tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post6801963884241050657..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Email from a guy with a relationship dilemmaGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-22844375149529529292008-12-30T10:24:00.000+00:002008-12-30T10:24:00.000+00:00I am so impressed by this letter and I guess he is...I am so impressed by this letter and I guess he is from my country China because I experience just the same about this conservative social circumstances about gay people.And this is my first time leaving a message to GB, I want to express my admiration to you.I always dream to have this free and prospective life as you.At your age and have everything you wanted.<BR/>Errrr, I think I should strive for my goal and I wish oneday I can meet you in UK as a student or whatever.That would be so interesting.:-)GANhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05479817867504765636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-58965800206728834802008-12-01T07:53:00.000+00:002008-12-01T07:53:00.000+00:00Thanks for your thoughts David and DL, I'm sure th...Thanks for your thoughts <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08577070590597961929" REL="nofollow">David</A> and <A HREF="http://dragonzlad.wordpress.com/" REL="nofollow">DL</A>, I'm sure that boyfriend P will appreciate your comments :-).<BR/><BR/>Regarding your immigration query <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/05650959053630402302" REL="nofollow">A-Philosophical</A>, I think it's highly likely that your partner would be allowed to work in the UK. However I'm not an immigration expert so please seek advice from someone who is. Alternatively try searching with google specifying site:.gov.uk which restricts the results to UK government web sites. Regarding the job market, there's definitely a recession developing here, although your partner's skills sound marketable. I'm sure you would have prospects too, but since you're not close to my area of expertise I don't know what to suggest. However I'm sure the jobs that you've had since graduating would be relevant in terms of finding a position over here. Hope that helps.<BR/><BR/>GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-34444495758752027922008-12-01T07:10:00.000+00:002008-12-01T07:10:00.000+00:00I am Spanish citizen married in Canada to a US cit...I am Spanish citizen married in Canada to a US citizen. I know that for immigration purposes our marriage entitles him to get Spanish residency. What about UK residency being a spouse or partner of a EU national?<BR/><BR/>He has IT mastership positions in banks like Goldman Sacks, WaMu not J.P. Morgan Chase as an Architect II or software engineer, and worked for IBM. Are there good jobs prospects for him in the UK?<BR/>The job market here in Spain sucks and lack of Spanish language makes it harder for him to get a position.<BR/><BR/>I am Spanish-English bilingual (a TOEFL exam of 99 points (iBT) and hold a BA in Philosophy. Any prospect?<BR/>Thank you for answering.A-Philosophicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05650959053630402302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-3423230180979666382008-11-23T13:43:00.000+00:002008-11-23T13:43:00.000+00:00Hey GB,I've been a bit behind in checking my email...Hey GB,<BR/><BR/>I've been a bit behind in checking my email and getting updated with your blog. <BR/><BR/>Think P's very sensible in approaching the issue! Definitely very methodical as he said he would. Looks like you can entrust some of your many Dear GB emails to him now! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-50401825142568887042008-11-23T11:03:00.000+00:002008-11-23T11:03:00.000+00:00I really like boyfriend P! Your right GB there is ...I really like boyfriend P! Your right GB there is a different feel to his writing. Actually there is more feel to his writing lol - im not sure I like that though :P<BR/>great post as always!Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08577070590597961929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-8031941423719912732008-11-20T19:33:00.000+00:002008-11-20T19:33:00.000+00:00Thanks for your thoughts, 4th Anonymous commenter....Thanks for your thoughts, 4th Anonymous commenter. Indeed, I certainly do love boyfriend P, and he's definitely the only guy that I'd let cast aspersions on the integrity of my previous postings!<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your thoughts in both comments <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02970490152285414561" REL="nofollow">Kenski</A>, and for sharing your experiences.<BR/><BR/>Glad you found it all useful mate, and thanks for leaving the 5th anonymous comment here to let us all know :-).<BR/><BR/>Sorry to hear about your situation 6th anonymous commenter. I only hope that the ideas in this post might have been of some use.<BR/><BR/>I think I have a different outlook on life to you, 7th anonymous commenter. Of course I get older! And as far as I'm concerned, gay life goes on as long as I'm alive.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your kind thoughts for boyfriend P <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16565114264116867519" REL="nofollow">czechOUT</A>. However, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to coax him into writing something here!