Friday, March 14, 2008

Boyfriend problems

It seems likely that within a week, I'll be bound into legal contracts to buy a house for my boyfriend S (aka boyfriend number 1). It's all a bit traumatic. Last September, even though this is largely an anonymous blog I couldn't even bring myself to blog about the situation directly, choosing instead to write a 'Dear GB' posting to myself. Although the house that we considered buying for him last November turned out to be unsuitable, another house has been identified and we're now almost at the end of the legal process to buy it.

I also mentioned in this year's Valentine's Day posting that I seem to have fallen out with boyfriend R (aka boyfriend number 3). Losing one boyfriend might be regarded as unlucky, but to lose two is just careless! Of course, as I've said before, boyfriend R was never really a proper boyfriend, and certainly nothing close to the depth of relationship that I have with boyfriend S or boyfriend P (aka boyfriend number 2).

I find myself wondering whether boyfriend P will get on well with my friends, if he ever meets any of them. I've met a few of his friends now, but I've never introduced him to any of mine. There are two reasons why that hasn't happened, firstly because boyfriend P doesn't live in the UK, and secondly because I didn't want to put boyfriend S in an awkward situation. Apart from guys that I've met while cruising online, all my friends in London know boyfriend S. In most people's minds a gay guy has just one boyfriend, so introducing them to boyfriend P would be very confusing for them. But once boyfriend S moves into his own house I guess I won't have to worry so much about that any more.

But I do wish there was a gay equivalent to the word 'mistress'. If a straight guy divorces his wife as a result of a long affair with another woman, he might end up deepening his relationship with the other woman in which case it would be easy to explain that she used to be his 'mistress'. But whatever happens to my relationship with boyfriend P, there's no readily available gay term to describe the type of relationship that I've had with him. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!


Anonymous said...

well it looks like you are playing with boys.
you have a huge list of boyfriends..
what if all those come to know about your witty actions?

Unknown said...

i think it's an interesting one to ponder how open to be with people about relationships outside your primary relationship. i tend not to mention that friends who are more than 'just' friends are anything but friends and generally that seems to work. they're friends, for sure, and i'm very fond of them and couldn't be doing stuff with them if i didn't like them as people, but it seems to keep it much much simplet to just keep it all under wraps. my boyfriend knows what i get up to and with whom, but it's not publicised beyond that...

apologies, by the way, for awful formatting - the shift key doesn't work on this computer.

Anonymous said...

GB, I don't know you, but have followed your blog for a while. Even though I am not the kind of person who is judgemental about others, I can't help but think that you are a pompous asshole, who believes that he's a saint.

Will said...

Well, aren't all the mores different in gay culture? Many of us have a number of men in our lives in differing degrees of affection.

"Mistress" is a heterosexual term for a woman. In gay terms, he could be called many existing things or he might require a wholly new term, a post-gay lib term that's both masculine and suggestive of a genuine but perhaps not all-consuming love. Any suggestions from GB's readers? This could be fun.

David said...

I excite :)

Sir Wobin said...

You haven't lost them GB. Relationships change over time and this appears to be a time of poignant change. They might be physically more distant but perhaps there will always be a place in your heart for them. Some aspect of the gay lifestyle black belt might give a nod to the ability to let go. Grieving for his sort of loss is perfectly natural but time will heal it.

Mistresses, hmm... :-) So you're a reasonable and social person who tries to fit in, preferring premade labels. I'm probably at the opposite end being maladjusted and unreasonable. I try to change the world and make them understand my labels. Your life is probably easier than mine in this regard.

SubtleKnife said...

I'm sorry, I can't think of a good term in English. In Dutch I would have suggested 'bijzit' or 'bijslaap' which, although generally used for women, are technically gender-neutral.

They mean something like 'sit-with' or 'sleep-with' and when you start looking for synonyms you get back to stuff like mistress or concubine.

However, I think perhaps you shouldn't dwell on this too long. Considering the request to NOT number them anymore, it may not be very helpful to start this discussion...

Monty said...

Well, now that you're reduced to "just" one b/f, maybe you need to cast your net far and wide and get yourself an Antipodean b/f...! ;-)

GB said...

Even though the first comment here is really comment spam, I've decided not to delete it because I think the concept is mildly amusing. Clicking on the link of the guy who left it takes you to a web site which aims to help people catch their cheating partners!

You're right Howard (aka Pirate King) that in polite company no one talks about any other sexual partners that they may have outside their main relationship. I can't decide whether that's a good thing or not, but it would be interesting to live in a world with the opposite etiquette for a while, to see what it would be like.

I also wonder why abusive comments are always anonymous, LOL!

I think you're right Will, gay culture is different, so if I want to label things perhaps I should be looking for a new term. But it's hard trying to invent a new word!

Short and brief walegren.

You've reminded me Sir Wobin that I still owe everyone another posting on the gay lifestyle black belt. Apologies for being such a naughty blogger and forgetting all about it. I'm also shocked to learn that you think your life is more unusual than mine, I shall have to try harder LOL!!

Perhaps you're right SubtleKnife, maybe this is a topic best avoided. But it's very interesting that there are suitable words in Dutch :-).

LOL Monty, and I wonder if I can guess who you think might be a good Antipodean boyfriend candidate for me? Perhaps we should invent a new term and agree to each other's honorary boyfriend, after all, at this distance it's not going to be possible to engage in the usual activities!

GB xxx

Monty said...

Ha ha! Love it GB! Sounds like a good idea...but would much rather consumate it! When are you next visiting our fair shores??? ;-)

GB said...

Unfortunately Monty, I've got no trips planned down under for the forseeable future. But in any case I think we should go for platonic love - judging from both our blogs it would probably be a new experience for both of us LOL!

GB xoxox

Humming Bird in Hyde said...

I've tried to help you with an answer to the gay equivalent to 'mistress' GB. So, I did a question in Yahoo answers and got some responses. 60% voted for 'toy-boy' and 'other-other'. Other responses were 'master/slave', 'a friend with benfits' 'a mister'. LOL. xxx

GB said...

LOL HBH, thanks for your effort. Although I think that toy-boy is something different, as is master/slave, the other ideas are good :-). I can't decide whether I prefer 'other-other' or 'a mister'!

GB xxx