tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post8646536404790395837..comments2024-01-08T00:18:57.750+00:00Comments on Gay Banker: Love, the closet, and other boyfriend issuesGBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-76298785458194424902010-10-31T20:07:06.137+00:002010-10-31T20:07:06.137+00:00I think you should've seen this coming. You s...I think you should've seen this coming. You should never be with someone you have to force to do things or change. What you see is usually what you get. So, I think you need to work on yourself for a while, and not be so concerned with being in a relationship. There's nothing most guys hate more, than a needy/clingy person. Good luck with that!!!!Musicaholenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-36247708458549515352009-04-02T19:03:00.000+01:002009-04-02T19:03:00.000+01:00Looking at the two previous comments, my guess is ...Looking at the two previous comments, my guess is that "MR in N.Carolina" had a similar break-up with his bf to the one experienced by "The broken heart guy". However, if "MR in N.Carolina" wants to respond to "The broken heart guy", I suggest he sends me the email rather than putting this correspondence in the public domain.<BR/><BR/>GB xxxGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07046768019709916759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-59150712964896916792009-04-02T15:03:00.000+01:002009-04-02T15:03:00.000+01:00To all Today I got an email from GB alerting me to...To all <BR/>Today I got an email from GB alerting me to the last comment on my letter.<BR/><BR/>***This look like April Fool day joke***<BR/>This MR in N.Carolina is not my ex BF. everything that was said above is just lies. I wish I was sneaking; it would have been very easy for me to move on instead of all the pain I felt when my ex broke up with me.<BR/>My last contact with the ex was few weeks ago (2-3) and we had a very heated arguments which I needed to finally close the chapter.<BR/><BR/>To think that my ex would write in a blog it's like a miracle.<BR/><BR/>So to whom ever decided to write the April fools day joke, nice try buddy!.<BR/><BR/>Though sometime I am thinking about sending him a link to this blog.. not sure if it is a good idea?!<BR/><BR/>for MR in N Carolina... give me one hint of truth about me if you really are my ex ha ha =). There was a neck name you always called me and tease about it.. what is it?<BR/><BR/>(The broken heart guy)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-24877813458954618512009-04-02T03:40:00.000+01:002009-04-02T03:40:00.000+01:00I've been the other guy...the one that couldn't ch...I've been the other guy...the one that couldn't change enough or give enough or go fast enough with the coming out process.<BR/><BR/>I loved my boyfriend so so so much. I never knew a love like that was possible. However, I also saw a side that was the breaking point for me. I saw a side that would do ANY and I mean ANYTHING to get what he wanted. There was so much dishonesty and sneaking around. I never knew until around the end when I started discovering things. I was crushed. <BR/><BR/>It was hard enough trying to come out and get all of that together. But, when you realize the love of your life that was to be by your side actually was spying and trying to move it along faster by dropping lines to those you knew, it's unbelievably hard to fathom that. <BR/><BR/>Everything was crushed. It ended. We were both devastated. But, how can that continue? That's a huge breach of a fundamental trust in relationships. <BR/><BR/>Sometimes, I feel like I made the wrong decision. But, I don't think the behavior would have stopped at that. <BR/><BR/>So very sad still...<BR/>MR in N.CarolinaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-32811160020005774272009-03-22T02:11:00.000+00:002009-03-22T02:11:00.000+00:00Thanks Fur inpsector.I am still gathering the piec...Thanks Fur inpsector.<BR/>I am still gathering the pieces and it's getting better. But there are moments in every day where a song or a place we been together get all the memory back. break ups are tough and this one is still bleeding. But I have to move on. I have no other choice. thx to all<BR/>The guy with the broken heartAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-76491734094735732752009-03-10T12:24:00.000+00:002009-03-10T12:24:00.000+00:00@Anon guy: it's really hard to move on when you st...@Anon guy: it's really hard to move on when you still love the man and think or dream about him but you will eventually. We all have our ways of grieving and finding a way to pick up the pieces but the important thing is that we usually can move on and find someone better in the end who loves and cares for us as we are.