Sunday, January 29, 2006

Why I don't have a face pic on my gaydar profile

It's because I'm worried about the possibility of people who know me offline spotting me on gaydar. I guess there are two categories of people I worry about.

First there are friends who know both me and boyfriend number 1. As far as everyone knows, we're a monogamous couple, so it would be hot gossip if I was spotted online. I don't want to put boyfriend number 1 in the situation where people talk about him behind his back.

The other category is business related. Even though my employer is quite gay friendly for the banking world, since I am a manager and also an FSA approved person it wouldn't do my career any good if my gaydar profile was identified. A simple gaydar profile shouldn't cause any problems of course, but a gaydar profile which goes into the kind of personal details that my profile mentions wouldn't look good. To be an FSA approved person the FSA must be satisfied that one is 'fit and proper'. Having a web site which advertises that I like to do XXX and enjoy YYY could be construed as bad judgement, and could certainly tip the scales against me if I was in a disciplinary situation for some reason.

Since one never really knows who's at the other end of any online conversation, I sometimes wonder whether I've accidently sent a pic with my face in to someone who knows me. It's certainly happened the other way round.

A few years ago, I was logged into the gaydar chat rooms when a guy contacts me. As soon as I bring up his profile however, I immediately recognise him as the current boyfriend of a friend of mine and boyfriend number 1. Does his boyfriend know he's on gaydar? He's certainly hasn't taken the same precautions as me, because his profile shows a picture of his face.

I avoid talking to him, but for the following few weeks, whenever we're both on gaydar at the same time, he always contacts me. He even sends me some naked pics, some of which proved that he's a quite a big boy :-). Except I can't meet him of course! How would he feel if he knew it was me that had seen those photos? I wasn't looking forward to trying to keep a straight face the next time I met him, with the image of those photos firmly lodged in my mind. However before the situation arose he split up from our friend and I never saw him again.

On another occasion I was contacted by P. P is a friend who I mentioned here a couple of weeks ago. Luckily with P it only happened once, he just contacted me to make a joke about something on my profile. One day I'll have to tell him that it happened, because I know he'll find it amusing.

Like everything in life, online cruising has risks as well as benefits. Since I enjoy meeting guys from gaydar, the risk that my gaydar profile might be identified by someone who knows me offline is just something that I have to accept.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

A session with a Rock Star

Looking back over the years, I can see that my sexual behaviour goes through different phases. Sometime I’ll be more focused on boyfriend number 1, sometimes I’ll be keen on internet cruising, sometimes I’ll be keen on sauna fun, and so on.

About five years ago I was going through an internet cruising phase. To be honest, I guess these phases are the most common! It’s Saturday morning and I've been logged into gaydar for a while when I get an online message from a guy who I'm going to call Q.

Q: hi mate nice profile got any face pics?

I've had photos on my gaydar profile for ages but for various reasons I've never had any public photos showing my face. So I send Q some pics with my face in:

GB: hi m8 thx for msg, face pics attached, have you got any pics with your face in?

Like me, Q has body pics on his profile, but no face pics. It doesn't take long to get a reply:

Q: sorry no more pics at this end. I like ur profile though, u wanna visit?

I'm not sure without seeing a pic of his face. But if he doesn't live too far away, it might be worth the risk.

GB: could do. where exactly in London are you?

When his reply arrives I deduce that he's less than a mile away, which is good news. After thinking about it for a bit, and re-reading his profile, I'm actually start looking forward to visiting him, so I go to send him another online message. However I get the following

GAYDAR: You are only a gaydar guest, your daily online message quota has been reached. Click to upgrade.

Damm, damm, damm, damm, damm. I'd exchanged a few online messages with another couple of guys before Q contacted me, so that must have used up most of my daily quota. This has never happened to me before, and since I'm in mid-conversation and looking forward to meeting Q, I guess I'll have to buy a gaydar membership to continue. Of course it's not expensive, but 5 years ago I'd never paid for gaydar before. Perhaps this is how they end up getting a lot of people to sign up?

