Gay Banker interviewed by Reluctant Nomad

Back in January, Reluctant Nomad was the third person that I interviewed. When I interview someone, if I’ve got time I’ll try to find out a bit about them by reading their blogs. So as a result of the research I did back in January, I feel I know him to some extent. And although we’ve never actually met, we did have have an online chat on gaydar once.

The rules of The Official Interview Game, posted at the bottom of my answers to PJ’s interview questions, don’t force the interviewee to interview the interviewer in return. The interviewer has to request it. So on a visit to Reluctant Nomad’s blog last month, I thought that it would be fun to get him to interview me.

It was interesting to read Reluctant Nomad’s introduction to my interview questions. He did a good job clinically dissecting my blog and Gay Banker identity! But he’s not quite right on one point. He is right that for years when I started meeting other guys for casual sex I would indeed only see them once so as to keep an emotional detachment. However it was in 2002, not 2005, that I “let my guard down" and met a guy who I had first met in 2001. As my first ever posting reveals, that guy was P, and I now refer to P as boyfriend number 2!

Anyway, thanks for a great set of questions Reluctant Nomad, here are my answers:

Question 1: Do you post about all your sexual encounters? If not, what makes you leave some of them out?

The simple answer is Yes, I do post all my sexual encounters. But in fact there are a few exceptions, solo wanks for example! I’ve also never written about sex with boyfriend number 1, and similarly when I went on holiday with boyfriend number 2 last summer I didn’t write about the sex with him either. Recently I’ve been wondering if it’s time to stop writing about my encounters with boyfriend number 3 too.

The reason for posting all encounters was originally because this blog was just for me, so that when I’m old and grey and the Alzheimer’s has kicked in I’ll be able to remember everything that I got up to. Indeed, after the first three months of blogging I only had about two visitors a day. As I’ve acquired a readership though this blog has taken on a life of its own to some extent, but even so I’m still following the posting guidelines that I originally set myself.

Question 2: Most (all?) of your sexual encounters are arranged through gaydar (mainly) and gay.com. I’d have thought that your blog could be another source now that you have an established readership. Have any sexual encounters resulted from your blog?

This is a very interesting question. Of course, for the first six month or so when I started blogging there were also opportunities in the gym sauna, but last summer the sauna at the gym I go to was closed :-(. More and more though, I do in fact get propositions as a result of this blog, currently at a rate of about one a week. The light hearted propositions that appear in comments to my postings are typical (thanks sunshine wallflower, thanks closetalk), a kind of throw away remark which, in some circumstances, could just possibly lead to a bit of fun. But I also get propositions in my e-mail inbox, or sometimes when I’m chatting to a reader via gaydar or MSN. (NB: although I’ve got a Yahoo e-mail address, in fact I use it in conjunction with MSN instead of Yahoo Messenger!)

I’m always flattered when any guy thinks, purely from reading my blog, that I’m worth jumping in the sack with. But, so far at least, I’ve refused all offers. For my own peace of mine, I want my identity to remain completely confidential, and meeting anyone as Gay Banker would compromise that. I don’t feel that I could write about my sex life if anyone knew who I really was. On top of that if I ever did meet anyone they’d have such an advantage over me, because if they’d read my blog they would know a lot about me, so I would probably feel quite uncomfortable. Beyond even that, any guys I met through this blog would know that I’d probably end up writing about them too, so that could make the whole situation very artificial.

I don’t want guys to stop asking of course, because it’s always an ego boost. But just don’t expect me to accept!

Question 3: You obviously have a good body and have no difficulty in attracting many varied sexual partners based on your gaydar profile. Without giving us your gaydar profile (you can, if you want!), what do you think it is about you that makes you attractive to all these men?

This is a hard question, because I’m not sure. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, so how can I know what other guys think? As you suggest, I am reasonably fit because I do go to the gym regularly. One thing that hopefully comes across when I’m chatting to guys online is my optimism and sense of humour, I think that probably helps.

I’m also convinced that online cruising is a skill, just like cruising in a bar or club is a skill too. So just sometimes, I’m probably successful in meeting a guy that I fancy when a guy who's less experienced at online cruising would fail. Legal-ize-IT alludes to this skill in a comment to one of my recent postings.

Beyond those thoughts I’m not sure. My cruising profile on gaydar doesn’t advertise me as the hung top sent from heaven or the perfect compliant bottom. I'm fact I'm often open to the different suggestions that guys online come up with, which keeps things interesting, as well as making it easier to find guys to meet.

