Friday, August 16, 2013

Activity report

Before I became boyfriends with ex-boyfriend T, long time readers of this blog will know that I used to enjoy finding a variety of guys to enjoy intimate moments with. In some ways, it was a kind of hobby of mine :-). However, the hobby gradually came to an end as my relationship with ex-boyfriend T deepened. From early January 2010 until last month when I split up with ex-boyfriend T, I was completely monogamous and faithful to him. That fact would probably astound some of my old readers if they haven't visited my blog since 2008, because back then, I used to do postings about how monogamy should not be a requirement for a successful gay relationship! In general, I still believe that that's true.

Different people find different ways of coping with the end of a domestic relationship. I have no intention of becoming a sad old guy who spends all of his time in gay saunas and cruising online, but nonetheless, for me I'm sure that trying to resurrect that my old hobby is a good way of moving on. I'm equally sure that for some guys it would be a bad thing to do. But in any case, finding two guys for fun on the same day, shortly after the split with ex-boyfriend T was, for me, very cathartic :-).

A few days after I met those two guys, I'm logged into Jack'd when suddenly a young guy send me a message wanting to meet up with me urgently. He's two stops away from me on the tube. Thirty minutes later he walks through my door, and ten minutes after that he leaves. A reasonable, albeit purely functional encounter!

However, a few days later, I find myself indulging in a much more interesting experience. I'm chatting to this guy on gaydar, who lives about twenty minutes' walk from me, when suddenly he asks me an interesting question:

Guy: do you mind if I get you naked, put a blindfold on you, and tie you up a bit?

How do you tie someone up "a bit"? Surely you're either tied up or you're not! In any case, that sounds a bit extreme to me.

GB: sorry m8, I'm not into bondage stuff
Guy: I just like to dom it about a bit, it’s a real turn on for me
GB: but I'm not a sub
GB: although perhaps a blindfold would be interesting
Guy: OK great, try the blindfold

So about half an hour later, I'm kissing this guy and we're both stripped down to our undershorts, when suddenly he's slipping a blindfold over my head! I don't resist, and I actually find the whole experience very horny, not knowing where the next titillation or whatever is going to come from. Needless to say, we both have a very satisfying time :-).

A couple of days after that another guy from gaydar, who's slightly older than me, ends up visiting me at home. But when I get him into my bedroom, I suddenly remember that there are a few potential problems meeting new guys like this, beyond the possibility of catching a STD. His breath doesn't smell that good :-|. He doesn't have really bad breath, but he does have slightly bad breath :-(. However, he seems like a genuine kind of chap, and since he's made a journey to visit me I can't bring myself to tell him that I can't go through with the encounter. So I avoid kissing him, and in terms of the rest we both reach a satisfactory conclusion. Afterwards, we end up talking:

"Wow, that was great :-)," says the guy while he's still lying there naked on my bed, "I think I could go again …"

But of course I'd rather not!

"Do you have a boyfriend or regular partner?" I ask, deliberately changing the subject.

"Actually," says the guy smiling, "I've been with my boyfriend for over twenty five years!"

"And does he know that you meet guys like me?"

"It's not a problem for us," he replies, "Neither of us do much NSA, but we both enjoy a bit of variety occasionally :-). I'll tell him that I met you later."

"I split up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago :-(," I say, "we'd been together for 4 years."

"Sorry to hear that," says the guy, "but a sexy guy like you won't have any problem finding a new boyfriend! But take your time, and make sure that you have a bit of fun for a few months first :-)."

That's a nice ego boost! We chat a bit more, but we both have other things to do, so after another five minutes or so he heads off.

My most recent encounter was with a cute Argentinian guy, which a happened a few days before I went on holiday with my sister and her family. Using the gaydar feature that shows how close other guys are, I'd worked out that he lives quite close to me, so I'd exchanged a few online messages with him. He was keen to meet me, but he seemed to have quite a busy diary. Eventually though, he was able to fit me into his schedule, so one morning he comes round to my house for a cup of coffee.

"I think you live quite close to me," I say, while we're chatting with each other on the sofa in my living room, "is that right?"

"Yes, it only took me fifteen minutes to walk here :-)," he replies.

Before the guy arrived, I'd been studying his profile on gaydar, trying to read between the lines to work out what kind of guy he is. None of the pics on his profile were at all cruisey. Coupled with everything else on his profile, it seemed completely implausible to me that he wouldn't already have a boyfriend, so it's time to find out whether my theory is correct or not.

"I bet that you live with your boyfriend, is that right?"

"Yes, how did you know?" asks the guy looking mildly impressed.

