An entertaining evening with my friend P

It had been a while since I last saw my friend P, so last week I arranged to go out for supper to catch up with him. I always like P's company because he's got an interesting outlook on life. Coupled with his amusing desire to find a rich boyfriend, he's got a rampant appetite for gay sex, all of which he enjoys telling me about :-).

The other thing about my friend P is that ever since he discovered me logged into google as GB, I've had a suspicion that he's become one of my readers without telling me that he found my blog. However, I recently hatched a plan to work out the truth, one way or the other! During the course of the evening there's bound to be an opportunity to implement the plan, and although it's not completely foolproof, it should be a very strong indicator. With all this running through my mind, we meet up in a bar in Soho in central London one evening last week.

"So who's this new boyfriend that you've been seeing for the past month, then?" I ask, "and have you got any pictures you can show me :-)."

"Yeah sure, hang on," says P getting his mobile phone out, "he's a Polish plumber, only been over here for about a year so his English isn't very good, but he definitely makes up for it in other ways!"

"So he's been seeing to all your plumbing has he?" I say mischievously, attempting a weak double entendre on the word 'plumbing'.

"Yeah you bet!" replies P enthusiastically, "he's absolutely gorgeous isn't he :-). Hey GB, where's that spreadsheet that you keep on your PDA for assessing my boyfriends, can you bring it up?"

I find the spreadsheet and P reviews the four categories that we set up back in 2006. Soon he's marked his Polish plumber as Appearance=35%, Personality=30%, Wedge=15%, Trouser Dept= 20%.

"Actually that's not too far from what I originally thought my ideal was," says P with a satisfied tone in his voice. "Why don't you work out what marks boyfriend S would get, just for fun?"

"I guess I could, but if I do that I should probably assess boyfriend P as well," I laugh, as though P knows exactly who boyfriend P is, before adding "actually did I ever tell you that I've got another boyfriend who lives abroad?"

This is it! I know damm well that I've NEVER told my friend P about boyfriend P!! He knows how long I've been with boyfriend S, and in the past he's said that we're the most stable gay couple he knows, so this piece of news should be a complete bombshell to him. But if he's been secretly reading my blog he'll know all about my other boyfriends, and I doubt that he'll have time to prepare the right reaction given that I've introduced boyfriend P's existence into the conversation without warning.

P looks at me blankly! His eyes glaze over slightly as he sits back in his chair and looks away from me, before leaning forward in his chair again a few seconds later.

"Um, GB, could you run that by me again," he says with a look of disbelief on his face, "You've got WHAT??"

"Well, I've got another boyfriend apart from boyfriend S. Although boyfriend P doesn't live in the UK, we still manage to see each other every few months or so, and in any case we're in email communication virtually every day :-)"

"REALLY? You're kidding right?"

"No ...."

"OK then, have you got any pics of him??" interrupts P.

"Yes of course," I say smiling, picking up my PDA and locating my favourite pic of the two of us at Iguazú falls.

P stares at the pic for ages, almost unable to believe his eyes.

"So you are into Asian guys then," he says eventually, "why didn't you tell me before?"

"Didn't I? Well I guess a guy in my position has to have a few secrets!"

And then the questions start

"How long have you known him??"

"Where did you meet?"

"Where did does he live?"

"What does boyfriend S think about boyfriend P?"

"What does boyfriend P think about boyfriend S??"

"What does he do for a living?"

"Is boyfriend P any good in bed?"

"What does he do for *fun* when you're not together?"

"How many OTHER boyfriends or secrets have you got that you're not telling me about?"

I carefully avoid answering all the questions which are too personal or revealing, which unfortunately leaves P free to speculate!

"I'll bet you met him in a sauna or something while you were on a business trip, didn't you!"

I shake my head in a disapproving way.

"AND now you've told me this I'll bet that you HAVE been to some of the London saunas, in spite of what you've implied in the past!"

"Anyway, what do you think of this shirt I'm wearing," I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Why?"

"Just curious"

"Well, honestly GB, it's a bit fuddy-duddy, I'm a surprised you're not embarrassed!" replies P with a chuckle.

"I'll tell boyfriend P you said that," I laugh, "he chose it for me when we were in Buenos Aires together back in 2006!"

Throughout the evening, P keeps coming back to the subject of my "foreign boyfriend", which is only natural for someone who's suddenly had their illusions shattered and needs to ask lots of questions to adjust themselves to the new reality.

"So is that why you've bought a house for boyfriend S to live in," he asks eventually.

"Well partly I guess," I reply, "because boyfriend S doesn't much like my relationship with boyfriend P. But at least now that he's got his own house he's got some independence from me, which is definitely making him more relaxed about the situation."

"Actually," says P thoughtfully, a bit later, "in my experience successful guys like you often have these complicated but fascinating personal lives. I guess I've been a bit naïve!"

Looking back on the evening, I reckon that my friend P's reactions means that it's highly unlikely that he's ever read my blog, which is good news. Telling him about boyfriend P was also highly entertaining. If my other close friends are going to react in a similar way, telling them all about boyfriend P is going to be great fun!