<BR/><BR/>GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-29934800530233102442008-11-20T02:58:00.000+00:002008-11-20T02:58:00.000+00:00Boyfriend PHow nice to hear your voice. Even thoug...Boyfriend P<BR/><BR/>How nice to hear your voice. Even though I never thought you were "mean-spirited", we can judge for ourselve-hopefully we'll be hearing more from you?<BR/><BR/>Xfe isn't really interested in contributing to my blog.<BR/><BR/>ahojMadeInScotlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16565114264116867519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-34802652696539189342008-11-19T20:29:00.000+00:002008-11-19T20:29:00.000+00:00You're blogging for years now. Do you never get ol...You're blogging for years now. Do you never get older? It seems that a gay life only takes place between teen age and about 35 years! I'm approaching mid fities and am still alive... but it is hard to get older as a gay guy and loneliness is a big problem. There's not much you can do if you donot have a boyfriend than stoically try to get over the years. I do not beleive in the so called gay community. Most gays are extremely selfish and egocentrical. It's actually a waste, as I'm (like some others my life) are very sophisticated, mature, kind hearted and have fascinating personalities. But who cares...? Maybe some young guys who look for a sugar daddy!? Yes life is hard for aging gay guys!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-72908076754388422072008-11-18T18:24:00.000+00:002008-11-18T18:24:00.000+00:00i have same problem as this guy. Most of friends f...i have same problem as this guy. Most of friends finished 1 or 2 years earlier than me found very nice jobs, some work for bank as well. However, i manage to finish my study at very bad time, i am struggling to find a 30k job now! And i gave up about the idea of being a banker, after i waste quite a lot of spare time on studying it. <BR/><BR/>If i back to my home country, i am sure i can easily find a decent job, and much better chance for future career. However, i face the same pressure of marriage. As i am still in closet, and i do not think i will be comfortable to face my sexuality there as well. <BR/><BR/>to be or not to be?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-82470868161843615582008-11-18T16:49:00.000+00:002008-11-18T16:49:00.000+00:00I think all relationships go through patches of pa...I think all relationships go through patches of passion, simple comfort and even detatchment on occasion. People are funny animals and respond badly to work stress, family issues etc. There's a lot to be said for getting it 80% right most of the time and 100% right during passion-patches.Ken Skinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970490152285414561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-52607771919971068472008-11-18T10:34:00.000+00:002008-11-18T10:34:00.000+00:00I am the guy who sent GB the email. Thank you GB, ...I am the guy who sent GB the email. Thank you GB, boyfriend P and all of you who tried to help.<BR/><BR/>With regards to passion, as correctly raised by boyfriend P, yes I suppose we as a couple have lost some of the fiery passion we used to have when we first met years ago. But is that not natural after two years of living together?Despite that, we are very much in love with each other and are still excited by each other, if you know what I mean. <BR/><BR/><BR/>As for me not sentimental enough about my relationship in my email, I conciously avoided gushing too much about him as it might nauseate some readers :)<BR/><BR/>I have to say, after reading all the helpful replies which have given me plenty to think about, I feel there is a stronger case for giving this relationship a chance. Again, GB, boyfriend P and the rest who took the time to write helpful replies, thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-59920502551125233012008-11-18T10:25:00.000+00:002008-11-18T10:25:00.000+00:00First things first, strip off other people's perce...First things first, strip off other people's perceptions, be they family, friends etc, and think about what you know is true for yourself. You make your own fate.<BR/><BR/>Whether to move to the UK is actually a really tough question. My husband and I were an 'international' couple for quite some time whilst we worked together an Unmarried Partners visa. We lived together in the UK then relocated to the US for 18 months before moving back. I would say on that front not to necessarily kid yourself. Even if you set out at the start of the required 2 year cohabitation period knowing all the hoops you have to jump through then it's not easy. Doing it as an afterthought is likely to be very messy. Not impossible, but definitely messy. Better to be in the UK on a working visa or a fiance visa.<BR/><BR/>As to whether or not to do it, only you know. My husband basically had to throw away his career so that we could be together as I was more flexible about moving around and so he had to 'follow' me to wherever we could live.<BR/><BR/>After 8 years of struggling he's just starting to get back to where he was. Unlike me he's also very career oriented, so it was a huge step for him to take.