Flirting in the office

I regularly get emails from various readers of this blog. Recently, a long time reader called E who works for a big international accountancy firm sent me an email complaining that his ability to flirt with the other guys in the office is severely hampered by the fact that everyone knows that he's got a boyfriend. If the email correspondence had turned into a face to face conversation, it would have continued something like:

"I'm not sure that flirting with colleagues is a good idea anyway," I reply with a cautionary tone in my voice, "I've said before that I think it's a bad idea to have sex with your colleagues, and flirting is definitely taking a small step down that path!"

"But I don't want anything to actually happen GB, because I honestly am very happy living with my boyfriend," says E, trying to convince himself of the truth of his last statement, "but some of my colleagues are hot and it would be nice to flirt a bit with some of them occasionally :-)".

"What about colleagues who work in other offices, they won't know that you've already got a boyfriend will they? Not unless you're universally known as THE company gay guy!"

"Yes but when I get chatting to colleagues who don't know about my boyfriend they always end up asking me if I'm married. When I say I've got a partner they invariably lose interest in the conversation!"

"Indeed GB," continues E, "there was a colleague from another office that I got chatting to recently, and you could literally see and feel the difference the moment that I mentioned that I've got a partner."

"So presumably he was gay too?" I ask.

"I feel sure he is, but even if I'm correct, it would've been misleading for me to say anything more than the norm as I don't want to go in that direction. That said, honestly, it can be really difficult to be so disciplined! The guy is cute!"

It's clear to me that there's a huge internal conflict raging inside this reader, between the monogamous commitment that he's presumably made to his boyfriend, and his natural desire for a bit of extra fun. Now that I've thought about this a bit, I think the key to being honest and simultaneously keeping the possibilities open is to handle the moment that one mentions one's partner in the appropriate way. So just for E, if he wants to ignore my advice and flirt in the office, I think it should go something like this:

The cute graduate trainee was visiting London office from the firm's Madrid branch. Towards the end of a long afternoon, he bumped into E at the water cooler and the two of them got chatting:

"This is my first visit to London," said the trainee smiling at E, "is there anything in particular you think it's worth me trying to see?"

"Do you really think you'll have the energy to go site seeing after working in here all day?" jokes E grinning back at him, "Actually a young guy like you will probably find the energy somewhere I guess :-). Where are you staying anyway?"

The two of them continue chatting for another minute or two, and they keep catching each other's eye in a knowing kind of way.

"So are you married or anything?" asks the trainee eventually. It's clear what answer he's hoping for.

"Not necessarily ..." replies E, catching the trainee's eye again with a particularly mischievous smile, "shall we grab a beer or something after work together?"

Do any other readers have any alternative suggestions?