Wednesday, April 01, 2009

A continuing dilemma

I hadn't seen my colleague P socially with his boyfriend D since just before Christmas, so a couple of weeks ago, we agree to have dinner together and catch up with each other. The last time I'd met D, he'd been eager to find a way of getting to know me better, but that was almost three months ago now so I hoped that it had all been forgotten.

When the day arrives some other gay friends are free too, so we all end up meeting up for drinks after work in a smart City wine bar, before moving on to a nice little Italian restaurant that P and D had been to before.

"Any idea where the toilets are," I ask P while taking my coat off, and placing it on the back of my chair.

"Errr yes, GB," replies P, "see that door over there behind you? It's through there!"

Leaving P with the others, I find the gents without any difficulty, but as soon as I walk in I know that I've made a mistake. I should have realized that D had headed off to the toilets as soon as we got inside the restaurant, but I wasn't chatting to him and it just didn't register with me. So as I unzip at the urinal, the only other person in the room is D, standing at the urinal next to mine.

"This is nice :-)," says D, with an expectant tone in voice.

"Um, so how have you been?" I reply, trying to conduct a normal conversation.

To my relief, D zips up and moves over to the hand basin to wash his hands.

"I've been with most of P's friends you know :-)," says D, ignoring my question.

"But does P know?"

"He knows about a couple of them!"

Shaking his hands dry, he walks over to where I'm peeing and before I can do anything, he pops his head over my shoulder and glances downwards.

"That's a nice sight :-)!"

"Honestly, what are you like!" I reply, refusing to let myself get annoyed. I'm not worried by guys looking at me when I’m naked in the gym changing rooms, so I'm not going to worry about D either, in spite of his lecherous intentions.

For a short while D just stands there, watching me as I zip up.

"Come on, gives us a kiss!" he says, as I move over to wash my hands.

I don't say anything but when I look up to head for the door, D is standing in my way smiling at me.

I walk over to him, with the intention of walking past him to rejoin P and the others, but he doesn't move. Instead, when I'm within range, he leans his head forward with the clear intention of kissing me. I give him a quick peck on the lips, hoping he'll be happy with that, before taking a slight step backwards.

"You make me so hard!" he says in a soft, seductive voice, "I'm hard now!"

My problem, of course, is that D is a nice guy and I do find him attractive. While I'm pondering the situation, D takes my hand and places it on his crotch. Suddenly I can feel his hardness, and I like it :-). This time when D leans forward to kiss me, I don't resist! But a few seconds later, I come to my senses.

"Look," I say, coming up for air and taking another slight step backwards, "this isn't the time or the place, is it!"

"Awww," says D looking mildly upset, "I guess not :-(."

"Good, so let's go back an re-join the others!"

Back at the table in the restaurant D sits next to me, just like on the previous occasion, and apart from the occasional rub of his leg against mine, nothing particularly exciting happens. But when I get home, the txt msgs start:

Hi GB, nice seeing u. Do u want to have a drink with me next week, P is away from wed till Sunday so am free. D

Now I'm back home though, I clearly remember deciding NOT to pursue activities with D, so I try and decline:

D, you're such a naughty boy! I'm very worried about what P would think, because he's very conservative, and because I don't want to lose you as friends. Surely you've got enough prospects for *fun*. In any case, I'm sure it would eventually be an anti-climax if we did meet without P. GB

But D refuses to give up:

Don't worry about P, he is fine .. We can have a lot of fun first and maybe in the future a 3 some .. Am sure I can make u really horny and vice versa am hard now.

And half an hour later, when I haven't replied I get another:

We can try at least if it didn't work fine.. And am sure we always be good friends mmm

And then a week later, when P is no doubt away, we exchange a few more txt msgs!

It seems to be as I feared. Unless I give in to him and his manly charms, I'll always be on his hit list! So perhaps I should surrender and get it over with? After all, he is a nice, sexy looking guy :-).


Sir Wobin said...

Really GB! You have Oscar Wilde's resolve. :-)

You haven't given him a firm "no means no" so he probably thinks you're just playing hard to get. You give that impression here anyway.

Ken Skinner said...

Oh, in my world this would be a serious no-brainer.

Big, fat, NO, NOT NOW, NOT EVER.

Even if it were okay with P, shagging a colleagues partner...?