<BR/><BR/>@John F: I don't think it's necessary to be so extreme and destroy all the artefacts of a failed relationship (though it may work for some) -- they can be part of the healing process too. I think it's entirely reasonable to cease contact with an ex but we can't destroy the feelings and memories we have of them. We can only find some inner resolution and move on.fur inspectorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15301912773883755272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-26065978746541334472009-02-24T22:07:00.000+00:002009-02-24T22:07:00.000+00:00while i am trying to move on with my life and focu...while i am trying to move on with my life and focus on the job.. I still have dreams about him and it kills me that I am still love him regardless of what I read or convince myself...I guess it's a process and I still have sometime to go. I know I am afraid to become cynical about this.. and become jaded like some guys.<BR/>I would not deny that the thoughts of reconnecting with him still as strong as my love.<BR/><BR/>thanks guys for all the insights.<BR/><BR/>LoveAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-18063098273355769182009-02-24T09:31:00.000+00:002009-02-24T09:31:00.000+00:00The only advice I have for you is to not be embitt...The only advice I have for you is to not be embittered by this experience. Some people turn into a jaded pile of mess when their relationships do not turn out the way they had hoped, consequently affecting all their future romantic prospects. You are clearly a romantic and sadly that is quite a rare quality to find in the gay world. Many guys would love to have someone with your romantic ideals so do not let this experience turn you into your own worst enemy.<BR/><BR/>However to the ex's credit, he did come out of his shell for you, which was a big deal for him. I think that's love, but it seems that simply was not enough given that both of you are on the opposite sides of the closetedness spectrum.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-82098144554524228422009-02-23T14:47:00.000+00:002009-02-23T14:47:00.000+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07363935341994579145noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-61552834375536163392009-02-23T05:33:00.000+00:002009-02-23T05:33:00.000+00:00Thaanks guys.. it was very healing to read your co...Thaanks guys.. it was very healing to read your comments. It's hard when you love someone and when you put yourself out there. I am not going to deny that while I am focused on moving on and looking for a new job and make my life better. It's hard..i was in love with this guy.. and he was in love with me.. at least he said it many times. I can not and refused to understand why someone would choose to be alone and selfish and refuse sharing life with a loving guy. But I am wise enough to understand that life must go on and I will follow some good advice about stopping all contacts with my ex; if he does not value my love than what can I do. Maybe it's not mean to be.<BR/><BR/>thanks and all the love to you guys.<BR/>The guy who dated a confused selfish guy!.<BR/>xo xoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-70747285284545616552009-02-22T23:31:00.000+00:002009-02-22T23:31:00.000+00:00In the words of A. R Rahman, Love's Never Easy.aho...In the words of A. R Rahman, <A HREF="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/ar_rahman#/track/loves_never_easy" REL="nofollow">Love's Never Easy</A>.<BR/><BR/>ahojMadeInScotlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16565114264116867519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-21302481796007217012009-02-22T21:59:00.000+00:002009-02-22T21:59:00.000+00:00Yes! silverrrcloud, you've reminded me of the oth...Yes! silverrrcloud, you've reminded me of the other thing I wanted to say.<BR/><BR/>To the bereaved man: I know it sounds harsh and brutal, but I recommend severing all contact with your ex and with all memories, details and symbols of your ex. It seems like you know deep down that this is the right thing to do; indeed, you contacted him recently against your better judgment (and don't worry; we ALL do things like that) and it backfired. Good. Let this be a growing point. Delete him from your messenger lists so that you can't see him signing in and have to actively resist the temptation to write him; that way it's easier to ignore him. Delete him from your mobile, since even if you know his number by heart, having to type the numbers in individually instead of picking him from a list makes it harder to spontaneously contact him. Same goes for deleting him as a facebook friend, deleting his address from your email address book, etc. Every time you have the urge to call or message him, get in touch with someone else. Meet a mate for coffee. Depend on your friends because that's what they're there for.