Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Rude Limericks

I was reminded of a couple of rather rude limericks last weekend when myself and boyfriend number 1 went to stay for with an old university friend of mine and his wife.

"They're nice dahlias," says boyfriend number 1, as we're admiring a garden in the tiny rural village where my friend lives.

"That reminds me of a limerick," says my friend mischievously, out of earshot of his wife.

And the limerick which my friend remembered prompted me to remember an even ruder one! The two poems were as follows:

I wonder if these smell nice?There was a young man from Westphalia,
Who painted his arse like a dahlia,
Tuppence a smell,
Was all very well,
But threepence a lick was a failure.

There was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped clean his chin,
If my ear was a c*nt I could f*ck it.

Can anyone think of any similar poems?


Bobby Vanquish said...

There was an old woman from Cod
Who believed in conception by God
But it wasn't the Almighty
Who was lifting her nightie
Twas Roger, the lodger, the sod. my favourite.

Paul said...

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose balls were of differing sizes.
One was quite small,
And was no good at all.
The other was big and won prizes.

Sir Wobin said...

A horny young lady named Lil
f*cked a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her v*gina
in north Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil

Electronic Girl said...

There was a young woman from Ealing
who claimed to have no sexual feeling
then along came Noris
who found her clitoris
and she had to be scraped off the ceiling!

Will said...

A charming young gay from Khartoum
Brought a lesbian up to his room
The argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, and in which way, to whom

Anonymous said...

Homosexuals have it the best
They fuck all day and don't rest
Up the asses and in the bums
dumping their loads in the butts of their chums
With never a pregnancy pee test

Anonymous said...

Gay sex is the best if you can get it
Bottomings an absolutely fine fit
With legs in the air
You comfortable stare
Into the eyes of the guy who's shoved in it

GB said...

Well, recent anonymous commentator(s), those two efforts don't rhyme or scan properly :-(, but I'll give you one star out of five for effort :-). GB xxx