An email from a young gay woman

Observant readers may have noticed that I've started keeping a list of 'Pending Dear GB postings' in the right hand column, just underneath my e-mail address. Part of the reason for this is to reassure the people who've emailed me that I haven't forgotten them, as well as to remind me the order to respond to them in. However when I got home last Saturday night, there was a new 'Dear GB' email waiting for me which seems more urgent that the others waiting in my inbox, so I'm going to allow a bit of 'queue jumping'. Although I sent back a reply, I'm not sure I was much help, so this is another case where comments on this posting could be very valuable.

The email was as follows:

Dear GB,

Hi there, i think! I've read your blog on and off for a while now and its brilliant to have someone as educated as you trying to eloquently describe (without graphic details) what its like living in a non-monogamous relationship.

But...i'm emailing for a bit of advice and unlike many of your readers, i'm a young gay woman. It's about homophobia in the workplace and given that you seem to have risen very high in your profession and having a PhD, i thought you might have experienced something which might help me.

I'm 17, and i attend a sixth form in the UK, although my base school (where i attend the majority of my lessons) is a catholic convent school for girls. I've attended this school since i was 11 and as i've grown up i've realised that i'm gay. Recently i wrote a piece for a publishing committee about coming out, how hard it is and what troubles you face when you do. The brief was "dispelling teenage myths" and i think it fitted it perfectly.

On Wednesday i was called into a meeting with the head of sixth and head of year where they told me that they would not be permitting my piece to be published as it was the "incorrect forum" owing to the fact that it would be published in conjunction with my catholic school. I argued my point, saying that what they were saying was discrimination on the basis of sexuality i.e. homophobia as they were not allowing it to be published because it was about being gay. The conversation further continued and the stance they took was that i had to "tow the line" as it was a catholic institution. The committee which are in charge of the book have raised their concerns and the completion date of the book has been put back.

It's not just the book though, the head of sixth wants to tell my mother that i am gay. I tried to explain that she had no basis to break confidentiality as my sexuality has not detrimental to my welfare but she replied and said she had a "moral obligation."

I'm a bit lost and don't really know what to do as i can't go to anyone higher in the school as the head teacher is a nun and i doubt she would sympathise. She has no grounds to do this but i can't stop her. I need to put together some sort of defence but i don't know what. Which is why i'm emailing you, in the hope that you could suggest somewhere to go or an organisation which would help.

Attached to this email was her article about coming out, so I've posted that separately in my Reader's stories category. Before I went to bed last Saturday, I emailed her the following reply:

Dear reader,

Very sorry to hear about your situation.

I'm wondering whether you've tried phoning the London Lesbian and Gay switchboard (020-7837-7324) for advice on this one. I used to know a few people who worked for them, and I know that they've got a long list of useful organisations to hand.

This also sounds exactly like the kind of case that interests Stonewall, who are meant to stand for "equality and justice for lesbians, gay men and bisexuals". I know they campaign for equality everywhere including schools, but they'd also be interested in the issue relating to the threat of outing you to your mother which is outrageous. I doubt that they'd be able to do anything immediately, but they may well find the case useful in their campaigns.

It could well be that the threat of outing you to your mother is just intended to try and get you to drop the whole subject of publishing your (well written) article about coming out. I have no idea what the legal situation is on them outing you to your mother, but there may be one, e.g. perhaps it could be regarded as an "abuse of human rights".

In terms of publishing the article, my guess is that they can choose to publish exactly what they want, and there's precious little you can do about it. The only way forward there I can think of is getting enough other students behind you to try and show them that their attitude is wrong. But can you face being outed to your family?

Given the strength of your article, I'm actually surprised that you're not out to your family yet. My guess is that even if this situation hadn't arisen, it wouldn't be too long before you did come out to your mother. If you choose not to let the issue drop as your teachers want, unfortunately I think you do need to come out to her, because it's better for her to hear it from you than from someone else.

GB xxx

Yesterday I got a further email from her saying that "The lesbian & gay switchboard is forever engaged ...", and acknowledging that stonewall may be a good idea. But can any other readers offer any further advice?