As I’ve got older, I find I enjoy the body contact, kissing, and cuddle aspect of my encounters as much as the orgasmic aspect. So whatever people think about the hard core nature of gaydar and gay.com, my experiences prove that there are definitely guys like me around who enjoy the softer side of gay sex too.

Question 4: In discussing how some Asian men seem very keen on Western men, you make this statement: ‘With me the more I get to know someone like P, the more I care about them, whatever race they are.’ However, on a purely physical level, your experiences may have led you to conclude that some men are more sexually interesting to you than others. So, by race/nationality/age/etc, do you have a preference? Incidentally, have you ever thought of creating a map of the different countries from which the men you’ve had sex with come from (like the map you did of countries visited)?

I know it’s a bit of a cliché but for me, it’s the personality that counts most. However, this does have implications in terms of race/nationality/age. In particular, I find that Asian guys tend to have less attitude than Western guys. So if I’m online and I spot two guys that I fancy, one Asian and one Western, it’ll be the Asian guy that I’ll start chatting to first. But I can (and do) find guys of all races, nationalities and ages to play with. In terms of physical attributes though, for sex I guess I’m less attracted to stocky guys, although I do have many friends who fall into that category.

Even before the implied invitation in your question, I had thought of creating a map showing the country of origin of the guys that I’ve met for fun. But then I’m not always sure where the guys I meet come from, and I also wonder whether I should focus on ethnic origin or country of birth. Furthermore, even if I did know how to categorise a guy when I met him, the further back in time the meeting was, the less sure I am today because I know my memory isn’t perfect (and country of origin is one of the details which I sometimes change in blog postings to protect people’s identities). So for now I’ll pass on that one.

Question 5: In one of the answers to PJ’s questions you say that you have two completely separate identities, a cruising one and a home/work one, that you don’t mix up. Are they radically different from each other? If they were two different people, would they get on with each other?

Haha, very clever, but I was talking about identities, not personalities. Think about the film The Bourne Identity where hunk Matt Damon has several passports with different names. So it’s the same personality, but when I’m Gay Banker I talk about boyfriend number 1 and sign my e-mails GB, and when I’m using my home/work identity I talk about my partner X and sign myself Y. I do sometimes wonder though how easy it would be for someone who knows one identity and accidentally comes across the other identity to make the connection between the two. If I keep the GB identity ‘alive’ for long enough it’s bound to happen eventually!

A business trip outside of the UK

Not so long ago, I went on a brief business trip outside of the UK. While away, I was able to visit the infamous gay establishment pictured here. But can anyone tell me the name of this establishment?

A conversation with boyfriend number 2

Although boyfriend number 2 doesn’t live in the UK, I chat to him fairly regularly on MSN. And recently, I was chatting to him about holidays. The big event in my life last year was the holiday we had together because that ended up triggering my relationship crisis with boyfriend number 1. However, as I said in the comments to a posting two months ago, I’m hoping to come to an arrangement with boyfriend number 1 so that I can sometimes go on holiday with boyfriend number 2. And as long as boyfriend number 2 hasn’t found a full time boyfriend, I’m sure he’d be happy to accompany me :-)

GB: I'll be a very lucky guy if I end up with a lovely bf in London, plus you as a lovely bf for hols
bf#2: you know, some muslim men could marry up to four wives
GB: really?
bf#2: yeah, provided he could care for them all equally
GB: that makes sense
bf#2: And fairly. And the wives have to agree to it
bf#2: which is what u're doing now!

Indeed, that’s definitely what I’m trying to do. And I do want to care for them all, treat them fairly, and get them all to agree to it.

That conversation got me thinking though. Boyfriend number 2 mentioned four wives! So how do I bring boyfriend number 3 into the picture? And who's going to be boyfriend number 4? As usual, it'll be fun doing the interviews!

A rude cactus

So boyfriend number 1 visited a botanical garden recently and took the accompanying photograph. I think even Jonah Falcon would have a difficult time matching that!

Gay Banker interviews saddle-up

I was flattered when I read saddle-up's first ever posting, because my blog seems to have been one of the things which prompted him to start his blog.

I've never interviewed anyone like saddle-up before. His blog says that he lives in East Anglia, and a cunning google search suggests to me that it might be King's Lynn. But I've never been to King's Lynn so that doesn't help me much!

