Sunday, July 22, 2007

Is there a medication to stop people being gay?

A couple of weeks ago, I received the following email:

Dear GB,

I'm new one and I'm not good at english. So pls understand my mistake. I do wanna ask you that What make gay and Is there any med for cure. Pls reply me. I don't have knowledge and I'm so afraid of being gay. And I would like to know the cure.
Waiting your reply.

When people send me 'Dear GB' emails, I usually want to think about their situation, and then write a reply online so that other people can give their views too via comments. But with this guy, I felt I needed to respond immediately, so I sent back a reply as follows:

I understood your English perfectly, so I hope that you understand my reply. Asking for a "cure for being gay" is like asking for "a cure for being tall". 'Gay' is just another attribute of someone, just like 'tall'.

When someone first thinks they might be gay, most people in that situation don't want to be gay, because for a while life is much harder. It's much easier to be straight because most people are straight, and it's easier to fit in than to be different. But when someone realises that they might be gay, they frequently have to reassess the whole direction of their life, which is hard.

The people who try to suppress their gay feelings usually can't do it forever. Perhaps it's possible for a while, a few years, even many years, but eventually it's too hard to keep hiding it. Once they accept that they're gay, and that there is no cure, they can move on and learn how to enjoy their lives being a gay person. Up to that point, most people aren't really happy, which is a shame.

It's also true that not everyone who feels attracted to people of the same gender is gay. It may just be a phase they're going through, or they may be bisexual and have feelings for both men and women. But again, if they just ignore their feelings, frequently it causes problems later because there's a part of their personality that needs to be investigated before they can achieve happiness.

I hope this helps. GB xxx

Does anyone else have anything else to add?


Anonymous said...

There are many websites that address this issue and I think this reader's problem is not unique or interesting enough to warrant a 'Dear GB' posting.

Your answer is spot on. All the best to him.

GB said...

This issue may be dull and uninteresting for you anonymous, whoever you are, but the point is that there are people out there who're not as fortunate as you and who do wonder about things like this. I myself can remember thinking "I'm so afraid of being gay". Anyway, I'm glad you like my answer.

GB xxx

Anonymous said...

When I came out my mum asked if there was a cure or a brain operation to solve it. Needless to say I think that was a shocked knee jerk reaction to what I said and she eventually came to terms with it. The thing with being gay is underlined (I think) by the fear that people won't accept you because of it. I would say being happy with who you are -gay or not - counts for alot and tends to allow such anxiety about being gay to diminish ..... interesting blog GB

Sir Wobin said...

Perhaps the reader would find it useful to speak to someone at a gay counseling service and to make friends with a gay person in his community. Someone who might show him how one can live a happy and fulfilling life as a gay person.

Anonymous said...

There are some debates about what makes a person gay - "nature" or "nurture". In Singapore, some very strong advocates from the "nurture" camp believed that the upbring or the environment created the situation where the child grew up becoming gay. Implicit in that argument is that gayness can be corrected through counselling (or more?). However, in tandem in the increasingly open gay population in Singapore, the same people now believes that it may be genetics (or "nature"). And these are influential people here in Singapore. (Unfortunately, this did not seem to help in the recent attempt to repeal the Homosexual Sex Act by the GLB group). Anyway, my point is whether it is "nature" or "nuture", it can be hard to deny or suppress being gay or feelings of attractions towards people of the same gender. It might be better to learn how to deal or live with it, confidently. GB had posted some articles on these such as the 'Gay Lifestyle Black Belt'

Hope the writer finds a way to deal with his concerns soon.