A royal wedding party

"So," I ask, smiling cheekily at the three guys that I'm chatting to, "are you all homosexuals?"

I'm at a Royal Wedding party that's being hosted by my colleague P and his boyfriend D. Outside on the balcony, and slightly away from the main party, I'm chatting to D and two of his friends who're called S and G.

"We're all gay, GB!" answers D, laughing at my use of the rather clinical word 'homosexual'.

"Are you a 'homosexual' then?" asks S, who's the youngest guy in the group. S has a slightly irritated tone in his voice.

"Yes of course!" I answer casually, "In case you're in any doubt, that's my boyfriend over there :-)."

I point inside, through the balcony windows, to boyfriend T who's talking to my colleague P.

"Actually I'm Bi," says S, "I like both men and women :-)."

On hearing this, both D and G shakes their heads, laughing in protest.

"I think he means that he likes both cock AND dick!" says G with a big grin on his face.

"But I slept with a woman a couple of months ago," replies S indignantly.

"What about that Irish guy you told us about last week?" asks D.

"And wasn't it a Polish guy the week before that?" asks G.

"If you must know, I slept with my female cousin!" answers S, without denying either the Irish or the Polish guy, "It was OK with her, but I'm interested in men as well."

"What was her pussy like then?" I ask, mildly curious to know how far S went with his cousin.

"Actually she was clean," says S with a matter of fact tone in his voice, "She didn't taste of fish or anything like that."

"Urrgh S," says D with a grimace on his face, "you didn't actually ..."

"Well I thought she'd suck me off, so I started by doing it for her, but actually she wasn't up for that."

"Anyway," continues S, "I don't have a problem with gay or straight. In fact my father's gay."

This isn't news to D or G, but I'm taken aback by the statement.

"Wow," I reply, "I didn't expect you to say that!"

As S starts to tell me a bit about his background, the other two guys walk off the balcony and inside the apartment to refill their Champagne glasses. After a few minutes I notice that S's hand has very slowly moved up against mine on the balcony rail that we're both holding. I glance at him quickly, before moving my hand slightly away from his.

"So," starts S suggestively, catching my eye, "do you like young boys?"

Of course I most definitely do NOT like young boys, but in fact S is clearly referring to himself.

"Not too young," I say laughing, "I don't know about you, but I like my guys to be fully developed :-)".

"Well indeed," he says, looking me in the eye again, and then looking me up and down, "Actually, I've been trying to work out how, um, big you are from the size of your fingers :-)."

Although S is an attractive guy, I've been happily loyal to boyfriend T for well over a year now, ever since I got back from Thailand at the start of 2010.

"Thanks :-)," I reply to S, "but as I said, my boyfriend is next door, have you met him yet?"

Just then, D comes back out onto the balcony to rejoin the conversation, Champagne bottle in one hand and a full glass in the other.

"Have you seen my boyfriend around?" I ask D, wondering whether I should introduce S to boyfriend T, or whether that'll simply encourage S to push for a threesome. But before D can answer, S makes his excuses and moves back inside the apartment, looking mildly upset that I seem impervious to his boyish charms.

"Just now," I whisper quietly to D, "S was trying to chat me up!"

"Doesn't surprise me," replies D, refilling my glass, "Ever since he arrived in London, S has been with one guy after another. And if you believe what he said earlier, he's been with girls too!"

"Actually, although S doesn't know it," continues D, "I slept with his father before I came to London, and ..."

On hearing this I collapse into almost hysterical laughter. I feel like I'm living in some hyper-gay world, where everyone has some kind of sexual connection to everyone else, and nothing is quite what it seems. I'm about to ask D whether, in his experience, S or S's father is better in bed when a couple of other guys come out onto the balcony to see why I'm laughing so much.

"What's so funny, GB?" asks one of them.

Before I can answer, D has diplomatically changed the subject and a semblance of normality manages to assert itself. No doubt S's mother has some unusual sexual connection to G or perhaps even with boyfriend T, but discovering exactly what that connection is will have to wait!