"Oh, I've been round the block a few times," I laugh, "and sometimes my intuition can be quite good at this kind of thing :-). I'd also bet that your boyfriend isn't entirely happy with you meeting other guys like this?"

When I looked at everything on this guy's profile, I'd simply guessed that it's a similar situation to the relationship that my colleague P has with his boyfriend D. And much to the dismay of my colleague P, D hasn't been faithful to him for ages!

"Well, actually we haven't discussed it," he replies. "Actually, I've got a big problem , because I still love him but we don't have any sexual contact anymore :-(. I'm not sure whether he's worked out that I meet other guys for fun or not. He knows that I've got quite a high sex drive, though, so he must have his suspicions …"

We're chatting to each other like old friends, which is mildly frustrating. Even though this guy has already got a boyfriend, I'd definitely like to get to know him better, because he's an attractive guy with a lovely personality too :-). And in any case, if he's going to be unfaithful anyway, it may as well be with me at least once!

I slowly move closer to him on the sofa, and then at an appropriate moment, I reach out to touch him on his arm. I leave my hand there, and he catches my eye, smiling.

"Actually, can I use your toilet?"

"Yes of course," I reply, and I tell him where to find it.

I decide to sit there on the sofa. He's finished his coffee, so when he comes back from the toilet, that'll be the natural point for him to leave if he wants to.

"That's better," he says sitting back down on the sofa, slightly closer to me than before.

Without saying anything, I simply put my hand back on his arm, and move towards him even more. He looks me in the eye and we kiss. Soon we're upstairs in my bedroom and we both have a good time!

"Don't you think you should discuss all this with your boyfriend?" I ask him afterwards.

"I really don't want to," he replies, sounding certain that it's not a good idea. "I've got a few friends who were in a similar situation, and once they'd discussed things properly with their boyfriends, they all ended up splitting up. I don't want that to happen to me."

I can't help thinking that one day they'll split up anyway, and perhaps it would be better for the two of them if it were to happen sooner rather than later. But in any case, it's not really any of my business.

Since my break-up with ex-boyfriend T, I can't help thinking that I've been lucky in that I've had a bit of fun with quite an interesting and diverse set of guys :-). It's nice to know that one day, when I'm ready, there are some nice guys out there who might make a nice boyfriend for me!


Paul said...

It seems that more than just a few long term gay couples eventually end up not having sex with each other years down the road. This is really disturbing to me as a young gay man. While I've come to accept that monogamy is over-rated, I still find it hard to understand how two people who used to be totally inseparable could slowly drift apart and sexual needs take precedence over a relationship that takes years to build.

I'm not against people hooking up. Reading a blog like yours just makes me feel a little confused about life as a gay man.

GB said...

FYI, Paul, the guy that I met who'd been with his boyfriend for over 25 years also told me that they still sometimes have sex with each other. However, sometimes they play away, like when the guy visited me. Overall, he gave me the impression that their relationship was very strong.

I think the important thing is to not to anticipate how you're going to feel about something or someone a very long way in the future. In general, there are bound to be things that you'll enjoy in your 20's that you won't enjoy when you're in your 70's, and vice versa.

GB xxx

Kenski said...

I think physical love is something that helps form a strong bond between people. The bond isn't reliant on the physical relationship, though. Sexuality is about sex. Relationships aren't necessarily, though they often start based on mutual physical attraction.

I also think that a lot of the staunch monogamy-oriented mindset is to do with insecurity in the early part of a relationship. A new lover (who isn't you) is often seen as a threat to the emotional bond you are forming, even if it is a purely physical encounter.

Different things work for different people at different times in their life. Life, itself, is an ever-changing state of being. That's the fun bit. Getting too deep... Reel it in!!!

Imaging being in a closed monogamous relationship where one of the partners is miserable because they're not getting their sexual needs met, perhaps because after 25 years the sex has stopped evolving. Isn't it better for that partner to safely supplement their physical needs whilst maintaining the emotional balance in the long-term relationship?

Or buy a sports car and run off with a 21 year old bimbo...? That always works out well for everyone :)

Kenski said...

Actually, as a side note, one of the main things in keeping a relationship going is to embrace change. If relationships don't change they stagnate and die. Gay men often suffer from not having the same pattern to fall back on as straight people (meet, marry, babies etc) so there's not much progression unless you carve your own path.

GB said...

Well said, Kenski :-). Actually, I think that I pretty much did always agree with your comments!

GB xxx

Kenski said...

Well, I hit 44 today... Hopefully I've picked up a few useful tips along the way :)

GB said...

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Kenski :-)
Happy birthday to you!

GB xxx