Saturday, July 30, 2005

Sauna fun last Monday evening

I usually go to the gym in the morning. Following a gym class timetable change however, one of my favourite instructors has moved to Monday evening, so I thought I’d try doing his class at that time instead.

After the class, although I need to get back to boyfriend number 1 for supper, I can’t help popping into the sauna to see if there’s any action. Of course, I’m not usually in the sauna in the evening so I don’t recognise anyone. This makes it harder to find a bit of fun, because when you’ve seen someone before you’ll usually have a good idea of whether they participate in sauna fun or not.

Before long, there are just four of us in the sauna. I have a strong suspicion that all of the guys are interested in participating, but one of the other guys seems much more shy than the rest of us. Suddenly he leaves, and within 5 seconds of the door closing behind him, the three of us remaining are gently playing with ourselves.

There are two of us on one side, with the other guy sitting opposite. Soon the guy sitting opposite comes over to sit between the two of us on my side. I fondle his scrotum, and soon he cums, which prompts me to cum too.

But even before we’ve finished cumming the door is opening. It’s the guy who left only a few minutes previously. The fact that he’s coming back is a strong sign that he’s interested in sauna fun (How gay men cruise gym saunas and steam rooms) but of course on this occasion he’s too late. One by one the rest of us leave. If only the poor guy had been a little less shy and more eager then he could have joined in too.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

A very brief conversation with boyfriend number 1

When I first told boyfriend number 1 that I had just been on a three and a half week holiday to Asia with another guy who he didn't know (A conversation with boyfriend number 1), it was a four hour conversation. Maybe it was longer, it was very painful.

Since then we've been getting along OK on a day-to-day basis, but there are obviously things that have to be sorted out which we've been avoiding. But now it's a bit clearer how things are going to progress.

Last Sunday I'm checking my e-mails when boyfriend number 1 comes in with a determined expression on this face.

"Can I speak to you for 5 minutes?" he says. I have a strong impression that it's going to be a serious conversation. In which case 5 minutes won't be enough.

"Sure", I reply, smiling.

"I've arranged for us to visit a counsellor together to discuss our relationship. Next Thursday 8:30am."

"Fine", I say, "I think that's a great idea". And I wasn't lying when I said that either.

"I think you've got your own issues to sort out, and I can't be your counsellor", he says. He's probably right.

So I'm very glad he's done this. I don't know why but somehow I think it will be easier for me to talk to him when there's a professional counsellor there.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A visit to a French guy in Belsize Park

At least boyfriend number 1 is now letting me cuddle him in bed. But we haven’t had any further discussions about our relationship.

Anyway, on Saturday morning I log onto gaydar. I’ve hardly used gaydar since mid June, before I went on holiday with Boyfriend number 2. I go into the chat rooms to see if there’s anyone interesting there and before too long I get contacted by a guy from South London. He’s got an interesting perversion:

One thing I like is for a guy to remain fairly clothed, to roll up his shirt and pull his pants to his knees and wank into a dish in front of me, like he's giving a sample. Would you be up for that?

Yes, I'd do that! However it turns out that the guy lives quite a long way away so I’m not going to be able to visit him.

I end up chatting to a French guy in Belsize Park. He wants me to visit him so he can watch me play with myself and also for me to let him play with me. I decide to go for it, a bit of harmless fun on a Saturday morning. So I tell boyfrend number 1 I’m heading to the gym and make my way round to see him.

It turns out that he lives on the top floor in a council block. He buzzes me in, telling me to take the lift. There are two lifts, but one of them is clearly broken. The other is functional, although a bit dirty and smelly.

As I leave the lift he’s leaning out of his door, beckoning me in. He looks very French. In spite of the dirty lift, inside his flat it’s reasonably clean.

I strip down to my gym shorts and let him grope me up the trouser leg. Soon he takes my shorts off and starts playing with me. “I can’t think of any better way to spend my time than playing with Cock!” he says to me. I have a satisfactory time.

Afterwards he tells me that he’s been living in London for 18 years. “I’m French, but from the countryside, not Paris. I tried living in Paris but the Parisians are so snobbish. They look you up and down and judge you. It’s much better over here, London is much more used to foreigners. Even so, I think Paris is the most beautiful city in the world.”