<BR/><BR/>I'd say that if you have the chance and you really want to keep the relationship going then test the water. See how the job market is here and see how it goes. Always be aware, though, that this is *your* decision.Ken Skinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970490152285414561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-9041906624286145042008-11-18T08:50:00.000+00:002008-11-18T08:50:00.000+00:00There are lots of comments on email guys dilemma w...There are lots of comments on email guys dilemma which all have relevence, however I am a great believer in fate. If it's as easy to get a job in his native country as he suggests why not come back to England and his boyfriend to see what happens. If their relationship and his desire to work here are meant to be then it will all fit into place. Maybe he could give himself a time limit of six months and see where he is at that time. If the relationship is strong and the boyfriend wants it to work then i am sure he will be supportive during this time.<BR/>Over to you GB i think it shows a alot of love and trust that you can include P in your blogg, Even if he did find it by chance! Leads me to the question though, would you have told him about it if he had not found out, and does it inhibit what you write knowing he reads it..I suspect not.. I feel that it could bring you even closer as it may include things that you are not comfortable to say face to face. I don't know!<BR/> I read bloggs with my boyfriend which can be like watching a film as creates interesting discussion with both our perspectives on them and issues brought up..as they say two minds blah blah <BR/>anyhow keep going ol boy it's always FUN.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-2927080872848455812008-11-18T08:15:00.000+00:002008-11-18T08:15:00.000+00:00Yes, recent Anonymous commenter, whoever you are, ...Yes, recent Anonymous commenter, whoever you are, I think Boyfriend P is a sensible guy too. Apart from the fact that he's involved with me of course, that's more than enough to let anyone question his sanity LOL.<BR/><BR/>I've been trying to get boyfriend P to start his own blog for ages without success, <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/01535444453211857308" REL="nofollow">Monty</A>. Although for all I know, he's done so secretly and not told me!<BR/><BR/>I hope you don't mean that you're getting bored of my voice, <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08680924058987036459" REL="nofollow">HBH</A>. Just kidding!<BR/><BR/>Thanks very much for the clarification <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/00542320138312107780" REL="nofollow">Jay</A>, actually I did think that your original comment sounded slightly sarcastic, although I know it was possible to read it as genuine too.<BR/><BR/>You've got a good memory <A HREF="http://beamjack.blogspot.com/2008/09/little-wobin-wentboy.html" REL="nofollow">LWW</A>, but I guess you're right, it's been a long journey. And it's not over yet either!<BR/><BR/>GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-3438096171855108182008-11-18T00:18:00.000+00:002008-11-18T00:18:00.000+00:00Interesting post all round!Your reader doesn't see...Interesting post all round!<BR/><BR/>Your reader doesn't seem very sentimental about his relationship but I don't think we can infer too much about love from that. Like the other commentators said, making ones career a priority can lead to loneliness but relying too heavily on a relationship can kill the passion. Where will you have the best chance of both? Don't exclude the possibility of being out in your native country; someone has to lead the way and show your compatriots that gay men are more than just a stereotype. Fulfillment is something inside, it's not a geographic feature.<BR/><BR/>How far you've come GB. From "Things I Can't Tell Boyfriend Number 1" to having postings from one of your nearest and dearest. :-) What a journey!<BR/><BR/>Welcome to the blog P. It's nice to hear your thoughts too and I for one hope you both find the love you're looking for. Gay men enhancing a story for drama??! Who'd ever believe it? You are a main character in one of our favourite stories. Sometimes a paramour, sometimes the distant desire. No way to escape your importance to this tale though.Sir Wobinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10329220412552005890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-1882038371321900992008-11-17T23:52:00.000+00:002008-11-17T23:52:00.000+00:00GB, i didn't mean to sound sarcastic or anything. ...GB, i didn't mean to sound sarcastic or anything. I think it's really cool :)<BR/><BR/>jJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00542320138312107780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-18581822206701391162008-11-17T22:55:00.000+00:002008-11-17T22:55:00.000+00:00I think GB and boyfriend's P response were both ex...I think GB and boyfriend's P response were both excellent. They have covered exactly what I would have liked to convey. All that's left for me is to add some extras for the reader to think about. <BR/><BR/>Like the fact that he lived with his boyfriend for a period of two years. This means he could potentially apply to stay in the UK based on his relationship with his boyfriend. He would need to present proof of living together, i.e bills, joint bank account etc. The reader would need to be the one making the application to the Home Office. Details of this type of relationship visa can be obtained on their website.