It takes a few minutes to find my credit card, and a few more to go through the sign up procedure. Luckily membership is instant, and eventually I'm in a position to send Q another online message

GB: i'm quite close to u so would be gr8 to visit, do u have a mobile phone number I can call u on?

This time I have to wait a bit for the reply but eventually it comes

Q: that took u a while, thought u'd gone off the idea. My mobile number is xxxxx-xxxxxx but now not convenient for a visit, how about 2pm?

I was hoping to visit immediately of course, but early afternoon works too. So I send him a txt msg to check that I've got the right number, and soon it's all agreed.

Around 1:45pm I tell boyfriend number 1 that I'm off to the gym and set off. As soon as I get round the corner, I give Q a phone call. He answers his phone quite quickly

"Is that Q?" I ask. "I'm on my way, is it still convenient for me to visit?"

"What was your profile name again", he says. This is the first time I've heard his voice of course. My gaydar profile name sounds a bit rude so I'm a little reluctant to say it aloud in public, but somehow I manage to tell him without being heard.

"OK how long will it take you to get here?"

"It's probably less than a fifteen minute walk", I say.

"See you soon then, give me a call if you get lost".

Since he wanted to know my gaydar profile name I start wondering how many other guys from gaydar he's got lined up to visit him. Never mind, if I've got the 2-2.15pm slot then I suppose that's fine by me.

I arrive around 2pm as planned and ring the door bell. It doesn't take him long to open the door. "Hi, come on in", he says smiling at me. His gaydar profile said he was 36 years old, but if that's accurate he must have had a very hard life.

"Where do you want me then", I say smiling back at him once he's closed the door.

"Lets go upstairs, straight ahead there".

As I'm heading up the stairs I look back at him. "You look familiar", I say. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

He briefly thinks about this before answering. "Yes you look familiar too. Well since we both live in the same area, I guess we've seen each other in the local gay pubs?"

"Yes", I say feeling a bit uncertain. I don't go into the gay pubs that much any more. "I suppose you must be right". What other explanation could there be?

Once inside the bedroom on the first floor I start undressing. Wooden floorboards, sparse furniture, clean white counterpane on the bed. "Nice place you've got here", I say casually.

"Thanks. What do you do for a living?"

"Oh, I work for a bank."

"Really?" he says with a mischievous grin, "I love men in suits!"

By now, he's sitting on the side of the bed and I'm standing in front of him, just wearing my undershorts. He smiles up at me and feels me through the undershorts, as though he's trying to gauge the weight of my tackle.

"I'd love to suck you!"

Well we didn't discuss that online but I'd certainly enjoy that. "That'd be nice", I say, trying to encourage him.

"No, not today. But I could do! Don't you see, I could do!!" He's got an almost aggressive tone in his voice.

I don't really see what he means so I ignore the comment. He nods me over to the bed as he takes off his trousers, leaving his t-shirt on. It turns out he's been wearing his trousers commando-style because now I can see his tackle. Even flaccid it looks enormous! He comes over to join me on the bed and we end up having a very enjoyable time.

Afterwards, I need a pee. "Is there a toilet I can use?" I ask.

"Sure, room next to this".

I wander into the adjacent room, still naked. I don't bother to close the door, and looking up once I've started peeing I can see him watching me pee from the bedroom. Why's he looking at me like that? He's probably just eyeing me up and down trying to work out whether I'm worth inviting back for a repeat performance sometime!

Back in his bedroom, we chat a bit about the gay scene in London as I'm getting dressed.

"It's amazing how many guys there are on gaydar these days", I say.

"Yeah. It's because historically british guys have been so repressed about being gay", he says confidently.

"Do you really think so?"

"Definitely. For years it was all hidden, but now there's an outlet for it all so it's all come to the surface".

Again I'm not sure I follow his line of thinking. Before homosexuality was de-criminalised gay life was represssed, but that was in the late 1960's. We're in the 21st century now.

"It might be nice to see you again", I say casually as I'm walking down the stairs.

"Sure. Wear a suit next time!" he says grinning.

