Thursday, April 16, 2009

Can I help cure your hay fever?

One morning a few days ago, I wake up in bed next to a new friend. Outside I can hear the familiar happy sound of the dawn chorus :-). Inside, however, every now and then I can hear my new friend sniffle slightly :-(.

"Are you awake," I ask quietly, moving over to put my arm around his mostly naked body.

"Uh huh," he replies lazily, "but trying to get back to sleep again!"

"Good idea :-), but are you OK?" I ask sounding concerned, "it sounds like you've got a cold or something."

"Actually I think it's just hay fever. I guess I need to ejaculate again."

"What did you say?" I reply startled, "Did you say 'ejaculate'??"

"Yeah, apparently it's a cure for hay fever."

The warmth of his body feels so good next to mine. Slowly, I move the hand that's just started cuddling his chest down towards his legs.

"Well then," I say mischievously, "perhaps I can help cure your hay fever :-)".

But as soon as I start fondling him downstairs, his hand grabs my hand firmly and moves it back up to his chest again! I guess he's not in the mood for a hay fever cure :-(.

Later, I decide to do a bit of research online to see whether there's any truth in his theory that ejaculation cures hay fever. There seem to be several articles on this subject, most recently one in New Scientist with the title Masturbation could bring hay fever relief for men. Apparently, a neurologist called Sina Zarrintan from the Tabriz Medical University in Iran thinks that ejaculation should help hay fever because it causes constriction of blood vessels all over a man's body, including both genitals and nose. That should soothe the swollen nasal blood vessels that become irritated with hay fever, hence freeing the airway for normal breathing.

I don't know if it actually works, but one thing's for sure. I've got an interesting new chat-up line :-).


Anonymous said...

Must be why I've never suffered...

Anonymous said...

check out the date when that article appeared! it's the best April fool joke ever ;-)

Anonymous said...

No I disagree....I think it is valid...I suffered from bad hay fever as a child, then when I discovered what i could do with the man down below i never suffered again...

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'd any day have a man touching my upstairs than my downstairs... :D

Hedgie said...

GB, as Anonymous 1 says above, I believe that article was published on 1st April. At least, that's when I saw it first ;-)
I immediately regarded it as an April Fool's joke - I am the living proof it doesn't work AT ALL!
(BTW, I didn't go back to check if it was a serious joke or not - but seriously, ejaculation does nothing whatsoever to remedy hayfever, believe me!!!)

Anonymous said...

Well hoax or not i still think it does....and i enjoy this 'remedy' more than popping least it takes your mind off the itching''

badabing said...

I'm not sure it's an April Fool - Sina Zarrintan seems to be a real person and author of such improving works as, 'Transanal one-stage endorectal pull-through for Hirschsprung's disease: a comparision with the staged procedures', which sounds like something they might get upto at the Hoist. Perhaps it's a reverse April Fool: something that could be an one but actually isn't.

Anonymous said...

Are Muslim men allowed to masterbate? Of course, who would know, but can they publish such things in Iran?