I’m now behaving just like I did before I went on holiday with boyfriend number 2, meeting guys from gaydar and in the gym sauna, but I’m not happy. I’m worried that the situation with boyfriend numbers 1 and 2 is going to get me down, and affect my work. I’m not sleeping very well, and feel very tired during the day. While on holiday boyfriend number 2 said that this was my “mid-life crisis” and perhaps he’s right.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

An exhibitionist in the gym changing rooms nearly gets caught

After chatting to C and J were in the gym sauna last Thursday I head for the shower. But I spot T who’s an occaional but enthusiastic participant in sauna fun heading in the opposite direction. So after a quick shower I head back into the sauna to see if there’s going to be any action with T today.

Apart from C, J and T, there are a couple of other guys in there that none of us recognise. Slowly T starts to get an erection. I can tell he’s feeling really horny by the way he doesn’t seem to care if other guys see. Unfortunately the guys we don’t recognise show no signs of wanting to join in so nothing much happens. After a few minutes the guys start to leave, including C and J.

All of a sudden it’s just me and T. Immediately T comes and sits next to me and touches me. I touch him back, his erection is very hard. Suddenly he pulls me towards him and starts snogging me, wow this guy really needs action today! But almost immediately we have to stop, the sauna door is opening and a guy who’s definitely a non-participant is coming in.

T leaves for the shower and I follow soon afterwards. T’s got an enormous erection, and he has to try and hold his towel in front to hide it. In the shower I spot him playing with himself a bit, and he looks a bit upset when he sees me leave, heading back towards the lockers.

Looking back towards T, I loiter in the corridor wondering what he’s going to do. I don’t have to wait long to find out. He follow me into the corridor, looks around, and starts playing with himself there and then. I can’t believe it! One of the guys who are still showering might come out and see him, or another guy might see him as he enters the corridor en route to the showers.

He clearly needs to cum. I go up to him and rub his shoulders, smiling at him and watching him. The excitement of the risky situation, coupled with me touching him turns out to be what he needs – he explodes into the towel he’d holding in front of him. “Thanks mate”, he says quietly, “I needed that”. I think I’d worked that out!

Back at home, life goes on almost as normal since I had the conversation with boyfriend number 1. But we both know that underneath this pretence things are not normal, and there are issues to sort out. I’ve been offering to show boyfriend number 1 the photos of the holiday I had with boyfriend number 2, but he keeps putting me off. We definitely need to discuss things further so when I get round to showing boyfriend number 1 I’m going to make sure a few photos of boyfriend number 2 are included. Hopefully that’ll be the catalyst to trigger a further conversation.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Back in the sauna in the London gym

Today was my first day back in the sauna at the gym in London. I'm in the men's changing room heading for the showers but just ahead of me I see J enter the sauna so I follow him in. Shortly afterwards C comes in, followed by W shortly after him.

Although we're all naked and perhaps after a bit of fun we start talking to each other. It’s clear from the conversation that in my absence J and C have been getting to know each other quite well.

“How was your holiday, have you got them all sorted out now?” C asks eventually.

I guess this is a reference to the last time I saw C in the sauna when I told him that I had too many boyfriends (Some of us have such complicated lives), meaning boyfriend number 1 and boyfriend number 2.

“Not sure, but it was a great holiday”, I reply, “Has the gym been busy?” I don't want to talk about the boyfriend situation. I'm feeling really rotten about it. I still adore boyfriend number 1 but I’m not sure he’s going to forgive me for going on a three and a half week holiday with another man. He won’t let me cuddle him in bed anymore. I’m hoping he’s going to be more rational.

“In here it’s been busy”, laughs C answering my question, “on one occasion last week there were six of us all playing with ourselves!”

We chat about the gay scene in the gym, and a bit about the London gay sauna scene too. W doesn’t really join in the conversation – he hasn’t participated in sauna fun since he got a boyfriend about a year ago. After a few minutes W leaves and I beckon to J.

“Come and sit next to me over here”, I say smiling. I really like playing with J (A session with J in the gym sauna last Wednesday).

“I’d like to”, says J, “but I’m late for work”. None the less he comes and sits next to me so I start playing with him.

“I’m feeling a bit left out,” says C.

“Well don’t”, laughs J, “come over here.”

Soon C is standing directly in front of J and while I’m playing with J, J is simultaneously playing with me and C. But we don’t get very far. We spot a guy that doesn’t participate in sauna fun heading for the door so quickly we disengage. Ahh well, there’s always another time!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

A conversation with boyfriend number 1

“You know you said you were trying to think of someone else for me to go on holiday with, after you told me that you couldn’t go”, I start, nervously.