"OK sure, that's possible if I visit you after work".

About three hours later, I'm sitting at home watching some drab late afternoon television to kill some time before going out to visit some friends with boyfriend number 1.

"Why don't you put MTV on instead of that rubbish?" says boyfriend number 1 helpfully.

Watching MTV I think back to the fun earlier in the afternoon, and a strange thought suddenly occurs to me. That guy I met looked quite like a well known gay pop singer from the 1980's. I sit there thinking and I start smiling, almost laughing to myself. Hang on, that guy looked VERY like a well known gay pop singer from the 1980's. It can't have been can it? Where can I get a picture of him from?

Five minutes later I've looked him up on the internet and I feel such a fool! No wonder he looked so familiar. What rubbish that he came out with about how I looked familiar too! Still, perhaps if I'd recognised him he wouldn't have been so relaxed and we might not have had such a good time.

The next day I send him a gaydar online message but when I look up his profile his account has become inactive.

These days Boyfriend number 1 sometimes tells me that he's seen Q in the local area. There's no doubt it was him. Although I've admitted a lot to boyfriend number 1 over the last few months, I still haven't confessed to having had a session with a Rock Star. I'm not sure he'd believe me!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Interview questions for aBoyInMess

Last week, aBoyInMess requested an interview after reading my Interview questions for Sage. So I've been reading his blog to help try and work out some sensible questions.

His blog is a bit shorter than the blogs of the other guys I've interviewed (Sage, Eric, Reluctant Nomad, PJ), so there's lots of scope to ask questions. Unlike some of my previous interviewees, he hasn't been interviewed before either.

As far as I can tell, he's had one big long term relationship which ended bitterly. Now that the relationship is over, definitely over in fact, he's avoiding all communication with his ex. Although he doesn't talk much about his sex life, sometimes we get glimpses, for example when he had difficulty finding a shop to sell him condoms. And another posting suggests that he's serviced quite a few married guys.

I'd like to ask him about the relationship with his ex, because it sounds like there's a huge amount of fascinating stuff under the surface which we never get to hear about. How did they meet, did they live together at all, how long did it last, and most interestingly of all, why did it end so bitterly? But given the strength of his feelings against his ex-boyfriend, I'm NOT going to ask those questions. I don't want my interviewee to walk out on me.

So aBoyInMess, here are my interview questions:
  1. When Anwar Ibrahim was convicted of sodomy in Malaysia 6 years ago, I was left with the impression that Malaysia must be a terrible place for gay guys to live. So what is it like to be a gay man in Malaysia these days?
  2. Your profile admits that you behave like a 15 year old. So what do you want to be when you grow up?
  3. How out are you as a gay man to all your friends, family, and work colleagues?
  4. Your blogger name implies that your life is a mess! So can you name just one thing that you're going to do in 2006 to sort your life out?
  5. It's sweet that your mom still does your washing. Perhaps you're still living with your parents. In any case, can you describe your ideal home?

Update: aBoyInMess has posted some good answers :-)

Friday, January 20, 2006

A bit of fun at the weekend

All of a sudden, I seem to have gone from meeting lots of different guys for fun, to a situation where it's all repeat performances. I've now met my local cock-sucker three times (most recently between Christmas and New Year), I've met F twice (most recently on Boxing Day), and in terms of guys in London there's also boyfriend number 3 of course.

Just under two weeks ago on Saturday, I'm logged into gaydar when I spot the Mediterranean guy that I met last November. The guy's name is W, so I start a conversation with him

GB: Hi W, Happy New Year, I think we met last November

He doesn't respond quickly. But eventually he starts chatting to me.

W: happy new year too
GB: did u go back home for christmas?

We chat for a few minutes, but of course there's one question in particular that's on my mind. Eventually I get round to asking it

GB: would be nice to see you again, are you free today?
W: perhaps. how big is your cock?

Well it's nice to know I made a strong impression on him when I met him last year! One of the nice things about repeat performances is that usually one doesn't have to go through all these intimate details, or work out who's going to do what to whom. So I answer his question about my anatomy, send my pic again just in case, and then it's

W: kewl pic
W: will you *do XXX* to me?
GB: could do, but would prefer to *do YYY*?

