An e-mail from a mother about her daughter's boyfriend

Yesterday morning I received an e-mail from a mother who's worried about her daughter:

Dear GB,

I don't know if you will help me out with this. I hope that you will. I am very innocent to all this. My daughter has a boyfriend and they have a 2 month old child. She works full time and he plays with a job here and there. She pays for the apartment and he's not even on the lease. But this is not so much my concern. My concern is that lately I have been coming over to pick up my granddaughter, and her boyfriend is hanging out with two friends that are gay. He spends all his free time with them, and even brings them on dates with her.

This weekend he and my daughter went to a movie and her boyfriend brought these two friends along. (Incidentally, she owns the car. He doesn't even have a driver's license).

She and I and the baby went out today and when we arrived he was there with these two gay friends and I got very upset. I told her that I thought her boyfriend must either be gay or bi-sexual. She said that they are just his friends and her boyfriend is absolutely not gay. We had a big argument over this.

Please advise. Do straight men generally hang out with gay men on a daily basis? I have nothing against gays as I have many friends and a few relatives who are and I love them. I just don't want this jerk using my daughter financially and also lying about his sexuality.

I would appreciate your opinion on this.

Thanks, Anne

Having thought about this a bit now, I reckon the issue of the boyfriend's sexuality isn't the main question. Surely the question is simply "Why is the boyfriend spending so much time with his friends when he only became a father two months ago"? None of the possible answers to this question are likely to be good for Anne's daughter.

All fathers that I know spend a lot of time helping their partner looking after their newly born babies, all the more so if it's their first child as seems likely in this case. But if he spends all his free time with his friends, it sounds like Anne's daughter has both the financial burden of supporting the family, as well as most of the daily burden of caring for a newly born child.

I can only really imagine this happening if he doesn't really care about his girlfriend or his baby. However just because he has gay friends, and even if he sees a lot of them, that's no indication that he himself is gay in my opinion. In that situation, if a guy who had recently become a father thought that he might be gay or bisexual, I think the most likely behaviour would be to investigate his sexuality secretly rather than in public. On the other hand guys who are very comfortable with their heterosexuality often have no issue with other guys being gay, so given that Anne's daughter's boyfriend recently became a father it seems most likely to me that he falls into this category.

From Anne's description, the boyfriend sounds like a complete waste of space though. On the basis that he drifts from job to job he doesn't seem to have much interest in his own future. And by spending time with his friends rather than his partner and their new baby, it sounds like he doesn't have much interest in his family's future either. It also sounds like he's even been too lazy to learn to drive.

One can only wonder what Anne's daughter sees in this guy? Perhaps I've been watching too many soaps on TV, but it could be a case where the daughter purposefully chose a boyfriend that her parents would disapprove of, just to prove that she was in charge of her own life. Having put herself in this situation, she could well be in denial about the reality of it all, and is still hoping that everything will work out in the end somehow. Given the attitude of the boyfriend though, that seems unlikely to me at the moment. On the other hand, even if Anne's daughter does realise that she's made a mistake having a child with this guy, she probably won't want to admit the mistake to her parents.

Whether Anne's daughter realises the problem yet or not, I think she's likely to need the support of her parents to help with her child at some point. Hopefully they'll be there for her when she does need them. My guess is that they will be. Anne's daughter may not realise it yet, but it's clear to me that Anne really cares about her daughter. Otherwise, she wouldn't have bothered to send me an e-mail in the first place.

Do any readers have any other thoughts?

The pure thoughts of an uncluttered male mind

There's a famous scene in the 1998 film There's Something About Mary. A guy is wanking off in the bathroom, getting ready for a date with his dream girlfriend, when the potential girlfriend arrives early. The surprise of the doorbell ringing causes the guy to shoot his load. Pulling up his pants, he answers the door a few seconds later, only to realise that he had in fact shot his load into his hair. The real climax to this episode though is when the potential girlfriend grabs the spunk dangling from the guy's hair, assuming that it's hair gel, and uses it to put a quiff into her own hair at the front!

