Saturday, August 03, 2013

Trying to move on ...

A couple of days after I split up with ex-boyfriend T, I have dinner with my friend Close Encounters in Soho. I get to the restaurant first, but I don't have to wait long before he arrives:

"So sorry to hear your news about ex-boyfriend T," he says as he sits down at the table, "how are you feeling now?"

"A bit lost," I say honestly, "anyway, how are you?"

"You know what they say, don't you?" says Close Encounters, ignoring my question, "You can't get over anyone until you've been under someone!"

"I haven't heard it expressed like that before," I chuckle, "but it's a good point!"

"But will I still remember how to find guys online?" I ask, with a hint of desperation in my voice.

"I'm sure you will!" replies Close Encounters confidently.

"Yes I suppose I will," I answer, echoing his confidence in my voice now, "after all, I managed to get a nice European guy from gaydar to visit me at home this afternoon :-)."

At hearing this news Close Encounters bursts into laughter.

"Seems like the old GB is back in business after all!" he says grinning, "but don't forget that apart from web sites like gaydar, phone apps like Grindr and Jack'd which work off your current location are also popular."

"Maybe that explains it," I say cryptically.

"Explains what?"

"Well, this afternoon I got the impression that the average age on gaydar has increased in line with my own age! A bit sad really, because it suggests that the majority of gaydar users spend their whole lives cruising on the web site, and never end up in a relationship. And perhaps the younger guys are mostly on the new mobile apps?"

A few hours later, I'm back home and I've managed to get Jack'd installed and configured with a simple profile, including a couple of recent pics. Jack'd is a bit primitive, lacking the features and sophistication of web sites like gaydar, but on the plus side there seem to be a lot of guys online so I guess the features that it does have must be adequate. I try sending a few messages, and I even get a couple of replies, but no opportunities to meet up with anyone materializes. I'm about to go to bed, when suddenly I realize that a guy (who turns out to be called L) has initiated a conversation and sent me a message:

L: Nice pics

I check out L's profile and he looks lovely, although perhaps a bit young to be a boyfriend of mine. In my mind, I always remember my boss's N/2+7 rule.

GB: Thanks. I'm new to Jack'd, but a friend recommended it over dinner tonight. Are you near me?
L: I'm based in Soho, fancy popping over?

Wow, this app IS good :-). And even if he's too young to be a boyfriend of mine, there's no harm visiting him to find out whether we want to get to know each other a bit better! Having come back home from dinner in Soho earlier in the evening, within ten minutes I'm heading back to Soho in a taxi to visit him in his apartment.

"It's GB," I say into the door entry system, "can I come up?"

I look up at the sky, because it seems to be trying to rain. "Come on," I think, "I don't want to get wet!", but almost immediately I hear the door make a buzzing sound and I push it open. As I walk up the stairs, I hear the sound of a door opening, and walking round a couple of corners I suddenly I spot L peering round his door.

"Hi, thanks for inviting me over :-)," I say smiling, trying to break the ice.

"Thanks for coming!" replies L, smiling back.

As I walk through the door into his apartment, I instinctively put my hand up to caress him gently on his shoulder, and I smile as I look into his eyes. Maybe I can remember how to do all this! Touching the other guy helps to break the ice even more, and reduces the possibility that we'll both just sit there chatting, feeling too uneasy to take things any further.

The apartment is quite small, with a sofa-bed in the main living area that's already been made up into a bed, and with a kitchen tucked in at the back away from the windows.

"Do you want something to drink," asks L casually, "although I'm not sure what I've got!"

He looks in the fridge, and after a short discussion, we both settle for a glass of orange juice.

"So where are you from?" I ask, as we sit down on the sofa-bed. I take off my shoes and socks to make myself more comfortable, and soon we're both lying back and chatting easily.

"Well I was brought up in the English countryside," replies L, "but both my parents are ethnically Asian."

He tells me what the background of each of his parents is, and it turns out that they're originally from different parts of Asia. I start laughing.

"Amazing," I say grinning, "your father the same ethnic background as my recent ex, and your mother has the same ethnic background as my ex-boyfriend before him!"

"Oh, sorry to bring back bad memories," says L defensively.

"No, I've got lots of happy memories of both," I reply, "and it certainly wasn't the ethnicity that caused the relationships to end!"

We're now lying quite close to each other on the sofa-bed, and while we chat, I occasionally put my hand out to touch his arm or hand at what seem like appropriate points in the conversation. Our legs occasionally touch too. But he's holding a cushion in his lap in front of him, which seems like defensive body language, so perhaps the evening won't have the conclusion that I'm hoping for.