Eventually we get through the negotiations. He's going to take a shower, then tidy his flat, so I'll be able to visit him early afternoon :-)

Everything goes according to plan and I arrive pretty much on time. As he's letting me in he smiles at me, guiltily. Last time it was clear to me, once we'd finished, that gay sex was his secret pleasure and that neither his friends or family know what he gets up to.

Once I'm inside the flat we get straight down to business. Immediately he starts feeling my crotch through my trousers, so I put my hand to his chest and gently rub his left nipple through his t-shirt with the back of my right hand.

"Why don't you let me get my kit off?" I say quietly, perpetuating the idea that we're doing something we shouldn't be doing by keeping my voice down to make sure no one hears us.

He nods and slips out of the room. Within a few seconds he's back, carrying some kitchen roll. Good idea mate, nothing wrong with a bit of forward planning.

By now I'm just wearing my undershorts and it doesn't take him long to strip down to his undershorts too. I walk over to him and reach round to feel him through his undershorts. He doesn't resist, and turns his head to look at me. I nod towards the bed and he smiles another guilty smile as he follows me over to it. Once on the bed I drag down his undershorts. He's a Big Boy, I'm going to enjoy this. Just like last time, he gets very excited very quickly.

"Please leave that alone otherwise I'll cum", he says in a hushed voice, "and I don't want to cum just yet".

None the less, after about five minutes we're both reaching for the kitchen roll. It was good fun though.

As I'm putting my kit back on we chat a bit.

"So over Christmas did your family ask you if you've got a girlfriend?" I ask him.

"For the moment they've stopped asking", he says, "but I'm sure they're still expecting me to get married at some point".

"And will you?"

"Maybe I will eventually" he replies, "we'll see".

I'm not sure that would be a good idea mate. These days it seems stupid to me for guys who like guys to have to get married to keep up appearances with their family. If nothing else, its not fair on the wife. After a bit more conversation, we establish that he often walks past my office on his way to work. Suddenly he looks concerned.

"If we meet in the street, we don't know each other, all right?"

"Sure no problem".

"No one knows I'm gay you see".

"Well I do!" I joke.

"That's my point."

I'm not a size queen, but I guess I'll do anything to keep a Big Boy like this happy!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

An invite to visit a gay sauna with P

Writing about P in a recent post reminded me of an e-mail exchange that I had with him last August. At that time P still had a boyfriend, and I'd only just got back from my Asian holiday with boyfriend number 2. Over the course of a few days, we exchanged a few e-mails along the following lines:

GB: I've been back from holiday three weeks now. What have you been up to?

P: Went to the sauna a couple of times with my boyfriend last month - would you like to join us next time?!

I should have said No of course. But as a result of the conversations that I'd been having with boyfriend number 1 around that time, I figured that a bit more infidelity couldn't make things any worse. So in a moment of weakness I replied

GB: sure if I'm free, what do you have in mind?

P: oh lots of unsolicited and random groping in dark rooms. you'd have to be prepared to deal with individuals who stretch the boundaries of minger's meter.

Isn't it sweet that P thinks that I don't know what goes on at gay saunas? Anyway, in an even weaker moment I e-mailed him back saying

GB: so does that mean I get to touch your willy?

The truth is I've always found P quite cute although I doubt he thinks the same about me. Unfortunately that reply gave me away! P replies

P: Is that what you're after?!

Thinking about this e-mail conversation as a game chess, it's suddenly clear to me that I've made some terrible moves. So I try to back out of the situaiton

GB: To be honest I think I should avoid - I shudder when I try to think where it might have been ...

But it's not good enough

P: So the answer is yes then GB, subject to a disease/health validation exercise! Hahahah. So when are you going to tell me the "complex" reason why you went away on holiday without boyfriend number 1?