'Why on earth was the guy wanking off before his date?' I hear some of you ask. Well, it was because of some good advice that he'd received from a mate of his. The mate pointed out that before a guy has shot his load, he's usually wondering when the next opportunity will be to shoot his load! Especially if he's with someone he fancies. So a smart guy should unload himself before an important date, because the resulting uncluttered mind gives him the best chance to impress her, and hence perhaps sleep with her on many subsequent occasions.

When I saw the film, I thought that the advice offered by the mate was a stroke of genius. It certainly applies to me. If I'm honest with myself, I know that I'm often wondering then my next opportunity will be.

In my experience, once a guy has shot his load when it's either self-induced or with the help of another guy, there are two possible reactions. Some guys feel guilty about what they've just done, and want to exit the entire situation as quickly as possible. I reckon this reaction is more common with younger guys, and with guys who aren't yet comfortable having gay sex. But other guys relax, and for a short while, before either of us start wondering when our next opportunity will be, it's possible to have some marvellous conversations.

There's also no doubt that I enjoy meeting strangers for a bit of fun, and I won't pretend for one minute that I only do it for the chance of a good conversation afterwards. But I do enjoy a good chat, so a good conversation after a bit of fun is always welcome!

Not everyone has good organisational skills

Last Friday, I got an email from a gay male reader. This reader told me that during a recent encounter with another guy, he had remembered my claim to be an organised person:

reader: This evening, I was on an "encounter" and I mentioned you to him. This guy was complaining that he didn't have enough time in his day for b/f, encounters, work, rest and hobbies. "Get yourself organised," I told him, "it works for a gay banker I know!!"

Presumably the conversation that the reader is referring to was after activities, and not during! Anyway, after I'd exchanged a few more emails with this reader, he told me the full story about the encounter:

Wednesday evening, after supper with some mates, I get home late with the b/f. After a while, b/f goes upstairs to bed as is customary, because he likes to have a cool bed to get into! I log on to gaydar and within a few minutes, I'm accosted by a handsome South American guy I have spoken to once or twice already. His manner is a little abrupt, but I am used to this now and he seems friendly, as opposed to just a boorish "pics m8, watcha into" kind of guy. But who can tell?

Anyhow, he tells me about a 3 way that he and his mate, who I'll call X, have just had. I search for X and he looks like a very sexy bloke, something in his eyes and expression. My thoughts are that I would like very much at some point to have an encounter with X, and send a cheeky message to him saying 'hello' and 'how lovely it'd be to meet if he would like some other night'. After all, I know that he has already had his oats this evening! X's response is positive and I go to bed feeling content.

The following evening X sends me a message while I am cooking supper for myself, as my b/f is out on an encounter of his own. His message goes something like "Are you online, and would you like to come round this evening, in about an hour as I am presently cooking dinner". I was, I would and I did! I greedily eat up the chicken soup that I'd cooked myself, and manage to arrive at his home at around 10.00.

He was indeed a lovely looking guy, and was most hospitable and welcoming. His home was DREADFUL however, packed with boxes and nick knacks, dusty bottles of firewater from around the globe, china figurines, piles of JUNK everywhere and nowhere to sit. He had a leather covered sofa too, which seemed slightly fetishistic, for some reason, something to do with its context as opposed to just the leather. It was all a little strange, to me at least, and I wondered how he lived like that. I even asked. His answer was "come and see the bedroom".

We moved into the bedroom and NASTY is the only word. It was cold in there, like a storeroom with a bed in the middle. I shivered and made do, as he was hugely physically attractive to me, and I figured that once we began to fool around I'd forget the decor and warm up too! We did have a fun old time, and I did warm up and forget the assault to my visual senses that was his home, but once we finished and were lying there [NOT cuddling :-( ] I came back to it all.

So I asked him outright, "Why is your home such a complete mess?"

Abrupt old me, straight to the point, not always a diplomat, foot in mouth etc. I did think he might be offended, but I was smiling as I said it, and I wanted to know. His answer?

