Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My worst online cruising experience. Ever!

It’s the last Wednesday in May, and I get home early evening after a hard day’s work. Boyfriend number 1 is visiting a friend of his so I’ve got the evening to myself. After pouring myself a beer I log into gaydar and to see if there’s any fun to be had.

Soon I spot a guy in his early 20’s who wants someone to visit him in central London, not too far away. I contact him to see if he’s interested in me:

GB: hi, I could visit you m8, I’m quite close to you
guy: where are you mate

I tell him where I live.

guy: ok

I wait a while for him to say something else but that single two letter word seems to be all that he's got to say for himself. He’s not showing much enthusiasm! No doubt he’s read my profile by now, perhaps I’m not his type? I decide to soldier on anyway.

GB: can u accom?
guy: yes

Ah-ha, I've now got a three letter word out of him :-)! I wonder even more whether he's worth visiting, especially since his profile doesn’t have any pics on it.

GB: any pics?
guy: yes cam phone
GB: I don't have a cam, sry
guy: ok, I hv no pics online
GB: oic, I think I can view pix on my phone

I’ve never been in a situation before where the only option was for the other guy to send a pic to my phone. Well I guess there’s a first time for everything, so I give him my number, with my usual instructions not to contact me unless it’s been agreed online first. In spite of his apparent lack of enthusiasm, his pic arrives quite quickly.

GB: nice pic on phone!
guy: thank
GB: so what kinda fun u after m8?

The who can do what to whom conversation turns out to be quite easy, so everything seems in order. Since he sent me a pic by phone, I’ve already got his mobile number, all I need is his address.

GB: happy to visit u m8, do you want to give me the address?
guy: i don't out my address like that i only give out when i know at people are on the way

By the time we reach this point a lot of guys are happy to divulge their address, but since I’ve got his mobile phone number I guess it’ll be OK without.

GB: so shall I set off to visit you now, I’ll phone for the address when I’m on my way?
guy: it up to you mate

What a strange reply! Throughout this conversation he’s been pretty luke-warm about everything, it doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence that it’ll be a worthwhile journey. But I fancy trying for a bit of fun before supper and he’s the best candidate.

GB: yeah, I'd like to, if that's ok with you
guy: you can if you want mate
GB: OK see you soon, I’ll phone you for the exact address

Before I logoff he does at least tell me which road junction to head for, that'll do for now.

There are plenty of taxis on the street, and it’s not long before I’m at the junction he told me to go to. I give him a call.

“Hi, it’s GB, I’ve arrived at that junction, so where do I go now?”

The directions are straightforward. Although this is quite a smart area of London, I find myself walking into a courtyard surrounded by what must be the only council housing in the area. He buzzes me into the building, and it turns out that he lives on the top floor. There’s no lift so I’m slightly out of breath by the time I get to his door.

“Ummm, come in”, he says. It’s slightly dark inside the apartment and I can’t see him properly, so I head inside to get a better look. He closes the door behind me.

Turning to look at him I get a shock. The photo he sent me can’t have been of him! And I don’t know what to do!! In all my years of having fun with men who I’ve met online, I’ve never been in this position before. I don’t have any doubt that he’s in his early 20’s, but he’s a slightly older version of a fat spotty teenager who eats junk food all day long. He could also do with a good bath.

“Thanks for coming round”, he says, looking slightly embarrassed.

“Errr”, what do I say, what do I say, “no problem”.

He smiles, and I get a glimpse of his teeth. OH MY GOD, he needs to visit a dentist badly! Suddenly the lack of enthusiasm that he showed online makes sense. Given that it was me pushing to visit him, and he made it abundantly clear that it was my decision, I’ve got less to complain about. None the less I was given false information.

“Let’s go in here”, he says, backing me into his bedroom. The bedroom is an untidy, unclean room, with dirty bed linen and with dirty bare floorboards waiting for a carpet to be laid.

I know I should leave but somehow I feel powerless. Perhaps I can just give him a quick hand job or something and make my escape? He can’t get much sex so the excitement of having someone else present should mean that it'll all be over quite quickly. I go to take off my shirt but he stops me.

“No, we'll leave our clothes on”.

This guy is really weird! Suddenly he puts his hand on my shoulder and reaches over to kiss me.

"Errrr, have you brushed your teeth?" I ask urgently.

He looks embarrassed and backs away.

A few minutes later he's taken down his grubby track-suit trousers and I’m wanking him off. “You’re lovely”, he says quietly, looking me in the eye. Poor guy, he can’t have many sexual encounters, even simple ones like this.

But after a few more minutes I don’t feel I’m making much progress.

“Are you going to cum for me?” I ask him gently, looking him in the eye now, with a cheeky smile which is meant to coax him into shooting his load.

“Errr, I can’t cum with other people present”.