In some of the conversations I had with boyfriend number 1 late last year I told him that P had invited me to a gay sauna with him. I probably should have kept that quiet. As a result, boyfriend number 1 thinks that P is keen on me, and thinks he shouldn't have asked someone else's boyfriend (i.e. me) to a gay sauna. Boyfriend number 1 and P haven't met face to face for ages, but when they do it could get messy!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Interview questions for PJ

Just after New Year, PJ left a comment to the interview questions I wrote for Sage saying "there's nothing i'd like more than a thorough interrogation from a guy in a suit". So with my best suit on I've been delving into his archives trying to devise some cunning interview questions for him :-)

He's been interviewed before of course, most recently by Sage. Looking back further, he opened himself up for interview in a different way last April Fools Day, posting the answers a week later. But although he's posted pics of himself in his blog, they're not very revealing ones. I found this one, and also one titled PJ & the Bear from his holiday in Canada.

Generally, it seems to me that PJ gives very little away about himself in his blog! But since he invited me to interview him, hopefully this is an opportunity to find out a bit more about him. So PJ, here are my interview questions for you:
  1. You've put a lot of beautiful nature pictures on your blog, including some pictures of a few creepy crawlies too. No doubt this is somehow related to your job at an environmental NGO. How did you come to develop such a strong interest in nature and the environment?

  2. If there's anything on your blog about how you came out as gay I couldn't find it. So what's your coming out story? (It would be good if you could include some juicy bits in your answer!)

  3. Back in May, you were looking forward to Narnia and Harry Potter. Was it worth the wait?

  4. I couldn't find much in your blog about your families either. As a gay couple, do you get on well with your respective parents and siblings?

  5. Finally, what's your dream holiday?

Update: PJ has posted some good answers here :-)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

A busy day in between Christmas and New Year

A couple of days before New Year's eve, I'm on my way into work when I get a txt msg. It's from my friendly neighbourhood cock sucker.

Hi m8, U at work 2day? I am working on my own 2 day.

Now there's a thought! But I was also planning on meeting boyfriend number 3 after work, and if there's a chance of a session with him I'd probably prefer that. I don't feel greedy enough to go for both guys in one day! It's a bit early to call boyfriend number 3 so I decide not to reply to the txt msg just yet.

Around 9:30am I give boyfriend number 3 a phone call. He confirms that he'll be able to meet me face to face for a drink after work, but that a session won't be possible. No problem, now I know how to reply to the txt msg

GB: Perhaps I shud visit u then?

I don't have to wait long for his answer

Wel i am sat here alone with a hard on and very hungry! U working? Lets do now?

Luckily there's not much going on so it's not a problem slipping out of the bank. Half an hour later I'm on my way back into the bank with slightly tousled hair and a smile on my face.

Early in the afternoon I get another txt msg. Surely he can't still be hungry? The new txt msg turns out to be from a friend called P who works very close to my office:

P: You working today?
GB: Yes, u?
P: Yes. Lets meat!

P is a gay guy in his early 30's who came out about three or four years ago, and in fact I've already posted some of the conversation that I had with P that day when I was answering Sage's first interview question. While P talks about his gaydar exploits, I can't help thinking about what I'd been doing a few hours earlier just round the corner!

Sometimes I feel I ought to tell P that I'm not the guy he thinks I am. Occasionally he looks enviously at me and boyfriend number 1 as a model monogamous gay couple. At present boyfriend number 1 wants me to avoid sharing the truth with anyone who knows us, in particular P for some reason. So whenever P asks "Do you have a gaydar profile?" I tell him, "No of course not". I'm not sure he believes me though because he asks me every month or two. Along with all our other friends, P thinks that I was on holiday in Asia last summer on my own.

Finally that day, I meet boyfriend number 3 for a drink after work. As usual it's me who arrives first, but on this occasion it doesn't take long for Boyfriend number 3 to arrive. We head off to our usual pub.

I get the first round of drinks. We chat about various stuff, including Christmas, and a bit about boyfriend number 3's other boyfriends.

"Can you stay for another drink?" asks boyfriend number 3 after about half an hour.

"Yes I think so. I don't have to get home to boyfriend number 1 just yet."