He's got a boyfriend (Fella), but he gives the impression that there are some relationship problems. He regrets that they don't have sex any more, and in a list that he posted early May he says

I MISS: laughing out loud with my Fella
I START: arguments just for contact with my Fella

And then there's the mysterious Mr X. Both saddle-up and Mr X have long term partners, but in a recent posting saddle-up says "I don't know... it's like we are wired up the right way for each other".

So saddle-up, here are my interview questions:

1. Your first gay experience was with a guy much older than you. Do you think that has any connection with the fact that all these years later, your long term partner is also much older than you?


2. Excluding anything that you've already blogged or related to your 'mods', can you describe the most memorable day of your life so far?


3. After your first two posts you deny being a slut. But the next day you admit that you're a slut after all! To clear up this confusion, can you recount your sluttiest experience(s) and let my readers decide for themselves?


4. How did you meet your Fella?


5. And finally, a chance for a bit of creativity. Imagine: you and me are contestants on a reality TV show. Although I don't know it, the task you've been given is to persuade me to get a 'mod'. What happens?

The next interview candidate is bullchef. I'll try to get his questions out in the first couple of weeks of June.

Update: it only took saddle-up around eighteen hours to come up with these fabulous answers. And his answer to my first question is a fascinating story.

Some fun with another gay banker

A few months ago, I'm logged into gaydar when I spot the profile of quite a horny looking guy. So I start chatting to him, but it turns out that although we live quite close to each other, neither of us can accommodate. I get chatting to him again one Saturday early in March, and this time he says that he can sometimes accommodate early weekday evenings, after work. So he gives me his mobile number and tells me to txt him during the week if I'm up for it.

After a stressful morning in the bank the following Monday, I decide that it would be really good to unload after work, so I send him a txt msg at lunchtime.

GB: would this evening around 7am be any good?

About an hour later, I get the reply

guy: I am afraid I can not accommodate that late. Pity. very horny.

Normally I'd be able to leave the bank earlier than that, but unfortunately today there's an important meeting starting late that I can't miss. Having started the txt msg conversation, I decide to investigate one more possibility

GB: pity. Is 2moz around 6pm any good?

guy: I have theatre. Some other time

Interesting. I've never seen anyone use theatre as an excuse in this situation before. Could he be an actor, or a surgeon? I decide to leave it for now and look out for him again online.

I eventually spot him online on the Saturday after Easter and we have another brief chat. We agree that I'll try sending him a txt msg on Monday, with a view to meeting up in the evening. Monday arrives, so late morning I send him a txt

GB: Hi, we spoke online on Saturday, would it be OK to visit you today? GB x

guy: What time? For me 6pm good

I like his direct, constructive, attitude. Some guys seem to have no concept of how to arrange meetings in a sensible way. But with this guy there's already a clear suggestion to meet around 6pm, so this all sounds very promising.

GB: 6pm good for me too, can you tell me your exact address?

guy: Maybe easiest we meet at the tube station near my apartment at 6, does that suit?

GB: Fine, see you at the tube station at 6pm. I will be wearing a suit with a white shirt and a reddish tie :-)

Everything goes according to plan, and in fact I arrive a few minutes early. So I send him another txt msg to tell him that I've arrived.

GB: I've arrived, feel free to phone me :-)

guy: I am 10 minutes away. I will rush

Again it's a perfect, brief, constructive response.

While I'm waiting for him to turn up, I can't help myself looking at all the guys entering and leaving the tube station, and wondering whether any of them might be heading for clandestine encounters. One of them will be of course, one of them will be looking for me! Although I've seen a face pic of the guy I'm meeting this evening, it was a few weeks ago so I won't be sure it's him until he's very close.

"Hi, sorry to keep you waiting", someone says suddenly, startling me. He came from the opposite direction I was expecting! Turning to look at him, he's reasonably smartly dressed, and as far as I can remember he looks reasonably like his pics. His internet age was the same as mine, and no doubt his real age is similar to mine too.

"No problem", I say looking him in the eye and smiling, "which way?"

Conversation is a bit difficult as we walk the five minutes or so to his apartment. Once inside the apartment building, it turns out that he lives on the top floor, so we head for the lift. We're the only people around and once the lift doors close he leans over and kisses me, very sensually.

On the top floor, there's only one door in the small corridor, and he lets us in. A few steps inside and it's clear that it's an amazing apartment. It's a vast open-plan space, with one wall virtually all glass providing us with a panoramic view of London.