Email from a 20yo gay guy

About a week ago I received the following email:

Dear GB,

I stumbled upon your blog earlier today and I think it's fantastic that someone has sound, wholesome advice to offer to young gay men. That said, I have a few questions of my own! I'm 20 years old and a junior in college. I came out five years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, but didn't have many gay friends or any sexual/romantic experience at all with men until I came to university. In my time here, I've done a good deal of fooling around and I spent a decent portion of my freshman year in a sexual relationship with someone that I hoped would turn into something more substantial but never did. Despite all of this, I still haven't had anal sex because I want my first time, whether it's as a top or a bottom, to be within a relationship. The extent of my sexual experience at this point only includes oral sex.

Now, for the first time, I am actually dating someone worthwhile, and not just going on one date and then acting like we're in a serious relationship or going on one date and then hooking up (things that I've done in the past), but really, legitimately just moving slowly, getting to know the other person, and not taking it to the sexual level yet. In a lot of ways, my situation is ideal. I'm young, I'm having a healthy experience, and I've been careful in my life thus far, so I haven't really been jaded by a bad relationship yet. However, the grass is always greener on the other side and sometimes, it's hard to remember that 20 is young. There are days when I feel as though that's very old for someone to be relatively inexperienced in the area of sex and relationships, especially for a gay man who's been out for five years. I don't want to push things with my new flame, as we've only been dating for a few weeks and when the semester ends in another two or three weeks, he'll be headed home for the summer, about 12 hours away from where I live, so things will sort of be on hold until school starts up again in September (if we're still interested in each other by the time he comes back). Meanwhile, I often feel that peer pressure to just have sex already, whether it's with him or with someone else. My friends are understanding of my situation and have a lot of respect for me wanting to wait until it's with someone who cares about me, but sometimes I feel like the odd man out because it's an experience I haven't had yet. It's something that I'm eager to explore, but I'm intimidated. Sexual relations are an emotional thing for me and anal sex can be especially scary for first-timers, or so it seems from my perspective! :o

In any event, I'm just wondering what your advice might to be to someone in my situation, and if I'm doing the right things?

Thanks!

Having read this new reader's email, I couldn't help thinking how level headed he is for a 20 year old guy :-). He doesn't seem to have any problems being gay, he's realises that he's still quite young, and his queries about sex and relationships are very rational.

When it comes to sex, some gay guys seem to think that if there's no arse fucking then it's not sex. However, I've never held that view. My definition of gay sex would be any activity between two or more guys where one or more of the guys cums. With that definition, I'm sure that this guy must have had lots of sex already! After all, I feel sure that as well as oral sex, his experience is likely to include mutual masturbation :-).

I've always felt that the fact that I enjoy sexual activities with other guys isn't the thing that makes me gay. Straight guys in all-male environments such as prisons may indulge in various forms of gay sex simply because they want sex, not because they're gay. For me, the thing that means that I'm gay is the fact that I fall in love with other guys. When that happens, and if my feelings are reciprocated, then I want to spend lots of time with them as well as get into intimate situations with them! In a loving gay relationship, there are so many ways of expressing that love that a narrow definition of sex that focuses on anal sex seems quite inappropriate to me.

It's also true that some gay guys don't enjoy anal sex. For the guy who takes the role of bottom, it's the stimulation of his prostate that should give him pleasure. However, I've known a lot of gay guys who don't enjoy being fucked, so not everyone finds it pleasurable.

Having said all that, anal sex is a standard sexual activity for gay guys, so it makes sense for this reader to give it a go at some point because he may enjoy it :-). But I don't see that there's any rush, and I certainly don't think that he should feel compelled in any way to have anal sex if he doesn't want to. If he does try anal sex, then the most important thing to remember is that the top should wear a condom, because it's the riskiest kind of gay sex in terms of catching nasty diseases. Apart from that, it's vital that the bottom relaxes his arse muscles, otherwise he'll probably find it very painful!

In terms of this reader's potential boyfriend, I think that it's probably worth trying to engage him in some kind of sexual activity before the summer break. Sex (my definition!) is an important part of any gay relationship, and the longer that it doesn't happen, the more likely is that the two guys will end up as friends rather than boyfriends. Perhaps the reader has been avoiding sexual activity because the thinks that his potential boyfriend will automatically want anal sex, and as he said in his email, he's not sure that he wants to do anal sex yet? Whatever the situation, two boyfriends should be able to be honest with each other, and have mature conversations about these kind of issues. They should also be able to respect each other in terms of what kind of sex they both want to have. If not, then they're probably not compatible as boyfriends.

Do any other readers have any other thoughts that might help this guy?

