Some guys on gaydar are scared of being gay

Although I'm always annoyed when I make a pointless journey to meet a contact from gaydar who doesn't show up or isn't at the agreed address, I sometimes feel sorry for the poor guy who I was meant to meet too. I reckon there are three categories of failed meetings:

* Firstly, its possible that there are a few gaydar members who just arrange fake meetings for some weird kind of gratification which I don't understand, perhaps like some people make hoax bomb calls to the police. Although I can't be sure, my guess is that this is rarely the reason for a failed meeting. But it's obviously inexcusable if it does ever happen.

* Secondly, I know that sometimes the guy I'm meeting will want to look at me before deciding whether to make himself known to me. If he decides not to meet me, and if I've provided an up-to-date photo which I always do, then this is inexcusable too. I'm pretty sure it has happened at least once, but then I have been using the internet for finding fun since 1995 and I don't feel this happens at all regularly.

* Lastly, I reckon the biggest cause of failed meetings for me is guys experimenting with the gay side of their sexuality and changing their mind at the last minute. These are the guys I'm referring to when I say some guys on gaydar are scared of being gay, and it's for these guys that I genuinely feel sorry. If they can force themselves to start meeting other guys then they'll gradually feel more relaxed about things. And its clear that they're trying to meet up with guys given that they were trying to meet up with me. Since I remember myself how hard it was for me to accept that I was gay in the 1980's I can only empathise with their situation.

The reason for these thoughts is that I had a failed meeting yesterday. A guy starts chatting to me as soon as I enter the main central London cruising room. Eventually we agree to meet. He doesn't have a mobile phone but he says he's a doctor with a pager, and gives me an address in South London. Some of the details he gives me make me think that he hasn't been looking for gay fun for very long. He looks quite cute so I decide to make the journey and set off.

He has told me that he lives in a house, not flats, but when I get there the house is split into two flats. I ring both doorbells and as a result a woman comes to the door. She's obviously not the person I'm meant to meet, and she also tells me that the occupant of the other flat is a woman too. So, a wasted journey.

I've only just started heading home and I spot an 24 hour internet shop, quite seedy, but worth a try. There are posters on the wall which say "Viewing pornography is strictly forbidden". I reckon gaydar isn't pornography, but a lawyer could certainly try and argue the opposite case. Anyway I ignore the poster and try to make contact with the guy, but he's logged off. After an amusing conversation with a sweet guy who want us to have a swift session in the Debenhams men's department changing rooms in Oxford street, I decide to head for home.

On the way home I wonder if I should have strict guidelines about e.g. not visiting unless the other guy has a mobile phone. Probably not, strict guidelines start to take the fun and spontaneity out of it, and previously I've definitely had successful meetings in the same circumstances.