Thursday, March 20, 2008

Am I too greedy in the sack?

Last weekend, I received the following email from a reader with whom I've exchanged quite a few emails in the past. But this time he was asking for some advice:

Dear GB,

I am a young, moderately attractive, bottom guy. To the extent that it makes any difference, and for the purposes of full disclosure only, I am also an intelligent man who works (with some success) in a demanding job in the City. I wondered whether your readership might have an opinion on whether I was too greedy in the bedroom.

To be succinct, I like receiving a minimum amount of anal attention in the bedroom. By this, I mean maybe 4 or 5 or more times a night. I have always thought this was reasonable, and plenty of guys have been able to meet this requirement. To add further colour, I am not the sort of guy that needs to be pounded all night long; soft gentle strokes work just as well for me (though I am happy to be pounded too). And to counter this greed, I am very generous in other areas, giving head in particular (which I think I do very well - I don't gag, am happy to deep-throat, and can really enjoy this for 30, 40 or 50 minutes at a time).

The reason I ask is that I have found myself becoming very irritated when I meet/date a guy and he thinks once a night is enough. If I liked a guy a lot then I guess I could just about live with 2 to 3 times a night.

This hit a head because in the last two months I have now thrown 3 guys out of my house in the early hours because they had had the audacity to push me away, grab their pillows and say they were "too tired" (in all cases after just a single time). In those circumstances I have taken the view that they can sleep in their own beds, they are no use to me!

The only final factor of relevance is timing: I usually time myself to come at the same time as the other guy. I'm neither fast nor so, and can come quickly or slowly.

Any thoughts?

After I stopped laughing, I replied to the reader and suggested that no one would believe that I hadn't made this up! But in fact I don't doubt that the reader is mostly sincere. I recall an email from the same reader last December, lusting after clandestine sexual escapades with New York firemen after another reader had used that phrase in an email to me :-).

Statue of nude guy sleepingSo is this reader too greedy in the bedroom? Probably! There are actually chemicals that get released in the male brain that cause tiredness and sleep after orgasms, so the reader is after guys that can repeatedly overcome this natural effect.

But is the reader really after this much sex every night? It seems hard to believe, given that he works (with some success) in a demanding job in the City. It's also true that this reader doesn't have a boyfriend, so he doesn't have an assured outlet for his sexual desires. Indeed, I reckon that the best answer to this is for the reader to find a nice top guy to be his boyfriend :-). If he gets his oats just twice a night, every night, then perhaps he won't feel the need get his arse so completely shagged off when he does manage to lure a man into his bed!

Do any other readers have any other thoughts on this subject?


Mike said...

I'm in a superficially similar situation to your correspondent, inasmuch as I take a more passive role, and (very much) enjoy such several times (three or more ideally) when I'm with someone; I also pride myself on my oral sex techniques. I was with someone where we had that frequency of intercourse, and with his support finally came out to friends and family - only to be promptly dumped! So, I'm seeing a couple of guys at the moment casually and I’m finding it takes time to work up to the level of passion I had now I'm back on the market. I agree with your point of view that being with a regular partner will probably help him get what he wants on a steady, less intense basis, and he should think about focussing on two or three guys until he finds someone that fulfil his needs.

sunshine said...

I suppose I would be through out of bed straight away - or not even get there :)

I do get tired after one - and (oh my) I might even survive without sex for a few days - living with a man et al

And even if I fancy a few times, I still agree with Omne animal trisre past coitum I certainly am :)

Cody said...

More accurate, "Omnes animal post coitum triste est." Most men are familiar with the feeling.

W said...

Your reader is a fanasist and boring to boot

Tom said...

4 to 5 times a night?! Is this guy crazy? Good luck finding your "life partner"!

Anonymous said...

Everybody's sex life is his own, and can be very different from one individual to another. But this guy must be a sex-addict, in a pathological sense, given what he writes in his mail... he should seek counseling. Or a stable relationship, but is he able to ?

Masturbedroom said...

By publishing this, I'm afraid the reader, not you, GB, had the last laugh.

4 or 5 times a night is only possible if his partner is a minute man or if they live near the poles where night can be 21 hours long.

The link to the 'scientific' article is more interesting. I can help answer the evolutionary reason for la petite mort. If Mr Caveman went from woman to woman without stopping to recharge he'd soon be shooting blanks which doesn't help at all in reproduction.

Mr Gay Caveman also needed to recharge in case his partner thought he was faking his 4th or 5th orgasm.

Anonymous said...

If I persuaded (to the extent of almost forcing) another man to achieve erection and penetrate me when he did not really want to, would it constitute (reverse) rape? I advise this guy to get a dildo. His partners can use it on him too.

aurix said...

thanks for the link to the science article! that's very interesting. it explains a lot.. haha

glhairyfxxker said...

Hi GB. Thank you for posting my e-mail. The comments seem to be split between those who understand (probably the other bottom boys :p) and the slightly acrimonious/disbelieving (presumably those tops who are sick to death of being approached for more sex when they just want to curl up and sleep!)

I can assure your readership that 4 or 5 times a night is nothing exceptional (for plenty of gay men, actually). I readily admit that in a long term relationship (and I said as much) that I would probably be satisfied with 2 or 3 times a night. Maybe because it is regular sex, or maybe because a relationship is more than just sex, and in order to get some of the things we want we must forego others (to adopt the line of certain philosophical thinking)

The BF idea is an interesting one. I say that because I'm finally coming to terms with my personal space and really enjoying it now. I have a very rich life. It's not that I don't have time for a boyfriend, I'm sure I would make time, and it's not as though I've stopped the search entirely, but I'm happy for now to sit tight and enjoy the ride. I'm sure he'll come along in due course, and some things don't need to be forced! Happy Easter. x

GB said...

Indeed glhairyfxxker, I'd also guess the categorisation that you suggest for the commenters! Anyway good luck in your quest for the perfect top :-).

GB xxx

Anonymous said...

he needs a life-like silicone doll with a mechanical cock

czechOUT said...

It always pays to experience it from both sides. How else do you grow in experience?

Just how passive is this reader? Is he one of those lazy bottoms that only lies back and moans? That's easy.

Or is he an aggressive bottom, that shifts and turns, that rides on top, that takes control of his top and rides him?

That makes a big difference, in my opinion. It is far easier to play with a hard-working bottom than a lazy passive, and to play longer and harder.

He may well come at the same time, but doing nothing other than taking takes little imagination.

Longer. Hmm. At first i wondered what your reader had meant when he mentioned 5 times. Did he mean five strokes, or five sessions to orgasm and start over?

I'd struggle to do it five times a night. 5 x 1.5 hours of fucking is seven and a half hours. Add onto that your foreplay and the 30 mins a go he uses his mouth, and I'd be late for the office big time. In fact, it would be time to start the next 5-time session.

Your bottom needs to try topping. That way I think he might just revise his expectations.


Anonymous said...

Get a dildo if it's the anal tension you desire or else join sex-addict anonymous.