"I don't have time, what with my b/f and meeting guys on the net, running marathons, work, fun travel, my home just gets left out."

You know what my answer was ...

Obituary: Gay boy comes to London

I was looking at GBD's blog at the weekend, when I saw the following comment from GBL on GBD's most recent posting:

GBL: "... Just a quick one, wanted to let you know that GBL is out the door. Over an incident at the hols. ..."

I immediately tried to bring up GBL's blog (formerly at gayboyinlondon.blogspot.com), and as expected, it doesn't exist any more. How upsetting :-(.

GBL was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy from Trinidad and Tobago. The last posting of his that I can remember reading said that he was returning to Trinidad and Tobago for Christmas. Presumably something terrible happened while he was there. I guess we'll never know what that was :-((.

His blog was titled "Gay boy comes to London", with the sub-title "The happenings of a small countryside gay boy from the tropical twin republic, caribbean island of Trinidad & Tobago, caught in the middle of Central London traffic". One the most memorable things about GBL's blog was the beautiful pictures that he sometimes posted of guys kissing each other. For me, it was his trademark. I don't know how he managed to find so many good pictures, always high quality, never pornographic, but always somewhat erotic! It was very well done.

Is there life after blogging? Somehow GBL was able to communicate with us from the after-blog-life via that brief comment on GBD's blog. Who knows if GBL will ever read this, or whether he'll have the ability for further communication? But if you can communicate with us GBL, please let us know how you are. The same fate possibly awaits us all one day.

A bit of fun with a Geordie

It's early afternoon on the first Saturday of 2007, I'm at home in London, and it's pouring with rain outside :-(. Boyfriend number 1 has just popped into town to buy some stuff from John Lewis, so I'm home alone. As a result of my holiday with boyfriend number 2 last month, followed closely by Christmas with boyfriend number 1, I haven't met any new guys for ages, so I decide to log onto gaydar and see if I can still remember how to cruise online.

Luckily I can :-). Going into the chat rooms, I spot several guys who look attractive and who are not too far away from me either. But before I can start chatting to any of them, another guy starts chatting to me:

guy: hi, busy?
GB: errr no m8, just logged in :-)
guy: so got any plans for this pm?

We chat for a while, and it seems that this guy does have a plan for the afternoon. His plan is to first have a bit of fun with another guy while his flatmate is out, and then go to the gym.

GB: good plan m8!
guy: perhaps u cud help me with my plan, got any face pix?
GB: LOL, sure, hang on, u got any :-)

We exchange pics and soon it's all arranged. Unfortunately it's still raining outside, so I grab my umbrella and head off. It turns out to be my lucky day, because in spite of the rain, I manage to hail a taxi. I send the guy a txt msg to let him know that I'm on my way, and soon we're driving up the road where he lives.

The house where he lives turns out to be a block of flats on a council estate, so once the cabbie has dropped me off, I phone the guy to find out what his flat number is.

"Hi this is GB," I start, "I'm outside getting wet! What number are you?"

"Great, let me come out and see if I can see you," he replies with a Geordie accent, "I'm on the third floor."

I look round and sure enough there's a guy waving at me from the third floor, so I make my way up. He's smiling at me from his door as I approach.

"Come in," he says, "nasty weather eh! Here, let me take yer coat."

"Thanks, that's great :-)," I reply, "so where do you want me?"

Face to face he looks exactly like the pics on his profile. He's in his late 20's, with pale skin and slightly ginger hair, so as usual I wonder what colour he is downstairs. Noticing a pile of shoes by the door, together with the fact that the guy is barefoot, I decide that the polite thing to do would be to leave my shoes at the door too.

"Just come into the main room when you're ready," he says smiling.

Having taken my shoes and socks off, I decide to take my shirt and trousers off too. As I join him in the main room, he switches off the sport that he'd been watching on television, and turns to me and smiles.

"You don't waste any time do you mate?" he says approvingly, looking me up and down.

