Friday, October 26, 2007

A surprise for boyfriend number 2

Beach photoOn the first Wednesday in October, I got an email from boyfriend number 2. Nothing unusual about that because we email each other all the time, but what he had to say came as a pleasant surprise:

bf#2: Hey GB, are you able to take a few days off work in Mid October? If so, perhaps we could go somewhere warm and sunny together? I know this is a bit last minute. But will be fun to get away so impromptu like this!

It turns out that I can indeed get time off from the bank, so I get on to my travel agent to find a suitably elegant spa hotel in the Caribbean for us. And a week and a half later, the day after my afternoon in New York city, I'm flying down to the Bahamas for a short holiday with boyfriend number 2. I haven't seen him since our trip to Fire Island in June, so it'll be good to catch up with him face to face.

Over breakfast at the start of our second day, we're chatting about Roman history.

"I always thought that it was Julius Caesar who was the first Roman emperor," I say to boyfriend number 2.

"No, it was Augustus Caesar, I'm 120% sure!" replies boyfriend number 2 sounding quite confident.

Although I studied Latin at school that was quite a long time ago, so when we get back to our room I go over to my laptop to see who's right.

"OK," I admit, "it seems like you're right, I've got it up on wikipedia."

"See, I told you," says boyfriend number 2 triumphantly, leaning over my shoulder.

"Hey GB," he continues, "what's that minimised web page, it says 'Gay Banker'?"

OH BUGGER! I've done it again!! Last year, my friend P spotted 'Gay Banker' on my PDA, but as far as I know he didn't connect me to this blog.

"Errrr, well, ..." I stammer. Although I've thought about coming out to boyfriend number 2 as a blogger in the past, in the end I decided against the idea, "It's, it's just a web site that I sometimes visit ...".

I sound very unconvincing and I know it :-(.

"Don't you think it's rude to look at what's on other peoples laptops?" I say going on the attack, but feeling annoyed with myself for allowing myself to get into this situation.

"Oh come on, what is 'Gay Banker'?" says boyfriend number 2 again, really curious now. "Some porn site I bet. You may as well tell me because you know I'll just Google it and find out anyway!"

"I'll, um, tell you later ..."

Luckily we're about to go out so I manage to change the subject. But what on earth can I do? It would be much better if I tell boyfriend number 2 about my blog, rather than letting him find it for himself, but what will he think about all those conversations of his that I've blogged about?

Calming down a bit, I realise that I've got a few hours to prepare myself to tell him about this blog. We've both got massage treatments booked in the hotel spa, so he won't have a chance to use Google until after that. If I manage to get back first then I can probably delay him until after dinner, which is good because coming out as a blogger would probably best be done over dinner.

Everything goes according to plan. Although I get back from the spa after him, he's calmly reading a magazine on the terrace. I doubt he could have got back much before me so my secret must still be safe.

But what's the best way to tell him? Saying "I've got a confession to make ..." implies there's something wrong with what I've been doing, and invites a negative response. I decide to take a piece of my own advice. Applying the confidence mirror concept, I have to be confident about my blog in order to get the right reaction.

A few hours later, we're in the best restaurant at the neighbouring hotel and I decide that it's now or never.

"There's something important that you don't know about me," I say smiling, "and I don't think you'll ever guess!"

"Really, what?" says boyfriend number 2, looking slightly concerned.

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad," I reply, and taking a deep breath I go for it, "I'm a blogger :-). I've been blogging anonymously about my personal life since my visit to Singapore in February 2005. For a blogger I've got a reasonably sized readership, and you're one of the major characters!"

"No!! Really :-)??" he replies.

"Uh huh, at present I get an average of over 400 visitors to my blog each day! But don't worry, everything is anonymous so I don't mention your name, you're called 'boyfriend number 2'."

"Seriously ... ?"

"As part of my blog I'm also an agony uncle! Every now and then, people email me about problems in their personal lives, and I post responses on my blog."

"So you're a celebrity blogger, I can't believe it!"

"Well, no, I don't have anywhere like a large enough readership to be a 'celebrity blogger', but I suppose it's successful in a minor way :-)! Most of the blog relates to what I've been doing, including various encounters with guys if you know what I mean, so if you read it then you're effectively reading my personal private diary."

"Oh, perhaps I shouldn't read it then," says boyfriend number 2 looking slightly embarrassed.

"I don't know, it's up to you. Perhaps you should just read the bits about you, so that you know what I've been saying?"

I can see from his face that boyfriend number 2 doesn't really know what to think about all of this. But given that he's one of the major characters, I decide to make one thing clear.

"There's something I want to say though," I say smiling, and looking him straight in the eye, "you're much more important to me than my blog. So if you don't like it, or if I've said something you don't like, then I'll change it, or even delete my entire blog if you want me to."

