. I wouldn't stick around. Good luck!Sir Wobinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10329220412552005890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-18235589377644633832008-12-29T23:52:00.000+00:002008-12-29T23:52:00.000+00:00i really dont understand you guys..sometimes you m...i really dont understand you guys..sometimes you make me wish to turn straight and having a nice and happy familly..why putting you in such situations when everything can be perfect, nobody can break so many years of relation..the feelings stay and when they are gone this feeling can turn into hate and revenge, i dont work into the finance industry at all, and sometime i feel sad for some of my clients who i used to served but cant afford it anymore, being fired its horrible and this kind of things can happen to anyone of us..as for youre reader i think he have to ask himslef some questions, can he make forget to his new boyfriend the love he use to have with his ex and make him love himself more, cause i really dont believe in open relationship AT ALL, and find it frankly quiet a shame but am not here to judge anyone..so good luck..<BR/>P.S i heard last week a conversation in the place where i work between six clients wish i know very well talking about wish one gonna get fired or not in the bank near where i work, not far from the bank of england in january..poor guys i find it disguisting and again good luck..MAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com