Sitting down on the sofa next to him, I kiss him gently on the lips, before helping him off with the t-shirt that he's wearing. Gradually we get more involved with each other, and soon we're taking our trousers off too. Reaching down, I feel him through his undershorts. He's a big lad!

"Mmmmmm, that feels good mate :-)," he moans, "OK, let me get me kecks off!"

[ kecks (or kegs, or perhaps even kex): now there's an interesting word! I've only ever heard it used by guys from northern England and Scotland. Given the context that I've heard it used in, I reckon it's always meant a guy's undershorts. But kecks is defined as trousers on urbandictionary.com, although their definition of kegs is a bit closer to the mark. So I actually tried to update urbandictionary.com. These days new entries need the approval of an editor, although anyone can be an editor! But the annoying this is that my new definition of kecks keeps getting 'cancelled' for some reason before an editor gets a chance to review it! If anyone can explain to me what's going on I'd be very grateful. ]

And as expected, he's ginger downstairs, and we have a lovely time together.

"Does your flatmate know you're gay?" I ask afterwards.

"Errr yes mate, just a bit, actually he's my ex-boyfriend!"

"Oh really? Isn't that a bit difficult?"

"It works out OK actually," he replies, "we were always good mates :-)."

Following through with his plan, we chat a bit more while he gradually gets ready to go to the gym.

"So what line of work are you in," I ask, as I'm putting my undershorts back on.

"I'm a dancer, working in a show in the West End at the moment actually."

"That's interesting," I reply, "so are most most male dancers gay?"

"Well yeah," he says grinning, "there's no two ways about it. Yeah!"

Outside it's still raining. We leave his flat together, and for a short distance I shelter him under my umbrella because he hasn't bothered to bring one of his own. Soon we reach the road, and he points me in the direction of the best bus stop to get me back home. Sometimes when there aren't any taxis around I'll use buses, although I do prefer taxis.

"Thanks for coming over," he says as he heads off in the other direction, "see you online :-)."

As I wander off in search of a taxi, I think about the male dancers that I've known. I met one young dancer for a bit of fun before work back in 2005, and then there's also Frozen Flame, although I never met him of course. There must be some straight male dancers out there, but I guess I just haven't met any of them!

Capitalism. Good or bad? Discuss ...

The story so far ...

It all started when mr. F left a comment on a recent posting of mine. Anyone who links through to the recent posting of his that he refers to in his comment will see that he has started to boycott a few multinational corporations.

Long time readers of this blog will know that I'm a reader of The Economist magazine, and some of my views do match the editorials that I read there. So I felt that I had to leave a comment on mr. F's recent posting saying

GB: "I must say, it seems like a pretty arbitrary list [of corporations], because there are so many multinational companies these days. Monopoly is capitalism's big problem. I would argue that over the last 200 years or so, capitalism has been very successful in raising the living standard of Western society. However the system does seem to tend towards monopolies, and as you suggest, monopolies are bad news!"

In response to that, a few hours ago mr. F left a comment on another recent posting of mine saying

mr. F: "Capitalism has improved the standards of living in western societies but destroyed so many others to achieve that. Look at Africa and Asia. Who made that mess? Themselves?"

The implication of the comment is that both Asia and Africa are 'a mess'. I agree that there are problems in Africa, but I cannot agree that the same is true about Asia, far from it. Asia is currently billed as the economic powerhouse of the future, especially China. I also think that since the colonial era passed away about 40 years ago, at this point third world countries are mainly responsible for any problems that they may face.

Anyway, having cobbled together the story so far, does anyone else have anything to say on the subject?

A long long time ago ...

A long long time ago, in a land far far away, I didn't always take taxis when travelling around London. Somehow, I had managed to cobble together enough resources to get myself a tiny little car, and I would actually risk driving myself around town on a regular basis. Life was pretty scary in those days.