Email from a young straight guy with gay friends

A couple of weeks ago, a student sent me the following email:

Dear GB,

I'm an 18 year old student, finishing up my final year or 'a' levels at a prestigious Catholic school. I know that might not be particularly relevant, but it does seem to make this seem more personal somehow.

Anyway, for the past seven years I've had the same group of friends that I've met at school, all of which are guys cause, well it's an all boys school. Anyway, it's my final year and it seems as though every one of them is 'coming out' and I couldn't be more okay with it. I'm Catholic myself so I don't judge and I do try to be very supportive.

One of the guys though, who recently came out to me, one day started to sort of come on to me and to be honest I was freaked but I didn't panic. I just told him that I didn't go that way and something else along those lines. He seemed to accept it and I thought all was fine.

After that though, my other friends from the same clique, confronted me and said that the same friend who had come on to me before thinks I'm definitely gay and is really upset at me cause I don't want to admit it and come out already.

I was truly shocked.

When I was younger, I had a friend and he and I fooled around a bit cause to be honest, I was really curious. It didn't go anywhere cause I couldn't be more sure that I'm not interested in guys. I'm concerned though that I'm giving off some type of gay vibe or something or maybe I'm acting gay. I'm really not sure. I'm pretty average to my knowledge. I don't have a girlfriend or anything but it more cause of the fact that any girl I like seems to not even want to be around me more than anything else. That's a different story though.

Anyway, I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I know that they all think I'm gay now and I'm not as concerned about that as I am about the signals I give off. If I was gay, I'd have come out already. My parents'd be cool with it. My friends would definitely be okay with it and I'm not one to care much about what people think of me.

It's really an eye-opener for me GB. Have my gay friends' attitudes rubbed off on me? I really don't think so. Do I act gay? Not to my knowledge (not that I act all macho and 'straight' or anything) but It's just got me thinking.

I really hope you respond to this. It'd be nice to see what you've got to say.

Hoping to hear from you soon. Till then, take care, and happy banking!

Yours

The straightforward way that this student approaches his situation makes me think that he is straight, and not deluded about his sexuality at all. In the past, most of the people who've contacted me for advice have been gay guys, so it's interesting to get an email from straight guy for a change.

The mostly likely explanation for what's happened is that the student's friend has had a crush on him. When someone has a crush on someone else, they'll fail to read the signals properly. Any behaviour on the part of the student that suggested that he's straight would have been interpreted as "Oh, he's just doing/saying that because he still wants to pretend that he's straight", and any friendly behaviour that the student's friend saw would have been interpreted as gay love. The subsequent behaviour, now that the student has told his friend that he is straight after all, is simply a reaction to fact that his love isn't reciprocated. I'd suggest that the student should avoid seeing his friend as much as possible, in an attempt to let him recover from his unrequited love, and hope that the passage of time will eventually repair their friendship.

Whether the student has picked up any gay characteristics is perhaps a more interesting question, and perhaps harder to work out. The fact that the student has a lot of gay friends suggests that he's very much the metrosexual, otherwise he wouldn't fit in with them. However, I'd say that it's a very good thing for a straight guy to be metrosexual :-). I've got two straight friends who I'd put in that category, and without doubt I'd say that they're the most successful of all my straight friends in terms of getting girlfriends, wives, mistresses and new girlfriends whenever they want. This makes me think that there's some truth in the idea that a metrosexual guy is more in touch with his feminine side, and that that makes him more attractive to women. So rather than fight against this trait, I'd suggest that instead he should embrace it.

In terms of this student's gay friends, the thing that would most help would be if he could somehow find himself a girlfriend. That would underline his assertion that he's straight. Doing something for the first time, in this case getting one's first girlfriend or boyfriend, is always much harder than doing it again on a subsequent occasion. The paradox is that one of the most attractive things to a potential girlfriend or boyfriend is confidence, but when one has never had a previous relationship it's hard to be confident because one has no experience. However, another attractive attribute is being cool. Given how unfazed this student is that all his male friends are gay, I'd imagine that he must be quite a cool character :-), so I'm sure that he'll be able to find himself a nice girlfriend eventually.

Finally, whether one is gay or straight, whenever someone (of either gender) expresses interest in you it's always a compliment. Receiving a compliment like that should always be a confidence booster. So perhaps if this student thinks of recent events in that frame of mind, it'll help him find a girlfriend :-).

