Tuesday, May 03, 2011

A royal wedding party

"So," I ask, smiling cheekily at the three guys that I'm chatting to, "are you all homosexuals?"

I'm at a Royal Wedding party that's being hosted by my colleague P and his boyfriend D. Outside on the balcony, and slightly away from the main party, I'm chatting to D and two of his friends who're called S and G.

"We're all gay, GB!" answers D, laughing at my use of the rather clinical word 'homosexual'.

"Are you a 'homosexual' then?" asks S, who's the youngest guy in the group. S has a slightly irritated tone in his voice.

"Yes of course!" I answer casually, "In case you're in any doubt, that's my boyfriend over there :-)."

I point inside, through the balcony windows, to boyfriend T who's talking to my colleague P.

"Actually I'm Bi," says S, "I like both men and women :-)."

On hearing this, both D and G shakes their heads, laughing in protest.

"I think he means that he likes both cock AND dick!" says G with a big grin on his face.

"But I slept with a woman a couple of months ago," replies S indignantly.

"What about that Irish guy you told us about last week?" asks D.

"And wasn't it a Polish guy the week before that?" asks G.

"If you must know, I slept with my female cousin!" answers S, without denying either the Irish or the Polish guy, "It was OK with her, but I'm interested in men as well."

"What was her pussy like then?" I ask, mildly curious to know how far S went with his cousin.

"Actually she was clean," says S with a matter of fact tone in his voice, "She didn't taste of fish or anything like that."

"Urrgh S," says D with a grimace on his face, "you didn't actually ..."

"Well I thought she'd suck me off, so I started by doing it for her, but actually she wasn't up for that."

"Anyway," continues S, "I don't have a problem with gay or straight. In fact my father's gay."

This isn't news to D or G, but I'm taken aback by the statement.

"Wow," I reply, "I didn't expect you to say that!"

As S starts to tell me a bit about his background, the other two guys walk off the balcony and inside the apartment to refill their Champagne glasses. After a few minutes I notice that S's hand has very slowly moved up against mine on the balcony rail that we're both holding. I glance at him quickly, before moving my hand slightly away from his.

"So," starts S suggestively, catching my eye, "do you like young boys?"

Of course I most definitely do NOT like young boys, but in fact S is clearly referring to himself.

"Not too young," I say laughing, "I don't know about you, but I like my guys to be fully developed :-)".

"Well indeed," he says, looking me in the eye again, and then looking me up and down, "Actually, I've been trying to work out how, um, big you are from the size of your fingers :-)."

Although S is an attractive guy, I've been happily loyal to boyfriend T for well over a year now, ever since I got back from Thailand at the start of 2010.

"Thanks :-)," I reply to S, "but as I said, my boyfriend is next door, have you met him yet?"

Just then, D comes back out onto the balcony to rejoin the conversation, Champagne bottle in one hand and a full glass in the other.

"Have you seen my boyfriend around?" I ask D, wondering whether I should introduce S to boyfriend T, or whether that'll simply encourage S to push for a threesome. But before D can answer, S makes his excuses and moves back inside the apartment, looking mildly upset that I seem impervious to his boyish charms.

"Just now," I whisper quietly to D, "S was trying to chat me up!"

"Doesn't surprise me," replies D, refilling my glass, "Ever since he arrived in London, S has been with one guy after another. And if you believe what he said earlier, he's been with girls too!"

"Actually, although S doesn't know it," continues D, "I slept with his father before I came to London, and ..."

On hearing this I collapse into almost hysterical laughter. I feel like I'm living in some hyper-gay world, where everyone has some kind of sexual connection to everyone else, and nothing is quite what it seems. I'm about to ask D whether, in his experience, S or S's father is better in bed when a couple of other guys come out onto the balcony to see why I'm laughing so much.

"What's so funny, GB?" asks one of them.

Before I can answer, D has diplomatically changed the subject and a semblance of normality manages to assert itself. No doubt S's mother has some unusual sexual connection to G or perhaps even with boyfriend T, but discovering exactly what that connection is will have to wait!


the immigayrant said...

"Actually, although S doesn't know it," continues D, "I slept with his father before I came to London, and ..." -> LoL!

Mind Of Mine said...

This reads like a deleted scene from Queer As Folk LOL!

Jamie said...

this one is so bizarre. it reads like a sauna experience. everyone slept with everyone n all u get is sloppy seconds.

"its the royal wedding show some class" is wot u shoulda said to S :-)

GB said...

I'm just telling it how it happened, guys! Hopefully you can tell from what I wrote that it all felt funny and bizarre to me too :-). LOL.

GB xxx

Antony said...

Ha ha lol GB! I was chatted up by a straight guy engaged to his girl friend, needles to say he didn't get anywhere. Firstly he was pissed as newt, secondly I want a relationship with a man that wants a relationship with men! Thirdly and more importantly I deserve better.

Think there's more sexual connections in the gay community as it's smaller. Sometimes like in your post it's funny, other times down right disturbing!!

Ha ha sometimes I struggle with that so close hyper-gay world because of the sexual connections! Other times, like you, I just laugh it off lol! Depends on my mood I guess.

A wonderful blog post, please keep them coming, yours is one of the few blogs I get excited about when I see an update!


A x

Z said...

LMAO! were these guys all from a small backwoods village where shagging female cousins and doing friend's dads is commonplace? and just imagine if only one person in the chain had the clap...

Cody in CT said...

Glad to have you posting again, GB. Other than the somewhat bizarre contacts on the balcony, what did you think of the royal wedding? We Yanks on the East Coast had to get up at 4:30 a.m. to watch the proceedings. Wonderful--no other country in the world can do pageantry as well as the Brits.

GB said...

I don't think so, Z, although it's true that both of D's friends from from the same country as him :-).

I'm not much of a royalist, Cody, but I must agree that it was a pretty good performance :-). Even some people I know who'd like a republic instead of a kingdom have agreed on that. Anyway, unfortunately I'm still not able to post regularly, but I should be able to keep up the current frequency of around one a month!

GB xxx