tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post718216867172976351..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Email from an Asian guy with a relationship dilemmaGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-70598160567793566262009-05-04T09:13:00.000+01:002009-05-04T09:13:00.000+01:00I personally think it's ok for him to call the guy...I personally think it's ok for him to call the guy he has been dating for a few months his boyfriend. Boyfriend, as I understand the word, unlike partner or husband, is a very loose term normally used when genuine romantic interest is involved in a nascent relationship.<br /><br />I can see where GB is coming from with regards to the expectation of a monogamy. That expectation clearly exists here and it is even acknowledged and implicitly accepted by the boyfriend as indicated by his assurance that nothing physical has been going on between him other men. So we wouldn't have this problem if the sender's boyfriend had chosen to exercise his right to non-monogamy by making it clear that he prefers to be in a relationship where he can continue to have sexual contact with other men. But by giving the sender that assurance, he has effectively waived that right and submitted to the sender's expectation of a monogamous relationship.<br /><br />Although to be frank, his boyfriend lying about his age does not augur well for this couple.<br /><br />The important question is how much does the sender want to be in this relationship? Does he see himself being with him in the long term? If the answer is yes, then it is imperative for him to have that discussion that GB has mentioned. Otherwise, it's best to spare to spare himself the grief of worrying about a relationship, stop be boyfriends and just enjoy each other's company whilst he keep looking for someone physically closer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-19968731800626707082009-04-28T03:17:00.000+01:002009-04-28T03:17:00.000+01:00I fully agree with the GB that the matter at hand ...I fully agree with the GB that the matter at hand ought to be described as a (long-distance) friendship with benefits. At least for the time being...<br /><br />So, the academic reader and his friend "clicked" as in 'talk, drinks, dinner, sex'. They are also keeping in touch via the web...<br /><br />There is very little in his letter to indicate that the reader is emotionally interested in his newly found friend, albeit slightly older friend. The reader is busy with his career; the friend is busy with (possibly his career, too); and both of them are busy with chatting up other guys on the net. <br /><br />Life is full of all kinds of priorities but none of the parties involved indicated that they would walk an extra mile, to spend the quality time with his 'friend'. <br /><br />Over and over again, readers are projecting the relationship issue as if it were a job application to be received by a highly skilled HR manager, who is then to decide, who gets the hghly coveted position of a BF. This very well may be a result of a broader cultural condiitioning, but remains a huge turn off. <br /><br />It would be both great and very uplifting to read about someone who has had the guts to say, "I dig this guy a lot. I also hope that he feels the same way towards me. So, I offered to host/travel, get together. I cut off on my sleep, empty socializing, shop browsing, etc., and saved up my time to spend with him and see, where this takes us, too..."<br /><br />Emotional availability begins at home...<br /><br />SCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-89323207880840520582009-04-27T20:08:00.000+01:002009-04-27T20:08:00.000+01:00Totally agree with OMN
Ultimately it's your faith ...Totally agree with OMN<br />Ultimately it's your faith and trust in the other half<br />Constant communication is important as well, but just don't overdo it.Shawn LInoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-83429824564978622772009-04-27T09:37:00.000+01:002009-04-27T09:37:00.000+01:00One side question that comes out from the email is...One side question that comes out from the email is the matter of trust, mixed with 'it's okay if I do it, but not if you do'.<br /><br />This isn't uncommon but it is something to be aware of.<br /><br />The guy mentions online chatting. It could be that, or it could be partners going out to bars on their own, or looking at other guys, keeping ex's as friends etc.<br /><br />It's easy to get angry or suspicious when a partner do something like the above, but then you do find yourself doing the same thing and it's 'okay' because you know your own motivations and that it doesn't actually mean anything.<br /><br />The question is, how much faith do you have in the other person.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-77412122371623228282009-04-27T01:59:00.000+01:002009-04-27T01:59:00.000+01:00I don't know if worrying about losing this guy mak...I don't know if worrying about losing this guy makes him desperate. I think he has a right to be interested in what this guy is doing when he's not around. Actually, that assumes that they've determined that it is a monogamous relationship. I also think that the "boyfriend" is right. If it's just meaningless conversations, there really isn't too much harm. Especially if they are both doing it.Godfreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15669137262048096616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-38172146099732695562009-04-27T01:38:00.000+01:002009-04-27T01:38:00.000+01:00I believe your analysis of the situation is spot o...I believe your analysis of the situation is spot on, GB!<br /><br />Absolutely cannot argue with it.pojayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18184625098156610133noreply@blogger.com