Sunday, December 07, 2008

Timeout

I think I've been quite lucky with some of the characteristics that I've inherited from my parents. Lucky, because I reckon I've ended up with my father's brains and my mother's sunny disposition. Although my father is a clever guy, he's got a significant depressive streak in his personality. On the other hand, although my mother isn't academically strong, she's a sensible and kind woman who always looks on the bright side of life. Indeed, if forced to take all characteristics from one parent, I'd go for my mother's characteristics every time.

So I don't expect my current sadness to last. For a few days last year, I felt almost overwhelming sadness when I finally realised that my relationship with ex-boyfriend S was irretrievably broken. This time though, the sadness relates to boyfriend P.

I didn't blog about it at the time, but last summer an opportunity arose which might have allowed me to get an investment banking job in the city where boyfriend P works.  Unfortunately the global financial crisis put a stop to that, so I've been hoping that perhaps boyfriend P could move to live in London with me. Indeed, over the last year or more he's given me many signs that he might be able move to London one day. After our recent trip to Asia together, I thought that  everything was good between us.  However, now that ex-boyfriend S is out of the way and moving to London has actually become feasible, boyfriend P is no longer sure that it's such a good idea for him.

After a lot of discussions about our future, a couple of days ago we agreed a "timeout" so that we'll take a break from each other and discuss everything again in January. This means that we won't be with each other for either Christmas or New Year :-(. What's more, when we do discuss everything in January, it's clear that we might split up :-((.

If that does happen, at least I know that with my mother's cheerful outlook on life, the resulting sadness and depression won't last. Then, eventually I guess I'll be looking for a new boyfriend. Preparing myself for the worst, I think I've got lots of characteristics that other guys might find attractive :-), although I do have one skeleton in my closet. In the wake of the global financial crisis, my current job is in an area that lots of guys might regard as extremely unfashionable!

14 comments:

headbang8 said...

It would be unnatural not to grieve. Do so, and do it well.

Superchilled said...

Sorry to hear this. Christmas won't be quite the same I expect for you now. But the New Year brings about loads of excitement of the possibilities ahead, whatever they may be.
Good luck & enjoy, when you're ready.

Ky said...

Hey GB, sorry to hear this.

If you are feeling down, write about it. I'm sure we loyal readers will all try to cheer you up.

And like Superchilled said, the New Year will bring lots of new possibilities. I recall someone once said, "So many gorgeous men, so little time...". Well, you will now have the time to explore all those gorgeous men...! :)

Cheers, Ky

Anonymous said...

well, well..it look like the wheel is turning for everyone..me still with my lover and we even have a new beautiful apartment, I got a new job wish it's true not a lot of banker come cause simply they can't afford it now :)) and after all the most stupid advice I read on this blog I feel relief to see that poor gb see the real side of life from the poor peoples beneath him :)) good luck...M..

benniboi said...

it is quite surprise that you are attached to the relationship that much, and at the same hand, you are very much a independent guy who like to do 'things' on your own.
Of course, it wud be abnormal if you don't grief, but look at the bright side. I m sure there are some shags you had before that you quite fancy and wanna know more about them, may be that's the chance.
Boyfriend P is not all you have got, I m sure you know that. Things didn't work out, then so be it. life moved on and you can't do nothing about it. No worries, be happy.

Anonymous said...

Dear GB, I feel saddend that you find yourself in this situation. I am horrified to read that some seem to be gloating about this. Shame on them..
I offer you every happiness in the future and who knows your conversation with P in the new year may well be positive.
I wonder though if this is not happening to some of your 'bloggers you've met'? has HBH's plah goon' gone sour? he been very quiet recently.
Again my thoughts are with you and your situation.

Anonymous said...

What goes up must come down. Including bloated egos of selfish dickheads. Must say P is waaay more smarter than we thought.

Sir Wobin said...