My relationship with boyfriend number 1 is always a source of fascination to boyfriend number 3.

"Do you look forward to going home to him?"

"Yes most of the time", I reply honestly.

"Well if you're looking forward to going home to him, why are you here with me? Why don't you just go?"

"Just because I'm looking forward to something doesn't mean I have to do it immediately. I'm also enjoying chatting to you. Don't you ever look forward to something which you don't want to do immediately even if you could?"

"No not really" answers boyfriend number 3 perplexed. But I've got a perfect reply.

"Haven't you ever been having sex, looking forward to cumming, but not wanting to cum immediately?"

"Hmmm, I'm going to talk to you any more", he says laughing. He knows he can't deny that one!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Early holiday planning

While looking through PJ's archives, I found his visited country map. So here's mine :-)

It's already come in useful. Yesterday evening I'm chatting to boyfriend number 2 on MSN:

GB: I haven't been out of UK since I went to be best man at a friends wedding in France last September
bf#2: wow
bf#2: wanna go south america?
GB: yes! I've been to Venezuela, and to Brazil on a business trip, but I've always fancied Argentina
bf#2: or chile

So I send him the above pic to show him where I've been in the world. Then I start thinking about the practicalities

GB: I'll have to negotiate of course with boyfriend number 1 of course, but it could well be possible
bf#2: well we could just be travel buddies
bf#2: who knows i may be attached by then too
GB: Indeed! But how on earth would I be able to get to sleep each night without a cuddle

Of course I'd find it very hard on holiday with him if we were just travel buddies. He realises, because soon afterwards he says

bf#2: i feel like im ur second wife in a traditional chinese household
GB: I've never heard of that, chinese guys will have more than one wife?
bf#2: yeah in the olden days. did u see the film Raise the Red Lantern

2nd wife? boyfriend number 2? Eerie that boyfriend number 2's nomenclature seems to be converging with mine! I haven't seen that film but it sounds as though it should be compulsory viewing for someone like me who's got multiple romantic attachments.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Interview questions for Reluctant Nomad

When I posted my interview questions for Sage, Reluctant Nomad posted a comment requesting that I interview him too. So I've been trawling through his archives and the internet in general to see what I can dig up, in an effort to help me ask pertinent questions.

According to his technorati profile his name is Alan. He got into blogging having been a guest blogger for Troubled Diva, which is where I got the photo of him from on the right. Piecing together the clues in his blog I reckon he's 46 years old. The calculation is based on the fact that he arrived in the UK in 1987, coupled with the fact that he didn't realise that he was South African until he was 27 when he moved to the UK.

As usual though, it's his personal life which I find most interesting. In particular he's a gay guy with a wife and two kids who live in Cape Town. His wife knows he's gay, although for some reason he had to re-confess the fact. And he had a boyfriend called C for seven years, although C hardly ever seems to get a mention.

So Reluctant Nomad, here are my interview questions:

  1. What was it like growing up gay in apartheid South Africa?

  2. You've promised a coming out posting sometime but for now, how did your wife react when you confessed (and re-confessed) to her that you're gay?

  3. What is the least favourite city that your nomadic lifestyle has taken you to, and why?

  4. Long term, do you expect to find a boyfriend to settle down with, or do you think you'll end up back with your wife in Cape Town?

  5. Finally, who's your favourite porn star (or if you don't have a favourite porn star, your favourite actor who you wish was a porn star)?

Update: it only too Reluctant Nomad a few hours to produce these excellent answers :-)

Friday, January 06, 2006

A bit of fun on Boxing Day

No one seems to know exactly where Boxing Day got it's name from. To me it's just another day off from work, and part of the Christmas holiday break. When I was a child, Boxing Day was the day that I'd look at any toys I'd been given that didn't seem good enough to play with on Christmas day itself. These days of course, I still like playing on Boxing Day if possible.

On the Boxing Day last week, I log on to gaydar after breakfast just to check messages. Even though I hadn't logged on for a few days there are no messages waiting for me. But there's a guy I visited the previous month called F who's also online, so I decide to send him a gaydar online message to see how he is:

GB: Hi F, Happy Boxing Day. How are you? Did you have a nice Christmas?