Do any other readers have any thoughts that might help this guy?

Tokyo travel blog from Mystery Blog Boy X

A couple of weeks ago, a young Asian reader called X who lives in Melbourne started sending me almost daily emails to let me know what he was getting up to while on holiday in gay Tokyo. I found some of his emails quite amusing, and informative too for any gay reader who's thinking of visiting Tokyo themselves. So I've joined them all together into the single posting below.

Update 13-Mar-2011: this reader's visit to Tokyo occurred prior to the recent devastating Earthquake and Tsunami that's hit Japan. Doing a posting of this sort now would no longer be appropriate. However, a blog is a collection thoughts at specific points in time, so given that this posting was appropriate at the time it was originally published I intend to leave it here.

First day - Kaikan sauna

Just spent my first night in Tokyo. Initially I'm staying at this nice apartment hotel in Aoyama coz it's got the cute little alley ways like Covent Garden in London.

Went around the block, did the usual touristy things such as walking into 10,000 Japanese people all wearing black. Walking around lost and in awe. Trying to speak the language and giving up way too easily. You know, the usual.

So last night I decided to have some fun. Going by your post on the Shinjiku 2-chome area, it sounded simply too good for a gay tourist to pass up!

My first stop was at the famous 24 hr Kaikan sauna. The one with 7 storeys, although I didn't realise some were just private rooms. I'm an avid fan of Saunas and I've been to Chariots in Vauxhall, and the tiny one under the bridge in London which I've forgotten the name of. I always like to compare against the ones in Melbourne.

I have this silly grudge about Japanese boys and I think they are always stealing my men (heaps of white guys love Japanese boys), so I decided to see if I could pick up in a mostly Japanese boy environment. As I got to the counter, a Japanese boy who was leaving hit on me so it was a good sign. But inside, there were a lot of guys but no one was having sex. It kinda made sense, because the Japanese are so shy and reserved. But it's a sauna, so if they can't slut here then there is nowhere left LOL!

Out of nowhere walks this super hot European guy. Muscular, tall, handsome and our eyes met. I decided to keep walking. Turns out he was the only doable person there by a long shot (I'm into white guys). Long story short, he cruised me till we started making heaps of noise in a room and making all the Japanese boys jealous.

I left the sauna happy, knowing the hottest muscle stud expat chose me out of all the Japanese guys there. This gave me confidence that I too am hot, and need not feel threatened by Jap boys anymore!

Second day - HX Shinjuki

So today I went to HX Shinjuku. For those who don't know, HX is a cruise club for gay guys. They have this notorious entry code and heaps are rejected because the crowd is strictly hot boys and gmen, a type of muscle bear Jap guy. I went coz I was curious as to see if I could get in, and in I got with ease. What a great confidence boost!

Now I have never been here before, and boy was I surprised when it was naked only, no towels. I thank god though, I have a rockin body coz otherwise I'd be so uncomfortable. The crowd was indeed good looking. The hottest Jap guys go here, but I wasn't really interested coz I'm a potato queen. And the way they had sex was freaky. It was very quiet, no noise. And this is based on observations at both 24 hr Kaikan from last night and here. I'm still wondering why anyone is attracted to Jap boys?

Anyways, the only reason I was at HX is coz I was waiting for GB to get busy. It's now 9.40pm and there are like 4 white guys here. Clearly it could be better, so I'm spending some alone time doing this travel blog! What an antisocial way to pass the time LOL.

Japan makes me feel poor

When you come from a small town called Melbourne, life is simple and you get by on little. But here in Japan, there are so many nice things to tempt you. There are so many women with branded bags, and the department stores here are doing roaring sales. Way busier than back home. And I'm wondering why Japan is in an economic slump. Clearly someone is raking it in!

Went to Abercrombie and Fitch in Ginza. It's much less noisy than in 5th Avenue or Savile Row. But I still think the guys in NYC are hotter. The boys at Savile Row looked like they were plucked out of gyms. Whereas the ones in NYC where actual models. The ones in Ginza, well I reckon I can pull more boys than they could in a pulling match, you know what I mean Haha.

Didn't really buy anything because I spent half my money on my first day at Helmut Lang Aoyama and UGG Australia. If I don't buy anything for the next 5 days, I reckon I could survive this expensive town. Otherwise I might have to turn trix at a host bar with a cheesy working name like Ryo or Sakura. Whatever my pimp mistress names me!