Late one night, back in those distant times, on an almost deserted road, I can remember one particularly frightening incident (okay okay, it was Gracechurch Street in about 1991). I was happily driving my little car, minding my own business, when suddenly I see a police car behind me with flashing lights. I had no choice but to pull over and take what was coming to me :-(.

"Would you step out of the car please sir?"

"Errr OK officer."

"Step this way please."

I follow the copper round to the back of my car where his partner is waiting for me.

"Open the boot please, sir."

I duly comply. After a thorough search, they're not at all satisfied.

"OK, can I see your driving licence please, sir?"

I fish my driving licence out of my wallet, and hand it over. They look me up and down. Why, oh why, did I have to dress so gay that night? Luckily though, my driving licence divulges to them one of my qualifications.

"So you're a doctor eh? Sir!!"

"Ummmm, errrr, yes actually, I've got a PhD."

After a couple more questions, somehow he can tell that I'm not making it up. And from that moment on, the mood lightens considerably :-).

Soon I'm re-joining my friends in the car. We'd spent a happy evening at The Amateur Strip Contest in the White Swan (yes, it really has been going for that long), and I was in the process of giving them a lift home.

"How strange," I remark as I drive away, leaving the police car behind me. "That's never happened to me before, I wondered why they pulled me over?"

Everyone is quiet. It's boyfriend number 1, who's sitting on the back seat behind me, who breaks the silence. "You can be very naïve sometimes GB!"

"Uh huh," I reply confused, "what's up then?"

"Well," replies my friend who's sitting in the front passenger seat, "it's because of me!"

And suddenly it dawns on me. This friend looks almost exactly like Mr T. If that wasn't enough, it's clear that he doesn't belong in the car because he's too big for the seat he's sitting in. With a big black guy in a car where he looks uncomfortable, I guess we were sitting ducks!

The only reason for posting this story today is because of cuteCTguy's story yesterday. Although CuteCTGuy doesn't look like a terrorist to me, surely successful terrorists are exactly the ones who blend in? Anyway, after what happened to me back in 1991, I'm not going to try and pretend that the police aren't ever prejudiced!

Should a man trim his pubic hair?

"Why don't you trim your pubes?" asks boyfriend number 3 on a recent visit.

I'm standing completely naked in his bedroom, having just taken all my kit off, and I'm being criticised for having untidy pubic hair downstairs! But I know that he's got my best interests at heart, bless him :-).

"You look pretty good," he says, noticing my defensive body language, "but you'd look even better if you just got your pubic hair trimmed a bit :-)."

In fact, this subject came up last year in comments to one of my postings. In my experience, quite a few gay guys do keep themselves tidy down there, especially Asian gay guys for some reason. In any case, having thought about it relatively recently, I know what to say.

"Don't you think it's more masculine not to worry about it, and just let nature take it's course?" I reply. "Surely real men don't worry about such things!"

"Ooooh," says boyfriend number 3, "I love it when you come over all butch like that!"

"If you want, I could do it for your?" he continues. "I've got a hair trimmer next door."

Actually, I quite like getting my boyfriends to look after me like this. Everyone has different areas of expertise, and getting advice from close friends who know more about something than you do is always sensible.

"But I can't help worrying about what boyfriend number 1 will say," I reply. "Is it really that important?"

"Just tell him that I'd tied you up for a bit of bondage fun and so you didn't have any choice!" he replies grinning.

I'm still standing naked in front of him and I'm starting to get cold, so a decision is needed. And I decide to let boyfriend number 3 have his wicked way with my pubic hair! We head into his bathroom and he fits his trimmer with a relatively coarse attachment so that it won't shave too close, and soon he's kneeling down in front of me.

Buzz - Buzz - Buzz ...

"Can't you keep that thing down?" he laughs, "it's getting in the way!"

But five minutes later and it's all over.

"There," he says with a satisfied tone in his voice, running his hand through what's left of my pubes to get out any stray cut hairs. "That's much better isn't it?"

"Actually it feels a bit itchy."

And it carried on feeling itchy for about two weeks or more :-(.