What on earth does he mean? In that case, why did he even agree to let me come over?? But before I can decide on my next move it turns out that he lied. “Ahhhhh”, he says as he lets go, “.... hmmmm lovely, thank you so much”.

I end up feeling very sorry for him. He's probably the guy who everyone bullied at school. He's probably the guy who never got any love from his parents. He's probably the guy who never had any friends. None the less, it’s not a situation that I ever ever want to get myself into again.


cuteCTguy said...

Poor GB. I guess we have all had some similar experiences.. One guy I met must have had his photo taken in the early 80s! One of the reasons not to use Online crusing. Perhaps next time you should be honest and say.. "this is not going to work" and walk away.
Thats why the gym is a better bet - at least you see what you are getting!

ziggystardust73 said...

oh but GB, that really was a fantastic story. So think of it this way:

you got some mileage out of it.

gaydar scares me. That's why I avoid it.

Cutectguy - problem with the gym is that they all seem to be straight guys at mine who just want a shag and that's all... which is fine in the short term but after that?

Jinx said...

GB, were his teeth that bad to warrant you questioning his personal hygene?!

Just think, you've given him something to think about when he lies in bed late at night, alone. You were very noble not to walk away and have probably impacted his life all the better for it.

Anonymous said...

hi, i'm from Australia, and had exactly the same thing happen. it was the worst experience, uncomfortable, but this guy was just generally unclean - quick handjob and i was out of there, i kept getting the horrors all the way home. The house was disgusting, let alone his room.

The Pirate King said...

Next time you go round to a guy's place, remember the essential kit: Condoms, lube, dental floss and a hasty escape just in case!

cuteCTguy said...

Ziggy - it can lead to realtionships.. read "destiny in a steam room" on my blog... its called Life in London and GB has a link to it..
.. though given my experience with Mr X I not sure I recommend it ;-)

Legal-ize-IT said...

I won't even ask that guy for a glass of water (much less fruit juice). His teeth is a direct reflection of his personal hygiene, and it's NOT good. You handled him like a true gentleman.

AlienTears said...

Gee, GB, you need to be more careful. What you did in the end sounds like an act of humanity but what if it had been someone who had been willing to lie to you for much more serious reasons - to hurt you? My own view is that you should do a bit more vetting before you set off. Stay safe. AT.

China Blue said...

Yikes! Situations like that are quite scary, because it becomes more than just a hookup - you're dealing with an unknown quantity. I had a similar experience a few years ago when I was young and careless, and it could have turned nasty.

If a guy's teeth are honking, there's no way my hands are gonna get into his pants. Ew.

Great post GB, but I did worry for a moment there. ;-)

Tildar said...

You poor dear. That poor dear.

What a trainwreck.

What a show!

Gay banker said...

But aren’t all my cruising stories fantastic ziggy LOL?

Yes Jinx, the poor guy’s teeth were that bad, worse in fact!

Thanks for the thoughts AlienTears, safety-wise I do try to be careful. With this guy for example, it was clear from the outset that he was harmless.

PJ said...


see, that's why god invented the phrase 'no thanks'...

but I bet you were thinking, 'well, it'll give me something a bit different to blog about!' ;-)

josh said...

gosh...poor GB

i've had a simliar experience. in fact it was one of my early online crusing experiences. the guy who claimed he's in late 20s must hv been in his 40s. n ugly. i should hv left there and then but i didnt coz i was scared shit back then. if i were u i would hv left. really. hate people who lies, or worse using fake pics.

"a shag with straight guys"? could you get a straight guy into sex? man im really curious...:-P

cuteCTguy said...

Josh - the answer is yes. But if you try to define the term straight then thats a whole different ball game!! My gym is also full of them.

GB - this blog has clearly touched a nerve!!

muse-ic said...

poor you...poor him!

mind, if you take to meeting people off the net, then it's a risk you take; has happened to me too.

Saddle Up said...

Scary man... scary man... You left your underwear at my house btw GB x

Anonymous said...

GB, please come back again. I want a blow job next time. :P

Anonymous said...

Hm. Curious how the specter of a "Mr. Goodbar" experience is raised when GB hooks up with a sad, fat, dirty slob.

Anyone ever see "American Psycho?"

ziggystardust73 said...

josh - the amount of 'straight' men who I've had sex with is almost greater than the amount of 'gay' men.

how people label themselves is an intriguing thing...

gayboydiary said...

Yuck! That sounds absolutely vile! You handled it very well! I wouldn't have been able to wank him off even with gloves on! GBD x

closetalk said...

aw shucks. mercy sex, i call it. also, despo sex, dats when i i do it cuz i'm just sooo damn horny. :(

hescheating said...

Sorry, I would have had to leave, no mercy sex for me.

close encounters said...

i've had problems with guys with photos that turn out to be 10 years old - i try and exercise enough self control to say no ... doesn't always happen !

i was thinking though, that maybe we have a responsibility to say know - otherwise the deceivers will never learn to mend their ways !!