Nooo! What might be okay now might not be okay down the line.

Iceberg, meet Titanic.

Keeping with the nautical theme, what's wrong with all the other fish in the sea? They might not be as easy to catch, but they're not going to leave a bad taste in your mouth (unless you don't like fish).

I vote No.

Ken Skinner said...

Though I get the sense that you've already decided Yes!


Anonymous said...

Unless you have a very specific agreement with your collegue stating, "look but do not touch", I see no reason for you not to give it a try.

First, you do not know that they have a committed, monogamous relationship.

Second, unless you have a clear agreement as in above, I see no reason for you to act as D's moral guardian.

Whatever you decide, you ought to take a stand, one way or the other. I agree with Sir Wobin, you now look like someone, who is playing 'hard to get'...



Superchilled said...

It sounds very enticing, but after the perfect storm you'd have in the bedroom, I expect there'd be quite a mess to clean up. If P is fine with it - make sure you know it first rather than find out later he's not.

K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I vote no...... I think I said this last time as well....
sleeping with a friends/colleagues partner is out of bounds in my book.
If I found out a friend had slept with my partner that would be the end....even if I were in an open relationship, which I am not, it is still to close....
beware will come back to bite you....

DR said...

Instead of responding to D, you should go after P...and if he responds surprised, reluctant, you should tell him that D has been after you for a 3some with P and that you were just surveying the land first...that way D & P can hash things out...and if P is indeed amenable to a 3some, well, then that's up to you...

SubtleKnife said...

After "Don't worry about P, he is fine" you could've replied something along the lines of "I'm so glad to hear that, at least I won't have to watch my words around him!"

Hedgie said...

I agree with Kenski above: it sounds like you've already (at least half) decided yes.

If so, I'm sure you'll have plenty of interesting new material for your blog! ~ so we loyal readers should egg you on. But I'd feel really sorry for P, if he is your friend. If he's a colleague from the same bank, you are really flirting with disaster. D sounds like too much trouble.

Tristan said...

Was this bathroom exchange before or after drinking some wine? Obviously the answer is yes. So would he have been so bold on another occasion? Would you have succumbed so quickly to his charms?
I'd watch out for this one, it's all too underhanded and sneaky. Nothing good can come of this...

fur inspector said...

I'm inclined to agree with others who've said that D sounds like trouble, sexy as he might seem and willing as you might be...

I think it's one thing to play with a relative stranger who has an open relationship and a partner you don't have contact with. It's quite another to play with a friend's partner and risk ruining a good friendship as well as possibly getting embroiled in any fallout. Having said that, I like @DR's suggestion to get P involved in the 'discussion', though this also feels like a tricky route to take esp. since it seems to me like D is trying to have fun on the side without P's knowledge.

Perhaps another (subconscious?) driver for both you and D is the excitement of potentially being caught! Right, cat firmly amongst pigeons...! ;)

Anonymous said...

As someone who still gets a chuckle from your last enoucnter with D and the none too innocent photo, I'm so tempted to egg you on.
But really, you both sound like you could do without the inevitable mess that will follow. He's sexy and charming...and taken. If he's looking to play and that's something P and D have worked out, that's fine. That said, you probably don't want to be the one filling that gap...(so to speak :P) unless its a threesome and all three of you want in.
Glad to see some of the comments were also opposed to the notion. There are lots of sexy men around gb !!!

Z said...

Hold out for a threesome.

Anonymous said...

do that

close encounters said...

maybe it's just the way you talk about him, but i feel really sorry for P ... it sounds like his boyfriend shags around, and he sits a home dutifully waiting for him, and ignores what D does ... i wonder how long until it just becomes too much, and he ends their relationship ?

i guess it depends how much you value your friendship with P - if P isn't okay with it, are you prepared to lose him ?

i would ask how you would feel if one of your friends got together with one of your boyfriends ... but i suspect you wouldn't mind ... so i won't ask !

Leon Koh said...

May I have a better idea of the blogger's profile? are you a Hong konger?

Anonymous said...

GB I think you already know what the right thing to do is.

I really enjoy reading about your activites, but they don't normally involve you being less than upfront.

BTW way, great blog, thanks for being so candid and honest.

PS: I do wish you'd go back to activites in the gym sauna tho.