“Well I found someone. But you don’t know them. I’ve been away with them on the entire holiday.”

Boyfriend number 1 looks me in the eye, in disbelief. Up until this point he had thought that I had been on holiday alone.

“What exactly are you saying?” he asks me. But I don’t reply.

“You mean that you’re seeing someone. You’ve been having an affair?” He looks angry now.

“Well yes I suppose so. But he doesn’t live in London, he lives in Singapore. I met him out there on my business trips. I only asked him to come with me when you told me that you couldn’t go.”

We have a difficult conversation for the next 4 hours. Surprisingly, he doesn’t want to know anything about boyfriend number 2. The whole thing is made easier because boyfriend number 2 doesn’t live in London. We discuss many issues, however he doesn’t ask whether I’ve met any other guys too, and I don’t volunteer the information. By the end of it, I’ve basically said I want an open relationship, but he’s not very happy about it.

It’s going to take a long time to work out all the issues. But at least we’re still talking to each other.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Has my relationship with boyfriend number 1 broken down?

I’m now in Bangkok international airport, waiting for my connecting flight back to London. I made a decision on the flight between Phnom Penh and Bangkok – to try and get a bit of emotional support and advice from someone I trust. But who? In the end I turn to an old university friend who’s had his share of (heterosexual) relationship turmoil, so I phone him from Bangkok.

He’s slightly surprised to hear my voice.

“Are you busy”, I ask.

“No not really. Where are you?”

“Bangkok! I’ve just been on a three and a half week holiday in Indochina.”

“Wow”. Silence. “It’s always nice to hear from you”, he continues, “but are you calling for any particular reason?”

“Errr, yes actually. I think you know I’ve been with boyfriend number 1 since 1989, but I’ve just been away on this holiday without him. The truth is that I’ve been on this holiday with another guy and boyfriend number 1 doesn’t know. Do you think I should tell him when I get back to London?”

Stunned slience. But I know this friend really enjoys these kind of situations. He always has.

A couple of years ago this friend told me about his brother’s divorce. His brother had been going through a rocky period with his wife, and as a side effect of the difficult domestic situation the guy ended up having just one shag with another woman. He found shagging this other woman after many years of monogamy a liberating experience and he needed to discuss with someone. Naturally enough he choses his brother (my friend). The only problem was that when he eventually got round to discussing it with his brother they were both slightly drunk, and also slightly too loud. The wife ended up hearing everything and she demanded a divorce the next day.

Complete turmoil from a single shag. So what on earth do I deserve? The first advice my friend gives me is very practical.

“Well will you get found out? If you are going to get found out, it’s better that he hears it from your lips. It can be very easy for the genie to escape from the bottle, an e-mail sent to a wrong address which gets seen by him, a txt msg he picks up on your mobile phone when you’re at the gym ....”

“I haven’t told you this before”, I say, “but I haven’t been very faithful to him for ages. I’m used to keeping my activities from him, but a three and a half week holiday with another man is probably past the point of no return isn’t it? Perhaps all this is just symptomatic of relationship breakdown?”

I don’t tell my friend about this blog. Looking at it in the cold light of day, I can’t help thinking that this blog is perhaps another symptom of relationship breakdown.

“I never thought the two of you had much in common”, he says. I can see the gloves are off now! But perhaps he’s right?

Talking to my friend is quite theraputic. My tentative decision to discuss things more truthfully with boyfriend number 1 does seem correct. I’ve also had a few e-mails from readers of this blog who reckon I’m not being fair to boyfriend number 1.

I don’t know what’ll happen next, but it’s definitely time to try and sort things out, for better or worse.

Asia holiday 2005: waiting to fly back to London

I'm now in Phnom Penh airport, about to return back to London via Bangkok. I said goodbye to boyfriend number 2 about half an hour ago and he's now on board his flight back to Singapore. We've definitely had a great time together, and at the moment I'm missing him terribly.