OK, I better work the room here at GB or I might go back to my hotel empty handed with a Hentai comic in hand!

I tried it with an Asian!

Being the self confessed potato queen, I thought in the land of the rising sun, why don't I at least try the foreign delicacies. I mean, I have never been attracted to Asians, but what if I like?

So off I went, back to 24hr Kaikan in Shinjuku, to test drive a Japanese man. I have noticed that middle aged Japanese muscle daddies are all the rage in the porn titles sold here in the sex shops. And I was curious to see if they really lived up to their reputation in bed.

Being the hot boy toy everyone loves, it was easy for me to attract the typical Japanese muscular salary man. Short stocky, but only later I realized, hung like a grape. We kissed, we hugged. The foreplay went on for ages. I guess that the Japanese like to tease, but his cock never made its way to where it should go, and in between the kissing and the nipple licking I was wondering if this is what he reckons sex is.

Hesitant to give up, I decided to be the power bottom and call the shots. He came back with a condom and tried to stick it in me. I waited and I waited, but his cock was extra small so it never made its way in. At all.

I thought to myself, you silly boy. You tried to do the right thing so you could be fair to all races, but you end up frustrated and sexless. Anyway, the moral of the story is, I was born gay and I was born loving white guys. I can't change who I'm attracted to! The End. I tried. In the land of the rising sun, I tried!

Drunk in shibuya

For the past few days I have been exploring the not so secret underground of gay Tokyo. I've roamed Shijuku 2-chome through and through, leaving no gay bar unturned and no gay sauna uncruised. After all, I did not come all this way to see the Meiji shrine or Tokyo Disneyland!

I'm my opinion, the Japanese men could be hotter, the sex could be louder, the bars could be larger and the drinks could be cheaper. The steps you said were once occupied by gaisens who cruised you are no longer. I guess everything changes. That is the beauty of time.

So how did I get drunk off my face doing a massive ramble in Shibuya you ask? Well when I was home, doing research on this trip, I came across a clip on youtube about these sushi joints where the chef prepares your sushi right in front of you and you choose whatever you want from the fresh fish box. Well, 15650 Yen later and 1 bottle of cold sake, I am typing in bed like a wacked out disco queen.

Never have I got so drunk and off my face. I have however spent more in one sitting, at Vue de Monde, the Melbourne top restaurant du jour. Anyway, this tiny sushi joint in Shibuya was much like Gordon Ramsay's restaurant but without the swearing, and definitely more high brow than Jamie Oliver's Fifteen.

The food was memorable to say the least, as I had baked prawns head (complete with brains and eye balls ), sea urchin roe (tasted just like mayo), and large salmon roe (which u should just swallow don't chew). I even attempted cod roe, which looked a cross between fish intestines, white tapeworm and fly larvae. It tasted like crab roe, but the appearance defeated me so I gave up on that course.

The best thing about Japan so far, and the money most well spent, are my Helmut Lang jeans and my Helmut Lang hoodie, my yoai comics, and my 2nd hotel room which is here at the Granbell Shibuya.

Note to all readers. The Granbell Shibuya provides all comforts and is close to everything you need at around 100 USD a night. Do not spend 300 400 USD on a 5 star hotel because in Japan, whether you pay 1 dollar for a hot dog, or 10 million on a ring, the service for both will be flawless.

Now, as I'm eating my late night Meiji chocolate bar, which is like diet Hersheys, I ponder. Where will life take me tomorrow? And when will the crazy bitches down stairs shut the fuck up!

Homeward bound

Flying to Singapore for a day now. I read somewhere that it's illegal to be gay in
Singapore so I have stashed all my gay Hentai comics underneath the bed at my hotel in Tokyo. So if anyone is interested in some Japanese delicacies, please contact me to find out where they are! LOL.

Anyways, I have thoroughly enjoyed my holiday and funnily enough I am glad to be going. I was starting to be attracted to Asians, because there is definately a big Asian influence here in gay porn, or basically anything. But as per my previous entry, Asians have small doodles so no doubt I won't be satisfied in bed if I follow that root. Excuse the pun. I'm glad to be living in Australia where the men are hot and hung, and I'm a bottom! Yay!

