Changing the focus of my blog has been in my thoughts for three months or more. Back in August, I admitted that I might be addicted to sex, and that this blog was probably fueling that addiction! So I made sure that I had a quiet August. More recently, now that I definitely have two boyfriends, I thought that I should change the name of the blog anyway. But an incident a couple of nights ago convinced me more than anything else that it was time for a change.
"Out of curiosity", I ask, "do you think there’s anything I could do to improve my image?"
I'm with a mate in a Cantonese restaurant and we’ve just finished a meal together. But we've probably both had one too many beers."You worried what might happen if you ever split up with boyfriend number 1 then?" he jokes. As far as this mate of mine knows, myself and boyfriend number 1 are the most successfully monogamous gay couple on the planet!
"Don’t be silly", I laugh, "but I’m just curious. What would a 'gaydar-savvy' guy like you recommend?"
He looks me up and down.
"You’re a pretty fit guy actually, I dunno! Hmmm, your watch looks a bit cheap perhaps, maybe upgrade that a bit? What did it cost you?"
"I dunno", I say carelessly, "£15 perhaps".
He bursts out laughing. "I don’t believe it! A successful banker like you can afford something a LOT better than that. A guy like you, walking round with a £15 watch on his wrist? It's mildly eccentric if you ask me!"
"Okay okay", I say, "but the beauty of a £15 watch is that if I lose or damage it, it doesn’t matter!"
"Well that's as maybe", he continues, "but if you want one single thing you could do to improve your image, that’s definitely the answer. I bought this Rolex seven years ago for £2k and it’s been ideal. I’m sure you can afford much more than that if you want to!"
"But isn't Rolex a bit bling?" I protest."Just have a look on the internet when you get home. I’m happy to give you any advice if you think you need it."
"Well what type of watch do you recommend then? Actually I can get the internet on my new PDA, what shall I look for?"
"Oh just give it here", he says as I'm getting my PDA out of my pocket, "where’s google?"
Without too much trouble my mate finds the google page designed for PDA’s, but suddenly he has a surprise for me.
"Hmmm, hang on, what's this e-mail address here, who’s gaybanker?"
WHAT THE F*CK? But how could I have been so stupid! My PDA has my gaybanker passwords in it, and somehow going onto the google search site has activated the stored information. I remember all too late that Blogger.com is part of the google family.
"Errr, oh, just a friend of mine", I try to say calmly. But I’m not bluffing very well. I grab the PDA back from him. I’m in a state of shock.
"No it’s not, it’s you isn’t it! Why have you got an e-mail address like that? Shall I e-mail you there?"
"What? It won’t get to ME!" Well, what else could I say?
Suddenly my whole attitude has changed and my mate knows it. I try to carry on talking about watches but suddenly he's watching me very closely. F*CK F*CK F*CK. Luckily I don't think he’s a blog reader, so as long as he doesn’t search on the internet later for 'Gay Banker', I might just escape with my blogging identity still a secret. At the moment though, I’m still not sure what the outcome will be.
One thing is sure. If I continue to blog, then eventually one day everyone I know will find out that I’m a blogger. This recent accident with my PDA is just one possible way it could happen. But why would it matter? The answer, of course, is that up until now the focus of this blog has been my gay sex life outside of my primary relationship with boyfriend number 1.
Partly as a result of this little episode, I’ve decided to have a broader focus going forward. None of my attitudes have changed, or my policies. And I’ll still blog about sexual encounters sometimes. But I can’t let that continue to be the primary focus, not if my blogging hobby is to last.
So welcome to the new Gay Banker blog :-). It's going to be fun!
Posts
8 comments:
Lucky 4 me, I had some foresight and now I don't even need to change the name of the link in BlogRolling. Well, hellooo Gay Banker!
I'll look forward to dipping in occasionally to a more rounded presentation of your 'gay bankerly' life. I daresay, though, the first thing your mate will have done when he got home was to do a Google search, so I expect the secret is out, but I suspect this is what you've really been wanting for quite a while anyway as you don't strike me as the kind who enjoys having to compartmentalise his friendships. Good luck!
christ that sounds scary - heart in the mouth stuff just reading it !
"And I’ll still blog about sexual encounters sometimes" - does that mean that your blog will no longer be a comprehensive record of all/most of your sexual activities ?
if your identity is discovered, maybe you could develop a new role as a celebrity shag !!
btw, one indicator of an addiction is when it interferes with normal life - work/sleep/boyfriend ... have you got to that stage ??
One of the most endearing features of your blog, for me at least, is your explicit reticence - you don't give lengthy descriptions of the mechanics of your activities. I think that is a clever move, as relentless porn however well written would get boring eventually, and it is your social observations and perceptions - the insights you give into your life - which remain constantly fresh.
So, thanks for all the great posts 'til now and good luck for the future - I shall definitely continue reading you with pleasure.
It sounds like your friend is quite internet savvy, even if he doesn't read blogs. And a Google search on "Gay Banker" throws up ths blog 1st and 4th on the list. I'm pretty sure you must be busted!
I still think that my mate might not work out that I’m a blogger. Googling the words in an e-mail address that you think belongs to someone isn’t really an obvious thing to do! If he searches for the actual google e-mail address, nothing sensible comes up. Anyway, I know that unless I stop blogging it’s only a reprieve.
Indeed close encounters, this blog is no longer a comprehensive record of my sexual activity away from my boyfriends. And that’s such a relief. Because I’m always behind in writing things up, and since I’m going through a phase of repeat performances at the moment I’m sure it makes very dull reading. It’s certainly dull writing about it! With new people there’s always something interesting to say. Maybe I should just blog new guys? But we’ll see.
But the comment about addiction is the most interesting one. I may have to do a posting about it, because it’s possible that I’ve been misleading myself. While deluding myself that I’m addicted to sex (which in reality hasn’t interferred with normal life), the reality may be that it’s blogging that I’m actually addicted too.
GB xxx
part of what i found so interesting about your blog was the totality that you described ... maybe for the repeat performances, you could do a mini-post ?! it would be a shame to lose the data integrity that you have built up !
or maybe this is all tied up in the blogging addiction you mentioned ...
Hey, interesting new dimension to your blog. Enjoyed everyone of them!
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