<BR/><BR/>I suspect he does in fact also love his boyfriend. They have both survived the honeymoon period of living together and that speaks tones. <BR/><BR/>While the UK as the rest of the world is on the cusp of a recession most millennials like yourself are still looking for work but notching it down. For instance MBAers are getting into consultancy as opposed to investment banking (see www.BusinessWeek.com). I believe if you moved to the UK it would be difficult to get a job but it will happen eventually and while it would not be the one you want it's a start. Either have some cash to tide you over or maybe your boyfriend could help you to cover some of your expenses until you can cope financially.<BR/><BR/>To summarize. Look for avenues to return to the UK to be with your boyfriend and start a process of heavy networking to find a job.<BR/><BR/>On a totally different note it's refreshing to finally hear the voice behind boyfriend P :-)<BR/><BR/>I speak for the other commentors when I say we hope to hear more from and of him :-)Humming Bird in Hydehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08680924058987036459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-41194556254877031782008-11-17T22:54:00.000+00:002008-11-17T22:54:00.000+00:00I think P's advice is good...and I particularly re...I think P's advice is good...and I particularly relate to the advice regarding the family situation. I felt I couldn't out myself to my family for a very long time and so consequently, had a "half-lived life". Although it was painful to tell my parents (for both them and me), I have not looked back since! Being honest and open about who you are really does free you up to live your life - and to find true love. <BR/><BR/>And P, I wouldn't take GB's blog and maybe comments of readers to heart too much. The thing is, GB's blog is written from his perspective and us readers realize that what he may say about your relationship with him is probably a little subjective. Maybe you should start your own blog and give us a chance to get to know you! :-) And all the best for your search for true love! xxxMontyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01535444453211857308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-18806405654219824472008-11-17T21:29:00.000+00:002008-11-17T21:29:00.000+00:00Boyfriend P sounds quite a sensible guy.Boyfriend P sounds quite a sensible guy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-37537617307979518532008-11-17T19:59:00.000+00:002008-11-17T19:59:00.000+00:00I'm just trying to be helpful Jay. I never claim ...I'm just trying to be helpful <A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/profile/00542320138312107780" REL="nofollow">Jay</A>. I never claim that my advice is any good either, I just try and do my best :-).<BR/><BR/>Boyfriend P doesn't have his own blog as far as I'm aware, first Anonymous commenter, whoever you are.<BR/><BR/>Thanks very much for your support PM :-), aka second Anonymous commenter. But please try and be a bit more constructive, as <A HREF="http://gaybanker.blogspot.com/2007/06/i-dont-invent-dear-gb-emails.html" REL="nofollow">I've said before</A>, all these 'Dear GB' emails are from genuine people who're seeking advice!<BR/><BR/>I'm glad you got something out of <A HREF="http://www.insideandout-banking.com/" REL="nofollow">the graduate recruiting event</A> Alex W :-). So see you at <A HREF="http://gaybanker.blogspot.com/2006/06/drinks-evenings-for-gay-london-bankers.html" REL="nofollow">the gay interbank drinks event</A> if you end up working in the City too!<BR/><BR/>Actually Jay, I think that boyfriend P's writing has quite a different feel to mine. Anyway, as I said above, he doesn't keep a blog as far as I'm aware.<BR/><BR/>GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-34074859119406615002008-11-17T18:07:00.000+00:002008-11-17T18:07:00.000+00:00Does P have a blog? P sounds exactly like you GB!J...Does P have a blog? <BR/><BR/><BR/>P sounds exactly like you GB!<BR/><BR/>JayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-36840322007913545412008-11-17T17:46:00.000+00:002008-11-17T17:46:00.000+00:00I was at Inside&Out aswell the other week, but...I was at Inside&Out aswell the other week, but as a student- if you were on the panel or spoke to me at my table then I would like to say thank you for inspiring me to pursue a career in Investment Banking. The opportunity was invaluable and greatly appreciated, thank you for giving up your time for it. xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-26725764025618475992008-11-17T14:48:00.000+00:002008-11-17T14:48:00.000+00:00GB, I must say that soliciting Boyfriend P's respo...GB, <BR/><BR/>I must say that soliciting Boyfriend P's response and posting it is classic. Somewhat sweet too. You are excellent. <BR/><BR/>As for that person's "dilema", he is so long winded. My advice is "Blah blah boring. Deal with it". But then again he never asked my opinion. =) <BR/><BR/>PMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-51677030817037934192008-11-17T13:27:00.000+00:002008-11-17T13:27:00.000+00:00What is boyfriend P's blog link? hehehe...What is boyfriend P's blog link? hehehe...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-78395398242362235312008-11-17T12:12:00.000+00:002008-11-17T12:12:00.000+00:00Wow, dating advice, relationship advice, career ad...Wow, dating advice, relationship advice, career advice. Is there anything you can't do? ;)<BR/><BR/>jJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00542320138312107780noreply@blogger.com