It doesn't take long to get a reply

F: Happy Boxing Day to u 2. xmas fine, spent with bf here at my flat. wud be nice to see you again sometime. r u busy?

Oh dear. As Oscar said, I can resist everything but temptation!

GB: Hmmm, would be nice to see u again, r u free this morning? I was gonna go to the gym, but I could visit u first?

It's all agreed quite quickly. Luckily the gym I go to is open for four hours on Boxing day and I had already told boyfriend number 1 that I was going to go, so he's not surprised when I make my excuses.

In fact once out of the house I do go to the gym, but just to grab a shower. It was boyfriend number 3 who made me realise that my personal hygiene could sometimes be a bit better. I didn't like being accused of being a bit scummy last August, especially when it was true! Since I live close to the gym it doesn't take very long, so within half an hour I've arrived at F's flat.

"Hi, Happy Christmas", I say to F as he lets me in the door.

He puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me a peck on the lips. "Good to see you", he replies. I'm not sure where to go so I just stand there feeling a bit awkward.

Once F has closed the door however he helps me off with my coat. Then my shirt. Then the gym vest that I had put on underneath for warmth, so that I'm now standing there topless. He kisses me again and rubs my nipples. "Lets get these off too", he says mischievously loosening my belt.

Leaving most of my clothes in the hallway, I follow him into the bedroom. As I said above, even as as child I liked playing with things on Boxing Day. Once F has got his kit off too there are plenty of games to play and we have a lovely time.

Afterwards we both lie there naked for a while, me on my back with my arm round F who's snuggling into me from the side.

"How's things with your boyfriend", F asks me eventually.

"Difficult at the moment", I say truthfully. "I've asked him for an open relationship but I'm not sure it'll suit him".

"Well if you ever split up, I'm interested :-)"

"But you've already got a boyfriend", I protest.

He thinks about this briefly before answering. "Well, I'll dump him and take you instead", he says giving me a big hug.

Now it's not every day you come across commitment like that.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Interview questions for Eric

In a comment to my post containing Sage's interview questions, Eric says "I'll put my hat in the ring as well - I'll be back with some questions for you". So I guess he'll interview me, and I'll interview him :-)

Interestingly, Eric and Sage live in the same city, Toronto. They've interviewed each other via blog, and often seem to leave comments on each other's blogs.

Eric's blog is kinda the opposite of my blog. My blog contains very little about my everyday life, it's mostly a diary of my casual encounter hobby and relationship problems. Eric's blog contains almost nothing about relationships and sexual encounters, but lots and lots of everything else. I did manage to find a few morsels about relationships and sex though. Regarding relationships he keeps us guessing with lines like Digging back even further I find that he stayed overnight with a guy called Shawn almost two years ago, which must have been a one night stand given that the guy is never mentioned again. And in his list of 200 things, we discover that he (96) Had sex at the office, and (106) Masturbated in a public place :-)

So Eric, here are my interview questions:

  1. You're got a nickname from one of the characters in the Golden Girls. Unless there's a huge amount you're not telling us in your blog I think it's clear you're not Blanche (!), but what makes Dorothy the most appropriate match to you?

  2. Since you live in the same city as Sage, I can't help wondering whether you've met face to face. There doesn't seem to be any evidence of a meeting in either of your blogs. So either (a) what happened when you met for the first time, or (b) why are you avoiding each other?

  3. You're simultaneously a Zen Buddhist, and a marketing guy. But how do you resolve the conflict here? Isn't Zen Buddhism about giving up material things, whereas marketing is the opposite because you're working to make us buy stuff?

  4. Perhaps as a prelude to your post waiting to be written about relationships you could let us know what your perfect boyfriend/husband would be like?

  5. Finally, if you had to live the life of a historical figure, who would it be and why?

Update: Eric has now published his answers.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

An update from boyfriend number 2

Although I've been in regular contact with boyfriend number 2, I've hardly mentioned him since last September when he told me that he'd found himself a boyfriend called L.

