Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Betrayal really hurts

A bottle of CristalA few days ago, I went to the drinks event for gay bankers who work in London with my colleague P. We're one and a half bottles of wine into the evening (with a cheeky little 1996 Médoc) when a guy that I vaguely know from the old days of the gym sauna comes up to us to have a chat.

"Hi," he says, "remember me?"

"Yes of course :-)," I reply, happy to see him, "You're from the gym, right?"

"Such a pity they closed that sauna," he continues, "well, for me anyway. Not for you so much of course, I reckon you'd had ALL the guys there anyway!"

And he laughs loudly.

What kind of conversation is this? He knows that I sometimes used to have a bit of fun in the gym sauna, but why on earth does he think it's at all appropriate to talk about it in front of someone he doesn't know?

"Errr, I don't know what you mean," I reply laughing, but laughing nervously. My colleague P has always had his suspicions about me, and this guy's conversation is really feeding his thoughts :-(. Caught off guard, I know that I'm doing a bad job of pretending that this guy is just joking.

Luckily, a friend of this guy comes up and interrupts him. I get introduced, so I introduce P to them both in return. But betrayal like this really hurts.

On my side, I can't think of any confidences of this guy that I've ever betrayed, quite the reverse in fact. Why on earth does this guy think it's appropriate to bring up past gym encounters at a drinks party?

But at least this guy doesn't know about the turmoil that I'm going through in my personal life at the moment in connection with boyfriend number 1. Sometimes, it makes me feel very vulnerable. If this guy knew about that, it really would have been completely inexcusable!


Stairs said...

I can think of one person who I dislike bumping into at parties, not because he's deliberately unkind, but because he completely lacks social intelligence and the tact that comes along with it.

Perhaps he simply has different ideas about the level of your friendship than you do? I could tolerate a comment like that from someone I was really close to (it would have to be in jest as my partner and I are a little more conservative with ourselves), whether appropriate or not, but from someone else, well, it would release the public school boy within me (dark clouds envelop the sun and my eyes glow crimson before public, verbal evisceration spills the fools guts across the floor).

I'm sorry to hear that you were put in that position.

Sir Wobin said...

What a w*nker. Was this twit particularly drunk? It's only appropriate to make comments like that in front of other friends that know the score. I only talk like that with my friends who have all slept with each other (and continue to do so). Making comments like that in front of people whom one doesn't know is tactless.

It's getting harder for you to keep your life compartmentalised. BF2 knows you're GB. A friend saw GB mail on your blackberry. You occasionally mix socially with some people whom you've played with. I get the impression from your blog that you rely on things being in their proper place, a place of your choosing. And now bf1, someone really close to you has chosen to leave. Actors in your drama are moving all over the stage in ways you can't direct.

You're not able to exercise your choices as well as you've been used to and you've had it your way for quite a while. It's no wonder that you're feeling vulnerable.

No situation is permanent. It was always bound to change and change never waits for you to choose. This is what Buddhists talk about when they speak of karma maturing - it's a time when your choice is severely limited or removed for a time. We set in motion events that play out over time in ways we don't always foresee and at some point we're just caught in the whirlwind.

Happens to all of us sometime. *comfort*

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

What a buttwipe. He was proabably just jealous that he wasn't one of them. Dick.

I think your comeback was good given the circumstance, but sorry to say it, the damage was kinda done.

Sorry dude. Such behavious is totally inexcusable. You'd have been well in your rights to have sucker-punched him

Bobby Vanquish said...

He's been waiting for the opportunity to say that to you in public, to embarras you, for the longest time. It's just because he's jealous.

In my gym I go to, a guy once caught me having a bit of this-and-that with someone in the shower-stall opposite. He rolled his eyes, tutted and stomped out.

Later in the changeroom, at the top of his voice (he was V. camp) he declared... "if you wanna do that here you should do it privately."

"Jealousy makes you nasty", is what I thought.

Monty said...

He's a complete Fuckwit! If you were a nasty piece of work, I could maybe understand it, but you're're a really top guy, a genuinely nice guy and so this dude's conduct is inexcusable! Big hug! There's plenty of people out there who are still trustworthy!

Monty! xxx

Anonymous said...

He might just have been a bit drunk - alcohol lowers inhibitions.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps everyone is right - but perhaps the guy was just a but immature or simply naive.

Anonymous said...

Immature, naive? NO excuses man, he's a shithead.

Don't let it get to you too much anyway GB. It is impossible not to feel angry or hurt but he's not worth it.

P.s. I am glad things are looking up with BF1.

Take care!

Anonymous said...

That was uncalled for :-( what an ass.



The Murphy Syndrome said...

Maybe he's a social retard. What he did was quite mean and I think no one in their right mind would do such a thing unless they're bitter or they're socially retarded. sorry about that.

Anonymous said...

Well, if you don't want that sort of thing to haunt your life don't do it in the first place. Sure the guy was an idiot for mentioning it, but if you must go to special gay do's (was it in a ghetto) then you will be mixing with people who may know things about you.....

GB said...

Thanks for all the comments guys :-). Sir Wobin's comment about 'karma maturing' is very interesting, and I know exactly what he means. BV's comment about jealousy is intersting too, I hadn't thought of that. I think he may have had a drink or two, as one of the anonymous commentators suggests, but none the less I'm sure my best course of action is to avoid him completely in future. It's the old proverb, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"!

GB xxx