Monday, November 13, 2006

A personality test from boyfriend number 3

I'm still seeing boyfriend number 3 about once every four weeks. I wish I could see him more often, but it's just not convenient for him. The last time I visited him, a couple of weeks ago, he makes me a cup of coffee as usual and we sit down next to each other on his sofa.

"Have I ever done this little personality test that I know on you?" he asks.

"I don't think you've done anything like that with me so 'No', I don't think so."

"Do you want to do it? It won't take long, but you've got to take it seriously or there's no point! I got it from my brother years ago."

"Okay, okay, I'll take it seriously", I say putting my arm round him, "what does it involve?"

"I'm going to tell you a story", he says, grabbing a pencil and paper from behind him. "For the moment, just listen."

"There is a river with a bridge over it, and a wife and her husband live in a house on one side. The wife has a lover who lives on the other side. The only way to get across the river is to walk across the bridge or ask the boatman to take you."

"Interesting setup", I interrupt, "looks like I'm the wife, boyfriend number 1 is the husband, and you're the lover!"

"Be quiet", says boyfriend number 3, "you're going off in completely the wrong direction! Now. The husband has to go on an overnight business trip in a faraway town. The wife pleads with him to take her with him. She knows if he doesn't she'll be unfaithful to him. The husband absolutely refuses to take her because she will only be in the way of his important business. So the husband goes alone.

That night the wife goes over the bridge and stays with her lover. Dawn is almost up when the wife leaves because she must be back home before her husband returns. She starts across the bridge but sees an assassin waiting for her on the other side. She knows if she tries to cross, he will murder her, because that's what he's been paid to do. In terror, she runs up the side of the river, and explaining her predicament to the boatman, she asks him to take her across the river. But he wants a half-crown and she has no money, so he refuses to take her.

The wife runs back to the lover's house and explains her predicament and asks him for a half-crown to pay the boatman. The lover refuses, telling her it's her own fault for getting into this situation. As dawn comes up the wife is nearly out of her mind and decides to dash across the bridge. When she comes face to face with the assassin, he takes a large knife and stabs her until she is dead."

"Have you got all that?" asks boyfriend number 3.

"Yes I think so. I don't think much of the lover though, if he really loved her he'd have given her the half-crown. It's only 12.5p after all."

"Yes yes, but this is an old story, so you haven't allowed for inflation! Anyway, what you have to do is to put the characters in the order in which they're responsible for the wife's death, starting with the person who's most responsible".

[IF ANY READER WANTS TO DO THE TEST THEMSELVES, DON'T READ ON UNTIL YOU'VE DECIDED ON YOUR OWN ORDER]

I think about it for a while, and eventually I have my answer. "Clearly the assassin is most responsbile, followed by the lover. I'm very sure of that. I can't distinguish very clearly what order to put the last three in, but how about boatman, wife, and lastly husband".

"Hmmmm, very very interesting", says boyfriend number 3 laughing, "why aren't I surprised! After all, you are a banker, visiting one of his lovers as we speak!"

"But what does it all mean?"

"The five characters all represent different aspects of life", he explains, "The husband represents love, wife=fun, lover=sex, assassin=money and boatman=mysticism".

"Ahhhh, so my order of importance is money, sex, mysticism, fun, love. I see what you mean about a banker visiting his lover!! But what order did you put them in?"

"Actually the order that one chooses can change as you grow older, but for quite a while now my order has been wife, husband, lover, assassin, boatman".

"Wife first! So you blame the wife for being unfaithful, but are happy to invite me round here to see you on a regular basis!"

"But don't forget that the wife represents fun!" he says, rubbing my knee, and turning to look at me with a glint in his eye. I do wish I could see boyfriend number 3 a bit more often!

8 comments:

ben said...

Who paid the assassin? Probably the husband!

Snoskred said...

I put the husband first.. ;) Because if he had taken her with him, that would have been the end of it. And that whole love honor and obey thing works both ways - he should have obeyed her! ;)

yaniboy said...

I went Assassin (he actually killed her), Wife (she chose to visit her lover across the bridge), Lover (wouldn't give her 12.5p), Husband (if he'd paid more attention to her she might not have been stepping out on him) and Boatman (since it doesn't say that she explained her predicament, so he was just doing his job)... since we don't know who paid the assassin...

And since that comes out to money, fun, sex, love and mysticism, I think that's probably about right for me...

Gay banker said...

Good point yaniboy, I forgot to say that the wife explained her situation to the boatman, so I've edited the post now. Would that change your order?

If you want to assume that the husband paid the assassin ben that's fine. But it's your assumption because it's not specified one way or the other, so ultimately that's just part of the the way you see the situation which influences your choices.

GB xxx

GBD said...

I would have said that the person who paid the assassin is most responsible but it's not clear who that person is. But my order was: lover, wife, assassin, boatman, husband. So, that's sex, fun, money, mysticism, love? :-( Completely unpredictable!

GBD xxx

yaniboy said...

Yeah GB, it does kind of change my opinion... I think it would make it Assassin, Wife, Lover, Boatman and Husband... or Boatman then Lover... I'm not sure... no... Lover, then Boatman... definitely

Anonymous said...

HI GB! I'm new to your blogg and I must say I love it! I like your writing style. I have a steady BF since 2004 but has found it difficult to stay attached with just one physcial partner. Emotionally and every other way, he is the only man in my life.

Anyway ...my order was:

1. wife (fun) - she crossed the bridge first

2. lover (sex)- how dare he does not help the lady across the river??
3. husband (love) - agree with Yaniboy. He could've done more to prevent that bridge from being an attractive option for the wife!

4. boatman (mysticism) - this boatman is just stupid. he should've taken her across the river and then negotiate with her husband for money!!

5. assassin (money) - he was just doing his job.

Funny when I look at the order, it is so very true reflection of my love. At first, I was going to hold the lover and husband in equal 2nd place ... but maybe that's me confusing sex and love and I love sex ... so ... anywayz ... thanks for the quiz!!

I wish my boyfriend # 3 had the sense of humour!! xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

i all reality wouldent witch one was most important to you be last to first beacause the first one it the one you feel is the worst ie most responsible.

wife, lover, boatman husband assassin.