What poor timing. Then again, when is good timing for such discussions. Sorry to hear that things with P haven't gone as you hoped. He'll always have a special place in your heart and I'm sure you in his too.

How would someone with a black belt deal with this?

Axel said...

Ignore the vitriolic (and cowardly) outpourings of some of your anonymous posters (#1 and #3). I’m sure your optimistic outlook will help you bounce back.

OK, it’s currently fashionable to diss bankers but as I see it all they did was exploit the opportunities offered by cheap credit and irresponsible remuneration systems used to attract and keep the so-called “high performers”. Who wouldn’t have done the same given the same opportunities so I hesitate to cast the first stone?

Maybe if you are looking for that special life partner it may be necessary to consider reigning in the extramarital activities – although this is a tall order if you are living apart and can only meet sporadically (e.g. your relationship with P). In my opinion it is virtually impossible to build and maintain a LTR if one or both of you are getting “a bit on the side” since every outside fling poses a potential risk to the relationship. In my opinion one needs to be extremely secure in each other’s love for a relationship to survive the risks of continuous ‘extramarital’ sex.

Kenski said...

Sometimes timeouts can be a good thing. Let's hope so in this case.

If it turns out that it's the end, or a new beginning, then I'd think twice about compromising stuff that you need for the sake of a relationship. Obviously there are always some compromises, but don't go in with a deal that you know will either break down or leave you short-changed and resentful.

GB said...

I will do headbang8. Of course I'm still hoping for the best :-), but I need to prepare myself for the worst :-(.

Thanks Superchilled :-). Hope you have a good Christmas yourself.

Thanks for your kind wishes too Ky :-). My recollection is that you just used to email me rather than leave comments like this, but now I see that you do have a blogger profile, why don't you start a blog?

I hope you and your lover enjoy your new apartment :-), first anonymous commenter (a.k.a. Michael I think).

I'll have to do a post on why I'm keen on my relationship with boyfriend P, benniboi. Anyway, I'm going to try and be happy like you suggest.

Thanks for your kind thoughts, second anonymous commenter. I actually went out for drinks and supper with HBH a few weeks ago and he's been very busy, but I believe everything is going well for him at the moment.

I'm sure your remark will bring a smile to boyfriend P's face :-), third anonymous commenter, whoever you are.

Good question, LWW. I guess I owe my long term readers an apology because I never did the follow up post on the gay lifestyle black belt! Thinking about that question though, I reckon life skills for handling relationship breakdown are separate from life skills relating to being gay, so being a "black belt" at gay lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that the person will handle relationship turmoil well. Anyway, if I do split up with boyfriend P, it'll be too painful to just be friends with him so I'm not sure that I will be able to keep a special place in my heart for him.

Indeed Axel, and while I've been around boyfriend P I've never looked for fun elsewhere. But I do find it hard to understand why he sometimes gets upset when I find other guys for fun when he's not around.

Thanks for your wise words again, Kenski. Indeed, I've been wondering about exactly the point you make, about whether there are compromises that I can suggest to boyfriend P.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who's taken the time to give me their thoughts :-).

GB xxx

Monty said...

Ahhh, the attack of the anonymous commenters! Cowardly bastards!

Mate, I'm sorry to hear this news. Know that there are people out there that do care for you and wish you all the best!

Big hug!

Anonymous said...

I also concur with the comments about the anonymous posters - to gloat over someone's vulnerability when everything might not being going their way is truly unpleasant.

However, I can emphathise with P's uncertainty whether a serious committed relationship with GB is the right thing, but that is for them to discuss in private not to have us drag it out in public.

Hope that life improves for you GB, however the die fall.

Matt

Anonymous said...

Well, did we not all encounter situations like that, you think there is no way to turn, but somehow a solution will pop up and everything is beeter afterwards.
Your past never can be your future.
Investment banking might be not the place to be at mom, but in a few years all the government stakes in the banks have to be sold off, and then the sun will shine again, and there a few places a decent boy can work these days.

Sascha