Monday, November 28, 2011

Gay sex and the City

Last July, I did a post about GMFA's Sexual Health Messaging Service in the UK. I got another email from them today, which contained a link to a video that they've made to promote the service, see below:

Email from a gay guy who lives in India

A few weeks ago the following email arrived in my inbox:

Dear GB,

I love your blog, it is full of real stuff, which means you have a mind of your own and you do not fear of being honest. The very reason for writing to you. Now, about my letter.

Well, I maybe a type "Z"-personality among gays, since I am not gay material:
  1. I do not have a long penis (excretory organ) or a stereotypical face or body type;
  2. Moreover I am against gay stereotyping and male body stereotyping.
In short I am everything a gay man will want to hate. (Not to earn sympathy for hidden wants). I want to be honest with you, at least with you.

Well, I am searching for a gay partner after all these shortcomings, but I seem to stumble upon people who forget me after sex. I am 31 years old, Indian (Asian), been cruising from the time I was 24, have met 25 men out of which I had sex with 11 guys (very accurately).

Because most reject me.

One reason for all this rejection perhaps would be because:
  1. I refused to become a bottom or a Top; or
  2. because I am ugly, contrary to the gay image portrayed in media; or
  3. I am seeking love before sex; or
  4. the guys wanted big penis.
(I would be happy if I was born asexual, but I am not. I respect all gays and asexual and straights and Lesbians and Transgender as Humans.)

Whatever be, in the end I am sad. That is why I am writing this to you with a thumping heart.

What is my hope, if any? I am not putting you or any reader on the opponents chair because that is silly. But I am also not saying, I do not want sex nor am I saying do not expect love from my dates. But if you feel my letter is honest do tell your valuable opinions.

I want to know:
  1. Why is gay media portraying a male body image which is only a few types (maybe 5 or six)?
  2. Why the penis is the favourite organ (it is an excretory organ)?
  3. Why gay monogamy is shunned by media?
  4. Why the West thinks that gay men in India are rejected by straights (which is not true at all) and gay Indians do not have any other problems other than being gays?
(I do not go after big penis, I do not like to hold the penis of all men I meet in my hand, because I do not have a similar penis and it is an excretory organ and it is not for love, if it was my lover it would be different, coz I may love him and in love I like to give everything 4 love.)

But I am not silly enough to ask you to answer all of these questions because you are "never" answerable and you are as much a victim of all these stereotypes in one way or the other and so are all gays in general. I fear honestly, we are victims of some oldish withered male body image, which is crippling our chances of love and bonding sans body differences and racial and mental variance.

I feel you are a powerful person who can bring about changes in "our" sensitive world. Sorry for this bother, but I feel it is time for me to speak to powerful gay individuals who believe life is hopeful and worthful.

Thank you for being patient and kind to read. I have hope in you and all gays. Regards and love.

The good thing about this reader is that he doesn't seem to have any problem accepting the fact that he's gay. A lot of the emails that I've received recently have been from young guys who're still in the early stages of working out that they're gay, but this reader has clearly progressed a long way beyond that :-). However, he does seem to have a lot of complaints about gay life!

Cartman measuring Butter's penis lengthAlthough it may be slightly unfair, some aspects of the reader's email remind me of the recent South Park episode, in which a large majority of men across America all get angry and disruptive just because they think their penis length is below average! The situation is only resolved when the US government officially defines the average penis size as 1.5 inches (3.8 cm), so that all men can then think of themselves as above average LOL! Is this reader just complaining because he thinks that he's below average?

It's a fact that far more guys are straight than gay. This means that if one wants to try and define an "average sexuality", then the answer would be "straight". If one then wants to define "above average", then because of the way that we're brought up we'd probably think that it's the successful so called alpha males who've got the "above average" sexuality. Unfortunately, that kind of implies that the gay sexuality is "below average" :-(. Maybe this analysis helps explain why some guys still have a problem accepting that they're gay, even though the Western world generally accepts that gay people are part of society these days.

Of course, all these ideas about above and below average penis sizes, and by extension above and below average sexualities, are ridiculous! When guys finally accept that they're gay, then they've managed to see through that kind of nonsense and come to terms with their situation. Acceptance of these kinds of facts is an important part of one's personal development, whether it relates to one's ability at sport, one's sexuality, one's appearance, one's penis size, or whatever. Once facts that one has no control over are accepted then people can move on. However, a failure to accept these kinds of things means that they're carried around in one's mind as a burden. This has a strong connection with my idea about the confidence mirror, where other people's attitudes to things that relate to a particular individual can often simply just be a reflection of that individual's own feelings. The way forward is to avoid such traps by accepting things the way they are.

Thinking about the reader's email in this way, I can't help wondering how many of the problems that he's experienced relate to his own attitude. It's true that some gay guys are shallow and focus on things like penis size, but in my experience most guys don't focus on that type of thing.

In summary, my advice to the reader is to try and accept things the way they are, and adopt a more positive and constructive attitude to boyfriend hunting. In a dating situation, confidence is probably the most important quality, so he should do everything he can to discard all his mental baggage and build his confidence.

Does anyone else have any other thoughts for this reader?