Last Monday, I received the following email from a guy who only came out about a year ago. His comments towards the end about being attracted to his straight friends reminded me that I often found myself in the same situation.
Hi GB,
How r u?
I am a 22yo from India.
I am following ur blog for quite some weeks now. i really like it.........n love reading watever u write.
I am into this gay thing since a year now. Now i think i have got the white belt at least.
I hav had some nice time with 3 guys till now. I realy loved the first one but he left me for unknown reasons. Second one was an idiot. third one i dont like physically but i love him as a person. Still in search for someone.......i keep tryn....and i miss d 1st one a lot.
Abt comin out.....
its difficult in india to come out. i dont care for n e one......but my parents.......they cannot understand, i know coming out is not an option......rite now i m jus searchin for some nice guy......i keep meetin n datin.....thru net.
You know what realy troubles me-------
I have a lot of gud friends and i like some of them a lot. Some of them are very close friends and its so difficult to suppress ur feelings and keep to oneself. It realy kills me when i m wid them...attracted....i jus wana kiss them........love them......such nice feelings .....but cant express. But slowly n stedily i hav learned to live with this........it goes away in time .......
Ur blog makes me feel gud about myself.....seriously. i never wanted to be gay.....but i know i am. And i am sure.
With lots of love n special thanks
Sunday, June 10, 2007
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1 comment:
yes, those feelings go away as you get more "experienced". its good in a way because you're able to control what you feel and not be an idiot around them.
but sometimes i get to a stage where i wonder if i'll ever feel those strong impulsive feelings for anyone. if all my feelings have been dampen to a point where i'll not be able to love my partner as much. (because my instinct tells me to be careful with whom i express feelings for. because the past tells me that most of those you have feelings for would not return the same feelings back to you.)
i think we gays are very good at controlling and suppressing what we want to feel.
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