Anyway, if any guys who know me spot me in the gym showers, do take a peek at my new haircut. And if you think it looks too neat and feminine, blame boyfriend number 3!

Lunch with my friend P

"So how did you meet your new boyfriend?" I ask my friend P over lunch last week.

"Definitely not how you think," P replies, "because he doesn't have any online profiles!"

My first instinct is indeed wrong so I guess the smug tone in P's voice is justified! But if they didn't meet on gaydar, knowing P's habits like I do there's one obvious alternative.

"OK, well I bet you met him in 'Shoreditch' then didn't you," I laugh. "Come on mate, own up!"

"Yeah well maybe," P grins. "But he's gorgeous, and he's got an enormous ...". P glances down to my waist and nods knowingly to complete the sentence, now with an even bigger grin on his face.

"Well then, how does he measure up against your perfect boyfriend's characteristics?" I ask. I bring up the spreadsheet on my PDA that we used last time and hand it to P.

"Here you go," says P a minute or so later, "what do you think?"

I review the entries. Wedge=20%, Trouser dept=25%, Personality=25%, Appearance=30%.

"Wow, pretty balanced between the attributes," I say, nodding approvingly. "So when do I get to meet the lucky guy?"

"Soon. How about next weekend, are you busy?"

But our diaries don't match, so P promises to sort something out for another occasion before too long.

Listening to P talking about this new guy, it sounds really serious, which will be good news for P if everything works out. Sometimes gay guys can keep hunting for the perfect boyfriend, who doesn't exist of course. Guys who do that miss out on all the happiness that can come from getting serious with any of the reasonable potential boyfriends that they meet.

Also, although I occasionally meet guys casually for fun, it must be healthier to have regular partners because there are some nasty diseases out there. Without any boyfriends or even fuckbuddies, I have the impression that the traffic through P's bedroom is enormous!

My Argentina 2006 photo gallery

Last year I went on holiday with boyfriend number 2 to Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. When I got back, I posted the best photos to my Asia holiday 2005 blog, which is a single purpose blog that I set up to display the photos.

I decided to do the same thing again this year after my holiday to Argentina. I've spent a few happy days loading the best photos to my Argentina 2006 blog. It was a great holiday so I'd thoroughly recommend Argentina as a holiday destination. And if any readers go to Argentina, do try and dance some tango!

www.pkblogs.com :-)

Last Saturday I discovered www.pkblogs.com, which is a web page that allows you to access blogspot blogs indirectly. I'm guessing that it would solve the problem I had when I was in the BA business lounge at heathrow last month. For example, to access this blog, one visits http://www.pkblogs.com/gaybanker.

So if there are any readers out there, desperate to access their favourite gay banker's blog while in their office, if the blog is blocked by current office policy then www.pkblogs.com may help.

If any readers know of any other similar websites, please leave a comment to let us all know.

Can someone help me translate some Finnish?

Last June I needed some help understanding some Chinese. And then, a couple of days later, some American. Now there's a link to my blog written in a language which I think is Finnish. Can anyone translate for me? Babelfish doesn't do Finnish, google didn't offer a translation, and I couldn't get any sense out of any other sites either!

Why can't I get to sleep at night without a guy to share my bed?

It's really true! Some people I know, such as one of my old university friends, always reckon that they sleep better when they're on their own. But with me, unless I've got a nice guy to cuddle at night, I sleep very badly.

I alluded to this in one of my earliest postings. Although I met a couple of guys for fun on that business trip, none of them stayed overnight, and every night I slept badly.

Most recently, I had to sleep alone on the first night of my holiday in Argentina with boyfriend number 2. Boyfriend number 2 had a problem with his flight to Buenos Aires and ended up arriving one day late, and without him I slept badly on the first night. Once he arrived of course, getting a good night's sleep wasn't a problem :-).

It was almost a problem though in the second hotel we stayed in. We got put into a room with two beds, and although the beds were bigger than single beds, they were quite small as double beds. I simply assumed that we'd make do and enjoy the extra intimacy of a small double bed. Boyfriend number 2 assumed that we'd sleep separately!