"Wow, this apartment is FABULOUS", I say in admiration.

"We've had it for a couple of years now", he says dismissively, "you get used to it! Just make yourself at home while I sort myself out."

I don't really know whether to go and sit down on the sofas nearby, or trek down to the other end of the room and use the sofas there. I'm still trying to make my mind up when he beckons me over to a door I hadn't spotted.

"Let's go in here", he suggest with a smile on his face.

Inside there's large double bed, covered with a crisp white duvet. Gradually we start to undress, kissing each other and licking each other's nipples as we go. Soon we're on the bed. Somehow it all seems quite functional though, with not much excitement. Towards the end he offers me poppers .

"Errr no thanks", I say, "I always get headaches with those".

Afterwards I get dressed back into my suit, while he puts on a dressing gown.

"Any chance of a glass of fruit juice or something, or water even?" I ask once we're back in the main room.

"Sure". He heads over to the fridge in the kitchen area and pours me a glass of orange juice.

"So I guess you live here with someone?" I ask casually. Well in fact you told me when you said 'we' earlier!

"Yes, that's right". But he doesn't want to elaborate, so I don't press him for details. Out of the possibilities of wife, gay partner, flatmate, it seems most likely to me that he lives here with a gay partner. After all, straight couples don't usually have poppers lying around their bedrooms.

"So what do you do for a living?", he asks.

"Oh I work for a bank. What about you?"

"I work for a bank too."

Somehow I knew he did. And what's more, given his personality, stunning apartment, and the direction he came from when we met at the tube station, I've got a pretty good idea which one!

"Let me guess", I say, and I go on to mention the name of the bank I'm thinking of.

He hesitates, but then he gives in, "Yes, how did you guess?"

"I think we've probably both been in the business long enough to be able to work these things out!" I say. "But is it gay friendly at all these days? Some investment banks have even sponsored Stonewall's gala dinner in recent years."

"Yes I know, but I can't ever see that happening where I work. To be honest, I don't think it ever will be gay friendly, it's a very cliquey place!"

We chat for a bit while I finish my orange juice, but before too long I'm heading home. It was certainly interesting to meet another gay banker in this situation. And later, just to remind me that I hadn't gone straight home after work, I notice that my left nipple feels distinctly sore!

Gay Banker interviews gayboydiary

When I posted my answers to PJ's interview questions, a few guys commented that they'd like me to interview them. It's all part of the game of course - anyone who's got a blog can ask to be interviewed, but in return they have to be prepared to interview others if any requests are made. So having asked PJ to interview me, I've now got some interviewing to do again :-)

This time round, gayboydiary made the request first, so he gets the first set of questions. He's been blogging since last December. But it was only last month that he revealed various key pieces of information about himself. Some of the things he says seem a bit contradictory. In particular, he's only had sex with 10 different guys, but he's an expert at threesomes! A dark horse indeed.

So gayboydiary, here are my interview questions:

1. Apart from blue eyes, what other attributes would your perfect boyfriend have?


2. I've always thought that blogs with adverts on look a bit cheap, what do you think?


3. You lost your virginity at 17, and with your definition of sex I'd guess that might have been a mutual masturbation session with a school friend. Whatever it was I'm sure my readers would like to know more, so can you go into any of the juicy details?


4. You take the tube to work, you go out regularly on the London gay scene, so like me I guess you live in London. What do you think the pros and cons of living in London are?


5. Finally, you're 25 years old, so when do you think you'll evolve from a gay boy into a gay man?

The next interview candidate is saddle-up. I'll try to get his questions out before the end of May.

Update: somehow gayboydiary managed to post his answers at 03:09am, only three hours after I posted the questions! Good answers too. Question 3 even managed to provoke a "The next part is rather embarassing and I wish I hadn't asked to be interviewed ...." :-)

An early afternoon visit to a cute Chinese guy

On the Saturday morning three days after my visit to boyfriend number 3, I'm logged into gay.com with Chattage. There are various guys in the London Citywide chat room, but I notice a nice looking oriental guy so I start a conversation with him.

GB: Hello there, nice pix
guy: thanks

At first he's not very communicative, but slowly we get talking to each other. He lives about a 20 minute cab journey away. After around half an hour of chatting to each other, everything's been agreed. He wants me to visit him early afternoon.

