Sunday, January 29, 2006

Why I don't have a face pic on my gaydar profile

It's because I'm worried about the possibility of people who know me offline spotting me on gaydar. I guess there are two categories of people I worry about.

First there are friends who know both me and boyfriend number 1. As far as everyone knows, we're a monogamous couple, so it would be hot gossip if I was spotted online. I don't want to put boyfriend number 1 in the situation where people talk about him behind his back.

The other category is business related. Even though my employer is quite gay friendly for the banking world, since I am a manager and also an FSA approved person it wouldn't do my career any good if my gaydar profile was identified. A simple gaydar profile shouldn't cause any problems of course, but a gaydar profile which goes into the kind of personal details that my profile mentions wouldn't look good. To be an FSA approved person the FSA must be satisfied that one is 'fit and proper'. Having a web site which advertises that I like to do XXX and enjoy YYY could be construed as bad judgement, and could certainly tip the scales against me if I was in a disciplinary situation for some reason.

Since one never really knows who's at the other end of any online conversation, I sometimes wonder whether I've accidently sent a pic with my face in to someone who knows me. It's certainly happened the other way round.

A few years ago, I was logged into the gaydar chat rooms when a guy contacts me. As soon as I bring up his profile however, I immediately recognise him as the current boyfriend of a friend of mine and boyfriend number 1. Does his boyfriend know he's on gaydar? He's certainly hasn't taken the same precautions as me, because his profile shows a picture of his face.

I avoid talking to him, but for the following few weeks, whenever we're both on gaydar at the same time, he always contacts me. He even sends me some naked pics, some of which proved that he's a quite a big boy :-). Except I can't meet him of course! How would he feel if he knew it was me that had seen those photos? I wasn't looking forward to trying to keep a straight face the next time I met him, with the image of those photos firmly lodged in my mind. However before the situation arose he split up from our friend and I never saw him again.

On another occasion I was contacted by P. P is a friend who I mentioned here a couple of weeks ago. Luckily with P it only happened once, he just contacted me to make a joke about something on my profile. One day I'll have to tell him that it happened, because I know he'll find it amusing.

Like everything in life, online cruising has risks as well as benefits. Since I enjoy meeting guys from gaydar, the risk that my gaydar profile might be identified by someone who knows me offline is just something that I have to accept.


Anonymous said...

good move.... I was once online with my oooooold gaydar profile, just chatting, but had forgotten to change the profile (ie, horny bottom guy afer regular ravagings at my place)......

Bearingin mind ive been monogomous with my boyfriend for 4 years...... coming across a guy that we both knew who was incredulous i was online 'cruising'......... hmm, very stressful...... he never told though:)

tom x

GB said...

Hi Tom, ur blog doesn't read like the blog of a monogamous gay guy, teaching all your poor readers about fisting etc. Anyway good luck with the gym.

Luv+kisses, GB xxx

Anonymous said...


you're right, i sound like a cheap hoebag?

better keep an eye on that.... (all in the past, im a new man!)