"You're in my bed," laughs boyfriend number 2 coming out of the bathroom. He looks at the other bed, and sighs. The other bed is covered with various stuff that we've unpacked from our suitcases.

"I don't take up much room," I plead, smiling at him. "And you know that I sleep very badly when I'm on my own."

"Actually, I'm really not used to cuddling up with a guy every night!" he says, climbing into bed with me.

"Am I stopping you from sleeping?" I ask, slightly concerned.

"No, it's fine. It's very nice actually, but I'm just not used to it. You've had boyfriend number 1 to cuddle since 1989, but apart from you I haven't had a long term boyfriend for a while now. And with my last long term boyfriend, we lived apart so I wasn't sleeping with a guy every night like we're doing at the moment!"

"Well just push me firmly back onto my side if I stray too far onto your side during the night!"

It's natural for guys to feel tired after activities of course, but that's not what I'm referring to. I'll naturally want to cuddle as I'm falling asleep, and then again in the morning when I wake up. During the night, if the other guy has a restless night, then that will affect me and I'll end up sleeping badly as well. But usually, if I've got another guy in bed with me, the result is a good night's sleep. With or without activities!

Do long term relationships naturally lead away from monogamy?

To my knowledge, it's happened twice over the last three months. Negative comments about this blog that is! On two occasions recently, one blogger has written that he liked this blog, only to receive a comment from another blogger disapproving of his views.

It first happened on Rye's blog 'Got Gay?'. I get a positive mention at the bottom of one of his postings, but the eighth comment to the posting says "sorry can't help protesting - gaybanker is the worst of all IMHO"!

Then last Friday, the first comment to On Golden Ponds's posting in which he says that he likes this blog was quite negative. In subsequent comments though, after I've left a couple of my own comments, the guy who made the negative comment does make an apology.

The negative reactions seem to relate to the fact that my relationship with boyfriend number 1 is not monogamous. Curiously, both negative reactions came from guys who live in Melbourne Australia! Furthermore both guys are in their 20's, and although they're both gay, as far as I can tell neither of them has had a long term boyfriend yet. Which is what got me thinking.

It was over a year ago when Joe.My.God said that 'somewhere in the mid-30's vehement defence of monogamous relationships pretty much evaporates'. But perhaps it relates more to whether guys have actually been in long term relationships or not, rather than their age. That could still correspond with Joe.My.God’s suggestion if, on average, a guy gets his long term boyfriend at around the age of 30.

Once a guy gets a few years into a long-term relationship, I reckon a lot of views about monogamy change. Monogamy is a nice idea in theory, so a lot of us try it. As I've said before, even I was monogamous for around 5 years. But for a lot of guys, monogamy doesn't end up working in practice, and it's only when guys have tried monogamy for a while that they realise this.

However I’m still a huge advocate of long term relationships. As I said recently, I reckon that boyfriends are your very closest friends, the ones you can rely on and share your life with, and the ones that provide you with long term companionship. Sex is usually part of that but it doesn't have to be, and these days I really can’t understand why monogamy in such relationships matters so much to some guys. The truth is that I’d be completely lost without my boyfriends. At the moment, I feel my relationships with them all are deepening too. Even though I’ve recently returned from a holiday with boyfriend number 2, I now feel much closer to boyfriend number 1.

Regarding the negative comments, criticisms that I was originally deceiving boyfriend number 1 are fair. In fact this blog records my path to honesty with him. These days boyfriend number 1 knows about boyfriend number 2, and he also knows that I have other encounters as well. Perhaps other guys can learn from my mistakes by reading this blog.

Lastly if it was the sex-oriented focus of this blog that the guys objected to, perhaps there’ll be less objection in future given that this blog took a new direction a couple of months ago. Since then there've been 35 posts, including 8 in my new Dear GB agony uncle category, but only 4 in my Encounters category.

Still, whatever people think of this blog, one thing is for sure. I do enjoy being a source of controversy!