<BR/><BR/>And the hardest but probably most important thing is to erase all physical reminders of him from your life. If you have truly decided to move on, then having reminders of him at your disposal will bring nothing good. Destroy all images of him and especially all images of you and him together (note: if you cannot bring yourself to destroy them, then at least send them very, very far away - like another country). The future is you, not you and him. There is no need to be weighed down by painful reminders of an unhappy past.<BR/><BR/>Best wishes to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-72324450085294714762009-02-22T20:00:00.000+00:002009-02-22T20:00:00.000+00:00Good advice here!First, focus on securing your fut...Good advice here!<BR/><BR/>First, focus on securing your future. Your new job is your top priority. <BR/><BR/>Second,draw a line and mentally end any relatioship with your Ex. He is simply history. Treasure the moments of joy and move on. <BR/><BR/>Third, learn from this experience: <BR/><BR/>A guy can be pushed around for a while. He can make amends. He can meet yours (and even 'his' friends) but if he is fundamentally opposed to being somewhat openly gay, he'll snap back sooner rather than later and return to his old ways. <BR/><BR/>A guy like your Ex, is more likely than not, no BF material to start with. He is homosexual, alright, as he has developed a constant pattern of sexual relationships with men. But he is not gay, as in being interested in having a committed, monogamous relationship and seeing himself deeply emotionally tied to his BF. He was distant; did not want you to move in, etc. ... Actually, he was increasingly unavailable, emotionally, physically and mentally that is... . You and he have very different understanding of what being in love means for the common future of the two of you. <BR/><BR/>Last but not least, we ought to look the world from his prospective, too. He still has his job. He also has a big family and seems to be very much tied with it, too. His long vacations with them clearly show, where his interests and priorities are. He certainly enjoys male2male sex but does not wish to come out and sees very little need to tie himself in into a relationship as opposed to having ocassional fun while playing the field. <BR/><BR/>It takes both considerable skill and great deal of knowledge to overcome the cultural barriers between the men of highly different backgrounds. Draw your conclusions here and make sure that you do not repeat your old mistakes in the future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-67607847832858026052009-02-22T13:36:00.000+00:002009-02-22T13:36:00.000+00:00When my Scandinavian boyfriend and I broke up, I h...When my Scandinavian boyfriend and I broke up, I have prepared so many words ad strategies. However, in practice, you end up saying and doing very different things than you prepared or rehearsed.<BR/><BR/>I would say, just go with a flow making a job hunt a number one priority.ΖΩΗ (Life | Жизнь)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03050075008825749672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10667700.post-79212226803874391252009-02-22T13:34:00.000+00:002009-02-22T13:34:00.000+00:00My heart goes out to your correspondent; he is obv...My heart goes out to your correspondent; he is obviously a sensitive and caring man, and he has fallen for someone who in my opinion doesn't deserve him.<BR/><BR/>A few thoughts:<BR/><BR/>To the bereaved man: I know it sounds trite, but time really does heal all wounds. Distracting yourself (especially with something as all-consuming as a job search) is a great way of focusing your thoughts elsewhere and keeping your mind from running wild. You will have something positive to concentrate on and it will help you channel your emotions elsewhere.<BR/><BR/>You don't seem like the type to jump right into another relationship, which is good. I would caution you against rushing into anything straight away; give yourself a few good months to repair your self-esteem and rebuild your self-confidence.<BR/><BR/>This man clearly wasn't the right one for you. He was happy to have a physical relationship in his terms, but seemed to me completely incapable of accommodating your needs; that in itself disqualifies him from being worthy of your attention. Don't waste time beating yourself up about traits of yours which you think repelled him or he might have had a problem with. As they say, every pot has its lid and you will surely find the right man for you in time.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com