tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post6974762909886811462..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Email from a gay guy wanting dating adviceGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-4530396773803228582009-01-02T01:23:00.000+00:002009-01-02T01:23:00.000+00:00I agree with John F that this young man is just th...I agree with John F that this young man is just that, young. He's only 25 and shouldn't be so ready to give up.<BR/><BR/>Myself, I'm 35 and my only real 'boyfriend' lasted 3 months and that over about 4 years ago... damn, that sounds depressing now that I think about it. <BR/><BR/>I know I had a point with this.... oh well.<BR/><BR/>Great blog, GB!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-15398947736469325452008-11-16T16:15:00.000+00:002008-11-16T16:15:00.000+00:00Will - everyone's rules are different. For you an...Will - everyone's rules are different. For you and your guy, sex on the first date worked for both of you and it was great. That's wodnerful.<BR/><BR/>But your rules and what works for you doesn't apply to everyone, and nor should it. This guy obviously doesn't feel comfortable going that far so quickly with someone he doesn't know but might want something more with (I am similar). He's had some experiences in the past which have put him off. In my opinion, that's his prerogative and his rules should be respected.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-89069045764156216672008-11-15T05:03:00.000+00:002008-11-15T05:03:00.000+00:00Wow, I was so glad to find your blog. Good advice....Wow, I was so glad to find your blog. Good advice. There's a book out now called, How To Be Single. It's written more for single chicks but alot of it applies to gay men as well.KenPaul66https://www.blogger.com/profile/06077626184920368907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-10978962801823188152008-11-15T00:55:00.000+00:002008-11-15T00:55:00.000+00:00I don't think Manhunt or Craigslist (do you have t...I don't think Manhunt or Craigslist (do you have that in the UK?) are the right fora for finding a relationship. They are great for mainlining you from feeling horny right into getting laid, and have done that for me on numerous occasions.<BR/><BR/>For a relationship, he needs to meet eligible gay men in social, non-sexualized activities--a gay book reading group, gay ballroom dancing, gay kayaking, gay ANYTHING where guys who want to find boyfriends can meet in activities they both enjoy. The theaters and opera houses here are holding gay and lesbian encounter performances with special intermissions with reduced price drinks and pastries or a post-performance party. That's a far better way to meet a guy for romance.<BR/><BR/>And, in my experience, the no first date sex thing is a crock anyway--not only did the man of my dreams and I have sex on the first date, we had sex at the BEGINNING of the first date. We celebrate our 12th anniversary next May.Willhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14279473113628377106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-72924806698857507522008-11-14T16:36:00.000+00:002008-11-14T16:36:00.000+00:00Dear Gb,I would like to refer your readers especia...Dear Gb,<BR/>I would like to refer your readers especially the young man in question to your old post of jan 2008.....How should gay relationships be constructed'. He should consider some of your thoughts especially about 'shagging around' but also the your coverts...He needs to think would he be readfy to give up things for love etc...or should he just have fun relax abit until love hits him, as HBH said desperation is not a good look...<BR/>Maybe also some of your fellow bloggers and yourself re visited this to see if this is how they are constructing their relationships...anyway keep it up ol boyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-538212119375139952008-11-11T09:22:00.000+00:002008-11-11T09:22:00.000+00:00First, I can sense a lot of anxiety in the letter ...First, I can sense a lot of anxiety in the letter at the top of your post. My first piece of advice to the yound chap would be the following: relax. You're only 25. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you. Although sometimes it might feel like it, I promise, you're not going to die alone.<BR/><BR/>He seems also to have some misgivings about not sleeping with a recent date because he wanted to adhere to certain rules he had set, but then he had second-guessed himself. Let's be clear: it is completely his prerogative to decide who to sleep with and when to sleep with them, and he shouldn't ever feel like he's letting someone down by not having sex with them. It's his prerogative to decide what to do, and just because he's afraid his date might think him tense or prudish doesn't count for anything.<BR/><BR/>Personally, I believe that you have to let love come to you, and that people really do give off "desperate vibes" which others can detect - and it can be a major turnoff. Searching for love, in my opinion, is a bit of an oxymoron; paradoxically, the harder you look, the less likely you are to find it.<BR/><BR/>This guy seems desperate for a relationship (in fact he says as much), but in my opinion is going about solving his problem in the wrong way.<BR/><BR/>You're virtually guaranteed NOT to find love on websites like Manhunt. Reputation aside, it's clear in the name that most guys are only there for one thing - and it's not love. It's good to play the field a bit, and go on lots of dates with different guys. But don't expect that most guys on Manhunt are looking to buy the two-bed cottage in the Cotswolds and settle down. But I think that most guys on Manhunt DO expect some sort of sex (and little else), so the young man should avoid this particular scene if it keeps getting him into difficult or troubling situations. There are plenty of other places on the internet to meet men.<BR/><BR/>The young man says "I'm really confused about the right approach to internet dating, the right mentality for gay dating, the whole sex or dating priority conflict."<BR/><BR/>I guess it depends on what his priorities are. I can see pretty clearly that he doesn't want to have sex straightaway with his dates, so he should stand by his convictions and pass it up. He'll feel better in the long run for having done so.<BR/><BR/>I doubt he's convinced deep down that he's going to find Mr Right on gaydar (or Manhunt), but he probably doesn't know where else to turn. He can use this as an opportunity to broaden his social circle and meet some new people. As long as he remains firm in his head that sex isn't a possible outcome when he goes on dates, then that's what will happen - because he'll be in control. I'm very good friends with some people I've met online - some of whom I've gone on dates with (and never shagged) and we realised we're better as friends. It does happen.<BR/><BR/>For what it's worth, I didn't have my first serious boyfriend until I was 28, and we've been together almost 4 years. We're very happy, and are almost certainly going to get CP later this year or early next. Just because you don't have a long-term relationship at 25 doesn't mean you're over the hill.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-57820023737434182232008-11-11T09:10:00.000+00:002008-11-11T09:10:00.000+00:00If you have the right attitude then it's a win-win...If you have the right attitude then it's a win-win situation. Don't go in with any expectations other than meeting. You may not be attracted to each other. He may have some annoying habit that you can't cope with. You may take one look at him in real life and walk the other way. Anything can happen...<BR/><BR/>I don't believe in the 'no sex on a first date' rule. What's wrong with sex? Moreover, if you have sex and it's BAD, BAD, BAD, it can be a real relationship killer. Imagine getting into a one month celibate relationship only to find you're completely incompatible?!?!<BR/><BR/>And if the sex is bad because of you??? Well, then you need the practice :-)<BR/><BR/>I still really don't understand this whole internet thing. In my day you'd go to a crowded smoky bar, cruise some guy for hours then go home with his friend... how times have changed :-)Ken Skinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970490152285414561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-6245913030535593802008-11-11T07:09:00.000+00:002008-11-11T07:09:00.000+00:00Hi Banker,Nice blog!Have a sextastic week!Cheers f...Hi Banker,<BR/>Nice blog!<BR/>Have a sextastic week!<BR/>Cheers from London<BR/>Kaio<BR/>www.meltingduvets.blogspot.comKaiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18197449952373863670noreply@blogger.com