Soon L finishes his orange juice, and reaches round to find somewhere to put the empty glass, and I spot an opportunity. I reach over him to place my glass on the same shelf, and with the extra closeness that comes from this manoeuvre, we start kissing each other.

"Err, why don't we make ourselves more comfortable," says L after several minutes of kissing and cuddling and wandering hands.

I get up off the sofa-bed to take off my trousers, and when I turn round, L is standing there completely naked with an enormous erection between his legs. Removing my undershorts too, it becomes clear that I'm equally excited and jumping back onto the sofa-bed, nature takes its course :-).

"Shall we have a bit of a cuddle?" I ask L after we've cleaned ourselves up, "I'm not in any hurry."

"Yes of course :-)" replies L smiling at me, and soon we're both lying there feeling very satisfied, with L's naked body nestling into mine as I wrap my arms around him and relax with my head on a pillow. The rain that seemed imminent just as I was arriving is now beating down quite heavily outside, but we just lie there feeling safe in each other's company, enjoying the moment. Even so, occasionally a tear creeps into my eye, as I lie there thinking about all the good times that I had with ex-boyfriend T.

Eventually the rain stops and it seems like time to go home. We talk about the possibility of meeting again while I'm putting my clothes on, and as I'm leaving I give him a quick peck on his lips.

"Really nice to meet you," I say, "and perhaps see you again :-)?"

The rain has made the streets outside feel very fresh, and I wander towards Oxford Street looking for a taxi. Although I miss ex-boyfriend T enormously, at least two encounters in one day is a small start at trying to move on.


Immanuel said...

Take your time GB. Breaking up is a slow process no matter how good or bad the relationship. It's like grieving a death. Read my blog sometimes...I wrote an entry on steps to get over your ex a few months back. Immanuel at

Mind Of Mine said...

I really enjoyed this post, I do think angst brings out the best in us sometimes, creatively. Thanks very much for sharing this.

Anonymous said...


I think you need to help your readers out a little. To begin with, how old are you? Perhaps you've put it down somewhere in this blog but I do wonder at times about your physical attributes. It helps to be able to put things into perspective.

GB said...

Over the years, recent anonymous commenter, lots of readers have asked that kind of question. However, especially given the *saucy* subject matter of posts this like one, I always decline to answer. This is largely because I enjoy the anonymity of my GB pen name, and in particular I wouldn't feel able to write posts like this one if I lost that anonymity. So not explicitly disclosing my age and physical attributes helps me protect that anonymity.

A question related to this is, are all my posts true, or am I making it all up? That question was addressed in some detail when, 5 years ago, I conducted a poll to ask readers whether they thought that my posts were true or not . A week later I posted the results of the poll. And for the avoidance of doubt, my original policy regarding the accuracy of the postings on this blog is still valid :-).

Of course, it's also true that anyone who's read this blog in its entirety will probably have a pretty reasonable idea about lots of my characteristics, including my age. Nonetheless, I'm still not going to be more explicit!

GB xxx

Anonymous said...

I sort of appreciate not having that information. Wondering what you look like is part of the intrigue of this blog. Though I'm sure you're quite handsome! ;-)

GB said...

Beauty (or in this case handsomeness), is always in the eye of the beholder, recent anonymous commenter!

GB xxx

Anonymous said...

I dont know, I'm just against jumping into bed with anyone after I just broke up with my lover a short time ago. Its a good thing to move on, but I believe that you're moving too fast. Waaaaaaaaay too fast.

just my opinion.

GB said...

I'm glad that you said that, recent anonymous commenter, because it needed to be said to add some balance to this post. I'm sure what you say is true for some people, but for me with my personality and outlook on life, lots of random encounters with guys definitely does help me to start getting over ex-boyfriend T.

GB xxx

Antonio said...

When you and T were "exclusively" dating, was he fooling round with other people as well? Based on your blog, you were seemingly monogamous but what about him?

GB said...

I'd say that we stopped dating in mid 2009, Antonio, when we became boyfriends. For me, dating is what you do before you become someone's boyfriend. I did fool around a little bit after that (e.g. when I dressed up in Black tie), but basically I was then monogamous for over 3.5 years, until the events that I describe in this post! As far as I know, he's been monogamous since we became boyfriends.

GB xxx

Anonymous said...

Hey GB,

I've sent you an email. Be nice to hear from you :)