Next year I reckon I should go to Brazil because apparently Asians are a delicacy there and the men there are super hot, according to my Singaporean friend who is over there as we speak!

See Ya Nara. I hope my pronunciation is spot on because I haven't spoken a word of Japanese in Japan. It has all been done through money. Coz money talks in all languages!

Email from a frustrated young gay guy

Last September, as a result work pressure, I decided that I didn't have enough spare time to continue blogging twice a week. But even though I'm not a regular blogger any more, I still receive occasional emails from readers asking for advice. However, when I do get such requests, they now usually ask me NOT to post the email on this blog. Of course, I always want to help, however I feel that posting these emails is a necessary part of the way that I help. They say that a problem shared with another person is a problem halved, which means that sharing a problem with the entire Internet will be even more beneficial :-). So please, don't send emails requesting my advice if you don't want me to post some version of that email here.

A few days ago, I got just such an email from a reader who put a p.s. at the bottom of his email which said "I beg you not to post this on your blog". However, after we'd exchanged a few emails, we came up with a slightly modified version of his original email that he is happy for me to post. The email is as follows:

Dear GB,

I only started following your blog last year but I've already gone through all the past issues since 2005. It's entertaining and I just wish you'd post more often (you've been slacking off lately) despite you're increased work load, but I understand, we all have to work.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm doing this but I need your advice. My life's full of weird drama and hormones. lemme explain the situation and please tell me what I should do.

Problems:

1. I'm madly in love with someone that I've never spoken to
2. I think I may be going mad because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of the good fortune of youth must be in want of only sex, and tonnes of it. Though I enjoy sex, I prefer the intimacies of a relationship which is most likely because I've never been in one, as opposed to the healthy doses of sex that I've received already. Normally this type of behaviour occurs in middle-aged men who've accumulated enough wealth and are enticed by the prospects of settling down with Angie the barmaid and starting an atheist family.
3. I'm in my late teens and, as is the case with most of my age-mates, I'm suffering through enough hormones and drama to make the cast of Skins shave their pubes for once.
4. I also happen to be the third wheel in a gay sex triangle, which means I often feel left out.

Please help me. And note that I'm trying my best not to be an angsty teen. Oh, and cyber-slap me to my senses if it's necessary.

Thank you.

The Jane Austen quote made me laugh :-). But having read this email a few times, I wouldn't mind betting that quite a few readers will see the phrase "... healthy doses of sex that I've received already" and think "lucky b**tard, I wish I'd had too much gay sex when I was a teenager". Of if they're in a monogamous relationship, a few readers might think "although I love my boyfriend, I wish I was like this teenager again and able to have sex with other guys whenever I want to".

The problem here is simply that one craves what one doesn't have, and what one doesn't have always seems more important than what one does have. It's a case of "The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence". However, it's usually just a trick of the light, because when one climbs over the fence it's often the case that the grass isn't as green as it looked and the grass back on the original side of the fence looks a lot more lush!

Another important point is that desperation to be in a relationship is deeply unattractive. I've mentioned before that some people use so called 'dating rules' which specify things like not phoning a guy back for three days after a date. As far as I can tell, the purpose of those kind of rules is simply to help the desperate and the uncool appear like cool guys after all. So when the reader does find a guy that he's keen on, he should take it slowly.

However, regarding the guy that the reader is madly in love with, getting to that point without ever having spoken to him is taking things a bit too slow! I'd say that if you fancy a guy, the cool thing to do is to find a way to start talking to him :-), rather than living a rather strange existence full of unrequited love. After a couple of conversations it should be possible for the reader to work out whether the other guy has any interest in him. If not then at that stage, having given it his best shot, hopefully the reader will be able to move on.

I guess that my main message to the reader is that he should just try and relax, chill out, and continue having large and healthy doses of sex :-). Since he's still a teenager, he's got his whole life ahead of him to find a nice boyfriend to settle down with, so there really isn't any rush. For what it's worth, I still believe in the Gaydar advantage, so with a super cool state of mind he should simply be open to any relationship possibilities if any opportunities present themselves. And in terms of his gay sex triangle, that sounds like a recipe for deep unhappiness so I reckon he should avoid the other two guys as much as possible.

Have I cyber-slapped the reader? If so, it's for his own good :-)! Anyway, do any other readers have any thoughts on these issues?