Monday, May 29, 2006

A conversation with boyfriend number 2

Although boyfriend number 2 doesn’t live in the UK, I chat to him fairly regularly on MSN. And recently, I was chatting to him about holidays. The big event in my life last year was the holiday we had together because that ended up triggering my relationship crisis with boyfriend number 1. However, as I said in the comments to a posting two months ago, I’m hoping to come to an arrangement with boyfriend number 1 so that I can sometimes go on holiday with boyfriend number 2. And as long as boyfriend number 2 hasn’t found a full time boyfriend, I’m sure he’d be happy to accompany me :-)

GB: I'll be a very lucky guy if I end up with a lovely bf in London, plus you as a lovely bf for hols
bf#2: you know, some muslim men could marry up to four wives
GB: really?
bf#2: yeah, provided he could care for them all equally
GB: that makes sense
bf#2: And fairly. And the wives have to agree to it
bf#2: which is what u're doing now!

Indeed, that’s definitely what I’m trying to do. And I do want to care for them all, treat them fairly, and get them all to agree to it.

That conversation got me thinking though. Boyfriend number 2 mentioned four wives! So how do I bring boyfriend number 3 into the picture? And who's going to be boyfriend number 4? As usual, it'll be fun doing the interviews!

18 comments:

closetalk said...

hey there ;-)
i first heard abt ure blog when a pal told me i HADTA check it out cuz u were sposedly very XXXplicit. hehehe, and of course i had to say GIMME THE URL!
;-)
explicit, though ure not - at least not overly so - but i like the candor and easy humour u so very clearly possess.
am gonna be a regular here, bankerboy.
hullo from bbay.

Tildar said...

Funny thing. In the U.S. the national queer rag, "The Advocate" came out with a cover story about queer polygamy.

The article was focusing on permanent polypartnerships. The tone was tenatively positive, but acknowledged the national "moral" crisis that this concept fuels.

Interesting stuff, polyamory. If only we could all grow up to appreciate our true sexual potential. Especially me.

Gay banker said...

Hi closetalk, indeed I try to avoid being overly explicit. Actually I seem to have acquired a few readers from bbay recently :-). FYI the guy I call bf#3 is ethnically Indian (but British born). So far I've been to India twice (although there was no time to find any fun out there on either trip).

Polyamory has been mentioned on this blog before tildar. I don't yet know if it's going to work, but I do seem to be headed in that direction!

GB xxx

Saddle Up said...

Polyamory is a hard thing for people to get their head round.

Whatever happens, (I know) that it's the honesty that matters most. How'd you think Boyfriend #1 would cope with knowing that you are aiming for 3 other wives?

Gay banker said...

I agree that honesty is vital saddle-up. But it's not really true that I'm aiming for three other boyfriends, I'm just open to the idea.

GB xxx

czechOUT said...

I've always considered that the concept of polyamory and polygamy has more to do with morality and culture than nature. I have also heard the suggestion that with longer life expectancy relationships are naturally more fluid, less permanent.

Saddle Up said...

LOL... :) *hugs*

Gay banker said...

Well czechOUT, if you read one of my previous posts on this subject, you'll see that I make exactly that argument about flexible relationships and longer life expectancy. Where did you hear that suggestion (i.e. who's plagiarizing my ideas!)?

GB xx

gayboydiary said...

Just playing devil's advocate ... why should you be the one with 3 "wives" and not be one of someone else's 3 "wives"? ;o) But seriously, when part of a relationship (romantic/sexual) do you see yourself as the carer/provider? GB

Tildar said...

I've a lot of reading to catch up on.

I'm just starting to wrap my head around the concept of polyamory. I have a hard enough time managing (or being managed by, depending on perspective) one relationship. More than that, in terms of bona fide relationships, I'd probably go crazy.

I do enjoy the friends with benefits though. All the sex. None of the responsibility. Well, limited responsiblity, mostly in the playing safe dept.

Saddle Up said...

Happiness and honesty.

Gay boy comes to London said...

I'm Muslim, but for the moment I just want 1 to call my own.

Gay banker said...

I never said that I shouldn’t be one of someone elses three “wives” GB(D)! For example, what seems entirely feasible given the current situation would be for the guy I call boyfriend number 2 to get a permanent boyfriend in the city where he lives, but in such a way that we can be each other’s 2nd boyfriend for holidays.

Anyway thx for the comments everyone. But please remember that the guy I playfully call boyfriend number 2 isn't actually an offical second boyfriend. (Not yet anyway.) So although it's fascinating to think about polyamory, I don't think I'm going to get very far in practice.

Luv+kisses, GB xxx

closetalk said...

lol, well banker, if ure FUN u want, gimme a buzz next time ure in bbay. *grins*

ramo said...

More than one gay wife! That is so ungodly!

czechOUT said...

a Sunday supplement sometime ago, and then again on a website about Gay relationships. It's bookmarked on my PC so I'll have to look it up when I'm on it. In the meantime I'll czech out your earlier posting...

czechOUT said...

ok, just had a quick read (I'm baking some canelloni and it's a crucial stage), and it wasn't your ideas I was espousing-phew! What I read was about how going back to Victorian times, and more importantly, values, life expectancy of male was what, late 50's? Maybe more, but just enough and a little more to see the children old enough to leave the nest, at which time the natural male function is at an end. After all it's to breed, hunt and protect, and then we're done.

These days we live longer. We outgrow our partners.

And nautrally, going back to caveman days, we want to seed and breed. Who dictated we should be monogamous? The mores of course.

Now I have to go, the smell of our canelloni is filling our flat in the most wonderful way! Mmm

Gay banker said...

Actually czechout, that's exactly what I meant when I said "[monogamy] worked well for heterosexual society when life expectancy was low, but in the modern world I think it’s unrealistic". I guess I just wasn't explicit enough, too many ideas in that posting! Anyway it's interesting to know that other people think like that too.

Luv+kisses, GB xxx