Even though this is all new to him, I can tell that he knows that this is an important statement. He smiles back at me lovingly.

"Well, perhaps I should read some of it, I'm quite intrigued now. But promise me that you won't change anything, I want to read what everyone else has read!"

"Well, there are 450 posts now. It would be a monumental task for me to go through it all and make sure there's nothing that I think would offend you. So I promise I won't touch it."

We chat a bit more and soon our first course arrives.

"Actually," says boyfriend number 2 looking a bit sheepish, "I've got a confession to make too."

"Uh huh?" I say smiling, "so what have you been up to?"

"I knew! I've known about 'Gay Banker' for four hours now!! I know I was reading a magazine when you got back from your massage but in fact I was back about 30 minutes before you and I knew I had time. I didn't get it straight away, but Google is a wonderful tool :-)!"

I burst into laughter.

"So what would you have done if I hadn't told you?" I ask, feeling slightly cheated out of my revelation.

"I guess I'd have become one of your readers!"

Over the course of the next few days we chat about blogging, and I point boyfriend number 2 to some of the posts which relate to him.

"Actually, it's not too bad," he admits when he's seen a few of the more important ones. He even giggles a bit at the post about the nightmare I had.

"Perhaps I should become a blogger too?" says boyfriend number 2 toward the end of the holiday, "I've got a few stories to tell too you know!"

"I'd love to become your first reader," I say giving him a peck on the lips. "If you want to do it, let's set it up while we're here, in case there's anything you want help with."

"Great, but I warn you," says boyfriend number 2 with a glint in his eye, "I've been dating quite a few guys, especially in recent months :-). I hope you won't be shocked by what I get up to!"

As yet, boyfriend number 2 hasn't got around to setting up his own blog. But if he does (and if he lets me know where his blog is!) then I'll do a small posting about it :-).

It's finally happened. Someone I blog about has discovered this blog. So what does the future hold for 'GB'? I guess I'd better make a promise to all my existing readers. As long as boyfriend number 2 doesn't ask me to delete this blog, I promise that my blogging style won't change. The truth is, I simply enjoy blogging too much!


Anonymous said...

BF1 won't thank you for sticking around when he finds the blog. I can't believe you're somewhat surprised re: your Dear GB post. On a more positive note, you don't have nearly as much of a history with BF2 and can be more honest with him for now. Let BF1 make up his own mind because you're now holding him back; he's as independent as anyone else, in the end. Truth often hurts but can be dealt with if we're sensible, but it hurts especially when there are truths and surprises and others. This isn't a choice of polygamy or not, nor polyamorous relationships. Oh, and don't buy him a flat, give him one with no strings attached. See it from his point of view. He'll still talk to you. The blog's interesting, but it's time to leave him out of it...

(sorry i can't remember my login!!! i'll post a follow-up once i sort out the blogger upgrade stuff and re-associate my blog and attribute this to me... i'm the dodgy blogger with comfy slippers)

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Crickey, you've been outed.

Not a celebrity... no way.. you're infamous amongst bloggers. I'd say a celeb is a well known person.. and I'd say your fairly well known GB.

close encounters said...

wow - i can imagine the heart sinking feeling when you realised that you had been caught !

it sounds like you handled your outing remarkably well - congratulations !

it feels a bit weird commenting on you and BF#2, knowing that he might read it ... but i guess, as long as it's not offensive, then it's up to him to decide whether he wants to read other people's thoughts ...

please give us a warning if you do decide to delete it all ... but of course, i hope you don't !

Superchilled said...

So, boyfriend number 2, what's the most surprising / shocking thing you've read here on gay banker?
I hope you're enjoying the read...

Sir Wobin said...

Sorry to burst your bubble GB, you're undeletable! :-) At best you can remove your current content from this blogspot address but your blog content will go on living.

Do you feel any post-outing relief?

T said...

indeed what a moral dilemma : do you tell BF#1 or not ??

Good luck mate :)

Monty said...

The truth is, we simply enjoy reading your blog too much to allow you to delete it without a fight! :-)

GB said...

Don't worry dodgy blogger, if I buy boyfriend number 1 somewhere to live, he'll own it outright and there won't be any strings attached.

So you reckon I'm infamous do you Soul Seared Dreamer? I can't decide whether I'm happy about that or not LOL!

Seems that boyfriend number 2 only wants to be an occasional visitor here at the moment close encounters. At the moment, I doubt he'll ask me to delete it Monty, or answer Trevor's question!

The experience was interesting Sir Wobin, but it wasn't at all like coming out as gay, which I think did have a 'relief' element associated with it.

And for now Tom Cat, I think boyfriend number 1 has enough on his plate.

GB xxx