GB: ok m8, see you soon :-)
guy: I've just realised, I've run out of condoms
GB: well we don't necessarily need condoms to have fun, there are other things we can do
guy: sure, but perhaps you could bring some with you?

What is it with everyone at the moment? Only three days before, boyfriend number 3 had made the same request! So after another visit to the family planning section of my local Boot Chemists, I hail a black London taxi and set off for a bit of fun.

"Are you going to watch the match this afternoon?" asks the cabbie.

"Errr, what match?"

"I guess not then!" he laughs.

It turns out that he's talking about the Arsenal vs Tottenham soccer game, and since both teams are on the north-east side of London it's bound to be closely contested.

As expected it takes around 20 minutes to get to where the guy lives. Soon I'm buzzing the apartment where he lives to get him to let me into the building. And once inside the building, it doesn't take long to find his front door.

"Come in", he says smiling and looking me up and down at the same time, "but don't make too much noise, there's someone upstairs."

Face to face he looks just as lovely as his online photos, although perhaps a bit more masculine and a bit less boyish, which is good. He leads me into his room, which is furnished with a nice sized bed in one corner, and with a sofa along the opposite wall. I sit down on the sofa to take off my shoes and socks.

He looks a bit unsure of what to do next. "Have you lived here long?" I ask, trying to break the ice.

"About a year now".

As I pull the top I'm wearing over my head, he walks towards me. I'm still sitting on the sofa, and as he advances I can see that there's something hard bouncing around inside his loose tracksuit bottoms. He comes up close so that it's right in front of my face, and I reach out to feel him.

"Hmmm, that feels nice", I say quietly, rubbing him slowly through the fabric, "but hang on a minute mate, let me catch up!"

I often seem to be in this situation, where I'm struggling to get my kit off when the other guy is ready for action. I guess it's because while I'm focussing on the journey, and working out where they live, the other guys are always just waiting for me to turn up. So there's just one thing on their mind! Viewed like that, I guess its no surprise that they're rearing to go by the time I'm walking through their front door.

After I've removed my trousers off he's still standing over me. Suddenly I have a mischievous idea. I decide to help him off with some of his clothes too. Gently I pull down his tracksuit bottoms. This drags his erection downwards, between his legs. He grimaces a bit, but then as I pull down still further - BOING! It never ceases to amaze me how much fun one can have with other men's tackle, especially when coupled with the expressions that one can produce on their faces!

It's a lovely sight. I reach out to feel him again, and as I examine his wares I start to feel frisky too :-)

"Lets go over to the bed", he says smiling down at me.

He reaches the bed first, and watches me walk over, wearing only my undershorts.

"Actually, you look better in person than you do in your photos", he says as I climb onto the bed.

"Really?" I say surprised. I guess I should get better pictures done.

I lie down beside him and as we reach out to hold each other, we start kissing. "Hmmm, you're a strong man aren't you", he says, "nice shoulders, nice arms".

"So are you!" I reply, "I bet you go to the gym a lot too".

We have a wonderful, long, relaxed, session. In fact, it turns into a double cum session, with lovely naked cuddles in between.

"Any chance of a drink?" I ask when we're all finally done, "some fruit juice would be nice if you've got any?"

"Hmmm, not sure what's in the fridge, is cola OK?"

"Or fruit juice?" But I settle for a cola-lite!

"So do you work in London, or are you a student?" I ask as I'm getting dressed.

It turns out that he works for a bank too. We even end up having a brief discussion about the financial markets. He seems to have a few misconceptions about the bond market, which I try to put him right on.

As I'm leaving I give him a peck on the lips. "It's been really good meeting you", I say, "and I hope I didn't make too much noise!"

"Don't worry", he says smiling at me, "it's been fun :-)".

I manage to get a cab quite quickly and head to the gym to grab a shower. The Arsenal vs Tottenham soccer game is drawing to a close on the TV in the men's changing rooms. Arsenal are losing 0-1, but as I'm walking back into the main area after my shower I hear Arsenal score. Thierry Henry has managed to equalise just 6 minutes before full time. So in different ways, I guess both me and Thierry Henry have enjoyed ourselves this afternoon!

Gay Banker interviewed by PJ

Last December, I was interviewed by Sage, and following the rules of The Official Interview Game I went on to interview various other guys including PJ. But I never gave PJ the chance to reciprocate and interview me, until I left a comment on one of his postings last week.

