Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Wonderful Wankometer

Following last Friday’s posting (Internet cruising and the wank-factor), someone pointed out to me that The Wonderful Wankometer web site has a different definiton of wank-factor. On the wankometer web site, wank-factor is a number between 0 and 10, and the higher the number the more meaningless business drivel a particular web site or a paritcular piece of text contains. Just give the the wankometer some text or a web-site address and it calculates the wank-factor for you.

For example, curious as it may seem, the wankometer gives the following text a zero wank-factor:

I met a guy from gaydar for a mutual wank session

Each rating has a helpful description associated with it, less than 1/10 seems to be classified as 'low'. Moving up the scale, the text

I met a guy from gaydar and we discussed the benefits of customer satisfaction surveys

has a 1.33/10 wank-factor, and is classified as 'considerable'. (From my point of view of course, meeting someone from gaydar to discuss customer satisfaction surveys is completely absurd so this text deserves a much higher rating.) Slightly further up the scale, the text

Our aim is to develop synergies between the clients and solution providers

has a 4.17/10 wank-factor, and is classified as 'significant wank'. At the top end of the scale

The approach of our Private Equity team is aligned with the companany's signature: result driven, transparent and accessible. The investment focus is on all kinds of situations including business development.

has a 9.88/10 wank-factor with a classification 'utter wank', and the text

Microsoft Business Solutions automate and help improve financial, customer relationship, and supply chain management processes. Delivered through a network of Microsoft partners, these integrated, adaptable solutions work like and with familiar Microsoft software to streamline processes across an entire business

lifed from a Microsoft web page gets 11/10 with an 'off the scale' classification.

I find this concept quite amusing because as an investment banker, I work in an environment where some people take this kind of drivel too seriously.

So what's the wank-factor of this blog as a whole? Before I posted this piece about management wank the rating was a 'low' 0.72/10. The level has risen as a result of this post of course, but luckily the damage isn't too bad. In spite of all the sample drivel polluting this web site, the wank-factor is still only 0.90/10.

1 comment:

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