Saturday, March 29, 2008

Friend or boyfriend?

"How do you introduce boyfriend S to people?" asks boyfriend P while he was visiting me in London last weekend.

"I say ''This is my boyfriend S'!" I answer. "Actually I did a posting recently about whether one should use the word boyfriend, partner, lover, did you see it?"

"Errr yes, I think so," replies boyfriend P, deep in thought. Although he knows about my blog, he told me back in January that he finds it hard to read because it's like reading my private diary.

I think I know why he asked about boyfriend S so I decide to confront the issue.

"Are you wondering why I introduced you as my friend, rather than my boyfriend, when we used that chauffeur I know a couple of days ago?"

"I guess so ..."

"Well, I'd absolutely LOVE to introduce you to everyone as my boyfriend :-)), but I reckon we need to agree that in advance. I know I called you my boyfriend on my blog without asking you, but I did that because that's how I think about you :-). And anyway, it's an anonymous blog. I reckon calling you my boyfriend in public requires your consent!"

"Yes I suppose you're right :-)".

"So would you like me to introduce you as my boyfriend in future?" I ask, smiling lovingly at him.

"Yes, ..., OK :-)"

But he looks a bit uncertain.

"Are you sure? You know that I'll remember this for the future!"

"Hmmmm," and he pauses, "actually let me think about it!"

What a pity :-(. But I know what his problem is. He's still got the mind-set that a guy can only have one boyfriend!

On one occasion when we were in Vietnam together he agreed to be seen in public as my boyfriend :-). At least he still *almost* feels the same way three years later!


Soul Seared Dreamer said...

See now its really strange.. I'm totally comfortable with this in theory but in actual practice I'm not sure I'd deal with this very well.

Kudos to P.

glhairyfxxker said...

Do you really think it is because he's still got the mindset that a guy can only have one boyfriend?

If so, you should be alarmed that he has some hesistation about calling you his boyfriend in public. Do you see where I'm going?

I also don't see why you'd need his consent. He might have thought that a bit of a bailout!

Much more likely to my mind is that he'd still like to keep his options open or is not sure where things are heading.

Anonymous said...

GB - could you add a RSS feed to your blog? much easier to keep myself updated on your exciting news.

Anonymous said...

Oh how you complicate your life in a way that only a lawyer I know can!


Daniel Johns said...

Oh, he's so sweet! I've been reading your stuff and I really like this boyfriend... :(

GB said...

Did you see my thoughts on constructing gay relationships Soul Seared Dreamer? With boyfriend P, I think I've already demonstrated the commitments that I suggest in that posting.

I think you're quite right glhairyfxxker, boyfriend P is trying to keep his options open. But how would you like it if you were in public with a close friend who suddenly introduced you to as his boyfriend to someone that you didn't know? I still think public boyfriend status needs to be agreed!

There is already an RSS feed, anonymous. See "Site feeds" on my right-hand side-bar, and click on the feedburner icon.

I'm honestly a banker, not a lawyer, Fork :-). Since you mention lawyers, perhaps you're one yourself?

You're quite right Daniel Johns, boyfriend P is very sweet :-). I just wish I saw him more often!

GB xxx

SP said...

I've always found as I get older that i'm a lot more cautious about labelling relationships if that makes sense. When I first came out I only had to be seeing someone for a few days and it's 'ooh we're boyfriends now'

Nowadays I seem to get the feeling not to rush and always think about it and then just one day it'll feel right (or not in some cases). So don't be disheartened GB he just wants to make sure

(Hope I don't sound incredibly patronising, a 26 yr old giving advice!) x

faye said...

Omg you guys are adorable! I absolutely love gay men!

Anonymous said...