So thanks for a nice set of varied questions PJ :-)). Here are my answers:

Question 1. Just how do you manage to not tell the boyfriend everything? I'm about as good at keeping a secret from the boyfriend as he is at getting up and out of the house in the morning without waking me and the cat up (ie it just never happens!). Do you never get confused about what things you've told him and what you haven't?

Actually I don't think I've ever had a problem in this respect. Right from the start I knew that boyfriend number 1 was very keen on monogamous relationships, so after my first encounter with another guy I decided that boyfriend number 1 didn't need to know. In fact I resolved to keep it secret from absolutely everyone I knew. Even if I told some of my oldest and closest friends, I knew that I couldn’t be certain that the secret wouldn’t leak out to him, so I told absolutely no one. Sometimes the truth can be unnecessarily painful, so I decided not to subject the one I love to the pain I knew that he’d feel. I was still committed to him of course, and it all worked well for ten years.

Perhaps one of the unusual aspects of my personality is that I'm capable of making resolutions and sticking to them over very long periods of time. How many people resolve to go to the gym, and give up after a few months? Or start a blog, and get bored after a few weeks? I resolved to start going to the gym in 1996, and I'm still going. Similarly I resolved to start a blog in early 2005, and here it is, still going. Keeping my activities secret from everyone fell into the same category.

One of the important things when I first resolved to keep everything secret was realising that I would have to lie shamelessly! I couldn't simply be evasive if a direct question came up, that would give the game away. No point trying to give clever answers to difficult questions in an effort to try and tell the smallest lie. Deny everything without thinking about it.

In some ways, it’s like being able to speak more than one language. When people can speak two or more languages, they don’t mix them up. Instead of languages of course I’m talking about identities. I don’t mix up my different identities. I guess I’ve got a cruising identity, which is part of my Gay Banker identity, which is completely separate from my home/work identity.

Now that I have told boyfriend number 1 that I’m not the monogamous person he thought I was, it’s still simple to keep the identities separate because I know that I’ve only told him the outline with no details. Unfortunately it’s still not clear whether our relationship will survive this trauma or not.

Anyway, surely everyone can keep some secrets, such as the present that we've bought our loved ones for Christmas?

Question 2. Are you a reader? If so, what three books should I read and why? And if you're not, what do you keep on your shelves??

I am an occasional reader of novels, and since I'm only an occasional reader I decided years ago that there's no point reading only average or even good novels. There are more than enough truly great novels to last my lifetime, so I always focus on books which have won prizes, or classics which have stood the test of time.

If you haven't read it, you should definitely read my favourite classic, which is Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Written at a time when tumultuous events were occurring throughout Europe as Napoleon ravaged the continent, a clergyman's daughter called Jane Austen wrote a quiet little book where the main events are that a man changes his manners and a woman changes her mind. But it's a stunning masterpiece. In fact I'd thoroughly recommend all her other novels, apart perhaps from Northanger Abbey which has a very different feel to it from the other five. In some ways they're all the same, they're all love stories with happy endings where the women eventually ends up with the man. But the beauty is in the telling.

My other favourite book was written less than 50 years ago. It's To Kill a Mocking Bird, by Harper Lee, and it won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1961. I can remember when reading it that there were some passages that made me cry - it's a very moving and powerful story.

For years I've always felt well prepared for the "what's your favourite book?" question because I've had two - but you've asked for three! So I've racked my brain to try and remember other books which I've loved and finally I remembered a book which I read when I was at university which I couldn't put down. J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. I guess we've all seen the recent movies, but the original book is a cracking read!

Question 3. You got my 'coming out' tale (or as much of it as there has yet been: the family are still awaiting their invitation to the party!). So what's yours??

Fair question. Actually I have said a few things occasionally on this subject, but it's true that I've never told the story properly.

I reached university without ever having had a girlfriend. Very very deep down I guess I knew the truth, but it was completely suppressed. My father would occasionally make anti-gay remarks, and coupled with standard schoolboy homophobia which I experienced at school there was simply no way that I could be gay.

At university I didn't have girlfriends either. Eventually I forced myself to have one date with a woman which was a disaster. We tried kissing at the end and I felt repulsed, it wasn't for me! Throughout my university career, looking back I can see that I kept on falling in love with my closest male friends. But at the time all I knew was that I wasn't gay, I just couldn't be!

