Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Relationships with bisexual men: a cautionary tale

I recently received an update from a reader who emailed me for advice almost 4 years ago. She had been living with a guy who had confided to her that he was bisexual, although he said that he hadn't acted on his feelings for men, and that he wanted a relationship with her. At the time, because of the details of their situation, neither I nor most of the readers who left comments thought that continuing a relationship with him would be a good idea. Her recent email was as follows:

Dear GB,

It's been four years since you last wrote to me and I just want to update you on what happened.

Against your advice, we still maintained the relationship because I really loved him. We recently celebrated our 6th year as a couple. During those years, I thought we were as happy as we could be. Our sexual life diminished somewhat and sometimes deep in my heart I knew that lacking passion for each other wasn't right; but barring that, we had a steady, happy relationship. I was even expecting a marriage proposal sometime this year.

However, just last night, he confessed that he couldn't control his feelings for other men any longer. He is slowly starting to accept the fact that he may be a homosexual. We've finally broken up for good, but we ended things well and are still friends. It may be 4 years too late; but at least now I am finally free to look for a man who will completely and fully love me, and he can learn to accept his real self and be truly happy.

I just want to tell you and those kind hearted people who commented on the blog that you were right. A person should be free to explore his/her true self, no matter what. I'm sorry I didn't take your advice sooner; I was blinded by love. I hope that other readers who are in the same situation will take a look at my experience and learn from it. :)

Thanks so much for giving me the advice. I reread it now and it still strikes a chord within me.

You may be thousands of miles away, but know that you have really helped changed my life. :)

Have a great day!

Lots of love,

I take no joy in finding out that our advice turned out to be correct. Anyway, let's all wish her the very best of luck in finding a nice heterosexual man who can give her the love and devotion that she deserves.


Anonymous said...

I thought originally this was going to be the other way around. Doing it with a guy with a girlfriend can be hilarious - but if she then hacks his MSN account it can get a bit weird.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

WOW that post brings back memories - has it really been 4 years?

Sorry to hear that but she seems to have taken it well :D

Good luck and I hope she does find a guy who will completely and fully love her.

BlokeToys said...

The thing is, it can work with the right people. But it is incredibly rare.
Bisexuality is a very complex issue, especially where long-term partners are involved.
A very close male friend of mine married recently, and his new wife is very open about her acceptance of his sexuality. We have what you might call a bromance, but a little more than that. She understands that we don't "love" each other in that sense, we just enjoy sharing limited sexuality between us as "buddies". Yes, it is complex, but I'm thankful that she understands and isn't threatened by it.
There is no chance of him leaving her for any guy, and she knows that.

All three of us are very lucky I guess.

It just goes to show, every relationship is different, and just because some say something will not work, doesn't mean it won't. It's just the opinions of strangers based on limited information.

It's good that she's moving on though, things obviously changed with his understanding of his own sexuality, and now she can be there as a friend rather than lose him completely.

linda said...

Haiii, I have just heard that Stacey Jackson is going to be singing at Gay Pride on 2nd July. It's awesome.

african woman said...

This blog really enlightens me about finding the right man of my life. I learn that I should not rush things like marriage because I should have really prepare for it so that I will never regret it to the end.

I really do agree with this phrase--"A person should be free to explore his/her true self, no matter what."

Thanks for sharing this inspiring post.