Friday, December 28, 2007

Christmas Crackers

Having Christmas crackers when eating a traditional Christmas lunch in the UK is an old British custom. But every year I wonder why this pointless custom persists. Each cracker typically contains a cheap (mostly useless) gift, a paper hat to wear while eating the lunch, and a joke which isn't very funny. I usually reckon that the only useful item is the hat, because wearing the silly hats tends to put everyone in a party mood which makes the event more fun :-).

This year, the 'jokes' I've encountered in Christmas crackers seemed particularly inane, although I admit that I hadn't heard any of them before:

Q. Why don't ducks tell jokes when they're flying?
A. Because they would quack up!

Q. How do snails keep their shells shiny?
A. They use snail varnish!

Q. Who is the most famous married woman in America?
A. Mrs. Sippi

Q. What has a bed but does not sleep, and a mouth but does not speak?
A. A river

Unfortunately, smutty jokes aren't allowed, because at a Christmas lunch children are likely to be present. But smutty Christmas jokes would be much more fun :-). Something like:

Q. What does a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration!

Can anyone do any better than that?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

The last one isn't a bad joke, though the catholic churches finances as a result of out of court settlements with the altar boys would lead me to believe otherwise, the pope being a traditionalist I understand prefers castrati

Bobby Vanquish said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GB said...

But I didn't get the last joke from a Christmas cracker 'anonymous'!

I admit that I laughed at your joke BV! And having admitted to that, I'm sure that some of my readers will never visit me again!! Luckily people who don't live in the UK probably won't understand what' going on here. However, this link will explain ...

GB xxx

pcbobby said...

ugh, very bad taste. nasty paedophile joke!

GB said...

Yeah true pcbobby, I also had a couple of emails suggesting that I should delete that joke, so I have. In the comments above, where it now says "This post has been removed by a blog administrator", there was originally a comment left by BV which contained a rather bad taste Christmas joke.

If any readers really want to know what the bad taste joke was, email me and I'll forward it.

GB xxx