After university I moved to London to start my first investment banking job, and I rented a room from one of my close friends from university who had bought a house. I still had a crush on him. The thing about this friend though was that once, when we were still at university together, there was an occasion when we were both drunk and he had made a pass at me! At the time I sobered up immediately and ran away, but I never forgot. This friend is definitely mostly heterosexual, but clearly with a slight bi-sexual tendency.

Eventually, without even really knowing what I was doing, I made a pass at this friend. It was unsuccessful. But the result was that over the course of the next couple of days he helped me realise that I was gay. Finally I had started coming out.

But I found the concept that I was gay very very difficult, so I made myself go to group counselling at London Friend. It was there that I made friends with a guy who was in a similar situation to me, and eventually we spent a night together. We weren't really compatible and I didn't see much of him after that night, but I guess that was the beginning of my gay life.

Gradually I came out to various friends, and within a couple of years I'd met boyfriend number 1 and had come out to my family too. All in all it wasn't an easy coming out. It proved to me that being honest with oneself can be the hardest thing to do.

Question 4. What/who do I look like? see, even with just five questions I can't resist bringing it back to me, me, me! total attention seeker: the nomad was right all along! ;-)

Actually I reckon this is the most interesting question. Working out what someone looks like from their blog! I noted in the pre-amble to my interview questions for PJ that he'd posted a couple (1/2) of unrevealing photos on this blog, so there's not much hard evidence to go on.

But the truth is, whenever I think of PJ, one image always springs to mind. Because he's got such a strong interest in nature and the environment, I always picture him as the BBC survival presenter Ray Mears. The only image I could find of Ray Mears to post here is a very old one. The image I have of PJ corresponds more to the slightly cuddlier Ray Mears that's been on BBC television over the last few years. So PJ, perhaps you should put the record straight and show us what you really look like?

Question 5. And finally, my standard one-size-fits-all family favourite: What are you listening to at the moment?

At last an easy one. The only thing filling my ears at the moment is the sound of boyfriend number 1 in the shower. And the thought of a moist, pert, naked man's body always gets my juices going. Music to my ears!

Want to play? The Official Interview Game Rules:

• If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".


• I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.


• You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.


• You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.


• When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

A visit to boyfriend number 3 in the week after Easter

I hadn't seen boyfriend number 3 for a couple of months, so when I get back to work on the Tuesday immediately after Easter it's good to get a txt msg from him:

bf#3: At work today? Got time to visit? Had a good clean this morning?

Since our first meeting when he was suspicious that I hadn't had a shower before visiting him, my general cleanliness has been a rich source of humour between us. Unfortunately, because the previous day was a bank holiday, various meetings have been moved forward from yesterday to to today so there's no way that I can find the 2+ hours required to visit him. But perhaps he'll be available later in the week:

GB: hihi m8 :-) unfortunately full diary following Easter break. This week Wed or Friday lunchtime would work? Hope u had a pleasant Easter (& not too slutty!), luv+kisses from your Shower-Fresh GB

I get a reply fairly quickly

bf#3: Just my luck for you to be shower-fresh on a day you're unavailable :-( buzz me wed am if you're free x

GB: U know me, I'm always Shower-Fresh!! Anyway I'll phone you 2moz after 9am :-)

So I phone him Wednesday morning:

"Hi it's GB, how are you?" I start.

"Fine ta."

"So I could visit you at lunchtime if you like?"

"Yes, that would be good. What time do you think you'll be able to get here?"

"About 12:30 I guess. As usual!"

"Saying 'as usual' makes it feel just a tad sordid", laughs boyfriend number 3, "but around 12:30 works for me!"

"One thing though", he continues, "I don't have any condoms. So depending on what you want to do, perhaps you could pick up some on your way?"

Later in the morning I pop out of the office to buy a few coffees for me and my colleagues from the local Caffè Nero. And while I'm out of the office I pop into Boots Chemists to buy something from their family planning department, just to keep our options open.

I arrive on time after an uneventful cab journey.

"Would you like some fruit juice", asks boyfriend number 3 once I'm inside his flat.

"Yeah, that would be great". In fact this has nothing to do with The Fruit-Juice Request because boyfriend number 3 always gives me fruit juice, to which he usually adds a subtle twist of lime.

While I'm drinking the fruit juice, we sit down on his sofa for a chat.

"Oh, I've got a request", he says after a while, with a slightly mischievous tone to his voice.

"Uh-huh? What's that?"

"Can I video us?"

