Thursday, August 02, 2012

Email from a guy who lives in Kampala

A few weeks ago, I received a query from a reader in Africa:

Dear GB,

I do hope that this e-mail finds you in good health. I have been following your blog since 2009 and I do like it. Your blog first caught my attention because I once lived in the UK and had dreams of becoming an Investment Banker but I failed to go through the tough recruitment process.

Anyway, reason for my e-mail is to seek for some kind of advice (I have and am still seeking for advice from elsewhere too) on avenues of finding a right partner. In brief, I will be 32 this September, my academic background is in Economics and I have just over 8 years' combined work experience in investment analysis and management, agri-business and freelance business consultancy. I am also a part time entrepreneur and one of the few CFAs you will find here in Kampala, Uganda.

I have had a string of 'boy friends' here in Kampala but most of these have been straight boys who I seduce into relationships and kind of look after them. I am officially tired of this arrangement and I am now looking for friendships that could possibly lead to a long term affair. I am interested in 30+ and I think I can do up to 65 years.

What I have discovered here in Kampala since I came back in 2005 from my studies in the UK is that the gay scene does not really have the kind of people I am looking for. I can date any person of any background but personally I think I am sort of bent to relating with professional whites. I think this is so because I came out while I was in the UK as a student and was introduced to lots of white professionals out there by friends, lots of whose contacts I long lost when I came back to Kampala. Life here is slow and it irritates me for such.

Do you have any idea of how I can make friends with professionals out there in the UK? Of course, I am now busy browsing the different internet gay sites and there are some interesting leads here and there.


When I first read this reader's email, it seemed surprising to me that someone could be looking for a partner from so far away. So I sent him a quick reply as follows:

Hi, thanks for reading my blog :-).

Kampala is a long way from London, as I'm sure you now. But it sounds like you're looking for contact with gay white professionals who live in the UK, so I'm just wondering how you think that kind of relationship would work?

Best wishes, GB xxx

I didn't have to wait long for his reply:

Hi GB.

Many thanks for the quick reply. Thought I would wait for days given your somewhat busy schedule. Anyways, yes I am looking for contacts with gay white professionals who live in the UK and yes I know it is quite a long distance from Kampala to the UK. However, I am very open to communication over the phone and or e-mail with someone up there who is interested in meeting a person like myself. I mean, if all seems well then I have no problem organising a a short visit to the UK to meet up with the person - I can pay for all my expenses and have no strings attached initially.

I have friends here who have been introduced and or met people from over there while they are here and the affairs have grown into life partnerships.

As earlier communicated, I once lived in the UK while completing my studies and I have lots and lots of relatives (well, most of them don't want to associate with me because of my sexuality).

Thing is, I am tired of the relationships here coz they all seem to be 'commercial based' and at 32 I think I now need a lifelong partner who fits my criteria.

Unfortunately, apart from all the usual dating web sites of which this reader is already aware, I have no idea how he might find a life partner from the UK to go and join him in Uganda. Do any other readers have any suggestions for him?


Bill said...

Is what is really being talked about here someone who might assist this person to obtain a visa to live/work in the UK as distinct from being in the UK on a student visa? I don't get the impression he wants to get a white professional to come and live with him in Uganda - given the laws there I don't thnk either would be able to enjoy an 'open' gay lifestyle.

GB said...

You could be right, Bill. Re-reading the emails, it was the second paragraph of his second email (the one that starts "I have friends here ...") that made me think that he's looking for a white boyfriend in Kampala. But perhaps he's open to either.

GB xxx

Anonymous said...


AS far as I am aware there are lots professional gay white guys that live and work in Kampala. Of course they're not openly gay whilst in the country. They are expats from all over Europe and the Americas. I'm Ugandan myself and I never fail to get a shag when I go out there on holiday every year. More often than not it is with white guys.

It could be that the gentleman who emailed you is perhaps not associating himself with social circles that would bring him into contact with his longed for white guy.

I suggest the emailer try changing social environments.

x x

Anonymous said...

If he looks for gay white guys in Uganda, typically foreign embassy employees would be a good hunting ground! :-)

Anonymous said...

I find this post incredibly sad. Why does a UGANDAN man think that he needs to look for a relationship with white guys in the UK as opposed to other kinds of guys in the UK (Africans, Asians, etc) or even his fellow Ugandans? It seems clear to me that he has some underlying issues. If anything, it seems more reasonable that he should look for a mate (or a job) in a place like South Africa which is a bit more liberal, still African, and also more multicultural and multiethnic than Uganda. The idea that a black Ugandan would exclusively hold out for a white Londoner (up to age 65) in terms of seeking out a serious relationship seems to suggest he is (a) either not serious about finding a relationship or (b) he needs to sit down and personally reflect why finding a gay partner with which he can relate in his own country, or even continent, of birth is somehow not acceptable!

Anonymous said...

I dont think GB understands what he is saying.having a gay relationship is hard in a country like Uganda because it is illegal. He may have a stable job but he wants more. Most african men who are MSM want a shag but nothing more. If you are serious about a lifelong gay relationship and you are African ,your best bet is a white man

Anonymous said...

I would stop short of trying to see any underlying issues here such as obtaining a visa to live/work in the UK. This may or may not be the case. Thus, in dubio pro reo.

I understand the guys who establish their own sexual gay identity within a certain environment wish to return to it. They believe that what worked for them once would work for them again. Again, this may be true or not. But for most people, it may be an avenue well-worth exploring.

My advice here is to simply come over to the UK, as a tourist and try to meet up whoever may be suitable. This would be a good starting point.


Matovu Eric said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
traveller2014 said...

Im in kampala and I can't find a single gay guy full stop! Lol theres no dating sites, no members on grindr etc are logged on, its like a drought! :(