While I'm pondering my current dilema regarding what to do about my relationship with boyfriend number 1, I've decided to post some pictures of the places I've been to on this holiday with boyfriend number 2. I received an e-mail a few days ago, which included the line

It's a shame you can't post pictures of these countries ...

but of course there's no reason not to post pictures so I will. Rather than cluttering up the main blog, I've set up a separate "blog" with the pictures: Asia Holiday 2005.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Asia holiday 2005: en route to Cambodia

I’m currently in Saigon airport, waiting to fly to Cambodia for the last leg of the holiday. I’ve now been in the company of boyfriend number 2 for two and a half weeks, and it’s still great being with him. We had to get up very early today to drive to the airport, and to get a bit of extra sleep we cuddled up together on the back seat of the car which was lovely. Boyfriend number 1 always shuns public displays of affection like that.

Even if I wanted to (which I don’t), it wouldn’t be possible to dump boyfriend number 1 and shack up with boyfriend number 2. Although we get on with each other very well, we live on opposite sides of the world. I know I’ve had a much better time on this holiday with boyfriend number 2 than would have been possible with boyfriend number 1. Perhaps it will be possible to go on holiday with boyfriend number 2 again?

I still adore boyfriend number 1 but I’m going to have to tell him about boyfriend number 2. A couple of naughty nights with boyfriend number 2 on an occasional business trip is one thing, but spending three and a half weeks almost permanently in his company moves it on to another level. I’m not sure how boyfriend number 1 is going to react.

Boyfriend number 2 reckons I’m still very confused about what I want. He reckons that the way I enjoy cuddling and intimacy is different from a standard open gay relationship because it’s more than just casual sex, i.e. there’s at least some emotional attachment. Of course I’ve never even agreed an open relationship with boyfriend number 1.

I can see that life is going to get complicated back home in London.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Asia holiday 2005: Hoi An, Vietnam

After visiting a few places in northern Vietnam, I’m now in Hoi An with boyfriend number 2. The hotel we’re staying in offers various spa therapies, including one named “Adam and Eve” for couples. But Vietnam seems reasonably gay friendly so boyfriend number 2 suggested that we ask for an “Adam and Adam” couple session and the hotel was happy to oblige.

We had supper last night with a couple of American women that we’d met at our hotel. This posed a potential problem:

“What do we say if they ask about us?” queried boyfriend number 2.

“Tell them the truth if you like”, I joke.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, too complicated”.

“OK, lets just say we’re boyfriends”, I suggest.

“Fine”. He’s smiling, so he’s doesn’t mind us being seen as a couple. That makes me feel very happy.

The amusing thing about that conversation is that often gay couples would be wondering whether to admit that they’re gay. That concern doesn't seem relevant any more.

After supper boyfriend number 2 admits something to me, “you know I’ve been feeling very guilty, because I know you’ve got a boyfriend back in London.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty, this whole situation is my fault not yours.”

“OK, but I do feel guilty”. Pause. “Which is why I haven’t been that responsive to you in bed.”

I reach out and hold his hand and we smile at each other. From the start of this holiday we’ve been getting on well, and now after this discussion I feel that we’re going to get with each other even better, especially between the sheets!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Asia holiday 2005: massage in Laos

One nice aspect of going on holiday with someone new is that one ends up doing things which one probably wouldn’t otherwise have done. It turns out that boyfriend number 2 is keen on massage and spa treatments. I had one massage session in Italy a few years ago with a woman which I didn’t really enjoy, but with boyfriend number 2 keen to see what Laos has to offer in terms of massage I decide to give it a go.

“I prefer male masseurs”, he says. I’d never thought of that, and naturally that makes me much more interested!

“And sometimes extras are available?” he continues.

“Extras?”, I query, naïvely.

“Basically they end up giving you a wank, but you have to give them a big tip. It’s just a form of prostitution really”, he explains.

“Well, I’ve got you for extras”, I say, and he laughs.

I had three massages while we were in Laos, all administered by gorgeous young Lao guys. Although the hotels we were staying in offered massage, we went directly to places offering massage outside the hotels to get better deals. And with the last massage in Vientiene, I was offered extras.

Gradually working his way up my leg, applying pressure to the muscles, each time he gets to the top of my leg he goes a bit further and ends up pressing on my cock. The whole experience is very relaxing and I start to get an erection. He moves onto my other leg with the same technique, and slowly my erection grows. It’s not a full hard-on, but obvious none the less.

Now, touching my erection very gently, running his finger up and down its whole length he murmurs “Hmmm, good”. I have a strong impression that with just a bit of encouragement he’ll give my cock even more attention, but I decide against it. I don’t want to pay. None the less, the whole experience is very satisfying.