If I was visiting someone new then I'd have big reservations about the request, but this is boyfriend number 3, I feel I know him quite well.

"Sure", I reply, "why not?"

"What a slut you are GB", he laughs, "I expected you to put up at least some resistance!"

"But what does that make you then?", I reply laughing too, "I may take a starring role in this video but I'm not the one who's going to be watching it!"

It turns out that the video equipment is only a phone camera, but later when we get down to business it seems to be capable of making a reasonable record of some of our activities.

"You should do porno", says boyfriend number 3 afterwards, "the camera likes you!"

"Do you really think so", I reply surprised. "Don't you think I'm too old?"

"You'd be surprised", says boyfriend number 3 with a knowing look in his eye, "There's a market for all sizes and ages!"

Just like last time, we finish off by having a lovely long naked cuddle with each other. I even fall asleep for a short while, holding him in my arms, but eventually the alarm he set goes off and it's time to go.

"You're a very cuddly person", says boyfriend number 3 as we're getting dressed.

On the way back to the office I get chatting to the taxi driver.

"I was brought up round here", says the cabbie, "but it's gone downhill since I lived here!"

Immediately I think back to the previous conversation I had with a taxi driver on my way back to the office after a session with boyfriend number 3. No, not again!

"Errr, did you see the match last night?" I say in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

Luckily it turns out that the cabbie doesn't particularly follow football, because I certainly didn't see the match. The only conversations about football that I'm any good at are ones discussing which players are the most shaggable!

Chattage and gay.com

In the past, I've complained on this blog about how annoying it can be chatting on gay.com due to the presence of 'adverts' in the chat rooms, also known as 'bots'. But a few weeks ago I discovered a solution.

I'm logged into the gay.com chat rooms, but when I try to start chatting to this particular guy the following happened:

GB: hi mate, nice pix
guy: I am protected by Chattage BotShield. Please answer the following question: "What is the last word of this sentence?"

I've never heard of Chattage Botshield, but a 'shield' against 'bots' sounds like a sensible idea. So I duly obey

GB: sentence
guy: thanks, u've got nice pics urself!

As far as the guy is concerned, the initial question that he asked me and my reply aren't part of the conversation. The conversation with this guy doesn't go anywhere, but later I use google to search for Chattage BotShield and find the Chattage website.

Since then, I've been using this Chattage system to connect to the gay.com chat network and it's so much better than what gay.com provides. The BotShield is just one of the useful features. Although I would recommend it, potential users should read the FAQ, and note that on a strictly legal level, using it violates the gay.com terms of service.

If you're going to use it, there are a couple of problems that I've noticed, that I've reported to the Chattage support team. Sometimes it seems to go into an 'infinite loop' of some sort, taking up 99% of the CPU time, and the only solution seems to be to use the task manager to kill it and restart. Another issue is that when one requests a profile from gay.com, it uses existing internet explorer windows, which means that if you're also logged into gaydar then your gaydar session gets disrupted. In fact one can use Chattage to access the summary details of all the guys in the system, including all their photos, so one doesn't usually need to look at their profile pages. So overall, the benefits seem to outweigh the problems.

Now that I've got Chattage I can see what happens when someone tries to start chatting to me when the BotShield is in place. The system tells me who is trying to chat to me, and then whether they pass the test or not. A nice side-effect of the BotShield is that it also filters out stupid people. There have been at least a couple of guys who tried to contact me that failed the test, even though when I looked at their profiles I felt sure they were not 'bots'. Of course I can choose to override the BotShield and start chatting to them if I want, but if they can't pass the simple test then they have to be particularly cute to compensate!

But maybe the bots will have the last laugh anyway. A couple of days ago, instead of using Chattage I logged in using gay.com itself. As soon as I went into the chat rooms, a guy contacted me:

kylew206: Looking for safe, discrete, no strings action.

Hmmm, a bit forward. Perhaps he sends this message to everyone to see who will respond. So I respond, to try and get a conversation started with him.

GB: hi m8
kylew206: Sorry : I am protected with BotGuard. Please type "maynard" in the box to let me know you're not a bot. Thanks!

That seems strange - once he's contacted me shouldn't his BotGuard (whatever that is) have been deactivated? Anyway, I obey and:

GB: maynard
kylew206: hi
GB: hi, r u in London?
kylew206: hit me up on boyhost.net/kylew

With that reply the only conclusion is that 'kylew206' is a bot himself!! This is just getting too weird.