Tuesday, September 18, 2007


I recently read a post titled "I'm not gay I just sleep with men", written by a guy who lives in Nairobi. I explain why I disagree with the main idea behind the posting in a comment, however reflecting on the subject matter reminded me of how I used to think.

You'll find your worst nightmare in room 101 ...When I was a teenager, I read the classic novel Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell. The book describes a sinister one-party state where the senior party members seek absolute control over their citizens, even to the extent of controlling their thoughts. One of the concepts in the book was Doublethink, which is best defined as the act of simultaneously holding two contradictory beliefs while fervently believing both! At the time when I read the book, I can recall thinking that this concept was ludicrous. My best subjects at school were mathematics and the sciences, and compared to the flawless logic of mathematics in particular, illogical concepts like Doublethink made absolutely no sense to me.

Skipping forward a few years and when I thought about my personal life, there were two things that I fervently believed. I wasn't gay, how could I be, that was forbidden so I just had to be straight for sure. The other thing I knew was that I enjoyed the company of other guys, and could imagine living with some of my best male friends forever, and playing with them in intimate ways too! It was only when I eventually came out as gay that I looked back and realised the truth. Not only was Doublethink possible, I had managed it for several years. It was a big shock.

These days, partly as a result of that experience, I always try to be open to unusual concepts. However weird they might seem at first!


Guy In London said...

GB, an apparently "simple" post that is in fact very thought provoking ... thanks, has helped me remember something about my "early years".


Sir Wobin said...

Delusion is easier than frank self knowledge. I always knew, could never fool myself into thinking otherwise and thus did not know how to avoid hating myself like all the social cues told me I should.

Self knowledge and acceptance has a lot to do with long term happiness. Learning to accept wasn't too hard and helped me with the baggage. Isn't acceptance one of the most important tools for gaining a black belt?

GB said...

No probs GIL :-)

And you're right Sir Wobin, I reckon that acceptance is an important milestone along the gay lifestyle path. But I also reckon that at the black-belt level, guys are genuinely glad to be gay which is a lot more than pure acceptance.

GB xxx

Underground Sound said...

For those less fortunate (or less brave, as you might call them), the journey of self-discovery is a long one and there is no guarentee that self-acceptance is waiting at the end. Only doublethink can give one peace.

cuteCTguy said...

Welcome to the labour party...