Unfortunately things with L haven't worked out. About three weeks ago I log on to MSN and I notice that boyfriend number 2 is also logged in, but his personal message is set to "don't leave me a broken heart". I've known for a couple of months that thing weren't going that well with L, but this sounds ominous

GB: what's "don't leave me a broken heart" all about?
bf#2: hi GB
bf#2: L n i hv broken up
bf#2: i ve been in depression
GB: I'm sure it will pass, you don't have a depressive personality
bf#2: oh u dont know me that well
bf#2: i do have a dark side
bf#2: if im really down, all i do is curl up in bed, cry and not do anything
GB: well you kept it well hidden for the 3 and a half weeks we were on hols
bf#2: well there was no reason to be depressed then
bf#2: i was being treated like a princess. i was elated!
GB: that's terrible, I want to give u a big hug now!

Poor guy. Of course we live in different countries so there's not much I can do to support him. I end up giving him a phone call to try and cheer him up. It's nice to hear his voice but he doesn't sound happy.

But his depression seems to have passed now. I got an e-mail from him last week to say that he'd spent Christmas with some friends and that "it was a complete blast. It did wonders to my mood and self-esteem. In fact, I am safe to report that I am feeling much much better. I think I'm getting my mojo back ... in time for the New Year".

Good news. Whatever happens with boyfriend number 1, I must work out how to see boyfriend number 2 at some point during 2006.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Interview questions for Sage

In a comment to my interview answers last week, my interviewer Sage volunteered to let me interview him in return. It turns out that Sage has been interviewed before, a few months ago, which makes the task slightly harder because I obviously need to cover different areas.

One question I'll have to ask will be his views on monogamy for gay couples. I won't be in character as Gay Banker if I don't ask something like that! Are there any clues in his blog relating to this subject?

Well he can be a bit of a flirt, and sometimes other guys he notices get mentioned in his blog e.g. French towel boy, hunky groundskeeper. Sometimes he seems to miss being single too, although he's never cheated on a boyfriend (presumably his husband is included in his definition of boyfriend). But Sage and his husband are both in their mid-30's now. According to Joe.My.God somewhere in the mid-30's vehement defense of monogamous relationships pretty much evaporates.

So Sage, these are the questions I've come up with:

  1. You have around 50 decks of Tarot cards. How much notice do you take of Tarot or astrological predictions?

  2. It's impressive that you can work full-time as well as study for an MBA. Is there anything you hope to get out of the MBA degree, apart from career advancement as a university administrator?

  3. You're a bit of a bookworm and a sci-fi addict too. But what's your favourite book written more than 100 years ago?

  4. Having achieved ten years with your husband Boobah, what are your views on monogamy in gay relationships?

  5. Lastly, if you had to be a woman, who would you want to be (and why)?

Want to play? The Official Interview Games Rules:

  • If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".

  • I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.

  • You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.

  • You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

  • When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Update: Sage's answers are now posted.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Another online personality test

Firstly a Happy New Year to everyone in the Blogosphere :-))

While looking through Sage's archives, I spotted the results of an online personality test he took last May. I always enjoy this sort of thing so I had to give it a go, you can see my results below. The so called Advanced Global Personality Test can be found here.

Overall I quite like the results, particularly the Trait snapshot. But the Orderliness and Extraversion summaries give me a few things I could perhaps improve on.

Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%
Stability |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Orderliness |||||||||||||| 56%
Accommodation |||||| 30%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Mystical |||||| 30%
Artistic || 10%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Work ethic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Self absorbed |||||||||||| 43%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||| 43%
Avoidant |||| 16%
Anti-authority |||||||||| 36%
Wealth |||||||||||| 50%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||| 30%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 43%
Individuality |||||||||||| 43%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Paranoia |||||| 23%
Vanity |||||||||| 36%
Hypersensitivity |||| 16%
Female cliche |||||| 23%

Stability: results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Orderliness: results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion: results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Trait snapshot: rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful