Monday, May 14, 2007

A weekend away with boyfriend number 2

The first Monday in May was a bank holiday in the UK, so I took the opportunity to have a long weekend and visit boyfriend number 2. Boyfriend number 2 lives in a different country and I hadn't seen him since the holiday we had together in Argentina last December.

Not many gay bars here!We had decided to spend one day together in the city, and then hire a car and head out to a spa hotel in the nearby countryside. Luckily we'd managed to find a hotel that employs a few male therapist in their spa, unlike various other Spa hotels that I've visited in the past!

Having looked at their Spa menu online, Boyfriend number 2 was keen to get me to do a massage session designed for couples with him, but would the hotel be happy doing that for a gay male couple? I decide that it would be best to ask in advance, so towards the end of the day in the city I phone them up:

"Hi is that the Spa?" I ask, having been put through from the main switchboard.

"Yes Sir, how can I help you today?" says a polite female voice.

"We'll be staying in your hotel over the weekend," I start, "and we'd like to have the couples massage that you offer. Can we make a booking please, if possible with two of your male therapists?"

It turns out that they're quite booked up, especially since we want two male therapists, however they're able to fit us in towards the end of the second day that we'll be there.

"And is there anything else I can help you with today sir?"

"Just one thing," I say confidently, "we're a male couple, and since we're having a massage together I just thought that you should know :-)".

"That's fine sir," replies the receptionist without flinching, "we look forward to welcoming you both to the spa".

Good, as expected, it's not a problem!

Neither of us had been to this hotel before, but it turns out to be a good choice. And over dinner with boyfriend number 2 on our first night there, I ask him about his love life.

"So are you still dating," I ask him, "and trying to find a full time boyfriend?"

"Well to be honest GB, I don't know if that's possible any more!"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, I've usually very busy with my job, I'm in contact with you most days with emails or on the phone, and I've got lots of friends now too. If I can see you occasionally like this, how can I fit in a full time boyfriend?"

Although I'm very happy that he values me as a part time boyfriend, I do worry that having taken that role I'm somehow preventing him from finding a guy who'll be able to share his life with him more consistently that I can.

Overall, we have a great time at the spa hotel together. The massage session for couples is great, all the hotel staff are very friendly, and the hotel itself is tucked away in a beautiful part of the countryside.

"So I'll miss you being next to me tonight when I'm on the plane," I tell boyfriend number 2 as we're driving back to the city.

"But at least you'll have boyfriend number 1 the night after," says boyfriend number 2 sounding upset, "the next few nights will be tough for me without you."

Oh dear :-(. This is a situation entirely of my own construction. There's no deception of course, because boyfriend number 2 knows about all my other boyfriends and liaisons. I've also never pretended to him that I could become a full time boyfriend, although I certainly do wish that I could see him more often. But thinking about some of the things that he said, I can't help wondering whether he secretly hopes that one day we'll be able to live together full time. Although I can think of some scenarios where that might happen, all of them seem very unlikely at the moment. He's a lovely, beautiful, sensitive, caring guy, but by agreeing that we're part-time boyfriends, am I playing with his affections?


Anonymous said...

I think you shouldnt keep this relation because it is not fair
for your boyfriend number 2.
It is difficult situation but sometimes you need to think about other
people before thinking of yourself. We cant have everything we want. Can
you keep all of your boyfriends happy? To be honest, i dont think so.
All of them want to be your full-time boyfriend.
I dont critise you but i just think it is not fair for them and you
are preventing them.

GB said...

Well indeed anonymous, that's my concern too. Although they're all free to tell me that they don't want to see me any more, or to discuss changing the terms of our relationship/friendship. It would be very hard for me to say that I don't want to see any of them any more, because I honestly do love them all.

GB xxx

Anonymous said...

I dont know is it true that you can love many people at the same time? I always think we only love 1 person and we like the rest.

If you love them all, you should let them "free". For example, if I were one of your boyfriends, I would want to be together with you as a full-time boyfriend. I know the fact is you wont break up with your boyfriend number 1. However, I will wait and wait for your decision as I think one day you become my full-time boyfriend. It will never happen.

I think you should be brave for one time to make a decision rather than keep the situation like now.

If you were the guy number 2, what would you do if someone asks you for a date? Would you accept the invitation or would you reject it? I think the anwer will be rejection because he loves you. Just think about how many times does he reject a date?

When we are young, dating with someone is very easy. However, when we get old, dating is very difficult.

muse-ic said...

I guess this is the thing about having polygomous relationships; maybe, secretly, he wants it to be monogomous?

Time for a chat, perhaps?
Or maybe he was just on an anti climax after a fantastic weekend?

GB said...

But all my boyfriends are free anonymous. This mostly relates to boyfriend number 2 of course, and I have always encouraged him to try and find a full time boyfriend. I always tell him that I'm not jealous too, because I know he obviously needs to find guys for fun when I'm not around. On top of that I also know that he has been dating a lot, but I think his recent comments mean that he can't see a relationship progressing further than the bedroom with any of the guys he meets.

I think muse-ic's probably right though, maybe he would secretly like me to be his full time boyfriend. So I definitely need to make sure he's got realistic expectations when I see him next.

GB xxx

Sir Wobin said...

Perhaps you're making too much of this comment. You are boyfriends after all and it's natural to feel some attachment to the other person. That he misses you when you're not with him is touching. His lament that you have boyfriend number 1 but that he'll be alone is a bit sad but he is free to sort that out when a decent love interest comes his way. Patience is always a virtue that's easier to recommend than to practice.

If he feels comfortable that you fill a love niche in his life, well so much the better that he doesn't have to rush desperately into the first vaguely good opportunity. He's dating otehr guys and your company and love give him the space to wait for the right choice. Too many singles act hastily and a bit desperately. More people should have the good fortune of boyfriend number 2 status and be ready to fill that special boyfriend number 1 place of their own when the time is right.

You just can't hurry love.

Anonymous said...

When will the time right?

Humming Bird in Hyde said...

I think the key is to find out if bf2 is really happy. I think you have always ment well for him and that's sweet. Sounds like a nice holiday gb.

GB said...

I think you make good points Bwave Sir Wobin. And indeed HBH, I'll try and find out how happy he is when I see him next, hopefully next month.
GB xxx

close encounters said...

wow, you finally got around to visiting him ... but your post sounds strangely subdued ... i hope it wasn't, considering how long you have waited ?

Whilst I like Bwave Sir Wobin's comment that you may be giving BF2 the time and confidence to find somebody else, if your part-time relationship with him stops him from looking [is he dating or going on shag dates?], then I don't think it is valid.

btw, how were the flights - flat beds ??

GB said...

Flat beds fine as always close encounters LOL :-)

And I certainly don't stop bf#2 going on dates. I also know he as shag dates as you put it! Everything is up to him :-).

GB xxx

close encounters said...

GB, I'm afraid I don't agree that it's solely up to BF#2 ... surely you have to recognise the joint responsibility that you both have (on BF#2's prospects) by continuing the part-time relationship ?