There's no point in living if you can't feel alive

After an aborted session in the gym sauna yesterday morning, an opportunity for a bit of fun arose in the afternoon. I'm on a management training course all day but it finishes slightly early. So I find an Internet cafe nearby and log on to gaydar.

Almost immediately there's a guy who's interested in my profile but he can't accommodate. It would be a bit hard for me to accommodate in the cafe so we wish each other luck and part company.

But it's not long before another guy contacts me. "I think we met last year", he starts.

"Really", I reply, "I don't recognise your profile name".

"I changed my profile name a couple of months ago", he explains. When he tells me his original profile name I remember him. I had visited him last May, and I'd enjoyed lying in his arms while he cuddled and then played with me.

Today his bio-line in the chat system says he's looking for guys to take photos of. "I don't think you took any photos of me when I visited you last year", I say.

"No, I don't think I had my digital camera then. Let me send you some of the photos I've taken of some of the guys who've visited me."

Meanwhile a Scottish guy has started talking to me. He's very direct. "Fancy a blow job", he says. "Sounds good", I reply. The negotiations are all sorted out very quickly, I'll get a cab and visit him at home near Waterloo. In spite of the aborted session in the gym sauna in the morning, there's some fun to be had this afternoon.

Before logging off gaydar, I look at the pictures the guy from last year has e-mailed me. Nothing special, but maybe I should get the pics on my profile updated. So I ask him, "Perhaps you could take some pics sometime to help me update my profile?" The only pics I've got are ones that I've taken myself using the remote control on my digital camera, so it would be good to have some pics taken by someone else.

"Yeah sure, any time", he replies.

"Great, I'll get in touch after Easter to arrange it."

Half an hour later I'm arriving at the Scottish guy's place. He's got a skinhead haircut, and in the pic on his profile this makes him look quite fierce, but face to face he looks relaxed and friendly. We go into his front room and he's got some very sleazy gay porn playing on his TV. He's smoking a joint.

"You're not in any hurry are you?" he asks hopefully. I guess not, so I accept the offer of a glass of water. While he's out of the room I start to take off my shirt and T-shirt. Unless one starts to get undressed quite quickly, with some guys it can be hard to get started, so it's a habit of mine to start stripping off in this situation. Somehow though, I don't think there would be any problem getting started with this guy.

We sit on his sofa and chat a bit, and I take off my trousers. "Why don't you take yer kecks off too", he says lustfully. I'm more than happy to oblige so I take my undershorts off too and almost immediately he's kneeling on the floor in front of me.

For some reason, he loves putting my left bollock in his mouth and sucking hard, very hard. "Ohhh, that's slightly painful", I say, although I mean very painful! He looks at me with a glint in his eye. "Good!" he says, smiling. So he's a clearly a bit of a rascal. I quite like it a bit rough sometimes.

Afterwards he offers me a cup of tea while I wait for a mini-cab to arrive. He's worked in the entertainment business all his life. He travels a lot, and his ex-boyf was French. He's got a very friendly, relaxed, attitude to life. We have a really good chat because the mini-cab takes well over half an hour to arrive. We've got very different lives.

Meeting guys like this is one of the things I really enjoy about my lifestyle. When I think about all the different situations I get myself into, and all the different guys I have fun with, I'm always reminded of the motto of the character Elektra King from the James Bond movie The world is not enough: "There's no point in living if you can't feel alive".