Singapore trip Feb 2005. Monday, final day

Another bad night’s sleep. It must be the lack of men to share my bed at night. Still, I’ll be going home tonight, and boyfriend number 1 should still be in bed when I get home, so there’ll be cuddles to have :-)

There’s still the question of P in my mind. Haven’t heard a peep out of him. Should I call? No, still not sure of his motives. If only P had been around to share my bed at night. After a long, constructive day in the Singapore office I leave for the hotel to pack.

It’s now 7:15pm. I’m a bit smelly so I take off my clothes to shower before packing. I turn the shower on, step into the cubicle, and am about to step under the water when my mobile goes. Typical! I rush out of the shower, luckily still dry, but when I answer the phone "Hi, its P, I’m just back from Thailand, still at the airport. What time did you say your flight is tonight? Can we do supper somewhere?" I can’t believe it! "Can you come to my hotel?" I ask, "We could have supper here. There’s a car picking me up from here at 9:15pm but I think we have time". "Just give me half an hour", he says, "and I’ll be there". I skip the shower in favour of a quick hand wash, then frantically pack. I just about manage to pack everything into my bags within the half-hour.

Half an hour and a bit more has passed so I phone him. I’m concerned; we’re running out of time. "Where are you?" I ask. "Just arrived back home, just 15 minutes more and I’ll be with you", he says. I don’t at all believe he can do everything he'll want to do and be here in 15 minutes, but somehow I’m relaxed. There’s something in the way he’s speaking to me that has re-assured me. 15 minutes passes, then 30 and I’m not relaxed any more, I’m excited because I know he’ll soon be here. After 40 minutes the phone in my room rings and he’s in the lobby.

When I get down to the lobby I can’t see him. I phone him but he doesn’t answer, instead I see him approaching slowly. Gently, he puts his arms right round me and gives me an enormous hug right in the middle of the hotel lobby. I hug him, and it feels really good. It’s now 8:30pm and my car will be here in 45 minutes, so we head for the hotel’s café/restaurant and order some food. He’s been with four other friends for a short holiday in Thailand. Why couldn’t I have given him more notice? I explain that the office politics had meant I couldn’t get an invite to the conference in Indonesia until a few days beforehand. We share each others food, and behave like we’ve been long term boyfriends for ages. "You’d better get going" he says, "your car will be here soon". I settle the bill and look at my watch - its 9:07pm. "I’ll come up and help you carry your bags", he offers.

When we get to my room, I explain that this is the biggest room that I’ve ever been given at this hotel. But he’s not listening. He comes up to me and slowly and puts his hand round my waist. I put my hand on his back, and rub it gently up and down. We find ourselves hugging, tightly, like we don’t ever want to let go. We look each other deeply in the eyes and then we start kissing each other, slowly, enjoying every moment. But there's no time. We hug some more. I’ve lost complete track of time. Luckily P hasn’t and lets go slightly. "Why can’t I have a boyfriend like you" he sighs. "I’m sure you will have one day" I say, "you really deserve one".

In the lobby he waits while I check out and then sees me to the car. The driver has just got out to come and try and find me. We hug tightly again as my luggage is loaded into the car. "E-mail me when you get home" he says. "I will" I promise, and I mean it. We wave goodbye.

As I drive off, I see P wandering along the pavement. I wave but he doesn’t see me. I love boyfriend number 1 the most, but I think I now love P too. I think about D over in New York. On the way to the airport, I wonder how many men is it possible for a gay man to love at once.