Wednesday, February 22, 2006

An argument with boyfriend number 1

I'm an adventurous kind of chap. I enjoy things like holidays in far-away places, and meeting guys who I don't know for casual sex. However boyfriend number 1 has always preferred a quieter life, which is one of the reasons why we may split up.

Last year, I had a big falling out with boyfriend number 1 when he wouldn't come away on holiday with me. So instead of going on holiday with boyfriend number 1, I went on holiday with boyfriend number 2. Then the turmoil began when I got back from that holiday, and admitted to boyfriend number 1 that I'd been away with boyfriend number 2. Prior to my admission, boyfriend number 1 had no idea that boyfriend number 2 existed.

Since then things have slowly been getting better with boyfriend number 1. Gradually he seemed to be coming round to the idea that I'm not monogamous. But suddenly everything is going wrong.

It's arguments about holidays again. Because we seemed to be getting on well with each other again, I took him out for a romantic meal on Valentines night. I suggested during the meal that we go away together on holiday for a couple of weeks at the end of March. I was a bit concerned at the time that he seemed to be putting up the same false barriers that he used last June, but after the meal I thought we'd come to an agreement.

The next day I got the travel agent to start looking into booking a trip to South America for the two of us. But in the evening when I discussed it with him, he'd changed his mind. "OK no problem", I said, "I need to take a break from work so I'll see if I can go with boyfriend number 2 again". He looked uncomfortable with the idea, but couldn't really complain since I made it clear that I'd prefer to go away with him.

Luckily boyfriend number 2 was available, so after a few days of planning I made a courtesy phone call to boyfriend number 1 last Monday afternoon to tell him when I was going to be away. It was a disaster and he threw all his toys out of the pram. After that I couldn't concentrate on work, so I ended up going home early. When I got home there was an ultimatum: If you go away with that guy our 17 year relationship is over.

So I have cancelled the holiday with boyfriend number 2 because I don't think it should all end like that. But after this debacle, I think it probably should end. It's been quite a few months since I felt this unhappy :-(


Anonymous said...

Sounds like a complex situation and a very uncomfortable one. If it does end, do try your best to make it an amicable break as you two are obviously very fond of each other and it would be a great shame to replace love with loathing.

Anonymous said...

hmm been reading your stuff over the week. it's like slowly understanding a stranger :-)
Anyway do hope everything works out for you, whether or not the relationship is going to work. I mean there are gives and takes in life and you can't have both all the time.

PS: though it might not be a proper time to ask, in your articles the sex often involved kissing and oral. so you only do anal with your Boyfriends? or there had become hidden subtext? ^^

regards from Malaysia, (have you got a BF in Malaysia yet?)

Anonymous said...

Have always liked reading your blog, but with this post a moment of deja-vu occurred for me.

Being non-mongamous in a relationship is one thing but having an emotional relationship with someone else is quite different. The fact that Boyfriend Number 1 may be able to accept that you will be having sex with someone outside your relationship doesn't necessary mean he'll be okay with anything beyond that. Give away your body but I want your soul kind of thing.

I've been in one of those open ones before that died because of an emotional attachment that I developed with someone else. Could play with whomever I liked but talking afterwards was a big no-no.

Anonymous said...

You didn't exactly give BF#1 much time to come round, did you? One night you're being all romantic and asking him to go away with you, the next night you're telling him you're going with someone else, and not just 'a mate' but someone you're sleeping with? Maybe I'm missing something, but I'd be livid too!

But on the other hand, why on earth does he not want to go to South America with you? Is he scared of flying? Is he scared of foreigners? Is he a lock-in??



Anonymous said...

Poor banker :(

Those 'up in the air' feelings suck.

You seem really fond of BF 1 because you've been with him for seems like a long time....

I always think that when people find love with someone, they should hang on for dear life and try to find a way to make it work.

But that's just me:) I've only had sex with one guy in 4 years (the bf) but your escapades sound like so much fun and escapism.... Is it my turn?!

GB said...

Thank for your thoughts guys. After a long chat with boyfriend number 1 last night, things are a bit calmer now. So as I've always said, I still hope we can stay together. Recent events seems to have been a catalyst and maybe things are moving in the right direction for both of us now.

No bf in Malaysia yet Josh! Be careful about trying to deduce what I get up to when I meet other guys for casual sex - I don't go into too many details because I want this blog to be a more of a diary than porn.

Boyfriend number 1 isn't scared of flying pj, he's just very sensitive. Perhaps I do move too fast for him sometimes.

If you do start playing away Tom I hope we'll be able to read about what you get up to?

GB xx

Anonymous said...

Hey! this is randomrabit! I was so excited to see your blog. I am a die hard liberal and the title made me smile- keep up the good work ;P

rock out! mwah!

Anonymous said...

Glad that things turned for the better already. All the best.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I was floored by this post. GB, you definitely are incorrigible!